//------------------------------// // Chapter 18: To Be Without. // Story: A Demon's Second Chance // by Perfectly Insane //------------------------------// The bath only made me feel marginally better, but at least the full body grossness was gone. The only exception being my hands; I couldn’t stop feeling a residual stickiness clinging in between my fingers; although I knew no amount of washing would make it go away.  On top of which, the clothes I was wearing now were once again the only ones I had. At least until I took the others to Rarity so she could fix them, or have more made if they can’t be saved. Assuming, of course, she didn’t refuse to even talk to me like she had every right to do. Angel wasn’t napping in front of the bathroom door, presumably having gone to wake up Fluttershy. On the plus side, it was more or less morning. The sun hadn’t risen completely yet, but the light shining through the windows was getting gradually brighter. The familiar sound of birds chirping was just starting, along with the sounds of various animals that lived here scurrying about and waking up.  I had no idea how much I missed this until I heard it again. It almost made what I did worth it. Fluttershy was awake, sitting on the couch and holding Angel in her hands. Though she didn’t look to be understanding everything he was saying, as she was still rubbing her eyes and likely trying to get rid of any residual grogginess.  She looked worse than I’d ever seen her before; her mane was a disheveled mess even Angel would struggle to fix. Dark bags under her puffy eyes,  And she was much paler than usual.  She must have been worried if I’d wake up, or maybe what she saw me do bothered her that much.  Either way, I’m responsible. If nothing else, what I did saved her. Whatever consequences there were, I could bear them. I had to.  As soon as I reached the bottom stair, her ears flickered as she turned to me; I involuntarily flinched as soon her eyes were in my direction. That same expression I saw before flashed in my mind as I glanced away, clenching my jaw.  I peered down at my wrist, adjusting the sleeve to make sure it completely hid the bandage. “Chara?” Fluttershy asked, her voice noticeably hoarse. “Are you sure you should be up and moving around? You were asleep for two days.”  Two days? That was longer than the wo-timberwolves, I must have been worse off than I felt; still feel, even. Every inch of me still ached with a dull agony, just trying not to limp was a struggle.  “Yeah, I’m,” I walked forward, placing my backpack on the ground and sitting down beside her. The moment I did, she visibly tensed, tightening her grip on Angel and pulling in her wings closer to her sides. “Ok.”  She hung her head, briefly closing her eyes. “No, you’re not.”  It was hardly more than a whisper, but it echoed in the room, like she’d screamed it. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at her, dropping my head and fixing my gaze on a random spot on the ground.  “You promised me you’d be ok, you asked me to trust you. Then you came back, covered in blood and hurt all over. You almost died, Chara! Twilight nearly couldn’t…” her words caught in her throat. I saw Angel hug her, staring up at her with wide eyes and pouting. “It’s a miracle you’re even walking right now. She wasn’t even sure if you would wake up, or…what we should do if you did.”  I bit my lip as something Twilight said in the previous loop came to mind, mentioning how she’d have to do something if I killed them, though she didn’t finish saying what. I’m still here; so clearly she didn’t go through with it.  Or it’s something she was waiting to do when I woke up. I won’t really know until I see her.  “What…happened after I passed out?”  “Nothing good. Some of them asked me questions I didn’t have the answers to. Instead, I checked on you, and…” she visibly shuddered. “It was bad. We had to go back to Ponyville with Twilight healing the worst wounds, and Rarity had to suture some of the others. You…screamed every now and again, in and out of consciousness. There was so much blood, I-I didn’t…”  Fluttershy’s voice trembled, hunching forward and wrapping her arms around herself. “I didn’t know what to do! I begged Twilight to make it stop, and she put you in a magically induced coma. She just did it on impulse and didn’t know what would happen; I didn’t want to leave in case you woke up, or worse.”  “Thank you.” I murmured, though it didn’t look like she even heard me. I was tempted to just leave her be, to prevent myself from doing any more damage. However, I knew that would just be putting off the conversation that would come any moment.  