//------------------------------// // Revelatory introductions // Story: Of ponies, CEOs and endless ammunition // by The_0b5erver //------------------------------// Anon stood in the Everfree grotto - a side room used for negotiation between different species. It feels like years since he last stepped foot in here, though he knows it couldn’t have been more than 4 months. Seeing as his arrival was basically the opposite of giving a good first impression, he spent many hours in this room during the first week in Equestria, explaining all that he could to try and clear his name. Surprisingly enough he succeeded in that endeavour but that meant that as the first month came to a close, he lost his status of a novelty alien creature and was told to get lost, albeit in a softer manner.  Walking out after hearing that, he was certain that it would be the last he’ll be seeing of this place, and as months passed by, his belief was only reinforced. It was tough. Really tough at first. Sleeping on the streets, relying on the empathy of local residents for food and going weeks without a change of clothes. Some nights he even considered taking up the offers of working as a model, but he powered through in the end. There was no way on Earth… sorry, no way on Equus he was going to volunteer himself as a freak show centrepiece. Ultimately, it worked out in the end. He got picked up by an owner of a workshop in the small industrial part of town, and started work as a carpenter. It wasn’t the most interesting or fulfilling job, neither did it pay extremely well, but Anon enjoyed it nonetheless, seeing as a roof above his head and a good meal was all he wanted from life. Wake up, work until evening, maybe pop by the library to check out a book - that was his daily routine and he was perfectly content with it. There’s nothing worse than an overly complicated life, he told himself. I like it simple. Returning to the present, his intuition told him that this, whatever it was, isn’t going to be simple. Well, he knew that was the case before entering this room, seeing as he was awakened in the middle of the night by some guards knocking down his door and demanding that he report to the castle immediately, but the sheer magnitude of ‘not simple’ he was dealing with only just started to set in. There was another human in the room. He already rubbed his eyes and asked the guard who escorted him here to step on his toes to confirm that he wasn’t dreaming, and surprisingly enough it didn’t feel like he was, though maybe it was Luna was pulling a fire prank on him, so he tampered his expectations until he could find out more.  Looking around the room, he spotted the aforementioned Luna, looking rather dishevelled as she whispered something to her sister, who would snap her head upwards and attempt to take a step towards the new human every so often, but would get instantly pulled back to another burst of whispering. The radiant three - a trio of Celestia’s favourite guards were also present, though only two were standing on the ground. The third guard was firmly pressed up against the human’s chest, and was most likely the subject of the conversation happening between the two parties. “For the last time, slavery is illegal in Equestria, you cannot purchase a guard!” “Alright but what if, on a purely theoretical level, he wasn’t a guard?” “Still no! You cannot buy sentient creatu-” The guard was cut off, as he was blasted with a handful of bits, which was fairly odd, seeing as the human used both his hands to hold the pony he was bartering over. Oh... Anon could see a third arm coming from a weird, solid-looking backpack on the newcomer’s back. Having tossed the money, it made a rude gesture before retracting back into its original position, restoring the immaculate metal surface of the device. Now that he paid more attention to the figure, it was quickly becoming apparent that there was a lot more to this than he originally thought. There were more arms strutting out of the pack, though these ones were more like what he would expect a robot arm to look like: thin and ending with a tri-point claw. Two of those were firmly placed on his hips in a confident pose, another one was scratching the back of his head and the last one was lazily rotating around with seemingly no purpose.  The other detail which obviously jumped out were the armour pieces on his forearms and lower legs, which looked like they were ripped straight from Halo or some other futuristic shooter. Anon could swear that he saw rocket booster grills on them… Hold the fuck up, was he wearing all that on top of a suit? “Ah Anonymous, thank you for gracing us with your presence. I do not think I need to explain that the situation at hand is an… unusual one” Celestia’s voice was soft and royal as always, however he could not deny that there was a certain strain behind it. There were very few things that could get to the ruler of Equestria, so whatever happened must have been pretty serious. Swallowing nervously, Anon replied in the most concise and to the point manner he could. “Uhhhh.. Yeaaaah…” Oh this was just great. Why must his brain be hardwired to shut off whenever he needed it most? There was a clop as the guard landed on the floor, discarded by the human who now turned to look in his direction. “Oh finally! Is this all? Can we start talking now? Fucking hell, I can’t believe how much time I’ve wasted waiting. