"A lawyer?" said Twilight.
"A lawyer" said me.
"A lawyer..."
"A lawyer."
"A lawyer!"
"YES A LAWYER" said me while the Twilight and the me walked through the Ponyville. "Lawyer does not sound like a word now. But anywaey we need Legal Repesentation who can give us good defense in court if we get caught, and will hav Convincing Arguments for the judge. Like a big bag of money."
"But jakkid dont you have a law degree?" said Twilght. "Rember when you defended youself in Detective jakkid166 Go Equestria Now?"
"I do," said me "But my lawyer rates are high and we canot afford me. So we need to find another person who is cheap but good. And if my memory is remembing me correctly, I think I know just the place..."
we Stepped Right Up to the local castle (not twilights but the kind that lawyers have.) and lowered the drawbrige and went inside. At the fronted room we saw a multiple people who were waiting for appoitment, and they look a lot like the needed lawyers because they kept saying "Wow I Really Need a Lawyer" out loud.
We methed up to the receptionist and I say to her "Okay pony person we need to see the guy."
she look up at us from her game of The Sims on her computer which I noticed with mine detective skills that she was usin Cheat Engine to get infinite sim money. "Do you have a appointment?"
"Hm...." I said no. "Yes"
"Name and date of birthday?"
"Detective jakkid166." said me. "And February 29th"
"What year?"
"Some years."
"hmmmm" said the receptionist "I do not see your name on the list"
"Can I triple check?" said me "Maybe you are actualy blind and never noticed that you are blind."
"Oh good point." and she hand me the list and i ran outside to grab a pen from my detective car and scribbled out some random people called "Detective jakkid166 and Twilight Sparkle" and wrote my and Twilights names on it and ran back inside and gave her the list. "See they are there!"
"Hmm" said the Pony. "I am suspicos but I also dont know how to read so I will believe you. Go ahead next" and she pulld the lever to make us fall into the Lawyer Lair.
I got up off mine feet and we saw we was in a room that was made of Law. There is was laws written all over tha walls and the back wall had a picture of Equestrias constitution and there was a DVD copy of th show "Suits" on the lawyer desk. The lawyer chair turned around and reveal who await us...
"It has been a long time Detective jakkid166," said the man.
"Yes it has, Phoenix." said me.
"WAIT" said Twillight Sparker. "Pheonix Wright?? What ar you doing here, lawing in Equestria?"
"Well." said Phoenix "After my last case here I am have decided I can make MORE profits by being a lawyer here AND earth. Two worlds of law means double money! And then I can finaly afford to buy a HD-DVD player." and he look at me. "You wold know this if detective jakkid166 ever bother to finish Phoenix Wright Ace Equestria."
"It is not my fault my stories have more coolerism and adventurfication than yours" I said smuggingly. "Like my curent adventure, which is making meth."
"Meth??" said Phoenix. "What the hot dick shit jakkid? What are you thinking? That is bad and- wait one second" and he reached into him pockets and took an Adderall.
"Come on Phoen ix," said me, and I becan to use my famed Detective Logic. "You see, adderall is a chemical, and it is also a medicine. Methamphertamen is also a chemical, so it must also be a medicine."
"hmmm" said Phoenix "That make sense....."
"And also" said me "unlike real medicine makers we do not charge $10000 per dose for people in desprate need of their medecation!"
"HMMM thats true....." said phoenix. "but I only defend people who are Innocent."
"And that is my last point," said me. "breaking the law doesnt count if you do it for a Noble Purpose."
"What is you noble purpose?"
"Money"
"Damn good point!" said phoex. "So all your smartness did NOT go away with your hair. Ok jakkid, you need my serveces? I will help you and maybe also do illlegal stuff that cold get me disbarred and put in prison jail. Becaus that is my motto: Better Fight Wright! The motto make sense cause somtimes I beat the prosecutors in court with Advanced Tactics, like punching them in the face."
"That is exactly the lawyring skill we need!" said Twi. "And if you can murder people too that will also help"
"We will see," said Phoenix."but what do you need right now?"
"We need to know how to get tha DEA off our trail!" said me. "or whatever the Equestria DEA is called. Selling the meths door to door will not raise monay fast enough to provide for my friends before i die of the Terminal Cold or get caught and put in Meth Jail." i said and i coughed a bunch and another tumor shot outa my mouth and landed in the trash. "We need a biger distributor, someone to sell our meth to lotsa people and with special deals like for Black Friday and stuff. Like Best Buy but it is Meth Buy."
"Hmmmmm," said phoenix as he type this into google. "Hmmmm. HMMMMMM. hmmmmmmmmyes yes hmm yes I see. I think I know who for you to talk to."
"Who?"
~ THE DAY BEFORE TOMORROW ~
"This is stupidity," said me. "Why would phoeix have us go to a Fast Food restaurant? it wasnt even a drug one like MethDonalds or Burger Kingpin or Weednerschnitzel."
"Yeah this place is just called Las Metanfetamina Hermanas. What do that have to do with drugs?"
"I dont know but i broghut a secret weapon to protect us if any Funny Business happen," I said and I pull out a bag of meth.
"how will that protect us" said Twilight?
