//------------------------------// // Entry 25 - Back On Top // Story: A Very Happy and Sunny Life // by Wearin Hat //------------------------------// I have discovered who two of the seven annoyances were! By annoyances I mean those seven knocks I received while intoxicated. You know; the ponies who were trying to get my attention and I didn’t answer the door? No? The loud knocking noises that happened seven times yesterday, the ones that were at my front door? Still no? Booky, I am disappoint. At seven different points yesterday a pony came to my front door and attempted to gain my attention via knocking. That happened seven times. I have discovered who two of them are. That leaves five still as a mystery. Understand now? Good! However, this was pitiful, Booky. Don’t be this stupid again. Anytrue, I discovered who those two were by doing absolutely no detective work at all. How did I do so, you would ask if you had a mouth? Well, my bookish friend, I figured it out when I was ambushed during my route. I can see you have an idea of where this is going. However, you’re wrong this time! It wasn’t the Derptard or the Pinktard this time! It was, in fact, the lesbian who ambushed me…again. And ponies wonder why I hate going outside during the day. She told me that she had only learned about what had happened (Apparently, I underwent some form of an emotionally traumatic separation or something, not that I’d know anything about that.) at a lunch meeting with her friends and that she had immediately felt awful about dragging me away and forcing me to miss an opportunity to say goodbye. According to her, she tried to reach me at two different points in the day and gave up both times. As worried as she said she was, the lesbian told me that when she caught the whiff of hard cider from my house, she immediately understood that there would be a better time to confront me. To be honest, I was really touched when she said that. Despite her many obvious and glaring flaws, this mare (A species of things born from the seed of evil.) had the wherewithal to know to leave me alone. What’s better, she didn’t feel the need to be like Pinkie and tell me she was going to leave me alone. She just did it. Which is…so very special… I’m starting to tear up here…can you give me a minute? Thank you. I awkwardly offered her the opportunity to join me on my route (In thanks for her act of leaving me alone.) and she told me that she had to sleep as she had been busy with her adoring fans or some crap like that. What I did notice was that she seemed to understand the sincerity of my offer and she responded with a genuine smile. Here’s the ball breaker, she asked me if she’d see me around town tomorrow and (Wait for it.) I told her (Wait for it.) that she probably would. What the fuck? Why did I say that? Though she obviously isn’t part of the conspiracy (The lesbian's far too stupid from what I can gather.) I had to stop working for a few minutes to actually comprehend what I had said to her. I mean, something must be seriously wrong with me. As you know, I have absolutely NO intention on venturing out of my house in the coming days and yet I gave my word (To a MARE no less!) that she had a chance to see me in town. While I’m definitely one to screw around and lie to ponies, I never sink that low. I’m better than that. I can torment and manipulate ponies without such simple lies. Booky, you’re a book. That means you’re smart, right? Right? Cause I really need an opinion on that. I mean, I definitely will NOT be showing up in town, but what caused me to lie like that? I wasn’t even trying to fit it in to a plan or anything. It was just a spontaneous utterance. However, that’s no excuse. I don’t do spontaneous utterances. When I speak, it is with purpose and meaning. I do NOT misspeak. However, what does that mean for what I said to the lesbian? Did I truly mean to instill in her a thought that I’d appear despite knowing that I wouldn’t show up? Or, disturbingly, do I secretly want to show up? Guh…I’m not gonna think about that anymore….it’s starting to make my head hurt. I must admit that being out in the cool air of the night was quite nice after spending an entire day in a drunken stupor. Plus, it felt wonderful to just spend some quality time with Carty. I feel like I don’t give him the credit he deserves. Yeah, I talk to you a lot when I’m inside, but I’d be lost without Carty. As mysterious and prank-prone that he is, that guy has some serious wisdom in his spokes. It’d be nice if I didn’t have to question the validity of his every word. Did I ever tell you about the time that I was working and Carty intentionally broke to impress some wagon sitting on the side of the road? No? Ha, it’s a quality story. If it wasn’t for the fact that I’m feeling pretty tired right now then I’d relate the whole thing to you. However, there is still one other thing I’d like to get to before fatigue takes me. What is it I’d like to get to before I get sleepy, you’d ask if you had a mouth? Well, let me list it out for you: a pile of seventeen eye