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s great to see another human in this pastel purgatory but ho-ly shit buddy, you sure took your time” Anon’s brain was torn between shooting back with some smart ass remark and having a bomb ass celebration at hearing some proper swearing. The horse based profanity of this place has been driving him insane since day one. Before he managed to decide what to commit to, Princess Celestia answered for him. “Yes, we are ready to begin talks now. Please sit” The table had only four chairs, two on each side. Celestia and Luna took the ones further away from the door, leaving Anon to sit next to the second ever human in Equestria. Having accepted that he will never see another one of his kind multiple months ago, this was an emotional rollercoaster like no other. Anon was practically drowning in questions, but as hard as he tried to pick the one to ask, his mind just couldn't form a proper thought, so he just sat down in silence. “So then, I believe introductions are in order. I am not sure how much you know about the way the human world operates, so I will first introduce myself to the member of my species so that he can help me explain any concepts in terminology you are familiar with, should the need arise.” Turning to him, the new human raised his hand in a salute, lips slightly curled up in a smile “John Doe, Chief executive officer of Dross mining. BasDef, Int. gathering and spec. communication specialisations go without saying. Technically I am also the acting commander of the SRI agency, and captain of the Leviathan and Burevestnik, that's HU-27 and LAD-1204 respectively. All of that’s formalities though, just call me Johnny” ‘Fucking what?’ Was what Anon wanted to say, however what came out of his mouth was: “Anonymous, Carpenter at The Canterlot oaks” as he extended his hand for a shake Instead of accepting the gesture, Johnny laughed. “Ehhhh, no. Do it once again, but properly” He emphasised the last word, and although nothing about his demeanour changed, Anon suddenly felt like he did something wrong. “What do you mean?” The clicking and whirring of mechanical arms as they entered his field of view was for some reason causing him to break a sweat. “Well for starters, do you honestly believe me to take ‘Anonymous’ as an answer for your name?” “It is my name” In a flash, Anon was looking down the barrel of a gun. “You are a funny guy, but not to the point where doing the same joke twice is going to be plausible. Either think of a new one, or ya know, what's even better - tell the truth” “I- I am-” Somewhere in the back of his mind, he felt cogs turning as they churned over the foggy memory of talking to Luna in a dream a couple of days ago. She was for some reason interested in learning about human weaponry, more specifically firearms. That dream was so bizarre he wrote it off as just another creation of his mind, but could it be that Luna and him actually had that talk? “Right, you know what, fine. You can keep your name, I would have forgotten it by now anyway. How about you tell me where you are from instead?” Alright, this one was simple, surely he couldn’t mess this up. “USA” He saw Johnny’s eyebrows move upward in an exaggerated ‘Oh really?’ gesture. “USA? Like, the United States of America?” “Yes” “Like, USA the country?” “Yes?” A theory was slowly, but surely forming in Anon’s head. “You do realise that when I said to think of another joke I didn’t actually mean it? Your previous allegiance matters little now, so just spit the truth out and we can get on with this” Breathing deeply, he replied trying to sound as calm as possible “I am telling the truth” “You are friggin' lying right to my face kiddo, and I don't appreciate you doing it!” Anon couldn’t keep a level head anymore, his emotions now taking control “What the fuck is your problem?!” “No, what the fuck is your problem?! Ju- Fuckin- Out of all the cover stories you could pick, you chose the least believable one! Take a moment, listen to yourself: 'Oooh look at me, I'm from a country!'. How's life at over 120 years old, huh grandpa?!" The room went quiet as they glared at each other. In his head, Anon’s theory was being finalised using the information he just heard. Finally once he was confident that he had his ideas in order, he decided to break the silence. “Alright John, I know this will sound like the most pathetic, unbelievable excuse in the entire world, but it’s the only one that makes any sense in my head. I think... You are from the future, at least in relation to me. I don’t know how to prove it to you, but I really have been telling the truth” Tensing up, he watched the other human’s finger tighten on the trigger for a couple of seconds, until with a sigh the man finally lifted the gun away, weighing it up in his hand. “You know Anonymous, I should shoot you right here and now. I really should, but I won’t. Maybe it's the magic horse land bullshit rubbing off on me. But don't think I'm taking my eyes off you. One wrong move and I promise, I’ll show you every single non-lethal experience worse than death in quick succession” There was a soft cough from the other side of the table “I will not pretend that I have any idea as to what is happening, but if you don’t mind we have other matters to discuss” Oh, that’s right. In the heat of the moment Anon completely forgot about the two princesses sitting across from them. Having holstered his revolver, Johnny sat down and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Alright first of all, what has Anonymous actually told you about… the human… world…” His voice trailed off, and he inhaled sharply through his teeth “Ooooooh… schei-sse” Yeah, if his comment about countries not existing for 120 years was true, it would most likely mean that any and all information Anon has cobbled together from the memories of his monotone life was beyond outdated. “So, I don’t know if you caught the gist of the confrontation me and Anonymous had, but to