The question I was dreading the most.  “Why, Chara?” she turned to me, eyes pleading for an answer. “Why did you lie to me and tell me you’d be ok? Why did you kill them without even giving them a chance? We could have helped them: no one had to die!”  The pain in her words was grating to my ears, and I could do nothing but cower under them; I knew this question would come, even when I was in the tunnels I knew. Not that all the time mattered, since I didn’t let myself think about it.  What could I even say? The truth? Was that even an option? I didn’t know if I could tell the others before this, I certainly can’t now. Fluttershy might be the only one that would trust me to not abuse the reset ability, assuming she even believed it in the first place. Despite that, there was no way she’d forgive me for how many times I failed her.  This wasn’t like Asriel; I had led her and her friends to their death multiple times. Watched them die in agony not because I couldn’t save them, but because I was unwilling to do what it took until I finally realized there was no other choice.  I could never let her know how many times I caused their deaths. No one has to know but me.  So I’ll lie.  “That night, I got up to use the bathroom, and overheard some diamond dogs outside the window. They were scouting to see how many of us had showed up, and said that they…” I held my pendant, trying to ignore the agony that came with each movement and heartbeat. “They were going to attack as soon as you tried to leave the farm, and that they weren’t even going to give you the chance to talk. There was so much hatred in their words, Fluttershy. I…think they wanted to kill us.”  It was getting harder to speak; making everything up as I went was increasingly nerve-wracking. I had to blend in enough of the truth to convince her, and just hope it made up for how terrible my lying was.  “I knew that you would still try to work things out with them, even if they only wanted to hurt you. So…I waited until morning and followed their tracks back to their den; I was going to find it, come back, and tell you where it was so we could go together, but they ended up finding me. I didn’t have any choice but to…” I trailed off, resting my hands on my knees and tightly gripping them. “You know the rest.”  I felt her weight shift on the couch; her breathing audible and rigid. “I didn’t hear you wake up that night.”  “I’ve,” I coughed, trying to cover the sound of my voice cracking. “Gotten really good at being quiet since living here. You’re a surprisingly heavy sleeper, I-”  “Chara,”  My mind went blank. Every gear stopped turning at the sternness of her tone; I felt frozen, like just a single move would be certain death. “Please, don’t lie to me. Not about this. Twilight-” Angel chirped something, interrupting Fluttershy. I peeked at her, seeing she was closing her eyes and taking deep breaths. “What you did was wrong in every way I could think of. You killed diamond dogs, you took away their lives and any chances they had to get better. They had friends, families, maybe even children! Please, Chara. Tell me you were forced or possessed or something! I…I don’t,” her mane dropped and covered most of her face; wings extending and shielding her like she was trying to protect herself from something. “I don’t want to be afraid of you.” There was a stabbing pain right in the center of my heart. For a moment, I thought it would break in two.  My blood froze as I wrung my hands, as I temporarily forgot how to speak. “Y-you don’t,” my chest got gradually tighter with each breath. I needed to say something, anything, but nothing came to mind. No lie to fix this, no words to make it better.  She was afraid of me, and she had every right to be.  “Then tell me the truth, Chara. Please.”  “I…can’t. I need you to just trust me; it was the only way to save you.”  “Trust you?” Fluttershy’s voice cracked, “I want to, but how can I? You promised you’d stay near me, and one of the first things you do is leave! Then you tell me you’ll be ok, and you come back, slaughter two diamond dogs, and pass out. Now, I ask you to tell me why like you said you would, and you lie to my face. How can I trust you?”  “Because if I told you the truth,” I uttered through gritted teeth. “You’d hate me.”  “I could never hate you!” she shouted, standing up with her wings extended to her sides. Each inhale and exhale was heavy, and just as audible as her swallowing. “But you do. You’ve thrown yourself into harm's way for others twice; I can’t imagine how much pain you were in. Do you care about others that much, or just yourself that little?”  “...” I bit my tongue, pressing my hands into my knees to try and get them to stop bouncing. “I care about you, Fluttershy. More than myself. I had to do that so you wouldn’t be hurt.”  She chewed on her lip, chin trembling as she clenched her fist. “I’m not worth more than you, Chara. Others care about you, I care about you. I don’t want you hurting yourself for me, killing others for me! I…” she paused, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes as she placed her hand on her chest. “Can’t take it. All you had to do was ask for help, Chara. We could keep each other safe, and no one had to die.”  My hand hovered over my stomach; the burning feeling of claws ripping through me in an instant the first time we went down was still agonizingly fresh. “You don’t know that. A-”  “I do know that, Chara! We’ve dealt with diamond dogs. Even if they wanted to hurt us like you said, why would you go in by yourself? Do you think you’re the only one who has to be hurt? And that’s ok?”  “Yes.” I stated. The sticky feeling in between my fingers was getting worse; I futilely tried wiping them against my legs. Fluttershy was silent, either stunned by the bluntness of my answer, or just didn’t know what else to say. “Do you…even feel guilty for killing them?” she asked, taking a step closer to me.  “I…” the scars began to burn from moving, I began to worry if I was going to end up reopening one. If I focused, I could still feel what it was like when they slashed me. The sight of Fluttershy choking on her own blood, Limestone having her throat gouged out. The dogs maiming so mercilessly, despite how reluctant they were about it.  “It doesn’t matter. I’d do it again. I had to.”  “...Why? Why would you willingly do something so horrible? Wha-”  “Because there was no other choice!”  I stood up and faced her, holding my arms tightly to my sides. My legs felt like jelly again; it was somewhat surprising I even managed to stand up.  “No matter how much you told me everything would be fine, or that you guys knew what you were doing, or that nobody would get hurt, I couldn’t stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong. If anyone died, if you died. I’d rather walk into the jaws of death than risk that happening at all; I would kill them again if I had to. I just…” thick tears began to roll down my face. Every inch of my body screamed at me to rest, shrieked in pain with every movement.  As much as I wanted to, I just couldn’t. I’d rested long enough.  “I don’t want to lose anyone again.”  Fluttershy sharply gasped, backing away with her hands covering her mouth and pupils constricting; identical to the one right before I passed out. Something thick hit my hand, and I recognized the texture instantly. “What? No,” I whispered, bringing my hand to my face and then examining it. Instead of salty tears, it was that same black ooze that leaked like a self-forming mask. It wasn’t nearly as much as usual, but stuck all the same.  I tried desperately to wipe it off, but it just felt like more kept coming. It began to cover my hands, staining my clothes more than they already were.  “Why? I’m not using magic, I don’t…”  “Twilight,” Fluttershy squeaked, “came over yesterday to check on you. S-she said that there was something wrong with your Manik system, that the anti-magic stone the dogs threw at you did something. That it…” she hesitated, pursing her lips in reluctance. “It might be broken.”  “I’m…” I stared at my hands, black goo dripping from my face onto them; I tried forcing my eyes closed as tightly as I could, only for more tar tears to leak through. "Broken?" “No, Chara. You’re just…lost. And I,” Fluttershy picked up Angel, who had been standing silently on the couch. “I can’t help you, no matter how much I want to. I’m sorry. Twilight said you should go to her for a checkup as soon as you are awake; she might be able to help you.”  She turned away from me, retracting her wings and pressing Angel tightly against her chest. “I think you should go as soon as you can. I need to get started on my chores and feeding the animals, since I fell asleep yesterday.”  “I,” as I stepped forward, her entire body flinched. I noticed despite her trying to hide it; it hurt more than anything the diamond dogs did to me. “...ok. I’ll brush my teeth and go. I should be back soon.”  “Be safe.”  I tentatively picked up my backpack, walking back up the stairs to my bathroom.  Fluttershy was right: she couldn’t help me. I don’t know if anyone can. _______________________ After washing my face, again, I didn’t hesitate to begin my trek. Fluttershy had already gone somewhere when I came back to the living room; the few drops of ooze that had hit the ground were already cleaned up.  