//------------------------------// // The Great St Trineighans Bake Off // Story: St Trineighans School for Fillies // by SamuelK28 //------------------------------// Apple Bloom groaned and slammed her head against the desk. Well, she would have, if not for the cone that once again was her collar. They had been given an hour to make and bake the best cake possible from a pre-selected set of ingredients they had been provided with. Unfortunately for Apple Bloom, the first five minutes had been wasted trying to get her teammates to cooperate whilst trying to come to terms with using her paws to hold things instead of her mouth. To no real surprise, neither was going well, despite Apple Bloom’s best efforts otherwise. Grumbling to herself, she lifted her head and tried desperately to reason with her friend once more. “Moon, did you not hear Luna? The group who makes the worst cake has to clean up the entire lab and does not get dinner until they do so!” “Sorry Bloom, I refuse to participate in this farcical competition with her,” Moon replied stubbornly with her back to Apple Bloom. “Same,” Trixie nipped in. “No one asked you homewrecker,” Moon snapped back. “Brat.” “Harlot.” “Twerp.” “Tramp.” An egg dropped on top of Moon’s head. “Oh no.” The words had barely left Apple Bloom’s lips before a bag of flour slammed into the back of Trixie’s head. The filly and the mare turned and glowered ferociously at one another. Apple Bloom seized her chance and slammed both of their heads against one another so hard they collapsed in a heap on the floor, both out cold. “Great, just great. Looks like it’s down to me,” Apple Bloom sighed looking at the remaining ingredients she had at her disposal and realising she was in serious trouble as all her flour was now all over Trixie. Not only that but all the recipes she knew involved apples and the judges had evilly provided her with several pears and a pineapple instead. Seeing that she strangely had a bag of oats at her disposal along with some syrup, sugar and butter, she did at least have one possible option left. “I guess it’s better than nothing.” * Meanwhile, next to Apple Bloom, the team of Starlight, Scootaloo and Ruby were making good process on their Victoria Sponge cake. In all honesty, it was actually all Starlight’s work. Scootaloo probably should still have been in the infirmary but had got herself released for Screwloose’s language lesson. That, combined with a strong painkiller just before the competition began, now meant that not even Apple Bloom, Sweetie, Moon and Ruby howling the place down would have awakened her as she slept soundly under the desk, her head resting on her hooves. As for Ruby, before she could even admit how bad her baking was, Starlight had passed her a note: I’ll make the cake, you pass me the ingredients when I point to them. And so, that’s how they had proceeded and made extremely swift progress, Starlight working in her usually efficient manner. That was, until, a strawberry had hit Starlight’s cheek. Turning, she had sent a death glare in Ruby’s direction only for the terrified filly to swiftly point a hoof at the next table along where Luna was whistling innocently as Dinky and Mjӧlna sniggered either side of her. To Ruby’s surprise, Starlight simply smiled and returned to making their cake, slipping a piece of paper over to Ruby as a glob of butter hit her cheek. Don’t worry, I whispered in Luna’s ear as she walked in. This was all planned. Limestone, Fluttershy and Berry will be getting a very hot surprise when they try her lemon drizzle cake. As soon as Ruby had finished reading the piece of paper it went up in flames and, in a flash, nothing remained aside a pile of ash on the desk. She turned and stared at Starlight who looked back at her with just the merest hint of a devilish smirk before she pointed at two tins with a hoof as she continued to stir the mixture in a bowl with a spoon using her magic. Ruby added to an earlier mental note never to get on Starlight’s bad side. * In the row in front, Diamond had been more than happy to stay out of the way and let Rarity and Sweetie attempt to make something with the ingredients provided, which included just about everything Rarity refused to let Sweetie eat due to the amount of sugar and artificial ingredients they contained. These included two boxes of Wainbow Wispies, an artificially, multicoloured crisped rice cereal containing enough sugar to possibly turn Sweetie into a miniature sun. They also had countless amounts of chocolate, tubs of syrup, butter and, of course, marshmallows. Seriously? That joke was growing old, fast. To Rarity’s relief, as her baking experience was pretty limited, the boxes of cereal had actually provided her with a simple recipe for Wainbow Wispiecakes, for which they just so happened to have all the ingredients for. So, overall, things were going a lot better than she’d feared they would