IGOR

by mellon collie

GONE, GONE / THANK YOU

Fluttershy's gaze lay on a dead flower that sat precariously on the edge of a dresser.

The plant had decayed to the point of being unrecognizabe; all color had been seeped from malnourishment, now only a sickly greenish-grey remaining. The petals had wilted until they hung over the side of the purple pot. They had withered so much that only a few dark patches remained, the rest having fallen to the floor.

Fluttershy couldn't remember the last time Rarity had watered that flower. She couldn't even remember what kind it was.

But she did know that it had been a gift from her to Rarity, for their six month anniversary.

When she turned her head over, she noticed that the space between them on the bed had grown larger.

At this point she couldn't even bring herself to sigh.

Somehow, as if she could sense the tension, Rarity rolled over and began to stroke Fluttershy's hair.

Fluttershy wasn't comforted by this. If anything, it made her feel worse.

That's how she knew something was wrong.

Her eyes widened as she spoke, "Rarity, can we... talk?"

The hoof that had been running through Fluttershy's hair froze in place.

"Whatever about, darling?" Rarity tried her best to keep her voice level, hoping against hope that no cracks betrayed her anxiousness.

As Fluttershy turned over, her muzzle bumped against Rarity's. Neither reacted to the touch.

"I— I just feel like a lot of things have gone, um, una— unaddressed. And I need to talk about this before it— before it gets worse."

Silence, nary a noise outside of the heavy rain hitting the window.

"...I'm not happy anymore, Rarity."

"What? Do you mean in general, or with..." A light tremor entered Rarity's voice. "With me?"

Fluttershy sighed, appearing to deflate as she moved away from Rarity the slightest bit. "With you." The words came out almost inaudible, nothing above a pained whisper.

The raindrops got louder, smashing against the window like a violent thunderstorm. The dull thud it created pounded in Rarity's head as she simply asked, "Why?" in a voice that was nearly as quiet as Fluttershy's.

"I don't... I don't feel good around y— you anymore. All we do is argue, then pretend like it never happened. But it— it did, and we can't keep ignoring it."

"That's not all we do, I'd say."

"That isn't important here. What is important is h- how it makes me feel, and I just... I feel so awful after every fight. It happens so often that— that I, I ask myself..." A pause. "Is it worth it?"

"What?

"I've asked myself that a lot. At first I thought, oh, that doesn't make any sense. Of— of course it's worth it. This is just a rough patch that we'll get through, cause this is— this is commonplace in relationships, right? But over time it got h— harder and harder to believe that."

Silence once more.

"Things kept getting worse and I— I just stayed quiet, because I was waiting. Waiting for things to get better, because I knew that you could be better than this, Rarity. I— I didn't like seeing you become this, this twisted distortion of yourself. I thought the possession and the anger would- would pass.. but they didn't."

Fluttershy sighed. "When was the last time either of us hung out with the girls?"

"I, um..." Rarity racked her brain, but came up with nothing. "I can't quite recall."

"I haven't seen any of them in— in months. We just kind of blocked out the world around us. That's not- that's not healthy. There has to be more to us than each other. I think that added onto everything else. Just another in the mounting problem of problems we had.

"I— I held onto this version that I had of you in my head, this angel that saved me from myself. I let my love for you blind me, and that was unhealthy of me. I shouldn't have held you up to such high expectations, let that paint my— my view of you. I ignored your flaws because I felt like I owed you, for what— for what happened last year... and I let you do whatever you wanted to me because of it."

"Fluttershy, I'm... I'm so sorry."

"How do I— how do I know you mean it this time?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It feels like any apology between us comes from me trying to end an— an argument quickly or you trying to avoid conflict, despite you being the one to start it most of the time."

"I can't say I understand."

"You always promise me that— that you're going to change, but you never do. We keep running in circles with each other and I just... can't, anymore. I can't keep waiting for you to get better because all it's doing is making both of us worse."

Another sigh, this one more tired, defeated.

"I'm so tired, Rarity. I fought for us for so long because I— I wanted us to work out, so badly. But the longer we stay together, the worse we get. We're not.. we're not good for each other."

