//------------------------------// // A Variant Season, Horsefeathers // Story: A minor variation // by notMurphy //------------------------------// A minoR Variation: A Variant Season, Horsefeathers The assault was relentless, conflicting orders to advance and retreat increased the confusion. Dim light was punctuated by blinding flashes, the pop-pop-pop punctuated by screams and flinching ponies. She was trapped, her every instinct called for flight but devotion to her friend demanded she remain and face down this horror. An agonized voice called out "Nooo!" 'How has it come down to this?' Fluttershy had faced down thunderstorms, led an assault on a rogue monsoon, and singlehoofedly convinced a drowsy dragon not to nap near Ponyville. The incessant flashing of the camera was worse than any of those challenges by far. She stood up and flared her wings. "No!" called out the director. Irritated, she hung her head, wings partially folded, "Yes!". Her head whipped up and she glared at the photographer, "No!". The flash made her flinch, "Yes!" In the background Rainbow Dash struggled between wanting to fall over laughing and desire to trounce the obnoxious photographer. The problem sorted itself out quickly. Fluttershy leapt from the platform, landing right in front of Photo Finnish. "Lady, what is your major malfunction? This is a shoot for a new uniform for the Wonderbolts, who the buck is going to want a bunch of shots of me cowering?" Photo Finnish was not one to be cowed by a cranky model, "Zhe vulnerable shots are vere ve catch... de majicks." Fluttershy backed up, "That's not communicable, is it?" In the back, Dash fell over. "Get back on ze stage Miss Flütershy. I am in the Zone." "If you think I'm going to put up with being pushed around, half blinded, and humiliated while you ruin my friend's release pictures, you have another thing coming Ma'am." Photo's crew shivered like the temperature had just dropped ten degrees. "Ah! Such passion, such fury. Hokay, ve try it your vay." Finnish waved her hoof, restraining a grin - naturals like this didn't come along more than once in a lifetime, and she, Photo Finnish had discovered this one... 'What exactly is the "self" we speak of? If I list off the things that I do and don't do, what I believe and choose not to, and my preferences and prejudices have I described myself? Am I a collection of facts and statistics? On the other hoof, am I some numinous quantity, some indefinable element of animation barely even within the ken of the Royal Sisters? If that be the case, then what point is there to identity at all - is simply being able to postulate "I am" all that is important? Round and round the questions ran, rational or spiritual, flesh or magic, surely something in between was more reasonable, but where? No answer satisfied, nothing was so outright ridiculous as to be eliminated - other than the non-sequiturs offered by the Pink. 'And what is that? Surely it is a part of me, even possessing qualities I am jealous of. But it is so alien to me, I fear being swallowed whole, or twisted into a definition of being what is not pink which is simply a proof in the negative. 'This is a neat quandary you've got going, but... shouldn't you look at the more practical side?' Dianne felt her sanity crack. 'If you begin making more sense than I, then truly all hope is lost.' 'Hope's a great and terrible thing, but really why're you hanging out in a dragon's cave?' "Why we are... DRAGON'S CAVE!?" "Well, I dunno, I could claim it, but the real estate really leaves something to be desired. B-but if you like it then I'd..." Spike was lost in thought, idly chewing on an amethyst from the miraculous pile of gems laid out in the middle of a spacious cavern. At first he'd been confused, this wasn't like anything from the half-remembered geology lessons his mo-Rarity had made him learn in is old life. But, it was really hard to argue with such delicious terrain, and he was done with ponies... well all but one, but there was time to consider that later... "...there something in the water? Why does nopony ever continue paying attention to the here and now? Young Heathspike, attend!" Dianne was becoming frantic, existentialism banished by survival concerns. The young dragon picked himself up off the ground, "Okay, okay, I'm here. Sheesh, you don't have to yell. I'm pretty sure you and I are the only ones... Big." Initial confusion at the seemingly random remark led to sinking stomach, shivering back, and wobbling knees-'Ok, I don't know that combo. Got any ideas?' 'It was Not one of your "Pinksense" events, I realized he is looking at the dragon!' As she watched, Spike shifted from terror to a defensive posture. Dianne mentally facehoofed, 'Why is he trying to be brave in what is likely the face of insurmountable odds? Duh, 'cause he likes you, silly.' 'Not this again, the matter was settled some time ago. We had a conversation, I explained my own limitations and since then we have had a decent sort of friendship.' 'Uh, yeah, then you agreed to run away with him... do you have any idea how far OOC you're putting me?' 