{I was in love, once.}
{Once?}
{Well...once properly. There were other ponies I’d said I loved, and believed loved me, but only one I ever thought would last.}
{Who was she?}
{Her name was Octavia Melody.}
{Oh.}
{Do you know her?}
{No, I mean...she sounds familiar. Some kind of musician?}
{The best. She played the cello. I’ve never been one for classic music, myself, but when she played, I could see what other ponies saw in it.}
An ordinary day. Crystal castle, lots to do. Lounging about in love, instead.
{...What happened?}
Ask like you don’t want to know. Like you’re not looking for advice, the way to end this.
{She died.}
Oh.
{Oh. I’m sorry.}
Say it with a little more enthusiasm, Cadance! Say it like you care! You do care. You just don’t have room to think, right now.
Vinyl kicks you on the couch, makes a show of saying that she didn’t do it. You pretend like you believe her, kick her back with equal innocence. Two mares reading on the couch. Nothing else to go on.
{I’m really sorry.}
{It sucked pretty bad for a bit, yeah. We were broken up at that point, too, which made it worse. We were always off and on like that.}
{Sounds unstable.}
And do not say what you really think about relationships like that, that they’re a sign of something wrong, that fate has other plans. You want her to forget fate’s other plans. You want fate to forget fate’s other plans.
{You’d be surprised. I think toward the end there we were only going through the motions. Breaking up because we’d always broken up, not because we wanted to. I left my toothbrush, anyway.}
How terrible, how awful, how absolutely horrifying. How many ponies have you counselled like this, heartbroken and realising the void stays hollow? Playing on the couch, teasing tricksy with your mare. How utterly unfair.
{How did it happen?}
{Quickly. Just an accident, nopony’s fault. Well, that’s what they tried to tell me. Walking down the street, construction work, and... You know, I really thought it’d be more elegant. Like, stretched out on a bed of roses, coin on each eye. They didn’t let us see her open. But I felt her weight inside the casket all the same.}
{But you...I mean, I’m sorry. I don’t think I can pretend to know what that’s like.}
{Dunno why you’d want to.}
{To say...to help. To make it easier, to help your wound, to do what I’m supposed to do and tell you how to love! It's kind of my job.}
{I’m sorry.}
{No offence, Princess, but I’m pretty sure I know how to do that myself. A lot of ponies tried to help me. Most of them had known her, as well. You know what helped me, in the end?}
{No.}
{Nothing at all. It still hurts. It hurts so much I want to cry, every day, and always. Nothing helps. And if it gets easier, if you forget, then that’s the worst thing of all.}
{You can’t be sad all the time. That crazy talk. I...I won’t allow it.}
{You want to help me?}
{Of course I do!}
{Really and truly?}
{With all my heart.}
{Go to tartarus.}
{...Why?}
{I don’t want your help. Thank you, but no thanks.}
{But why would I go to Tartarus...?}
{I don’t mean literally. I mean—go to hell. Go away. Get lost.}
{You really shouldn’t use real places when you’re being metaphorical.}
{Well I’ve really never been to Tartarus, have I? Just another curse, to us mere mortal ponies.}
{I’ve been to Tartarus.}
{Good for you.}
{It’s not a very nice place.}
{I don’t imagine it is.}
{Nothing down there, anyway, since Twilight cleared the dungeons.}
{Okay.}
{Be pretty lonely, actually.}
{Oh, piss off.}
{Why do you want to be sad all the time? Surely Octavia wouldn’t have wanted that.}
{I thought you said you couldn’t pretend to know what it was like.}
{I can’t. I only know that moving on isn’t disrespectful.}
{I don’t want to.}
{Why not?}
{I don’t think she would want me to.}
{Why not?}
{We broke up, didn’t we?}
{I know if I died, I wouldn’t want my husband to be sad.}
{Yeah, well, I didn’t fall in love with you, did I!}
You look at each other, across the couch.
{Hahahahaha!}
{Ahahahaha!}
{This is ridiculous.}
{So stupid.}
{I’m sorry you’re so sad.}
{I’m glad you’re so happy.}
{I don’t think I want to fall in love with you.}
{I don’t think I want that, either.}
{Because it’s disrespectful?}
{Because you’re surprisingly annoying.}
{I’m bowing, again. Imagine me bowing.}
{I didn’t think Princesses were allowed to be annoying.}
{Nopony does. That’s how we get away with it!}
And on the couch, the two of you sleep soundly.