"I am so sorry, but the postal service has removed a few packages and services from circulation." Holiday breathed out and carefully straightened her nametag that she used when she was working the front. "Would you prefer a nine by thirteen sized envelope and a three-day shipping rate?" She carefully smiled as she saw Spoiled Milk's face have the stages of grief all over her face. Sometimes there were a few bonuses to her job and seeing Ponyville's least favorite mother in a sense of impotent rage brightened her day.
"I would like to speak to the post office. . .manager." Spoiled Milk spat out, unused to the apathy that was on display. She was one of the richest ponies in the entire town, princesses, of course, notwithstanding. There was a dance to this whole thing- she would get her way somehow.
Holiday smiled, an odd look coming from the normally stoic earth pony that ran most of Ponyville's mail service. She flipped her name badge with purpose. She had two badges- so carefully stuck together by Lofty's craft skills to seem as good as nonexistent outside of situations such as this. It was a sort of prank the pair hatched one night when Holiday had come home complaining a bit too much about customers. A wickedly fun one. She faked a nervous tic with her hooves as she flipped her badge over, completely ready to destroy this mare's power over her. She looked Spoiled Milk directly in the eye and smiled. "I am the manager, sorry for not being a pegasus, what seems to be your issue?"
Spoiled Milk breathed out; her face flushed red with rage. "I. . .nothing. Nothing seems to be the problem, give me one of those larger packages I guess."
Holiday nodded, glad that her decision to staff the front desk primarily with earth ponies paid off with dividends. Partly because the problem customers were often earth ponies, and who better to know how an earth pony ticked but another one. Even if she couldn't fly, Holiday could run the place with a cool efficiency that threw ponies off. She had gained every bit of her shrewd management style after more than a decade being the one manager in the postal service that didn't have wings. The fact that she wasn't part of the pegasi flight club made manager retreats awkward. Hard to schedule Cloudsdale retreats when she couldn't fly. But her results made up for the managerial kefluffle her existence caused.
Well, she could run her office with some efficiency- the back offices worked well most of the time. All for one group of rather problematic ponies that were a thorn in her side.
***
Luna carefully touched up her outfit, her little brown cap that signified her as a member of the postal service was laid ever so neatly on her head, a ponytail trailing behind it for ease of access. While she was used to her ethereal mane and its eccentricities that let it have a mind of its own, it would be hard to manage her full regal mane look for a job such as this. She walked through the back of the post office, careful as to not draw attention to her that much. She had debated in strolling into the front and announcing her presence, but Twilight had ever so delicately pushed her to not cause major waves like that on the first day- or at least she said that 'because you don't work in the front, just go around the back and check in.'
Luna shrugged and took her judgment. The blue alicorn hadn't had a job that hadn't involved some form of rule or warfare since she was what ponies of this age would call a 'teen' and so she had no idea how the modern era defined courteous behavior. Luna slid out her nametag and slid it through the clock on mechanism and grinned as she was logged into her first day on the job.
Whatever magical runes this card held within was pure wonder to her. Twilight had tried to explain in rudimentary detail on what these electronic chips had in store in terms of combining with small crystalline magic tech, but Luna had tuned her out once the lecture had gotten into the small details that weren't as interesting.
She slid into the back of her department and waved slightly at Bulk who was stacking a mountain of boxes to the side.
Derpy trotted up to Luna and looked up at her for a moment before sliding some packages near her. "I went through the pile and there's a few packages here that should be simple. Just a few next of kin returns- since I doubt there's a way to contact the dead."
Luna's ears perked up. She knew a myriad number of spells to contact the dead. "Oh really?"
Derpy pointed at each box. "Yeah, I sorted them out and most are going to the Acres, you know Applejack's place?" The gray pegasus was unsure on Luna's knowledge of Ponyville so she wanted to at least explain where she had to go. The last time she thought one of her workers had good direction, Bulk had taken a wrong turn and ended up in Manehattan.
"Lady Applejack's orchard? Yes, I know where that is."
Derpy pointed at each package. "Okay so there's two for Granny Smith and one for Applejack's dog, those are the next of kin. . ."
***
Luna banked through the skies, her wings letting her glide through the summer skies of Ponyville, letting her mind run through a series of thoughts as she tried to figure out her monologue for the Apples. This was her first delivery, and she was excited but slightly nervous. She knew that the postal service dealt with letters such as this- the junk mail alone for ponies that had recently died or moved away a constant annoyance for those who weren't planning to berate a bureaucratic process.
