//------------------------------//
// Chapter 13 
// Story: Tall Tale of Sweet Sauce 
// by Starscribe 
//------------------------------//

There was nothing particularly dignified about being walked home by a princess. Twilight Sparkle made polite conversation the rest of the way back, her tone so aggressively boring that not even a cart full of nitroglycerin would've been agitated by it. Everyone who saw them turned to stare, looking from him to the Alicorn and back again.

It didn't matter if they didn't say anything. He could see the suspicion, and could imagine the whispers even if they weren't out loud.

Thankfully the indignity went only so far as city hall, where they met Vinyl coming the other direction. She froze in the street, then lowered her head in a makeshift bow to the princess. "Is something, uh... Princess?"

She answered with a smile, gently patting his shoulder with her hoof. "Nothing wrong at all, Mrs. Scratch. I wanted to have a word with the young colt about his experiences, that's all. You can take it from here."

Sweet grumbled in frustration, but walked eagerly away from the Alicorn anyway. Nevermind the indignity of being passed around between mares like a football, while the other fillies and colts of Ponyville wandered at their leisure.

"Enjoy living in Ponyville, Sweet Sauce." The princess waved down at him with one hoof, then took to the air. She spread her wings and took off without a backward glance, angling straight across-town for the silly tower of her garish tree-shaped crystal castle.

For a few awkward moments, Vinyl and Sweet just looked at each other. Then hoof-traffic around them resumed, and Vinyl smiled weakly at him. "Usually getting noticed by the princess is a good thing. Was it for you?"

"No," he grunted, frustrated. "I don't think she believed me either. Nopony does."

Vinyl considered that a moment, then her eyes settled on a nearby building. It was one of the silliest in all of Ponyville, which meant that Sweet instantly approved. He'd take a clashing, garish town over brutalist cement and glass. "How about some ice cream?"

"From there? The place that looks like gingerbread? I assume they know their way around diabetes." 

Vinyl took a moment to process his reply. "Is that a yes?"

"Technically, yeah," he muttered. In all his many lifetimes, much could be said about Sweet Sauce. But his nickname hadn't come from nowhere. Besides, being reincarnated meant he could splurge a little. He had a child's sugar tolerance all over again. "You think they have mint chip?"

They did have mint chip. Not only that, but Twilight taking him out of class early did mean one benefit: they beat the line. By the time the lopsided mare behind the counter finished serving them, a line of other foals stretched out the door. A few gave his bowl of ice-cream jealous looks as he walked past.

They didn't eat right inside the store. Without a word from him, Vinyl could apparently tell that he'd rather be anywhere else. So they walked down the road a ways, until they found some stone benches beside a park to eat. 

"You're enjoying that," Vinyl said, after only a few minutes. "That bowl's half gone already! Don't get brain-freeze!"

"I thought there was something wrong with it at first—where I came from, this flavor was always green. But mint is strong, it wouldn't take much to flavor a whole batch. Not enough to turn it green for sure."

Vinyl stared at him. "And where was that, Sweet?"

"Equestria, originally. Guess you'd call it the Everfree now, seeing as nopony's living there. Wild magic, what a drug." He had no particular reason to hide from her. What was the point of watching his words when nopony believed him to begin with? "More recently, New Mexico. Endless dry dirt, sand, desperate little plants clinging onto life. Then giant islands of bright green where people dumped lakes worth of water to grow lawns."

He lifted his head from the bowl, whispering to her. "And they didn't even eat them. They just grew big, then cut them down. Loudly, way too early in the morning."

The unicorn nodded knowingly, and let him finish his treat. He did, feeling a little better with every spoonful. It wasn't just the green colors missing from this, it was all the chemistry. It doesn't matter if nopony ever believes me. I'm back in Equestria. If Princess Celestia didn't want to believe him, did it really matter what he'd done? Maybe he could relax, and grow up a bit. 

Vinyl didn't question him further about the specific details of that strange otherworld he'd given. Whether that meant she believed him, or just didn't want to turn it into an argument, Sweet Sauce no longer cared. They left after a few minutes more, tossing away empty paper bowls before setting off for home. 

"Tell me about school," Vinyl said, as soon as they'd left the crowd behind. "Before the princess showed up."

He groaned in response. "Testing. So much stupid testing, Vinyl. Cheerilee wanted to know every little thing I'd ever learned, and really rubbed it in when I didn't. But I know more than most kids there. Throw me into Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, and I could be one of their leading professors. Just give me a few weeks to catch up on the Journal of Applied Thaumaturgy... are they still printing that?"

"Thaumaturgy," Vinyl repeated, face wrinkling like she'd just smelled something foul. "Well that sounds boring. Colt like you does not belong in some stuffy old unicorn school. Buck the entry board, and buck anypony who thinks she's better than you because she went and you didn't."

Sweet whistled quietly. Well that wasn't the response he'd been expecting. "I don't actually want to go," he said quickly. "A subscription to the journal would be enough to catch up on the magical innovations of Equestria since my departure. I'm sure it's all fascinating and unambiguously interesting. They definitely haven't spent the last century rediscovering things their betters knew before their grandparents were born."