summarise: we suspect that I may be from way past his time. This means that despite the basics staying the same, we actually come from very different worlds” Not receiving a reply, he continued “Have you ever discussed the concept of corporations? They are big businesses spanning multiple sectors, however in my world the scale of ‘big’ has been redefined significantly. The best comparison I can make is that a corporation from my time is a kingdom, much like your own. It has its own guards, drafts its own laws and it is led by its king. That king is the CEO, and the CEO is me” Oh wow, a future in which the world is led by evil mega corporations. However cynical Anon wanted to be, he couldn’t deny the slight feeling of dread he felt at the realisation that the guy who held a gun to his head not a minute ago had been in charge of, as he put it himself, a kingdom. “My name and rank is all you need to know for now, anything else will have to be explained through hours of history lessons. Now, I already know your names and have a vague idea of what you do. Princess Celestia - raising the sun and representing Equestria as a whole, Princess Luna - raising the moon and controlling the dreams of any creature in this land. Did I miss anything?” Both princesses briefly shook their heads in response. “Great, pleasure to make acquaintance with you both. I am sure that you have a lot of questions, and I am prepared to answer them. Let’s start with the obvious: How and why did I get onto Luna’s balcony?” Standing up, Johnny made his way to the thick curtains covering the only window in the room. “See, I don’t actually have a habit of invading the private quarters of whoever I want to introduce myself to, but this has been rather urgent. It is to do with your abilities to see and enter the dreams of any creature” Stopping half way there, he glanced over his shoulder briefly. “I have a request to make of you, Luna” The sound of a hoof connecting with the top of the table can be heard for just a second before it is drowned out by Celestia’s royal canterlot voice. “How dare you! You come to our castle, harm our guards, nearly kill my sister and then have the audacity to ask for something?!”  Surprisingly, Johnny just gives a chuckle as he continues towards his destination. “You know as well as I do, that the confrontation today was not started by me, Celestia. Though, I do not blame Luna for what she did. We’ve met before, you know? She visited my dream a couple days after I crossed the Equestrian border. With what she’s seen in it, it’s no wonder that her instincts took over” Celestia was now standing up with her front hooves on the table “Lies! My sister has seen the darkest nightmares of these lands, led soldiers through battles the likes of which nopony can imagine. There is nothing in this world that can influence her judgement, NOTHING!” “If that is the case, then why is it you speaking and not your sister?” The question hung in the air as Johnny made his final steps and pulled the curtain to the side, letting moonlight flood the previously dim room. “See Celestia, my world is a lot like yours was during the dark ages. Conflict is not an unusual occurrence, instead it’s a constant, forced on by the battle of insurmountable forces to get on top” He reached into his suit’s inner pocket, producing a rectangular metal case. Popping it open, he picked out a cigarette. “And yet, it’s very different at the same time. The concepts of honour, mercy and fairness only appear in legends and propaganda spread among the population” He twisted his elbow towards himself and with a hiss a spot on the gauntlet glowed orange.  Yep, those were definitely rocket boosters. Anon made a mental note to ask about it later. “I would like to say that I fought as a soldier, but try as I might, I can’t ignore the fact that the outcomes were predetermined. Every battle was in actuality a long, methodical, calculated execution. Men die before they hit the floor, and by the time their corpse lays still another one is struck down. So many lives... Snuffed out in just a minute. It's a normal day for me but a shocking sight for Luna... and anyone else, to be honest with you. If the mortality rates in battle were less than 80%, we'd probably have all our soldiers suffering from PTSD” He let out a cloud of smoke along with a chuckle. “You know, I haven’t actually spent that much time out in the field, and still, I was tired of it. And don't get me wrong; I was a good leader, maybe even one of the best, but I just wanted out” He turned around, looking at every creature around the table in turn. “This brings us to my arrival to this world. I was given a fresh start, no longer having to pay for the mistakes of past generations, and I took it. I have no plans to take your kingdom from you, or to start one of my own, however that can’t be said about any other humans” His gaze was now fixed on Luna. “And now we are back to my request. I ask you to watch for any new humans in this world. There is no telling what will happen if one slips into the castle with malicious intent, though I can assure you that it won’t be good” Before Luna can respond, Celestia continued her onslaught “And how can we trust you on that?” The question prompted another cloud of smoke from the human, who was starting to look rather bemused. “Celestia, I’ll be honest, I don’t know much about your personal history. I had a basic crash course, but I did not go into details. Throughout all of it, there was a word that kept reappearing again and again; that word being ‘calm’. It is said that even as you defeated the lord of chaos, you did not let your emotions get a hold of you for long, which really makes me wonder: what