and she was even spending some much-needed quality time with her sister. There was only one remaining problem. “So, how you getting along there, Marshmallow?” Lightning teased as she sidled up to Rarity. Rarity shivered from the touch as Lightning wrapped a wing around her. She was so close Rarity could smell the other mare’s breath. At least she’d had the sense to brush her teeth or take a breath mint; that was at least one positive to take from this ordeal, even if it was the only one so far. When Luna had told her this would be part one of her date with Lightning, she had not been pleased in the slightest but, a bet was a bet, and she’d reluctantly forced herself not to murder the other mare, so far. The fact Luna was happy to provide the “happy couple” with unlimited wine for the evening might have also played a part in that. Rarity was already on her second glass; she’d downed the first. “Better than you, darling, it seems. I think Tempest and Silver might need your help,” Rarity forced herself to say politely. “Pfft, all they have to do is put the cake in the oven, what can possibly go…” A loud bang sent Lightning shooting into the air. She turned and stared at Tempest, whose face now looked like an extension to the black jumpsuit she insisted on wearing everywhere. That was apart from two wide opal-coloured eyes. Silver was snickering next to her. “Look on the bright side; at least you got the oven started.” * As Lightning and Rarity saw to it that Tempest was all right, the final three teams in the front row were also making progress. The less said about Screwloose and Screwball’s attempt, the better for everyone’s sanity whilst Tree Hugger, Lily and Princess were making brownies with, according to Tree Hugger, “enough horse nip to stone even an elephant”. Beside them though, things weren’t going quite as well. Still, despite a possibly fractured muzzle that was oozing blood along with a sulking, scowling buffalo trying to murder her with her eyes, Zecora had still managed to make steady progress on an apple cake with Petunia’s help. As the filly started to dice some apples, Zecora turned to the rebellious young buffalo. “Well?” The zebra enquired remarkably well considering her injury before she replaced the tissue that she’d shoved up her nostrils to stem the bleeding. “Murderer,” Little Strongheart growled. “Your statement is fair but I don’t care. I am who I am, necromancy is my game and it brings me no shame.” “The ponies I understand, they just wanted farmland, you though are just sick in the head, spreading red wherever you tread,” Little Strongheart retorted. “Tell the innocent youth the truth or I shall.” “Zecora, what’s she talking about?” Petunia interrupted, pausing what she was doing and looking up to her mentor with some concern. “Necromancy and dark magic in general messes with one’s brain and sends you slowly insane. There’s a reason no one dares to go near zebra territory and let me tell you, it is rather gory. Griffon, dragon, cat, buffalo, pony, they don’t care, they’ll cut you up to please their fallen gods and keep you alive just long enough to watch your own organs be pulled out of your body. What they don’t use in their demonic sacrifices and potions, they eat and when they don’t get enough unwary travellers, they resort to alternate means. My own grandmother was captured by slavers and before the tribe could retrieve her, she was traded to the zebras. She wasn’t the first or the last. Why do you think we’re seeking an alliance with you ponies for? Without your help, sooner rather than later there will be none of us left. My dad is the last family I have left and without me to lead it in the future, yet another ancient buffalo tribe will be gone,” Little Strongheart exploded with unbridled fury, not bothering to mock Zecora anymore with pointless rhymes. At this point she was just barely holding herself back from launching herself at the zebra. “Z-Zecora, is this true?” Petunia stammered, her look of concern turning to one of horror. “I would say I’m sorry but I’m not. We’ve found a way to survive and thrive whereas your brethren are stuck in the past and will not last if you don’t act fast,” Zecora replied with a toothy grin. In a fit of rage, Little Strongheart threw herself at the zebra but Zecora was ready. Little Strongheart’s eyes went wide as she froze mid-leap and fell to the floor, unable to move. She hadn’t even seen Zecora move; she’d been that quick. “Too slow; buffalo. You’ll be fine in about an hour, for now you can lay there and glower whilst we make our cake. Huh, where did she go?” Zecora said confused, suddenly realising Petunia had disappeared. The door to the classroom slammed shut. * Luna took a deep inhale as she levitated the two trays of lemon drizzle cake out of the oven and placed them down upon the desk. They were cooked to perfection. She smiled to herself. She was actually rather