Vinyl was just watching him now, silent. Maybe he should've realized and shut up. He didn't. "On second thought, you better not. I'm unfit for duties of ambition, Vinyl. Yoke me to a cart and set me pulling potatoes. Or maybe if I'm very lucky, I'll have the pleasure to harvest beats at the direction of the princess. What more could a humble little dirt horse like myself aspire to achieve?"

They were past the edge of town now, so there was nopony else to overhear. Only Vinyl Scratch walked just ahead of him. She stopped dead, glaring at him so intently that he floated off the ground. 

She lifted him close, then raised the polarized glasses off her face so their eyes met. Her expression wasn't angry, exactly. Cold. 

"It's wrong to talk about yourself like that, Sweet. Your worth doesn't come from the kind of spells you can do. Most unicorns can barely lift two things at once with their magic. They told my wife she'd never play the cello. Buck that. Who cares what they think?"

Sweet stared back, somewhere between shocked and afraid. She wasn't hurting him—unicorns lifted little ponies all the time. But to see such intensity from Vinyl of all creatures...

Still, hovering here in the air, legs dangling—didn't exactly make him keen to argue. "I'm not saying she can't do anything. But I can't. Empowerment is a great message, everypony now is so optimistic and friendly with the other tribes. But no number of cheerful slogans and posters on the schoolhouse wall are going to change what I am."

He lowered his voice to a frustrated mutter. "Only magic can do that, the one thing I cannot do on my own."

Vinyl set him down gently, replacing her glasses. "And that's how I know you need to go to class."

"What?" He turned, mouth hanging open indignantly. "Those aren't even related!"

She nudged him forward with her muzzle, and they set off again. "If you knew anything about Equestria since Luna's return, you'd know that friendship is magic. Two of the Elements of Harmony are earth ponies, and they've helped save Equestria with their magic half a dozen times by now."

She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial mutter. "Live with us in Ponyville for long enough, and you'll see them do it a few dozen more."

Sweet grunted unhappily in response, but there was no way to argue with her. Just because he couldn't imagine how a few farmers could help against real threats didn't mean it was impossible. Sweet knew a lie when he heard one, and Vinyl believed what she said.

"Anyway, Octavia will be with you tonight, and get you to class tomorrow. I've got a venue to get to, so we'll tag team this. But with what you said, that's probably for the best. Spend some time with her, see just how awesome an earth pony can be."

They reached the crazy split-house a few moments later, and Vinyl let them in. "What kind of venue?" Sweet asked, not really expecting an answer. "Music?"

"Duh." But the inside of the house already made that clear enough. The speakers and mixing table and associated hardware had all been boxed in hard metal cases, and loaded onto a cart so tightly that a single pony could pull it. Assuming they were strong enough. "This one's down in Appleloosa. First time I've been there, so it should be pretty cool. It's where most of the bits come from—record sales are all corporate." She rolled her eyes as she said it, banging one hoof against the case. "But when I go out and perform, there's no separation between me and the audience. It's the way music was meant to be, communication, two ways. Dynamic."

He should probably go off into a corner and vegetate, or whatever it was that young earth ponies did. But Sweet couldn't help himself. There were weapons sharp enough to cut through his cynicism. "I want to go. Can I see you perform?"

Vinyl grinned back. "I'm sure we can make that happen, Sweet. It's good to have somepony you can trust behind the stage. But traveling would mean missing class, and that just wouldn't fly. But I'm doing a local show next week! So how about this, Sweet. If Cheerilee says you're doing good, you can come. If not, we'll push it a little longer, see how you're doing."

Probably won't get anything better at this rate. "I still think it's a waste of time. But sure. A week, that doesn't sound so bad."

And they weren't, really. His next few days involved more or less the same routine. Get up, walk across town to the schoolhouse, and spend a few hours learning things he already knew. Okay, sometimes he learned something new. On his third day he actually got Cheerilee to take his question about Nightmare Moon, and got a stripped down, clearly fictionalized take on events.

But "jealous that no one appreciated the night" was more information than he had before. There was no avoiding the schoolyard jockeying for position the foals engaged in, but he didn't mind stepping to the side and letting them assume he was on the bottom. His new friends Pipsqueak and Dinky weren't particularly popular either, their parents weren't rich and they didn't come from the families of the "Elements."

But what did Sweet Sauce care about "crusading" anyway? Unless the Equestrian Army was massing to retake the sacred ancient home of Unicornia from the ice, it would only end in disappointment.

Besides, those ponies listened to him. Pipsqueak's suspicion that he was planning another dastardly adventure to get them all in trouble eroded by the day. 

"Going out and taking risks takes too much effort," he said, and meant it.

Sweet Sauce would've denied it if anyone asked, but there was a student he was excited to see at the little schoolhouse. Dinky Hooves had been denied every possible advantage for her magical development. But all she needed was an occasional bit of advice or a few words of encouragement, and she learned.

So maybe he wouldn't be a professor at any prestigious university anytime soon. His talents wouldn't be completely wasted in this impoverished farming hovel.