'As always you speak in non-TIME TO MOVE!' Dianne leapt forward, grabbing her would-be protector in her hooves, rolling behind an outcropping of the treasure pile, her hide feeling the heat of barely avoided dragonfire. "Interlopers! You invade my home, bring the stench of horseflesh, and devour my hoard. I will see dead for this dishonor." "It was an honest mistake, we meant you no harm." Dianne called from cover, inching away from the monstrous emerald beast. Spike found his voice, "Would it help if I said I was sorry?" "Your words mean nothing, hatchling. For an apology you may step forward and face death with honor!" Dianne made a quick decision. She turned to her compatriot and nodded, gesturing for him to get up. Walking back out into plain view was not what the larger dragon had expected of the two, it held off the fiery death that had been promised for a moment - amusement was too rare a gem to throw away out of claw. "Your bravery does you credit, perhaps if your sense of courtesy or common sense had been it's equal you would have lived to see the end of this day. Contemplate such errors in your next life!" Dianne bent her front knees in a bow. "Great dragon, our ignorance of your territory can only be the consequence of your cleverness and secrecy. We beseech you to allow us to repay the treasures that have been ... taken from your hoard by tenfold. We will also include a payment for our unknowing trespass upon your home. As token of our good faith, I will remain here as my companion acquires the recompense. Does this offer please you?" "I have no reason to trust a dragon without knowledge of basic courtesy. You serve no value to me as a hostage if the hatchling runs to your Solar Queen. No, you will go and the dragon will stay." The moment of temptation was slapped away as quickly as it occurred to Dianne. "I am afraid I must say Neigh to your demand oh powerful serpent. I will repeat my offer, and you may know that news of these events will not pas beyond more than five ponies, none of them involved in our Government. Please, I beg you to accept our offer..." The dragon's eyes narrowed. "And if I refuse?" "Then you will gain nothing. Either way, my dragon leaves here alive." "Then 'nothing' is exactly the value your lives have to me!" Idyl amusement was one thing, disrespect and food thinking it could dictate terms was another entirely. The Dragon let loose a gale of fire, anger at having to burn some of its own treasure to destroy the interlopers fueling the flame even hotter. 'Pinkness, lend me your strength. Whatever the price I will not see young Spike pay for my arrogance.' 'Seriously? You're Asking Me for help? That's superfantabulous! All I want is for you to smile a little more, you know, like at all.' 'You... I am sure there is a side to this I am not seeing, but I have little choice as of yet.' "You want a smile? I will give you a smile! Ha..." Dianne inhaled, rising from her last somersault to lift Spike off his feet and raise him above her head, holding the terrified baby dragon in one hoof, loud laughter filling her throat. "Ha, hahahahaha!" As the dragon drew in breath she stood on her hind legs, reaching back with the leg holding Spike and pointing her other forehoof at the exit of the cave. The dragon, seeing an obvious ploy, snaked its head about to intercept the throw as it began exhaling. "Uh, Dianne? What are you... whoa, nononononono!" Spike screamed as he was thrown through the air, arcing to the right of the dragon who had just juked left. Dianne galloped toward the left wall of the cave, tracking dragon-fire, terrain in front of her, and a ballistic baby dragon. When she ran out of floor she began running up the wall, tongues of flame chasing her far too closely for comfort. As traction began to give out she pushed off the wall with all her strength, jackknifing over the deadly stream as it gave out. She had no time to recover as she landed, leaping a low pile of molten gems and treasure to reach Spike on his downward arc. Pushing him upward with the inner part of both forelegs like a volleyball, she slid to avoid the dragon's sharp claws as it sought to cut both pony and dragon to ribbons. Pulling herself off the floor she jumped over the other claws as the raked the ground, turning over in mid-air to use her back legs to propel the hatchling toward a large, and hopefully soft, pile of intact treasure. Spike's continuing shout changed pitch into a scream as he dove headfirst toward the mound. Dianne only realized she was still cackling when the dragon began to roar in fury, stepping further into the cave to bring itself closer and increase its efforts to kill her - which struck her as the most hilarious thing ever. Frustration, fury, and fear roiled within the Dragon's heart as the prancing pinky pony performed perambulations perplexing and practically impossible. The earsplitting shriek of her laughter was wearing thin nerves frayed by the entire encounter - the hatchling shot past, out of the cavern. The bouncing baby borne by blunt force flew faster than the dragon was prepared to react - confound the pony, the dragon shook its head to excise the acursed alliteration accompanying ... its roar of fury doubled in volume. Taking not even a moment to breathe in, Dianne raced out of the cavern as the dragon threw a tantrum. Spike was picking himself up off the ground, her huffing breath reduced the madcap cackling to strained chuckles - which died when the dear diminutive dragon saw her and flinched. "huagh... please, friend Spike. Options were few and I had to ... huff, to get you out of harm's way. I fear I did more harm to your dignity than to your person, although once we are far enough away to be safe I will check the latter..." The sound of fury and wrath was getting louder, at a rate that suggested pursuit, not increased volume. Dianne raised herself back up, and collapsed as she tried to take another step. 