Chapter Fifty Nine: Of Shadows and Cleansing
Written by TheCrimsonDM
Fluttershy was recovering fairly well after her break up. The damage she caused may never heal, not completely and it would certainly never be forgotten but she could still push onward and try her best to get things back into working order. Her home was clean and safe, she was helping out on Sweet Apple Acers for something constructive to do, and she was enjoying some time with Twilight, Applejack and even Rarity. So things weren't quite as horrible as they could have been. Point in fact today she was going out and about shopping.
She'd stopped off at the food market to pick up some fresh veggies and a few tuna fish. She moved onto the 'nerd' section and was surprised to see the vender with the manga and doujinshi was in today. She found a few used volumes of Sailor Pony and although she'd read the entire series numerous times by now, she didn't have these volumes in her personal and very private collection. Grabbing a volume of Pony Ball Z didn't hurt either. She also checked out the Hippy Dippy stall where some mare who had red stained eyes and smelled quite wonderfully like a skunk was selling various crystals, incense, and under the counter some sillyweed, not that she didn't purchase some sillyweed, nor was it hidden in a secret compartment in her saddlebags surrounded by incense to conceal the smell. She wouldn't do that, not at all.
Finally she found herself walking by instinct alone looking for a snack. Her hooves carried her all the way to the street across from the Sugar Cube Corner before she froze. It only occurred to her at the last moment that as much as she might want a cupcake or two, she couldn't just waltz on in anymore. For all she knows, Rainbow Dash might spit on her cupcake. No she needed to go somewhere else.
Well there was always Donut Jo's. She traveled in that direction and stopped in to pick up a bag with a few donuts, they wouldn't taste as good as Pinkie's cooking but they were certainly a close second. She was halfway home, with saddlebags filled with, well everything she could need, when she rounded a corner and stopped short before she ran into two ponies she was hoping to avoid.
Pinkie and Rainbow Dash were walking side by side, with Rainbow's wing draped over Pinkie's back and holding her close. The three of them stared at one another in complete silence for a long moment. Fluttershy tried to speak, she did her best to work her courage up but she realized she wasn't worthy enough to even make a sound in their presence. She still managed a tiny squeak.
Pinkie Pie smiled warmly at her. "Fluttershy! I haven't seen you in like, forevah!" She moved forward as if to jump and hug Fluttershy, a feeling that Fluttershy found herself deeply desiring despite the fact it would probably ruin her donuts.
Rainbow’s wing clamped down and held Pinkie still. "Fluttershy."
Pinkie Pie looked confused for a moment but then her smile faded. "Oh, right, no touching. Sorry, Dashy."
Rainbow Dash let out a sigh. "It's cool, you just have too much love to give..."
"No," Pinkie Pie shook her head. "That's no excuse. I just forgot for a moment. I won't do it again."
Hearing those words was like a knife in Fluttershy's heart. Was she just using that as an excuse for herself? No, she really was a poly-pony, but she was also a horrible pony outside of that. Rainbow Dash pulled Pinkie to the side a little and made as if to walk past Fluttershy. Fluttershy couldn't let this chance go away, she had to say something, anything. She knew she couldn't fix what she'd done, but she couldn't let their entire future end in such a rotten way.
"I'm sorry."
Rainbow Dash froze and looked at Fluttershy. "Sorry?"
Fluttershy closed her eyes tightly. "I'm so sorry. I did such horrible things, to both of you. I know I can never, ever make up for them. I-I don't even know if I should try. But, I promise I'll never do anything bad again. I'm not asking you to take me back, I know that what we had, what we were is gone, but... but... can we still be friends?"
The next few seconds felt like the longest moment of her entire life. She expected Rainbow to hit her, to curse and scream, or to ignore her and walk away. Instead she heard Rainbow Dash speak. "You're right, you can't make up for what you did. I won't even ask you to try. Just... try and be a better pony and we can still be friends."
Fluttershy opened her eyes. "R-really?"
Rainbow Dash nodded. "Yeah, no more manipulation, no more lies, no more doing hurtful things. If you can work on that, work on yourself I think we could still be cool you know?"
Pinkie Pie grinned. "I'd like to still be friend’s too!"
Fluttershy's lip quivered. She felt her leg moving as if to step forward and hug them but she held herself still. She took in a deep breath, held it for a moment and released. She gave on curt nod and spoke. "I promise."
Pinkie Pie giggled. "Good, now that awkward stuff is over we can all be friends again."
Fluttershy smiled at her.
Pinkie Pie's eyes narrowed dangerously. "And friends are really good at explaining why you'd go to Donut Jo's instead of Sugarcube Corner when we both know you prefer cupcakes to donuts."
Rainbow Dash smirked. "Looks like you weren't loyal to the brand, Fluttershy."
Fluttershy sat down. "I, but, we weren't. What?"
Pinkie Pie giggled. "Donut worry about it, I'll forgive you."
Fluttershy felt so confused, but she'd rather be confused and happy any day than to be sure and depressed. Things may never return to normal per se, but at least this was going to be happier than before. That was all she could really ask for now wasn't it?
***
It had been a few days since Trixie had witnessed Twilight's break up with Celestia. Even though she had made Celestia swear to come and visit them, it had yet to happen. Instead Trixie found herself sitting on the first floor near one of the tables and trying her best to read a book about fish and how best to prepare them for eating. It turned out that Twilight loved fish, and Trixie was not going to let her fiancé be wanting for good food... also Twilight couldn't cook but that was a completely different reason and not at all connected to Trixie's decision to practice the art form.
