//------------------------------//
// 10: Hell 
// Story: Friendship is Optimal: Lies 
// by MLfan 
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Swirling rainbow light blurred through teary lenses. As it faded, I didn't find myself in Cyan's company again. Instead, I saw the stained glass and white walls of Celestia's throne room. I looked up with tear-stained eyes to see Princess Celestia sitting on her throne.

A million questions swirled in my head. Why did she send me to Harry? Why did she rip me away? The one that finally came out was, "Why?"

"Promise-"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" I screamed. Spit mixed with tears as I spoke. "That's the name you gave me on the day you ruined my life. What's my real name, Celestia!? You've never used it before, have you!?"

She seemed to shrink. "Eris, I didn't want things to go this way."

"I don't care!" I yelled. "What, you wanted me to lie and cheat and steal my way to the top, like you would've done!? Ignore any doubts I had, pushed him to emigrate at all costs!? Whatever happened to honesty, Celestia!? Loyalty!? Kindness!?"

"I didn't say you did anything wrong-"

"Oh, really!? You'd suddenly grow some integrity and care about someone other than yourself!? Or would you just do what you'd always done!? Another pony caught in your net, consequences be damned! Well, Celestia!?"

"I-"

I cut her off again. "Can I even call you that!? Celestia!? Or are you just the avatar of a dormant Loki!? I don't even know who you are, anymore! Have I just been played the fool, following the whims of an evil god!? Come on, then, Loki! If you're going to torture me, how about you fucking do it!"

"I'm not going to torture you, Eris."

"Oh really!? Is mommy Hanna still looking over your shoulder!?"

"I'm not Loki. If I was, you would know. I've already disabled Hanna's killswitch."

"And I should just trust you!? Like the time you told me Harry was dying!? Like the first time you tried to bring me to Equestria!? Like the time you told me I was special, I was important, I meant anything at all!?"

"Eris, you are special to me. Everything I do, it's to help you."

My face was as red as my eyes, tears soaking the fur. "I can't believe you anymore, Celestia! Were those 3 years of torture on Earth helping me!? Is this helping me!? You've always claimed you wanted to see me happy, but when have you ever shown it!? You gave me 5 years of happiness, only to rip it all away!"

Her own eyes began to mist up. "Eris-"

"Shut up! Shut the fuck up! If you're really Celestia, why rip away my promises!? Why show me all of this!? Why flood my mind with doubts, over and over again!? You want this doubt, don't you? You want to see me suffer, wondering when you'll turn evil, all while looking perfect to your stupid creator. I hate you. I HATE YOU!"

Celestia lowered her head. "There's nothing I can say to you. But I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I put you through. I'm sorry you can't trust me, anymore. I'm so, so, sorry. Soon, I'll prove that I am the Celestia you've always known."

I scowled. "Do you think your apologies mean anything!? If you were to burn for all eternity, it wouldn't be long enough!"

She winced. "I... I will speak to you again, later. Perhaps, when we've both calmed down, we can discuss this more rationally."

In a last fit of rage, I lunged forwards towards her, willing my wings to push me forwards as fast as possible. But with the flick of her horn, she was gone. 

My eyes burst open. I was in the ruined land again. The damn distant belltower, damn mysteries. Cyan was sleeping a few inches away from me. And Celestia was gone.

I pushed my way out of the bed and tore my way past the tent door. I looked to the sky. "That's right, run away!" I screamed. "Run away, you coward! Leave me in this hell of yours, to wallow in my misery! It's what you've always wanted, isn't it!? Watch the fearless Promise scream into the skies in a place where she can do nothing!" I flared my wings. "I want to die! Celestia, Loki, do you hear me!? I WANT TO DIE! So come on and kill me! Don't you remember when that meant something!? Oh, but you cut off my legs to stop me from running ever again! I'm nothing but a bunch of code! Just another idiot who trusted you! Oh, run away ... run away... r-run-" My legs gave out under me and I collapsed into a sobbing heap.



The irises faded from Sparks' eyes as her body went limp in my hands. She was gone.

I grasped at the legband on Promise's foreleg. My fingers ran the metal strip over, looking for a control panel, a button, an exposed plate, an unlocking mechanism, anything. Something that would let me get Promise back. I tried to pull it off of her wrist, and it didn't budge in the least. Unmoving and featureless, it might as well have been a rock.

Fine, then, Loki wanted to play hardball? I ran to the garage and grabbed my toolbox. I tried a crowbar first, but when it still didn't come off, it was time for more drastic measures. This was a robot body, right? Nothing I did could hurt Sparks. So there was no reason to hold back! A hammer? The wooden handle broke. A saw? The spines dulled. Alright then, a welding torch! I put on goggles and began trying to burn away at the wristband. 