"I," Rarity began, but she quickly had to swallow down a lump that had formed in her throat. "I..."

Fluttershy stared into Rarity's eyes, misty cyan meeting dull blue for the first time in their conversation. The tears that had been threatening to spill began to do so as Rarity shifted her gaze away. They stung Fluttershy's cheeks as they slowly rolled down, the only thing providing warmth in the otherwise frigid bedroom.

"We bring out the worst in each other. It— it's a tough pill to swallow but it's true. I wish it wasn't the case, because I really do love you, but we can't change it. No matter how hard we try to fix things, it'll never work. We're like..." Her gaze returned to the dead plant. "A— A flower."

"A flower?"

"Yes. When we first got into a relationship, we— the flower bloomed so elegantly. It was beautiful, so bright and— and colorful. I... I miss those days." Fluttershy wiped at her eyes. "Then we started putting too much water onto it, and the— the flower started to drown. Neither of us noticed, we both just saw the same lovely flower as before.

"We kept pouring more and more water onto it, suffocating it further. All the— all the oxygen it once had was gone, left only to drown helplessly. Even then we didn't understand what was happening. We thought everything was— was okay.

"Even after the flower was long dead, wilted and decaying into the dirt, we kept watering it. The- the difference now is that I was doing it because I was trying to save it, to save what we once had." Her voice broke at this, becoming higher and more strained. "I clung so desperately to that blooming flower, that I didn't realize that all it was doing was killing it even further.

"And you just./. kept on watering it, not realizing that it was beyond saving. You thought everything was perfectly fine. But—but now, we both have to accept this. The longer we stay together, the worse things will get. I've fought for this for so long, but..." The dams broke loose, sobs held back finally escaping Fluttershy's throat. "I'm too tired to fight anymore."

Nothing was said after that, no noises heard besides the rain and the occasional sob from Fluttershy as she retreated into herself. The pegasus lay with her hocks up to her chest as she cried.

All of this was too much to process for Rarity. Whatever illusions of harmony she had were decimated, shattered into pieces of glass that would cut into her if she attempted to pick them up. It felt like the walls around her were closing in, getting closer and closer to crushing her as her world came crashing down around her.

This was the end. There was no turning back.

Rarity stood up and stumbled to the bathroom, her breaths coming out choppy and heavy. When she entered her eyes went to the mirror, and in the reflection she saw a shell of her former self. Gone was the radiance in her smile, the hope in her eyes. In their place was nothing but dejectedness.

"Get a hold of yourself," she whispered to the reflection. "Everything is..." She slumped down, putting her hooves in her head. "I can't keep lying to myself." A sigh passed her lips, soon breaking into a sob. "What have I done?" she choked out. "What am I doing? Why did I... how could I... what do I..."

Rarity could feel the walls inches away from her, ready to crush her at any moment. Her breaths became rapid and her vision began to blur. "I can't do this," she whimpered. Eyes darted around the room, trying to find something to focus on in the whirlpool. "I can see..."

Curtains.

Soap.

Towels.

Sink.

A monster in the mirror.

"I can feel..."

Taps.

Carpet.

Stool.

The weight of everything crashing down on her.

"I can... oh, what did Fluttershy say was the next thing?"

She could hear crying in the room over.

"Oh my stars," she sighed, "I got so caught up with myself that I forgot about Fluttershy." She wiped her eyes and looked at her reflection one final time.

"You can't keep running away."

That was all she said before she returned to the bedroom and sat down.

Fluttershy had stopped crying, now merely sniffling as she watched the rain trickle down the window.

"Hey."

"...Hey, Rarity."

"I'm sorry for leaving, I just needed a moment to myself."

"It's okay, I— I think I needed some time alone myself."

"Oh..."

"I wish that we had talked about our problems more, or brought up any n— negative feelings we had. There's so many instances where I feel like things were left unsaid, or that the entire truth didn't come out. Like with... with Discord. Can we finally talk about him?"