'Ah, so I do have limits... this seems a poor way to learn them.' she managed a half-hearted chuckle. "Di, c'mon, we have to get out of here!" Spike tugged at her head, glancing back the way they had come in a fear that spoke of anticipation and not abject terror. "I have expended far too much energy to move, Heathspike. You must flee on your own from here." "Look, I realize you're new to humor but that wasn't bucking funny. Get up. Also, it's Spike." "Ask me to raise the solar orb, I am as likely to be able to comply." 'No, that didn't produce a laugh either.' "Go." Tears were forming in the corners of his eyes as Spike looked down on the pony. "I can't leave you here." "My efforts were entirely in vain if you die here. Are you going to force me to call you names, insult you, and otherwise drive you away? I'd rather not have those be the last memories a friend had of me." "Who" "You." Dianne snapped, exasperated. "What?" was Spike's confused reply. "Who-whoo" 'Ooh, Abbot and Coltstello, that's a classic! Do the "Mustard Routine".' "Why would an owl fly towards..." The pink pony pondered. The dragon burst through the undergrowth, fire following in its wake. It caught sight of its prey - and was suddenly blinded when a nocturnal raptor struck its eyes. Falling back with a roar, the dragon began launching flames into the sky, clutching its face with one hand and swatting blindly with the other. It stumbled forward - perhaps it could crush the accursed interlopers by random chance. Before fire or foot could harm the two escapees, they were pulled aloft by shimmering fields of blue magic. Trees, rocks, and large chunks of dirt were also held aloft by a blue aura. "Are you, are you alright?" Rarity asked, exhaustion evident. "Mama!" Decorum and personal pride disappeared in the face of rescue. "Shh baby, nothing will harm you now. You just rest." Rarity whispered. Dianne heard the iron behind the words. "Owloisius, come, we're done here." The bird turned and dove away from the flailing, flaming, furious dragon with a final 'who-whoo'. "Interlopers! Defy my territory and suffer the same death as those two!" The dragon roared, vision finally returning. Another obnoxious horse, no... a unicorn. Magic was a source of inconvenience for the dragon, whose scales would deflect most direct magical assault, but not prevent the manipulation of... that was an awful lot of detritus floating around, glowing blue... A tree struck the dragon, bruising it. Rocks hurled with intense force checked its progress. Time for a stream of fire to - the dragon nearly choked on a pony-sized bolt of earth that flew down its throat. "You get one chance to leave with your life, lizard. Nopo-nocreature threatens my son." "Son?" She was getting more accurate with the bombardments. Rarity set Dianne down as gently as she could, depositing Heathspike on her back. Now that her concentration wasn't diverted, she started using some of her real potential. The ground shook as she pulled up a small hill's worth of the earth. "Now, shall we continue this discussion? I esimate I could only manipulate about two objects this size, how many could you survive being pummeled with, do you think?" Enough was too much, the dragon turned and leapt into the sky. In a bright purple flash Twilight arrived. Looking at the group, she nodded as the owl flew in and landed next to Rarity. Tree branches nearby bent and surrounded the three ponies, small dragon, and raptor. A deep green flash and the branches swung back to their normal positions, revealing nopony where they had covered. "Sister, I have to say that I am disturbed at your behavior. If this is what a thousand years of governance leads to, perhaps I should consider abdication." The dark blue alicorn stomped in frustration. "Lulu, stop being melodramatic. We were watching the whole time. You know we can't hold their hooves forever, in fact soon we won't be able to do anything for them. It's fortunate that they feel a connection with you." Celestia took a moment to collect herself. "...I'm, I'm glad you have such good friends so soon after your return. Of course you want the best for them, and to keep them from harm, but if we protect them now, when the consequences are relatively light - well, it will not be a kindness in the long run. You know what's coming, what... what it will cost them." Luna pressed against her sister, nuzzling her mane. "Of course you are right, and they will have each other to cling to. If they can avoid our... mistakes I'm sure they will come through. I cannot help fearing the worst, however, imagining catastrophe." Something occurred to the Moon Princess, and she glared at her sister. "On another matter entirely, Tia, why do you continue to indulge that infernal bird of yours?" Celestia smiled enigmatically. "Consider Philomena another test, of sorts. Ponies who cannot bend will break, and