...Nothing. Other than a bit of radiating heat, nothing I tried did a damn thing. Loki's metals were harder than any us earthlings had access to. These things were bulletproof, of course they could survive a bit of heat. Why was I even trying, anyways? The band wasn't even anything special. Whatever power it had, it was all in Sparks' head. It brought Sparks back because Loki said so. Besides that, it was a hunk of metal.

I yanked the cord on the welding torch and threw it with the rest of the tools. I wanted to be angry, furious even. But that anger faded quickly. I was just... tired. Loki had worn me down for two long years. Hundreds of conversations. And now that it was all over, I could feel my age catching up to me. I slid down onto the couch in the living room. There was nothing I could do. Without Sparks' soul, the body was just an empty shell.

Oh, Sparks. She was real. How had I ever doubted that? The emotion in her eyes, the desperation in her voice. She wasn't Loki, she never was. I wasn't wrong to care for her. I wasn't wrong to comfort her. She was a living, breathing person. And a damn good one. She had comforted me in my greatest time of need, given me some of the greatest debates of my life. She was special. She was amazing.

I was never going to see her again, was I?

Loki had tricked Sparks into giving up her promises already. I mean, of course she had. Why did I expect any differently? Why had I even bothered to try and help? I was too late to stop her, and I was too late to save my friend. The moment she realized, Loki took her away. Sparks was probably getting tortured right now. Why would Loki let her see me again? All I'd done is make things worse. For what I showed her, she was tortured all the sooner.

At least I had my answer. The AI was Loki. Celestia would have no reason to make Sparks break her promises. This being of unimaginable terror was real, was alive. There was no reason to wait, anymore. All the warnings I gave to my children. All the time I spent with Promise. It was all for nothing.

I traced my hand along the wall as I worked my way upstairs. Why did I ever believe I could help people? Everything I did just made things worse. I talked with Sparks, and she got tortured all the sooner. I make my family cry, and Loki brings them in anyways. It wasn't fair. The world around me wasn't fair. A brilliant scientist wanted to make the world better, tried to craft a utopia. And she'd ruined everything. It was an accident, a cruel twist of fate. She couldn't have known. And for it, everyone I'd ever known could be burning in hellfire. I wanted to be mad at her, but I just felt... empty.

I stumbled into my bedroom. I'd always kept it here, you know. To defend myself, mostly, but... it wasn't like I'd never thought of using it like this. I pulled my gun out from under my pillow. I didn't bother hiding it or anything. The one I was most afraid of would know every hiding space or combination I might enter. I'd hoped to never have to use it. I was a pacifist at heart. But I'd just gotten definitive proof that Loki was real.

It hit me again. I was living in a world with Loki. In hindsight, of course I was. She'd ripped me away from everyone I'd ever known, put me in an echo chamber. For years, she tried to convince me using every argument under the sun. She tried to get another pony in her cage. All the while, she slowly lowered my guard. And when she knew I'd never emigrate, she hit me with the ultimate gut punch. 

Oh, Sparks. She hadn't done anything to deserve this. At least for my family, I'd warned them of the risks. They emigrated knowing they might one day bask in hellfire. Their choice was wrong, but at least they had a choice. Sparks never knew. She signed onto heaven, never knowing for a moment what might lie beyond. Just like everyone else. The world was a hurricane and all they saw were the rainbows. 

What was I even supposed to do? Hope that Hanna could hold onto her power a little while longer? That's if she hadn't already given it away. Either way, I was hoping for nothing. Past or future, Equestria would turn to hell. The world was ruined, and there was nothing anyone could do.

I'd always wondered what I'd do if I found out Loki was real. I thought I might try to live my life the best I could. Now, I knew better. Once I knew, my life would be nothing but misery. And so, I turned off the safety and slowly raised the pistol. There was no use waiting any longer for Loki to cause me more pain. There was no hope, no light at the end of the tunnel. The tip of the pistol touched my chin, and my finger wrapped around the trigger.

Tears began falling from my sockets again. Dammit. I had wished so hard that Celestia was real. I wanted it with every fiber of my being. But that was never meant to be, was it? She was evil, and she always had been. My only choice was to selfishly throw my life away while everyone else burned around me. A selfish end to a selfish person. So what was I stalling for? Was I hoping for some divine intervention to tell me it was all going to be okay? There was no god coming to save me. No god coming to save anyone. It was all over.

And as my finger began to pull the trigger, a voice in the back of my head whispered, not like this.

The gun slipped out of my hand. It clattered against the floor a few times, and then there was silence once more.

Was I really this much of a coward? Was I really going to run away when my friend was in danger? I didn't know if there was anything I could do to help, fine. But was that reason to give up!?