"I guess if now is the time to confront things..." A pause. "Then yes, I was and might still be jealous of him. I just couldn't stand the thought of losing you, and it made me do drastic things. But I did them because of how much I care for you."

"Rarity..."

"I was scared, okay?! I was scared of losing the best thing that ever happened to me. I finally got the one thing I wanted in life, and I didn't want it taken away from me like everything else. I was scared of being hurt again. I don't think I could've handled it again."

"I guess that I'm the one who ended up hurt, then."

"I was trying to... I wanted nothing but the best for both of us. I'm sorry that things ended up going so wrong. I just did what I thought would help us in the end. But I can see now that it didn't."

Silence, again.

"Do you think that this was inevitable, Rarity?"

"What?"

"Do you think we were always going to end up like this, cr— crashing and burning in the end?"

"I... I don't know." A pause. "...Do you?"

"I think that, no matter what, we weren't meant to be together. It was never going to end well for us. I just wish it— that it wasn't this painful."

Fluttershy continued, "I thought that things were great, amazing even, for the longest time. I convinced myself that you were the best for me, purely because I couldn't handle the fact that you weren't.

"I kept holding onto how good things used to be because I loved you, and I wanted to believe you were perfect. I— I wouldn't let those days go and it blinded me to how much our relationship was crumbling. It was s— selfish of me, and I know now that it did nothing but harm. I just, I just wish that we could've been better. Maybe there's some world out there where we stayed happy together, and worked through our issues. I don't... I don't know if I want that to be the case for us.

"I'm always going to cherish the time we spent together, because when— when things were good they were some of the best moments of my life. But I— I can't keep waiting forever, Rarity. I still love you, I always will, but I think that we should stop seeing each other."

Silence fell over the room once more.

The tears came before Rarity could stop them.

Her heart plummeted before she could stop it.

Her mouth moved before she could stop it.

"I think you're right."

Fluttershy's eyes widened a little. She had expected at least some resistance, but she was glad that things were ending on mutual terms.

"It's so hard to do this." Fluttershy rubbed at her eyes. "I want, so badly, to work through things with you. But it's just too much. I hope that you learn from this, and that being on your own can help you grow. I really do want to see you get better, but I don't think you can if we're dating."

Rarity wiped at her eyes. "Yeah," was all she could muster. Her head spun at speeds she didn't know were possible, the entire conversation passing her by. She hadn't been expecting a break up at all. She wanted to put the pieces of their relationship back together, not throw them away entirely.

Then, why did she agree to splitting up?

She didn't know the answer to that question. She didn't want to think about it in the moment.

Rarity forced herself to continue with, "I don't know how much you'll believe me right now but I am sorry for... for all of this."

"I don't know how long it will be before I can fully forgive you for everything."

"...Oh."

"I'm— I'm not sure if I'm mad at you, but there's too much that's happened between us for me to forgive you right away."

"I... I understand."

Fluttershy hesitated for a moment before going on. "I still care ab— about you too much to completely cut you out of my life. Can we stay friends?"

The question shook Rarity to her core, and she froze in place.

Could she remain friends with Fluttershy?

Or would it tear her apart inside to see the pony she had hurt so badly?

After everything they had been through, as friends and as lovers, could their relationship survive this?

"I... I don't know. I think I need time."

"Oh, that's alright." Fluttershy tried to smile for a moment, but it quickly faded away. "I just, um, wanted to— to say thank you. For all the good times we had."

"Thank you as well."

"Even if it hurt me a lot, I'm glad we dated. I'll always cherish the time we had together."

"...Right."

A final bout of silence.

"I think it would be best if— if I went," Fluttershy stated as she stood up. "I'll see... um, bye, Rarity. Take care."

"You too," Rarity said automatically as she watched Fluttershy walk out.

When she heard the faint click of the door closing downstairs, the empty feeling that had settled in her stomach was replaced with an overpowering tidal wave of emotion.

Everything came to the surface in one moment as Rarity was pulled beneath it.

She cried that night more than she had in her entire life.

Fluttershy did much the same.