patches, a pair of flight goggles, a dark blue crown, a metal ring, a fedora, and a compass. Boy that sure looks like a random list of things. What could that possibly mean? Wait, do you hear that? Weird, it almost sounds like- there it is again! Did you hear it that time? Why don’t you ever listen when it’s imperative that you do so? This could easily be a life or death situation and you aren’t even paying attention. That! Do you hear it? Come on Booky! You can’t tell me you can’t hear that! It sounds almost like somepony is dropping stuff on my roof. Who the tartarus would drop stuff on my roof? How’d they get up there? Wait…crap…it’s….Derpy...it has to be. Who else is stupid enough to do something that stupid? Well, whatever it is she’s doing, I’ll ignore it for now. If it’s fatal and bad for my health then I’ll find out when I wake up covered in flames like last time. If not…then…well…I guess I’ll have to go see what the tartarus is being thrown at my roof. Anykazoo, what I was trying to hint at before was that I have some items for the Break-It-Down game…I just…got a little distracted is all. Alright, where were we…ah yes! BREAK-IT-DOWN! First on the docket this evenoring is the metal ring. I’d be lying if I say I have any clue what this thing is. It kind of looks like one of the metal rings you’d put on a barrel or something, but beyond that it shouldn’t have any more uses. I guess, if you were small enough, this thing could fit around your body or something like that, but what use would that be? I am baffled by this thing. Crap, I’m not even sure who would want to buy something this crappy. Perceived value: eight bits. I think I missed a holiday somewhere along the line, which is weird cause I don’t think I’ve ever heard of Equestria having any pirate holidays or something like that. I say this because I’ve found seventeen different pairs of eye patches just strewn about on the ground daynight. Seven-freaking-teen of them. They aren’t even high quality. Beyond pretending to be a pirate and functioning as a blindfold for a Cyclops, I see almost no use for these. Perceived value: five bits per piece…so…eighty-five bits…not bad. It would appear that I’ve run afoul of Rarity once more daynight. You see, I was trotting along my merry way when I noticed something kind of shiny (Shiny sells.) in a bush that was reflecting the light of Carty’s lantern. What I found is an extremely nice recreation of Princess Celestia’s royal crown. When I say that this thing is nice, I mean that this thing is beautifully made. Flawless, shiny, and something you’d feel proud wearing, this crown-thingy is awesome. Rarity really outdid herself here. The only problem I have with this thing is that it is colored all wrong. Though I’ve only met her once (A terrifying experience I’d only like to relive if I can relive it with her backside.) I’m well aware that the Princess’ crown is gold and not dark blue like this one. However, that’s not all bad. It kind of gives it a unique vibe to it. Yeah, this thing ought to be paying for my groceries for awhile. Perceived value: one hundred and fifty bits. This next find isn’t going to bring any money, but it should definitely earn its keep by making me look fabulous. It’s this really nice wide-brimmed white fedora with a pinkish stripe across it. What’s great is that stripe matches the shade of my bowtie things perfectly! Sure, this thing will require a good washing, but it’ll definitely make up for the fact that my swag is still broken. Perceived value: not necessarily priceless, but useful…to me at least. Sometimes I find very interesting objects. Sometimes I find very expensive objects. Other times I find very useful objects. This time I found a toy compass. A toy compass. Let that sink in. It’s a compass…that’s a toy. How do you play with a compass? Hey guys! Let’s find north! Yeah no, that doesn’t sound the least bit entertaining. Perceived value: five bits. The final object on the docket this evenoring is a pair of flight goggles. To be exact, these goggles are ‘Flight-Master X-1000 brand Thunderclap Series Nine goggles with Flight-Master X-1000 brand Cyclone Eyes Series Seven lenses’, or, in stupid tongue, a pair of EXTREMELY nice goggles with a Wonderbolts logo on them. You may be wondering how the tartarus I knew all of that about them. Well, it’s because the lesbian NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT THEM! Apparently the Wonderbolts specially ordered and helped design a brand new series of goggles to go along with their flight suits. So yeah, I think I know who will want to buy these goggles when I get a chance to sell them. Perceived value: fifty bits, but I’ll bump it down to twenty for the lesbian since I’ll be getting more than enough money from the crown. Isn’t all of that great? It’s wonderful! I mean, yeah, I can almost guarantee that something will screw all of it up, but as of right now this is one of the more impressive hauls I’ve had in recent daynights. That’s all for this evenoring. The pangs of sleep are calling for me to have sleepy sleeps.