Luna was a slight conundrum at the moment- she wanted to be rather tactful but seeing the mess of the back rooms of her department, the ever-growing pile of unclaimed or nearly unclaimable mail, she had to do something.
And if that something was summoning the souls of the deceased to claim their mail, she would do it.
---
The doorbell rang and Applejack carefully set down her dishes that she had been washing. She had become used to the up and down of solitary chores ever since Sugar Belle and Big Mac got married, and with Applebloom having that itch to move out, she had prepared herself for one day maybe doing most of the farm work herself- or with minimal help.
She quickly shook her hooves to get off that gunk that dishes often had. She cupped a hoof to her face and tried yelling at whoever was at the door. "Give me a minute, I'm almost there."
Whoever was at the door must have thought that was fine because there were no other presses of the doorbell. Applejack grinned, at least that meant it probably wasn't one of those salesponies thinking they could one up her natural honesty. She cantered to the front door and opened it carefully, the old hinges creaking ever so gently as she did.
"I'm here, now what do you want. . ." Applejack looked up at Luna's face and sighed. "What in the world. Luna?" Applejack tried to run through her mental calendar and found no good reason why the former, she assumed, princess of the night was here on her doorstep at this time of the day. "Did something happen to Twilight or did some Elements of Harmony malarkey happen so the girls all have to go to the end of the world to save the day yet again? She hoped not that one- she understood the importance of being an element bearer, but it wasn't a vacation even if they often got sent to the back end of nowhere.
Luna cocked her head and straightened her hat that Applejack finally noticed. "No, unless it just happened. Which would be horribly surprising since Twilight usually calls me immediately if she's overwhelmed being the ruler of Equestria. Honestly understandable since I had to listen to a few Blueblood lectures on pecuniary matters and I wanted to pull my mane out with how boring the minutiae was. I'm still in shock that Twilight hasn't just abolished royalty. I said it was an option if they kept causing her panic attacks. I don't know why Celestia hadn't kicked them out of the palace in all her years- she thought they were equally as annoying."
Applejack shook her head, hoping that a quick movement might get the alicorn out of her own head. "No, no, no. I'm saying what are you doing here. Like I can count on my hooves the times you came to the Acres in the daytime, so it has to be kind of important."
Luna's face brightened and she pulled out a bag that Applejack hadn't seen before, though the orange mare hadn't really focused on much else besides Luna for a minute or two. "Okay, so here goes. . ." Luna cleared her throat with a slight cough, her nerves getting to her since she was never one for public speaking. "I, as a member of the Greater Canterlot Mail Service, a subsidiary of the Equestrian Mail Service and all its new extralegal areas outside of the literal map of Equestria, have some mail for you." Luna nervously shifted on her hooves and pulled out the packages for the Acres out. She had practiced her spiel for a few minutes on the way over here and she wondered if it had come off as unnatural. "Two for you, Lady Applejack, one for your deceased dog, and a couple for your deceased grandmare- my condolences."
Applejack blinked. "Couldn't you just not have brought the old mail? I mean it's not like I have much use for a dog toy for Winona or whatever Granny Smith lost in the mail years ago."
Luna shook her head. "And litter? I mean I love the post office but putting a strain on the trash services is just so. . .not ideal. I mean do you want to go back to the days where trash services dealt with the plague? I think not. That's how we get back to the days where piles of the deceased just sat waiting to be burned and dealt with. It was a far less cheerful time in Equestria."
"I mean I guess that makes sense. That'd be horrible." It didn't exactly make sense but arguing with an alicorn about trash wasn't on her list of chores for the day. And the last time somepony argued against Luna, Rainbow Dash had nightmares for two whole weeks. All for Dash arguing that coffee wasn't a good replacement for sleep. So, she let Luna ramble on about the logistics of trash collection for a bit. "So, if I don't want to have those packages. . .what will you do?"
Luna blinked and remembered what exactly she was doing. "There's always a secondary option. And asking you to receive the mail for what the postal code termed "deceased parties" was the simple option. The fun option is my personal favorite.
Applejack grimaced at the thought of whatever the midnight blue alicorn termed as fun. "Which is?"
Luna smiled. "Easy. Just a bit of necromancy."
***
Luna stared down at the graves that contained the bones of both Granny Smith and Winona. She could see a pair of graves off to the side in this small family plot on the Acres, a large, twisted tree with both pears and apples growing on it gave this place its natural shade. Rather serene place, she had to admit.