It was quiet recently and things felt like they were slowly changing. She wasn't sure if it was for the better or the worse yet, but Trixie was positive it was changing regardless. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that perhaps she wasn't ready for all these changes, but so much had changed in her life already that she figured it couldn’t really change that much more from here. She rubbed her belly and allowed herself a smile. Change wasn't always bad after all.
Twilight had popped in once or twice to visit her as she flittered about the house doing Celestia knows what. Actually Celestia probably didn't know any better than Trixie did, but Twilight was still moving around like a maniac pony. She'd reorganized her entire book collection at least twice since then, forcing Trixie to try and figure out what the current organizational structure was and failing entirely. She’d had to ask Twilight where this book was, and really hoped Twilight didn't figure out why Trixie was looking into cooking.
Point in fact Twilight poked her head in from the kitchen. "Trixie, have you seen the spatula?"
Trixie nodded but didn't look at her. "Upstairs under the bed."
"Why is it there?"
"Remember last night?'
She could see it without having to look as Twilight's face fell. "O-oh, yeah. That was fun."
"You might want to wash it."
Twilight trotted past her and went to the stairs. "I'm going to cleanse it in holy fire before I use it for food."
Trixie went back to her book trying to find a good way to distract herself. She was just barely getting back into her book too when the front door burst open. Trixie grumbled. "The Librarian is busy cleaning a spatula and the kitchen. If you need a request there's a box there with some paper."
Shadow Heart's voice cut out in the air with the warmest and most gentle tone she'd ever heard. "I think she can't grant my request."
Trixie dropped her book and looked up at him. "Shadow Heart!"
He walked in letting the door close behind him. His scarred face was smiling down at her. "Did I interrupt something?"
Trixie nodded. "You interrupted Trixie’s boredom. Trixie shall thank you for this."
He chuckled to himself as he made his way to the table and took a seat opposite of her. "So, I've heard some updates from Celestia about this situation here. How's Twilight doing?"
Trixie glanced at the stairs almost scared she might come down at the wrong time and get the wrong idea. "A lot better than Trixie expected. Trixie thought that she would be heartbroken over this break up but she actually seems more confident and free than before."
"Well recovering all of your lost memories would do that to you."
Trixie glanced at him. "How did you know that?"
"I'm still Celestia's student, one of her pupils, and one of her most faithful servants. She still talks to me about such things."
Trixie nodded. "Trixie is glad to hear that. How is Celestia doing? Trixie is concerned about her too."
"Honestly? She's terrified of you."
Trixie leaned back. "Of Trixie? But what did Trixie do to deserve that?"
"Nothing. She's just scared to get close to you. She's lost a lot over the years and you two are important to her."
Trixie frowned. "Trixie still doesn't know why Celestia would care about her."
He offered a warm smile. "I can't really say. That's up to her do."
"That's what Twilight keeps saying too. Trixie hates being patient."
He looked down at the book she was reading. "Learning to cook for your fiancé?"
"Trying, after all Twilight is garbage at cooking... not that Trixie would ever tell her that."
He smiled. "Reminds me of my wife. She learned to cook for me entirely because I was so bad at it. Still she always smiled and told me it was good and ate everything I made for her no matter how much she hated it."
Trixie scrunched up her face a bit. "Trixie... knows you lost her. Trixie doesn't remember how or why though."
He raised an eyebrow. "Oh, with all the stories you tell about the Ursa Major you defeated at Hoofington I was pretty sure you knew."
Trixie shook her head. "Trixie has, bits and pieces of memories."
He leaned back. "Well, I guess I can tell you. It was an awfully long time ago after all. I once had a family, settled down in a city called Hoofington. I had a daughter too. She'd be about your age now. It was all going great too, except that one day an Ursa Major came to town, it was enraged, and had destroyed a few villages before it got to us. It was a towering beast, so large that it stood larger than most any skyscraper in the city. Nopony could hope to defeat it, and Celestia was running late dealing with a crisis involving one of her former students."
"And what happened?"
"The monster killed them." He said this calmly, coldly. "It destroyed my home, killed my family. It was going to kill thousands more too before it was done. Problem is, I was Celestia's protégé, I was her pupil and her most powerful student to that date." he gestured the scars on his face and what little of his forelegs were exposed under his robes. "I got these scars from the spell I used. A spell so powerful that it nearly killed me but it allowed me to slay the Ursa Major. It took everything that I had, but I vanquished it. Of course the cost was too high. Dark magic like that has a tendency to leave scars not just on the body but on the soul. Celestia spent countless months personally taking care of me. She had the best healers to work on me, she visited me constantly, and she gave me a purpose. I don't think she ever forgave herself for not being there, but she couldn't help it. Even a god can't be everywhere at once."
Trixie bit her lower lip. "Trixie is... I-I'm, so sorry to hear that."
He offered a weak smile. "It's okay. Now you've been told twice. Perhaps that was the only thing you remembered of me was that story. Your mind was hanging on to the idea of that story to try and keep me in your mind."
"Perhaps?"
Twilight came rushing down the stairs. "Trixie Lulamoon! What on earth did you do to my spatula, not only is it bent, it smells funny!"
Trixie smirked. "Oh, Twilight Sparkle, you know exactly what Trixie did to it."
End of Part Four