the kindest ones are those who learn to accept their anger as well. You still have some loosening up to do, or you're going to be a terror on Nightmare Night next year... although I suppose that might not be a bad thing." Many expressions crossed Luna's face, "To think there is a holiday to celebrate the night... and yet it is a supplication to my worst aspect. I am not certain how I feel about such." She considered the matter, "Sister, do you think it would be appropriate for me to observe my first 'Nightmare Night' in Ponyville?" "I think that would be an excellent idea." Celestia nodded. "You don't think me silly for making plans in a future we don't know for certain we will see?" "Planning for tomorrow is the only way mortals can keep moving forward. You doing so is an excellent sign." "Well, I have had enough of watching from a distance. Are there any more details to oversee for the Gala?" "No, for a kindness, there aren't." Celestia winced, anticipating a night so boring she would... "Wait, didn't Blueblood invite... " A smile returned to the Sun Princess's lips. "Perhaps there is some planning to be done after all my sister." "Oh wonderful, an elegant ball is such a nice..." Luna caught sight of her sister's grin. "Sister, what are you planning to do?" "Me, Woona? Not a single solitary thing." "Do not address me by that name, I am a grown mare." Luna stomped her hooves to demonstrate how big she was. "You will always be my adorable baby sister." The solar princess said, both fondness and mockery in her voice. Luna's cheeks flushed, "I will not allow you to distract me from your devious plans. What do you intend?" "I'm not going to do anything... I just want to give our six heroines the chance to experience the 'best night ever'." "It would be a less ominous statement if you stopped smiling like that." Luna frowned Celestia's slight grin deepened to a leer, "Is this better?" The lunar princess rolled her eyes, "Now at least I understand where you have acquired your nicknames from." Dianne awoke, tired, bruised, and feeling as though she had run ALL the marathons. She tilted hear head and then shook it vigorously. She felt as if she had run a great many marathons back to back. 'Better.' She was lying on a pile of pillows surrounded by shelves of books, which meant the library. Clip-clopping behind her signaled an approaching pony. She rolled over, groaning, to see Rarity come up to her, a grim expression on the unicorn's face. "Heathspike informed me of the events yesterday. I am disappointed in his behavior, but I'm afraid I can see where he acquired his misapprehensions from. You, however..." Rarity trailed off. 'She, she is so upset she cannot even frame words. I never expected to see her in such a state, let alone be the subject. Well, I deserve her ire - I did nothing to stop ... Spike, from his escapade.' Dianne relaxed herself, so as to accept the inevitable. "Truly, there are no words for what you have done." Rarity paused to gather her breath. "Thank you." Dianne's eyes snapped open again. "After the phoenix incident we were all afraid you were upset with us, but when Heathspike wanted to run away, you followed him, kept him company, gave him an ear for his concerns, and you kept him safe. I cannot properly express how much that means to me." She was crying, Rarity almost never cried - Fluttershy cried more often than Rarity did for Celestia's sake! "I ... do not deserve your thanks. I could not have let him leave alone, once I realized his determination. And I-" By earth and stone was she... Rarity was hugging Dianne. Dianne gave her a half-hearted nuzzle, 'Do you not see what I am confessing? I went with Spike because I wanted to get away from all of you. I don't deserve thanks for disloyalty I-' 'Hey! Skip the pity-fest for a minute, this isn't about you. Imagine your kid nearly got eaten by a dragon, you'd be freaked out, wouldn't you?' 'I-I do not have a child, I have no idea-' 'Horseapples, you've got enough empathy for three ponies. Stop thinking about your personal guilt and think about what She needs to Give. Forgiveness is for the victim.' 'This is still abnormal behavior for you.' 'Sometimes to smile again you have to get through the tears.' Swallowing her own feelings, Dianne considered what her friend must have been experiencing. She reached her forelegs out to return the hug. Evenutally it ended, and Rarity stood back up, smiling as she wiped the last of her tears away. "I know you don't think you did anything special, and that is another reason I love you. If I ever figure out what I did to deserve friends like you and the others I will have to keep doing it." "...so you see, Spikey, my number two assistant doesn't threaten your position. And even if I never asked you to help me with my work ever again you would still be precious to me." "I'm sorry. I... with the book and the-" "The only thing you have to apologize for, Heathspike, is the rather pathetic job you did trying to frame Owlisius. Honestly, if that is the extent of your forensic skill then I have failed you as a teacher. Besides, when damaging another's reputation it is always better to go with implications you can dissociate yourself from... ehehehe, forget that last part dear." "Aw horse-feathers, the one time I should be taking notes..."