Applejack had followed her here, spouting questions the whole way on the 'rightness and wrongness' of necromancy. Luna nodded along ever so calmly as she listened, her mind mostly made up. Partly because she never really understood the necromancy ban her sister put into place hundreds of years into her reign and secondly, it would be rather difficult to explain how she was tasked in delivering mail to the dead without sounding like she was lying directly to Applejack's face. It sounded completely false, but she was technically tasked in getting mail to the parties listed.
So, necromancy it was. Too bad Twilight wasn't here, she'd probably love a look into the ins and outs of death based magic systems. Luna felt the leylines surrounding this place and tapped into them, breathing in the earthy smells that a place brimming in life had, tasting the hint of ash and death on her tongue as she focused on the graves in front of her, letting her magic and a few well-intentioned summoning circles etch themselves onto the grass for a moment as she hummed to herself. She felt the bones in the ground resonate ever so slightly as she filled them back up with a bit of life magic from the surrounding area, enough to use for her purpose, but not too much to impact the land too greatly.
Necromancy had a bad rap because certain practitioners didn't understand the balance between life and death.
She opened her eyes; her pupils glowing a faint blue light from her inner focus and spoke the dead into being again.
Two faint glowing spirits appeared before the pair of ponies and Luna could tell that they were who she wanted. She had seen pictures of this Granny Smith in passing in the few pictures Twilight had in the Castle of Friendship of an old green earth pony mare who had seen many a winter and this Winona- one border collie that jumped between her ghostly heels was often in pictures with Applejack.
"I have to say I wasn't expecting to get up from my dirt nap anytime soon, but I guess being dead is a bit more. . .what's that darn word? Malleable? Rubbery? Whatever. I know you, Princess, and my dear sweet Jackie." The apparition of Granny Smith turned to Applejack and sighed. "I can tell you ain't gotten married yet. Get that done, because I doubt your sister will be doing that anytime soon, what with her whole Cutie Mark Helper business. And Mac was always one for taking things slow. I need grandfoals or I'm going to haunt you forever." The ghost waved her hooves around and laughed. "No, sorry, guess I'm already dead so that threat's kind of pointless. Now what do you need me and Winona here for? Has to be something important for you to do something such as this."
Luna bowed and pulled out her remaining packages. "I am honored that you still call me Princess, but it's been an odd few years- I just became a mailpony and I had a few packages in my department that were addressed to the both of you. It didn't feel right and proper to just let your grandfoal here receive them for you."
Granny Smith laughed. "You brought me from the dead again just to give me something I can't even use. I mean look at Winona and me, do we look like we can bring whatever to the land of the dead? Things just pass right through me."
Luna nodded. "Well, I was just being thorough, just need a bit of affirmation that I saw the correct pony and with my accidental witness here. . ." Luna swept a quick hoof towards Applejack who was deathly pale and shaking like a leaf- "I think we can get the general gist of protocol out of the way and you two can be sent back to the great beyond."
Granny Smith nodded. "Sounds good to me. But just don't open the boxes. I'd love to know whatever is in them, but it don't matter too much. I mean looking around here, just knowing that I got put in this spot is all I need. I mean I thought my grandfoals would just cremate me and stick me on the fireplace like some overly sentimental rot."
Applejack shook her head. "No, I wouldn't have dared to do that Granny."
The old mare shook an intangible hoof. "I was kidding, let your dead grandmare have at least some sense of humor right now. I mean I don't get to live it up much anyway. Being dead is peaceful and all, but it's not like I have the most exciting eternal rest ever."
Luna pulled out a small booklet from a side pouch in her outfit and floated a pen over to Applejack. "Okay, since this isn't exact protocol, I have to have your signature that I delivered said packages to the ponies- and dog- listed."
Applejack listlessly took the pen in her mouth and scribbled her signature, a far cry from her normal scrawl, it looked nearly the same, but the loops were closer together and had far more thought put into them. Her heart wasn't into it.
"Thank you" Luna carefully let the spell matrices that let Granny Smith and Winona interact with the land of the living run out, letting the pair of ghosts fall back into slumber.
"Hey, say hello to Holiday for me. I always liked that mare. Even if she kept trying to finagle my family recipe for apple cookies out of me. Even though I'm a ghost, just tell her that I took that recipe to my grave. I mean it's a lie, but I'd rather not have her hound Applejack or the others for the rest of her life just cause she relaxes after her workday by baking." Granny Smith sighed. "Well, I guess it's goodbye again, AJ, keep your sister out of jail. Not that she is a bad mare, just she's a bit hardheaded. Reminds me of myself when I was younger."