I didn’t want to leave. Hated it, in fact. I wanted to stay and try to mend things with Fluttershy, do whatever I could to convince her to at least start trusting me again. As usual, I didn’t know how. I said everything I could think of, and none of it could convince her. Trying any more would just make her more afraid of me than she already is.  Not to mention that getting overwhelmed with emotions forces flower residue out of my eyes now; I can only hope that doesn’t work with anxiety too, or I wouldn’t make it five steps into Ponyville.  It was tempting to bring Angel and use him as my emotional support bunny, but I got the impression he was upset with me. After seeing the state Fluttershy was in, he had every right to be.  Other than the handful of glances I’d expected, the ponies didn’t pay any particular attention to me. As nice as it would be to believe they’d accepted me, I knew that wasn’t the case. I looked too different from them, I could never fit in. but that’s ok. It wasn’t that different from living with monsters. Though all monsters had different appearances, making them more open to those not like them.  At least the lack of attention made my anxiety a lot more tolerable. The downside of being more relaxed was it caused my mind to wander, which was the last thing I wanted to do right now. I kept thinking of Twilight, afraid and curious of what she’d do to me. I’d yet to see the ‘secret lab’ Spike mentioned before, but she had enough equipment down there to analyze the black goo and find out what it was. Would she do the same thing to me? Would she do a full body analysis similar to when we first met? Or...would it be something worse? I couldn’t say at all. Twilight already didn’t trust me; witnessing me kill the diamond dogs with no explanation must have reinforced that for her. If she really wanted to, she could lift me in her magic and do whatever she wants: I’d be completely helpless. She could put me away for what I did, or send me into another ‘magically induced coma’, all of which could happen the moment I walked into the library.  In all honesty, I’d deserve it. If that was the price for saving them, for saving her, then it’s a deal I wouldn’t mind making.  Even so… I froze where I was, struggling just to keep my breath steady. As I briefly closed my eyes and lowered my head, I tried to clear my mind; pretending, for only a second, that I was back in the void. No emotions, or sensations, or anything. However, it wasn’t quite ‘nothingness’, either. Some limbo in between that put me in a constant state of ‘almost’ peace and ‘almost’ entropy, a balance of imbalance.  It was horrible. It was simple. Sometimes, it was easier.  I looked where I was, having gone off the path I was so used to and ending up in a different part of Ponyville. Apparently I was standing only a few feet away from Carousel Boutique. I glanced down at my clothes, which had semi-noticeable black stains on the sleeves, but was otherwise clean. My other and only set of clothes was so destroyed that wearing it wasn’t even an option, unless I started wanting an inordinate amount of attention.  Twilight didn’t know I was awake yet, so there was no rush to get there. I’d like to have at least one other clean set of clothes in case I start…leaking again, or something else happens. Since Rarity knows my measurements, it shouldn’t take her more than a few minutes to make one.  Assuming, of course, she doesn’t just slam the door in my face and refuse to see me.  “Well,” I sighed as I held my pendant, “I can’t avoid them forever. Might as well get it over with so I can spend more time later brooding.” I walked up to the door, only slightly dragging my feet as I knocked on it. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw something move in the window, then heard hoofsteps that got gradually louder. I expected Rarity to be the one to open it, but instead Sweetie Belle stood on the other side with a wide smile. She was wearing a white dress with pink sleeves with a red band in the center of her mane. “Chara! It’s great to see you again!” she exclaimed as she embraced me. A wave of gut-wrenching terror gripped my heart at the abrupt contact; the tightness of her grip was like warm steel crushing my muscles. I winced, failing to suppress a loud groan. She let go of me, backing away and frowning as her hands fell to her sides.  “Oh, sorry! I’m so sorry, I didn’t- Rarity mentioned you were asleep and didn’t know if you would wake up and I hadn’t seen you since the party and…” she cut off her ranting with a heavy sigh, dropping her head. “I should have figured you hadn’t recovered yet. I’m really sorry.”  “It’s,” I moved my arms behind my back as I adjusted my sleeves, putting on a forced smile and trying not to wince again. “Fine; you didn’t know. I’m glad to see you too, I just wish it was for longer. My clothes got ruined and I was hoping Rarity would make me a second set before I head over to Twilight's for a checkup. Is she home?”  “Rarity? Yeah, she’s here. Hardly left since she got back. One second.” Sweetie trotted to the bottom of the stairs, cupping her hands around her mouth and leaning forward. “Rarity! You have a guest!”  “Guest?” Rarity’s distant voice replied, followed by the sound of a door opening and closing as she got closer. “I wasn’t expecting anypony today. Who could it be, I wonder?’  “Hey, Chara?” Sweetie muttered as she walked closer to me. “Rarity didn’t say a lot about what happened; but, from what she did mention, you saved her from one of the diamond dogs.” she stood in front of me, placing her fist against her chest and smiling with a light blush. “So, t-”  “Don’t.” I blurted.” Please, don’t thank me. What I did was horrible, and I…hate that I had to do it.”  “But,” Sweetie frowned, eyes widening. “How could it be horrible if it saved them? Rarity’s been a bit,” she glanced to the side, pursing her lips for a moment.” Off since she got back, but she seems ok. I don-”  “Chara?” Rarity’s voice came from the top of the stairs; tightly gripping the railing as she steadily walked down, each step erred on the side of caution. “You’re…awake?”  I met her eyes for only a second, they pierced into me with concern before I turned away. “Yeah, just earlier today. I was on my way over to Twilight’s, and I wanted to stop by and see how you were doing.” The scars of my shoulder began to lightly burn. I placed my free hand on them and awkwardly rubbed it, sharply inhaling through my grit teeth.  “I’m…happy to see you doing well.”  Rarity pursed her lips, standing at the bottom of the stairs in tense silence. With a hesitant quiver, the corners of her lips turned upward into a barely noticeable, but welcoming, smile. “You as well. Sweetie Belle, can you go in the kitchen to make us some tea?” “Uhm,” she glanced between Rarity and I, fidgeting uncomfortably as she backed away. “Rarity, you know I’m not really good with kitchen stuff. Are you sure you want me to do that?”  “I’m sure you’ll do fine, Sweetie.” Rarity sang in an almost too chipper tone. “If nothing else, you’ll at least know whether you have a cutie mark for it or not.”  “I…” she opened her mouth, pausing as she frowned, then nodding. “Alright.” She waved goodbye to me, and left me alone with Rarity. Rarity didn’t walk any closer to me; I could feel her leer without even looking at her. I heard her take a deep breath, then the sound of her horn lighting up with magic.  “I presume you came here for clothes since your other set is,” she paused, making a ‘tsking’ noise. “Unwearable.”  “...Yeah.” I responded with a shameful nod. “I really am glad you’re ok. But, you’re right, I do need clothes. I’ll get it if you don’t want to; I think I can make these last a couple of days unti-”  “No, no. There’s no need, it’s hardly an inconvenience for something so simple and somepony of my expertise.” Rarity stated, using her magic to pick up some fabric and various objects that I recognized as sewing tools and getting straight to work. “I’ve found myself with more freetime than any lady knows what to do with; and so I’ve spent a lot of it burying myself in my beautiful work. This will take no time at all, I assure you.”  With that, she immediately got to work; turning the materials into the familiar set of clothes I’d always worn. On occasion, I’d thought about trying out new clothes; nothing in particular or that would make me stand out. Sometimes, it just gets tiring seeing the same clothes I wore before. With the same hair, almost the same face… The same necklace.  But, I doubt I ever would. It’d be too jarring at this point after wearing the same stuff for so long, and I wouldn’t like the potential attention that’d come from it.  I glanced around the room, examining all the various clothes spread about: Dresses, hats, shoes, skirts, garters, more options than I could ever pick from. So many sizes and colors, along with all kinds of patterns. Nothing in here was just casual wear. Which, of course, made sense considering Rarity likely made them all. I doubt any of them would fit me in the first place, so I’d have- I froze, eyes stuck on a red scarf hung on one of the ponyquinns. It was almost identical to the one Pinkie’s mom made for me, if it wasn’t for the snowflake pattern it donned. I brought my hand to my neck, rubbing it as I recalled how soft and warm it really was. She took one look at me, saw that I didn’t have any fur, and stayed awake just to make me a scarf. It was warm and more than big, making the cold tolerable. I had no doubt she would have even let me keep it afterwards.  