surprised with how well they’d turned out, especially after her last attempt at baking a cake. Yet, looking back, she couldn’t remember just how she’d managed to achieve such a perfect result. And that made her suspicious. Levitating a knife over she cut herself a small slice to try and, after another deep inhale, closed her eyes and took a bite. Not bad and definitely not going to cause digestive problems like last time. Heck, she might even have a chance…. And then it hit her. HOT, extremely hot. “Water, I need water now!” she exclaimed, pushing past Dinky and Mjӧlna in her attempt to reach the sink before diving her head under the tap as she illuminated her horn to turn it on. Swiftly realising her mistake, that water has little, if any effect, on counteracting hot sauce, she took the only course of action she could. She pulled the bottle of Berry's extra strong Moonshine that she'd been spiking both Lightning's and Rarity's drinks with from her ethereal mane, and downed it. As Luna slowly felt the effects of the alcohol take a hold of her body, next door to her team, stifled giggles had erupted from Starlight and Ruby as they removed their own attempt from the oven. That was until a stern voice brought them back down to reality. “Anything you two would like to tell me?” Limestone said looking less than pleased. To be fair, she almost always looked less than pleased; so it was, in truth, not much different to how she normally looked. “It seems our neighbours have made an error with their cake,” Ruby answered for Starlight. “And that has nothing to do with either of you two?” Limestone pressed, looking specifically at Starlight. Starlight shrugged her shoulders. “So, hypothetically speaking, you didn’t whisper into your ex’s ear as she walked in to put hot sauce into her cake,” Limestone said, placing said bottle of hot sauce down on the table. Starlight suddenly looked a little nervous, like a foal caught with their hoof in the cookie jar. “You thought no one saw you as you walked in, well, you were wrong. My evidence might be circumstantial, my word against yours, but then I’m the head judge and you’re not. Disqualified and congratulations on volunteering to clean the classroom afterwards. Oh, and I’m taking your cake as evidence.” As Limestone prepared to take the cake, a loud crash behind her diverted her attention. Turning, her muzzle dropped open at what she saw. Rarity and Lightning, who had both clearly had too much to drink considering the number of bottles they’d just sent flying everywhere, were making out on the desk whilst the fillies they were supposed to supervising were watching on whilst munching on Wainbow Wispie cakes. Meanwhile, black smoke was rising from the oven Lightning should have been watching over. Letting out another resigned sigh, Limestone trotted over, minding the minefield of broken glass that now adorned the floor, and turned the oven of before opening the door to see what remained of team Lightning’s cake. After being hit by a waft of black smoke a blackened, charred and clearly inedible lump greeted her, along with the sounds of amorous drunken love making. Looking even less pleased than usual, Limestone removed her head from the oven and turned to Rarity and Lightning. Now, she knew she should intervene and stop Rarity from doing something she’d later regret but, no punishment she could think of would be better than seeing the look on the mare’s face if she woke up beside said Pegasus after doing something she most certainly regretted. A disturbing grin crossed Limestone’s face. “Wouldn’t you two much prefer to take this somewhere a little more private?” she encouraged. After a moment, the two drunken lovebirds paused in sucking each other’s faces off. “Well, how about it, Marshmallow?” Lightning slurred as she pushed herself off Rarity and fell to the floor, just managing to land on her hooves. “Sounds delightful darling,” Rarity replied pushing herself off the desk whilst fluttering her eyelashes at Lightning seductively. Steadying each other, Limestone allowed the two clearly drunken ponies to pass her on their way to the door and out of the classroom, Lightning slapping a wing against Rarity’s rump as they exited. “That was just plain evil,” Luna chuckled tottering unsteadily on her hooves towards the Pegasus. "Says the one who spiked their drinks," Limestone replied flatly. "Touche," Luna replied, letting out a loud burp. "Eugh, I'm going to have such a hangover later, " she groaned using a desk to prop herself up as Limestone turned to address the remaining competitors. “Now, for the three teams still remaining in the competition, you have ten minutes…” A loud explosion from the front of the room cut her off. Turning, Limestone gawped as a wave of pink washed over her. “Oops, my bad,” Screwball tittered, clearly not at all bothered that she’d just covered her Home Economics teacher in cake for the