"Youll see. Anyway this burger looks good." said me and I took a bite of it but then I remember this is pony world and they dont eat meat and so the burger was made of tofu and dirt. I entered Sadness Mode.
suddenly a Someone walked up to our table. "I trust my food is to your liking? I exercise with weekly biking"
I looked up at the who it was. "Zecora! You are the owner of here?"
"Yes that is true I make burgers," said Zecora. "And fries and coke and frankfurters."
"That is great!" I said "Your food taste like crap but you found a market to appeal to: people wit no taste buds." and I took another bite of the burger. "But I also cant stop eating it for some reason."
"Yes that is because of the meth," say Zecora. "Here have a mint for your breath"
"Whaaaaat"?! said Me and Twilight. "Woah you put meth in your food,... that must meeeeean.... YOU are the one for us to meet?"
"Yes that is correct-a-roo." said zecora. "but I will not hire you two"
"WHAT?" said me I shouted in the middle of the restarant. "Why will you not let us cook meth for you?! Is it because I say your food sucks"
"No I know it sucks," said Zecora "But you will not make me Big Bucks."
"Yes we WILL!" said Twilight "We make the best meth ever made in the history of my basement! It is so PURE that its actually good for you"
"Thats right" said me. "we make only 100% natural grass fed meth."
"I think ass-fed is more right," said her. "It may be pure but is it tight?"
"Tightest meth evr tightened!"
"Hmmmm," said zecora. "Bmmmm."
"Wasted skill I do detest. But to work here you must pass test."
"What test?" I say.
"Come with me to the back room. I like race cars they go vroom"
so we went into tha room but we also know we would be Vulnterable if we follow her in, so we had to think fast to maneuver ourself! so i DASHED to the kitchen and grabbed a toaster and and then SMASHED the window with it and then I went out the back door and climbed into the window of the restaurant and then followed Zecora to the back room.
We got sat down in front of a desk that was made of desk wood. "Heh she doesent suspect a thing Twilight" I said and I thumbs upped at her and she tried to do back but she couldnt because she was born without thumbs unlike most ponies.
"Cranky can you shut the door? Doom is rated M for Gore." said Zecora.
I turn around and saw Cranky Doodle Donkey who didnt say anything but shut the door and standed there are crankily and doodily and donkily.
Zercora reach into her briefcase and pulledout a pony and sit him in the chair. "This is Mario Soprano, one of my worker. You pass the test if your meth make him berserker."
"Mario Soprano?" I look at him. "You are italian?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Wait," say Twilght. "Are you Mario from the Mario games?"
"No" said him. "i am the other person in the world named mario."
"Hes not lying" said me. "I met mario. He is not a pony. He might be a meth dealer too though who knows."
"No time for wasting, time for meth tasting." said Zecora.
"Fine" I say and I take out my meth bag and throw it on the table. "I know you is high profile people so I use the double zipper ziploc bags."
"Hehehehe," said Mario. "HAHAHAHA!"
"You see?" said me. "our meth so good, when he took it in the future, it make him get high in the past!"
"Wrong jakkid," said Mario. "You have been lure into a trap, and the trap is shut on you. Right Boss?" he said and he look at her with victory and smugg.
"Huh what? Trap shut?" she say. "Oh right, we're doing that. Yes, both your pants must be shat!"
"What is the meaning of your idioting?" I de-manded.
"You have learn my secret life!" said Zecora. "Now you must die from a knife!" and Cranky pull out a knife and walk up to us.
"Woah wait we wont tell anyone!" said Twilight. "Your Meth will stay a sercet forever no one ever know about, like Watergate!"
"Sorry jakkid and Twilight," said Cranky. "We gotta do this."
"Hahaha you are idiots," said Mario. "Not only you went in here where no one can hear you screeam like in outer space, but you also bring us free meth!"
Just then a lightbulb go off in my head. I stand up.
"You got one part of that wrong."
"What" said everyone. "Nut" said Zecora.
I reach down to the meth bag and pullout a piece. "This... is not meth."
"?" said Mario.
and i THREW the meth piece across the room! it SOAR all the way to Mario's face and HIT HIM on the NOSE and it
bounced off and landed on the desk.
"uh" said Mario. "Why did you do that"
"That" said me "was. suposed to do something."
"I think he really wants you to try it" said Cranky. "Mighight as well. Its only fair since we're gonna kill them."
"Yeah fine I guess." I watch as Mario grab the piece... he pop it into his mouth, and crunch.
BFOOOOM
"AAAAAGH" screams were heard and everones ears rung like hellheck and i cough until the dust and smoke start to clear.
Everything clear up to reveal the room in mess, and Mario Soprano at th desk, sittin there in shock with him face all black with soot and explosion.
"What the fuck was that?" said Cranky. "What did-" But he was Cutted Off by zecora.
"Your meth so good his face blew up!" said her in shockprise. "To not hire you would be screw up!"
"if anyone need me I am going to be at the hospital." said Mario and he leaved out of the room.
"Huh." said I. "That works I guess"
"Hey jakkid I think one of his teeths got stuck in your forhead," said Twi.
"Oh thanks." and I pulled it out and putted it in me pocket.
she wispered to me "what was that stuff if its not meth?"
i whisper back "tylenol"
but suddenley I hear shouting and screeming outside. "Wait is that cause of the expolsion? I thougt you say this room is soundproof."
"It is." said Cranky "I think we mightev soundproofed it backwards on acident though."