With a pop and a faint smell of sulphur, the two ghosts winked out of existence again.
---
"Granny Smith will haunt me if I don't get married. . ." Applejack had been pacing back and forth for the last few minutes muttering to herself since they had got back from the rather pretty gravesite. Luna let the mare be- most ponies were horribly ill equipped to see the rising dead pop into existence. Luna just chalked that up, yet again, to Celestia just thinking necromancy was bad and forbidding it. Sure, you could create an undying skeleton army and burn down the land of the living super easily, but what was the fun in that?
Luna looked at the time on the mantel clock and sighed. While she would love being a shoulder for Honesty to cry on, she couldn't just sit here all day and get a paycheck for not working her route, that seemed slightly illegal or at least immoral to her. Slacking and getting paid while doing her first job that didn't involve starting wars and causing nightmares to the general masses felt wrong to her.
Either way, she had to let Applejack here work out whatever hang up- Rainbow Dash's term for it- she had and maybe console her later. She still had a connection to the dream realm and was still technically the Princess of the Night. Though she did enjoy not having to see each and every dream her subjects had and deal with the images they came up with.
"Well, I'm off. I'd love talking about any number of subjects, but I feel I have tarried a bit too long and my supervisors would be rather angry if I never reappeared. I mean there's entire mountains of mail to be climbed and sorted into easily delivered mail trips." Luna tapped her hooves together. Even after the years being off the moon and interacting with the greater public, she never could deal with awkward situations. And the orange farm pony just sat there. Not like she was catatonic, that would be an issue that Twilight would have words about, but just in shock.
So, Luna carefully got up and slowly walked out of the house, closing the door behind her with her magic. She quickly noted to herself that maybe using the necromantic arts would be a secretive act in a way. Because it was so much easier asking for forgiveness when ponies walked into a ghostly scene than seeing the corpse of a loved one claw itself out of a grave.
She lightly cursed her sister's name. It had been so much easier when the dark arts were seen as a true form of magical study.
***
"So, you gave her an incompletable task just to see if she would figure out and adapt?" Bulk Biceps laid down on the floor of the lost and found mailroom and looked up into the swinging lights. His back ached from digging out and sorting packages from years past, the dust and old package smell getting to him. It had been a rather productive day and it was all because Derpy kept him wading through the mess in search of mail their newest hire could deliver.
Derpy looked down at the burly stallion, her wings flapping slightly to keep her aloft. "It's a simple task. Just give Applejack the mail, let her toss the old stuff and we're like four boxes down. How hard can it be? I mean she's not directionally challenged such as yourself. . . "
"That only happened once, and I got on the wrong train. Who knew the Ponyville Express had two similar train lines."
Derpy rolled her eyes. "You weren't even supposed to get on the train. It was a delivery to Twilight Sparkle of all ponies; you know where she lives."
Bulk stretched his limbs out and bent up. "I thought she was in Manehattan that week, I mean she and her friends have weekly adventures all over the place, it's not like I was completely wrong."
Derpy scoffed at the thought. "Yeah, because having you pop up in the Crystal Empire when those mares were taking down Sombra sounds like a perfectly sane idea. I mean miss former princess can mess up all she likes. but I doubt she'd cause a diplomatic incident. Or at least not have me spend two days trying to find her in the seediest part of Manehattan. Honestly, how did you even get to the red-light district anyway, I had to ask around for hours to find a pony with low enough morals to even risk me going there."
"I dunno, I was hungry. I took a wrong turn, and I misunderstood what fish market I was at."
Derpy sighed. "Sometimes I wonder about you, Bulk. Sometimes I just do. Anyway, we have a few more package piles for our princess now, so I give you a break."
Bulk just groaned and laid back down.
Derpy glanced at the clock and sighed. "It was supposed to be a simple task, Luna, how in the world did you take two hours to deliver mail to the Acres, it's like a ten-minute round-trip flight." She grimaced at the thought that the alicorn had found one of the fun ways to get Holdiay breathing down her neck. "You know what? I just shouldn't ask so I can have deniability if Holiday gets complaints. It's Ponyville, ponies complain if the mail isn't on time during a weather emergency."
The gray pegasus sighed and got back to her work, already wondering what tall tale the alicorn would tell her when she got back. At least she'd fit right in with the other backroom workers, a hodgepodge mess of ponies that Holiday found use in but didn't work in the clean and proper customer facing section of the post office. Each and every one of the misfits Derpy had in the back probably had a few odd stories of deliveries gone wrong.
What was another one?