All for me: a stranger.  I returned that kindness by leaving the corpses of two diamond dogs on their front lawn.  “H-hey Rarity?” I blurted, trying to think of something to talk about to prevent my mind from wandering. “Fluttershy told me that you helped Twilight keep me alive. Thank you for that.”  She sharply inhaled, magic flickering as she dropped some of the stuff she was holding. She managed to catch all of them but a pair of scissors, which clattered noisily against the ground. I could only see her back, but it was clear how stiff and uncomfortable she was; pressing her legs together, shifting her weight from one hoof to the other, even absentmindedly fidgeting with her clothes.  Rarity was nervous or bothered by something, and it didn’t take twenty questions to figure out what.  She took a deep breath, clearing her throat as she hummed something to herself. “Pardon me, darling. I lost my concentration for a moment there.” she remarked, swiftly getting back to my clothes. “You’re quite welcome. I couldn’t in good conscience let you die, even with…what you did.”  “Are you,” I anxiously swallowed, sitting on the stage in the center of the room. “Upset at me for what happened?”  “...Deeply so.” she stated as she leaned forward. “Even if part of me doesn’t want to be, I am. You broke your promise to Fluttershy, you had us all worried about you, and then you come back covered in blood, injured head to hoof, and kill two diamond dogs. I had my problems with them, but I don’t believe they deserved something as abhorrent as death!”  Her voice got gradually louder as she spoke, vibrating with emotion as it shed that pleasantness it usually held. The magic around her horn briefly flared, along with the materials she was holding.  “But, you saved Sweetie’s life, and you saved mine. I’ve refined my magic skills for fashion, not fighting. Just a few seconds more, and I would have been,” Rarity placed her hand against her chest, glancing at me over her shoulder with a solemn expression. “I cannot be content with what you did, yet I can’t bring myself to condemn your actions in their entirety, either. However,” I jumped as she spun on her heel, turning to me while effortlessly still making my clothes despite not looking at what she was doing. “Do not take this as a pardon. What you did went against everything I’ve been taught and have been trying to teach Sweetie Belle, along with who we are as the elements of harmony. Ponies don’t kill, and friends don’t break promises. You did both of those things in the worst way possible! I’ve never seen Fluttershy so upset, nor do I ever wish to again. I’ve also never felt so…” her expression morphed into an unfitting grimace; azure eyes constricting as her magic fluctuated again. “Useless! You were dying, and despite giving you everything I could, it wasn’t enough. Fluttershy was crying, Twilight was asking questions, and I just couldn’t…do anything.” A few tears escaped from her eyes, taking some eyeshadow with it and showing just a glimpse of the dark circles underneath. At that moment, I noticed a few things off about Rarity’s appearance that I didn’t before, likely because of the air of confidence that I was so used to from her; her mane wasn’t as perfectly styled as usual, sticking out in some places and much more frazzled than I’d ever seen it. Her clothes had wrinkles, some of them weren’t even fitted on correctly.  Standing out most to me however, were her fingernails: unpolished and shorter than I remember them being, like she had been chewing on them.  “Rarity,” I whispered, trying to look at anywhere but her. “I’m so sorry. I…no,” I shook my head, getting to my feet as I tried to keep my breathing steady and ignore the aching that came with it. “Nothing I say can make it better, will it? No apology, no excuses, not even the truth would make it ok. What I did was unforgivable, and no justification will make it bother you any less. Maybe,” I turned to the door, tracing the chains of my necklace with my fingers. “I shouldn’t have come here; seeing me must have just made it worse for you. I’ll go, the clothes aren’t that important.”  “No!” Rarity shouted, stopping me right as I took my first step. She outstretched her hand, the magic losing its hold on the materials as they fell to the ground. Rarity retracted her hand just as quickly. “No, please. At least allow me to finish, or start anew, as I seemed to have made a mistake or two with this one. I hate to leave anything unfinished, especially clothing I said I would make.” She grabbed a box of tissues off, wiping her face with one and then pulling out a small makeup kit and reapplying her eyeshadow and powder with ease in a matter of moments. I might not know much about makeup, but even I was stunned for a second.  “Now, where was I?” she pondered out loud, picking the material back up and floating over some new ones. “It’s true, I have not been my best since we’ve come back; even so, a lady must put on a brave face. I will be better soon, all I need is time, as most great things do. For my friends, and for Sweetie Belle, I must. Regardless, forgiving you is another matter entirely.” “It’s…ok if you can’t forgive me, Rarity. I won’t hold it against you.” “I apologize for how crass this may sound, darling; Forgiveness is not about the one being forgiven, it is about the one forgiving. The foundation of friendship is built on trust, and you have broken that. I can not trust you again if I do not forgive you, nor can I move past what you did. If I forgive you, it is because I believe it is something worth forgiving, and because I believe it is something you can be forgiven for. All of which will be done in due time, and with consideration.”  I hung on her words, surprised at the amount of conviction they held; I had always thought of forgiveness as something that needs to be worked for, and that some things can not be forgiven. It had always felt like something for the person being forgiven, letting them know that the ones they’d wronged had felt they had made up for it. When Fluttershy forgave me for Asriel, there was an indescribable relief as that burden became lighter. There were few things I could compare to that feeling. I had never thought of forgiveness the way Rarity spoke of it, perhaps because I had never forgiven anyone. Not Flowey, Frisk, or even myself. Maybe she’s more wise than I ever gave her credit for.  “Done.” Rarity twirled around, hovering the set of clothes over into my arms. As expected, it was identical to the one I was wearing, not a stitch out of place.  “Thanks, Rarity. I appreciate it a lot, really.”  “No need to thank me, really. I…know this might not be the most opportune time, but may I ask a favor of you? I’m aware it mustn't be easy for you to move around considering you’ve just recently woken up, but I implore you to consider it.”  “Uhm,” I carefully slid my backpack on after putting the new clothes in it; the pain there was worse than anywhere else. “I don’t really think I can help, but sure? I don’t really have plans aside from visiting Twilight and going home, and I…” my voice trailed off as I imagined Fluttershy crying in the living room, or Twilight holding me in the air with her magic and prodding at me; prepared to strike me down at one wrong move. “Can’t say I’m looking forward to either of those.”  “Well, it’s just, ever since we got back Pinkie’s been,” she bit her lip, half closing her eyes as she reticently tapped her finger against her chin. “There’s no easy way to say it; she’s been worse than any of us have ever seen her. She hasn’t left Sugarcube Corner, hasn’t thrown a party, hasn’t even said a word to any of us. All she’s done is bake, and she barely acknowledges when others are around; nothing has worked, so…”  “So you think that seeing me might snap her out of it?” I finished. “I don’t know, Rarity. I’m almost certain that I’m the reason she’s like that, maybe…” Pinkie’s response to things in previous loops hadn’t been too different; she got uncharacteristically quiet when Twilight’s group didn’t come back in the first loop, even more so after what Limestone said to her. I could only imagine what seeing her friend kill diamond dogs must have done. “I’d just make it worse.”  “In all honesty, I don’t think she can get worse than this.” Rarity asserted. “Rainbow can’t get through to her, and Fluttershy…has been too distracted and distraught to try. Please, all I ask is that you try; it would mean a lot to me.”  “I…alright,” I gave in, spotting a white hand on the kitchen door as I began walking to the exit. “I know it’s not my place to give you advice, but maybe you should talk to Sweetie. She’s smarter than you think, and can tell something’s wrong.”  “...Yes,” Rarity glanced at Sweetie’s hand, which tensed up and retreated back around the doorway. “I should. I just don’t know quite what to say yet. Goodbye, Chara. I hope when I see you next, I’ll have made up my mind.”  I left Carousel Boutique, feeling no better, but no worse either. I could only hope the others would be so tolerant.