second night running. Of course, that was the exact moment Luna also proceeded to throw up all over Limestone. * “Wait, what?” Apple Bloom said in complete and utter astonishment. “I said, you won,” Limestone, still covered in sticky pink goop and vomit and desperately needing a shower, repeated flatly as Madam Trixie, forgetting her pounding headache for a moment, grabbed a hold of Apple Bloom and shook her with delight, despite doing absolutely nothing to help aside lie on the floor unconscious for nearly an hour. “With boring old plain flapjack? It wasn't even that good, I'm still getting used to using paws instead of my mouth,” Apple Bloom admitted, completely at a loss as she ignored Trixie for the moment. “I know almost all the teams were disqualified but surely Tree Hugger managed to bake something better than that?” Apple Bloom queried. Lightning pointed towards the floor of the dining hall where both Fluttershy and Berry were rolling around giggling like school fillies. “Her team was also disqualified for using outside illegal ingredients,” she said flatly. “And as, you quite rightly stated, they were the only team left after all of the others were disqualified for one reason or another, you win by default.” “The Elusive and Mysterious Madam Trixie does not care; a win is a win!” Trixie said, finally letting Apple Bloom go. “Yes, well, from what I saw, you hardly did anything to actually help, so I’m leaving it up to Apple Bloom here if she wishes to share the prize money of fifteen bits or not. And she, not you, keeps the trophy,” Limestone replied gruffly lugging over said trophy and bits to Apple Bloom. Trixie suddenly looked a little dejected but Apple Bloom soon managed to perk her up again by pouring the bits out onto the table and passing her five. “No matter how much more I contributed, we’re a team and it wouldn’t feel right not to share the prize fairly,” Apple Bloom explained passing Moon, who was holding an ice pack to her forehead, her five bits as well. “Suit yourself,” Limestone replied. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’ve got to go and ensure Starlight and some of your classmates aren’t goofing off and actually cleaning my classroom properly before spending the rest of the night in the shower.” And, on that announcement, she departed. “Yes, and I also need a shower after somepony threw flour all over me,” Madam Trixie stated, turning a disgruntled gaze upon Moon for a second before trotting away. Apple Bloom was thankful Moon hadn’t had time to think of a retort and quickly shoved a piece of flapjack in her mouth to stop her from running after her Godmother and having yet another argument. “Come on; let’s go find Scootaloo and Sweetie then get some dinner,” she said, attempting to pick up her latest acquired trophy in her mouth before realising she couldn't due to her cone and as such instead shoved it into Moon's mouth before pulling the young alicorn firmly in the opposite direction to the one Trixie had gone in. * Apple Bloom let out a mighty yawn as she climbed the stairs back to their dormitory, a softly snoring Scootaloo draped across her back. The poor Pegasus had just about managed to get through dinner but hadn’t had the energy to wait for Ruby and Screwball to finish theirs after they’d eventually arrived from cleaning up the Home Economics classroom and had subsequently dozed off on the table. Not wanting to wake her clearly still unwell friend, Apple Bloom, with Ruby’s assistance, had decided to kindly carry her friend back to their dorm after they’d unanimously agreed between them on an early end to the night. They had planned for Sweetie to give them some tips and pointers before their next test from Rarity later that day but the filly was currently draped across Ruby’s back in a sugar induced coma after consuming way too many Wainbow Wispiecakes. They were just thankful her sugar rush had been short and sweet with no further damage to the school. It was as Apple Bloom finally managed to get her weary limbs to the top of the last stair and was just allowing herself to think about the sweet release of sleep from yet another tough night at this bonkers school when she heard the ear-piercing scream ahead of her and looked up to see the pale face of Dinky staring wide eyed at something in her dorm, the one next door to Apple Bloom’s, as Princess tried to console a visibly shaking and upset Lily next to Dinky. “What now?” Apple Bloom sighed forcing her weary limbs to rush to Dinky’s side. Scootaloo, somehow, still remained fast asleep on her back. She froze next to Ruby as both fillies took in what had caused their friends such discomfort. Hanging by her neck from a rope in the middle of the room was Petunia, a pool of blood lay at her feet from numerous gouges on both her flanks. And then, to Apple Bloom’s shock and horror, Petunia sniffled and spoke. “Why won’t my magic just let me die?”