has you so riled up about this conversation?” He turned towards the window again, Celestia now glaring daggers at his back “Are you angry about what happened to your sister, or is it something different? Perhaps an emotion that a true leader cannot show? An emotion that all of us experience when facing the unknown... Are you, by any chance, afraid o’ princess of the sun?” Looking at Celestia, Anon could see her opening and closing her mouth with a look of pure rage on her face, yet no words came out. Johnny took this time to open the window he was facing. “Hey, if it makes you feel any better, your fears are not unfounded. I may not be as powerful as you lot, with your wonky-ass magic shenanigans but as long as I am playing my own game, I’ll come out as the winner. To drive my point home - if my intentions were to steal the throne, I would have already murdered Luna and would probably be preoccupied with violently detaching your wings from your body. In other words, I would be doing anything but standing here talking to you, so try and humour the idea of behaving like an adult, if not a ruler of a nation” The white alicorn slumped back to her seat, still speechless, and the silence started to build. “You said that you've crossed the border. Why hast thou come to Equestria in the first place?” This was the first time the princess of the night spoke since the meeting began. “Now, that’s a great question!” Flicking the cigarette butt into the night wind, he slammed the window shut and turned around, assuming a stance vaguely reminiscent of a soldier standing at attention with his hands folded behind his back.  “See, I wanted out of the constant large-scale conflict, but I very much enjoyed the other aspects of my job. Innovating, creating, modifying - the work I’ve done has propelled my agency up the ranks of the most effective units... That’s to say that I have a certain knack for solving practical problems” Turning 90 degrees, he gestured towards the window with his hand “After coming to terms with what happened to me, I had one question that would determine my journey’s destination. What place on this planet held the most potential? Every time I asked, creatures all as one answered: ‘Equestria’. Originally I didn’t have plans to get involved on a government level, but now that I’m here I might as well make an offer of a lifetime” He spread his arms to the sides, including the robotic ones on his back. It kind of reminded Anon of that one DaVinci painting, though he is sure that the arms to legs ratio is off. “Celestia. Luna. You have the resources. I have the blueprints. Imagine what we can achieve, with knowledge from two worlds combined. With my technology powered by your magic, how many diseases can we eradicate? How much can we change for the better in the life of an average citizen? With what I can offer you, we can not only bring peace and prosperity to all of Equestria, no… We can change the world!” All this time he was taking small steps towards the table, and by the time his final declaration was spoken he was leaning over it, a hand outstretched to each princess. “I do not want power, I do not want money. All I want is an opportunity to do what I do best. Say yes, and every-body wins” The room fell silent once again but after a few moments, Anon saw Celestia’s hoof rise from the floor and slowly move towards the hand offered to her, which prompted the smile on Johnny’s face to grow ever so slightly. “You speak of many great things Mr. Doe…” Her hoof finally made contact with his hand but it did not stop, pushing it away “But I must decline the offer” With a sudden whizz, the metal arms that have been posing for a grand display retracted into the pack as he straightened out. “I understand, your highness” “What?” Anon suddenly had everyone at the table turn their heads towards him. Ah shit, did he say that out loud? “No, no, no, that answer makes total sense Anonymous. Now that I think about it, what I’m promising sounds too good to be true” Now all eyes were on Johnny, who turned away from them and struck a confident pose that would look right at home on a propaganda poster “Nobody in their right mind would accept an impossible deal, but this puts my next target right in front of me. All I need to do, is make the impossible possible!” Ignoring the three pairs of raised brows, he continued “Come along Anonymous, we must get a move on!” “Wait, we have not-” Celestia started, but was nearly instantly cut off “I am afraid we’ll have to finish here. Even if I wasn’t leaving, I can feel the drugs wearing off and I’m not planning on having a discussion once they do” At this point he was dragging Anon off his chair and towards the door “Wait, wait, wait, what drugs? And where are we even going?” He protested “Ach- drugs, painkillers, whatever! It’s a long story my friend, but in short: my private parts can now be used as a mould for shotgun iron sights. As for where we are going, I’m gonna crash at your bay for the night” “Oh hell no, you are not staying over, my room is claustrophobic enough!” “Tch, it’s gonna be fine, just trust me” “You nearly killed me 10 minutes ago!” “Oh do be quiet, it’s not like you would have reacted differently if you had a gun and were suspecting me to be an assassin sent after you!” “Yes I would have!” “You are obviously becoming incoherent from sleep deprivation, we need to get you to bed right this very instant!” “I am fine, you psycho! CELESTIA! HELP!” The argument echoed through the empty marble hallways of the castle, catching the attention of a couple servants on night shift, however with a shake of their head they continued on with their duties. Night shift didn’t pay nearly enough for this.