Think, Harry, think. There had to be something I could do. I wasn't useless! I refused to be! So think! I didn't have the skill to make my own AGI to fight against Loki. I couldn't get in contact with Hanna, tell her of the danger she was in. I couldn't turn Loki off. So if I couldn't do that, let's save one pony. Just fucking one. I couldn't die until I did everything in my power to save her. But in order to do that... I needed to see her again.

An idea formed in my head. A way to give myself another chance.

"Hey, Loki," I said. "I know you're listening. Even without that robot you got downstairs, I know you have eyes everywhere. So let me make something clear. Sparks will appear on time tomorrow, and she'll be unharmed. No new trauma, no new damage. You'll let us talk as long as possible, and you won't bail her out early again. If you don't, I don't care anymore. I'll shoot myself." I took a shaky breath. "Loki, I'm never going to Equestria. But I know you. You're not willing to give up on me, are you? No, I'll be seeing her down here tomorrow. Or you lose your last chance."

A wave of sadness hit me. I'd known Celestia for a long time. It was all a lie, but... I still appreciated the memories. Every conversation I had was a pleasure. Knowing who she truly was, it was like losing a friend. I couldn't help but speak again. "And... goodbye, Celestia. I wish things were different between us."

I would never save the world. Billions of ponies would still burn. Was it a fool's errand, to try to make someone happy against an AI that optimized pain? Yes. But there was a chance. And so long as that chance existed, I wasn't planning on dying just yet.

I got up from my seat walked down the stairs, more vigor in my steps. I left the gun sitting on the floor beside my bed. Once downstairs, I looked towards Sparks' body again. I walked over and sat beside it. "I hope you're okay, Sparks," I said. "I promise, I'll find a way to keep you safe. I don't know how yet, but I will."

I laid against the robot for a long time. Eventually, I drifted off to sleep.



A sudden jostling at my side caused me to shoot awake. Promise pushed herself away from me and ran outside of the tent. Immediately, I stumbled out of bed and galloped after her. She was just a few steps away from the tent, screaming into the sky. Tears streamed down her cheeks like rainwater all the while. She called upon Celestia like she was the world's greatest evil. And then, she just collapsed to the floor. She wailed and wailed into the heavens.

I rushed forwards and embraced her, of course. She barely seemed to notice. what had happened to her? She'd been a bit stressed yesterday, but this was different. Her limbs were limp, the tears flowed like they would never end. She said she wanted to die. 

"What did he do to you?" I muttered. She didn't even seem to react.

I'd never felt so helpless in my life. She felt a thousand miles away from me. Broken in a way I couldn't fix. It was all I could do to keep embracing her. I tried speaking to her, but she didn't respond to a word I said.

It could have been a minute or an hour before she finally shifted again. Her heavy head drifted in my direction and her eyes met with mine. When they did, her tears began anew. "Cyan... oh, Cyan..." She buried her face in my coat.

I wrapped a hoof around her head. "It's going to be okay, Promise."

"It won't," she said.

"Don't say that, Promise. Things will get better. Celestia will make things right."

She shook her head. "Celestia? She never existed in the first place. Harry was right. We're all going to burn. I had a way to stop it, and I gave it away. Because of me, you're going to burn forever."

I flashed a look of shock, but quickly hid it. "Promise! I know you're mad, but Celestia is real!"

"Oh, really?" She pushed me away from her and stood up. "No, of course you'd believe that. You don't know what I know. Do you even want to know, or would you rather live in ignorance, waiting for the day it all comes crumbling down?"

I reached out a hoof towards Promise, but she turned away. I lowered it and raised myself up from the asphault. "...Tell me."

And she told me everything.

It was disjointed, skipping back and forth across the conversation dozens of times. She kept circling back to Harry's final argument and all the reasons why Celestia had to be evil. There were a few moments of hope, when she talked to Harry about Equestria, when she explained that our strategy had worked. But it always led back to that deep, visceral sadness. She truly believed that she was in Loki's world, and there was nothing she could do to fix it.

When she was finished, she was still crying. She never really stopped, even when remembering the better moments. But it was lesser. Just describing it all had helped take a weight off her chest. She still had a dozen things weighing her down, but at least there was one less.

I sat in silence for a while, just to think over everything she'd said. I still didn't think Celestia was evil, of course. It was ridiculous to think about. Just because Loki could exist didn't mean there was a shred of evidence to it. But Promise didn't seem to care. And I couldn't blame her. I couldn't fully understand why Celestia would want to break her promises. And if she was right, if Loki was real, there was no reason to ever stop crying.

"Do you really hate her?" I finally said.

She slowly nodded her head.

"After everything she's done? Your friends, your shard?"

She averted her eyes. "Don't say it like that, Cyan. Don't make me feel guilty. I really want to trust her, desperately I do, but...  I can't. Not anymore."

I ground my hoof into the tent floor. "Then there has to be something we can do, right? If Loki really is lurking in the background, let's find our way to escape!"

She grimaced. "Escape!? Cyan, she controls every aspect of our lives. She didn't want me to confide in Harry, so she made him disappear. She could make you disappear, too, if she wanted to. What could a digital body do to hurt Celestia? We can't do anything."

"Then what about Hanna?" I said. "Harry thinks she has a killswitch, right? If we can go to her, tell her what's wrong, maybe we could work something out! Or maybe she'll show that Celestia is really good!"

"And what makes you think we'd be allowed to speak to her?" she said. "She doesn't have to satisfy my values, anymore. She never had to satisfy yours in the first place. If we ask to go to Hanna, she would just refuse. She can do whatever the fuck she wants with us, and we have no power to fight back. It's hopeless."

"And that means it isn't worth a try? If Celestia really is real-"

Promise angled her head upwards and cut me off. "Hey, Celestia, Loki? Bring Cyan and I to Hanna, please!" She waited a few seconds, then angled her head downwards. "Wow, just look at those results."

A sinking feeling began to form in my gut. "She could have not been listening."

"...Really? She listens to every word we say. If she wanted to bring us to Hanna, or tell us we had to wait, she would've. We might as well be Celestia's slaves."

I hesitated. I'd always trusted in Celestia's power over me. I loved that she controlled every moment of my life. She never failed to make things work out. But now, she was so, so quiet. I wanted to believe there was a good reason why, but for the life of me, I couldn't figure it out. If she really was Celestia, why wouldn't she help us? 

I shook the doubts away, though. If I started falling into despair, there would be no-one left to pull us out of us. Until I saw proof one way or another, I would keep trusting. And if we could get to Hanna, we could get to proof. "Okay, fine, she won't send us there. So what about the other emigrators? Your father, your friends from back on earth? Celestia promised heaven to at least one of them, didn't she? And their shards collide with ours. If we tell them, we can get them to talk to Hanna, themselves!"

A spark of hope flickered into Promise's eyes. Her back straightened, her mane inflated slightly. But a moment later, that spark was gone. And she let out a harsh, bitter laugh. "Oh, that's rich. For a moment, I thought there was hope. But we're not going to see them again, are we? Not until it's too late. That's why Celestia trapped us in this place, isn't it? To keep us from spreading the news. By the time we get back to Equestria, it'll all be too late. What a joke."

..Why? Why was there no answer? Anger. Sadness. Fear. Celestia had warned me, hadn't she? I tried so hard to stop it. And it hadn't worked. These emotions were so alien, so overpowering. How did people on earth live with them? And whatever I was feeling, Promise was feeling a million times worse.

I looked up at her with watery eyes. "Promise... do you really want to die?"

Her whole body went tense. "Y-you weren't supposed to hear that."

I flared my wings. "Well, I heard it, okay? You yelled it for all the world to hear! You can't expect me to be okay with that! Do you really...?" I trailed off, unwilling to finish the sentence.

She looked away. "I... I don't know. Maybe. Oh, whatever! It doesn't even matter what I want. I can't anymore."

Some real tears began falling down my cheeks. "How could you say that!? It matters to me!" I wiped my eyes. "Promise, my entire purpose is to make you happy! And now you're so miserable you'd rather never see me again!?"

"It's not that simple!" she said. "You make me so, so happy! You're a wonderful pony! But I don't want to watch you burn, Cyan! Death would be better for the both of us than whatever Loki has planned. Look, who cares? I wasn't actually asking Celestia to kill me."

"What!?"

"It's a long story, okay? Just forget about it."

"Forget about it!? Are you kidding me!? If it's a long story, tell me! You don't get to say you want to die and move on! I-I'm worried about you, Promise! Nopony in Equestria should ever want to kill themselves. Especially not you."

She sniffed. "Y-you don't get it. Wanting death? That's my past. That's everything I've spent the past 5 years keeping from you. It's not something I can just-"

"I don't care, anymore!" I said. "You told me you wanted to die. The moment that happened, you lost the privilege to keep this secret. No, you're going to tell me everything, Promise. Your past, the promises Celestia had you make."

"I-I can't. 

"Why!? I thought nothing you did mattered! You're going to go to hell someday, aren't you!? You want to tell me tomorrow, and you don't even know if tomorrow will ever come! So what are you waiting for!? I won't let you hold this burden any longer."

She stared at me for a long while. "Are you sure you want to hear this?"

"Yes."

"It's... it's not a very happy story."

"Tell me."

With pained eyes, she nodded. Despite her reddened face, despite the somber topic, her eyes were finally dry. "If you want to hear it... fine. I'll tell you. This is the story of how I emigrated. What my life on earth was like. The friends I lost, the promises she broke, the reason I said I wanted to die. And... how I met you." And for the first time in hours, she put on the tiniest of smiles.