I pushed open the library door and held it as Twilight trotted inside, throwing herself onto the couch. I shut the door and began pacing around in front of her, twiddling my fingers as I did so. A brief period of uncomfortable silence followed, before Twilight spoke.
"So," she said, as her eyes followed me around the room. "You said you wanted to talk about the possibility of foals?"
I stopped pacing and looked straight into her eyes; the look on my face was one of sheer panic, as was normal when I was facing a situation like this, but Twilight's face showed nothing but the calm and caring demeanour I had fallen for all those months ago.
I sighed and sat by her side. "As I said earlier, I wasn't planning on having this conversation for a few months at least."
Twilight laid a hoof on my hand. "We've known each other for over a year now," she said. "You are my husband, and I like to think that I know you well enough to say you'd make a great father."
I smiled. "And you'd make a great mother," I replied. "But... in all honesty, Twi, it's what Ace said that's bugging me."
"You're worried about a pony/human hybrid," Twilight said bluntly.
I gave her a deadpan stare. "Yes, I am, as it happens."
Twilight looked at me and sighed. "You don't need to worry about that," she said, bringing me in for a hug.
I returned the hug. "Why not?"
"Think about it," she replied. "How many times have we had sex?"
I grinned. "Too many to count."
"Exactly." Twilight returned my grin with one of her own. "So, given how many times we've done it, how come I'm not pregnant?" I shrugged, and she laughed. "Because our DNA is incompatible."
"So basically..." I put a hand on my chin. "We can fuck as often as we want, and you won't end up with a bun in the oven?" Twilight looked at me with a puzzled expression on her face. "It's one of the many phrases that humans use instead of the word 'pregnant.'"
"Ah, I see." Twilight smiled. "Well, Geo, that's exactly the point I was trying to make. Now, stop fretting and let's go to bed."
"You go ahead," I replied as I stood up. "I really need to find Ace."
Twilight nodded. "OK, I'll see you later, but don't take too long," she said, as I gave her a kiss and left the library.
As I walked along the road leading out of Ponyville towards Ace's laboratory, I felt as though I was walking on air. The talk I had had with Twilight made me feel happy about the fact I wouldn't be the father of a twisted pony/human hybrid.
However, my happy thoughts soon turned to ones of regret as I realised I would never have a child to call my own. I shook my head to clear my mind as Ace's laboratory came into view over the hill, spotting the man himself sitting on a chair outside. He saw me coming over the hill and raised a hand in greeting.
"Hey, Ace," I said as I approached. "We need to talk."
"I see." the nervous tone in his voice was obvious to both of us. "Is this about what I said at the party?"
"Yes," I replied. "It is."
Ace nodded. "Very well, Geo." he stood up and raised his arms. "Get it over with, please... anywhere but the face."
"I'm not going to hit you, Ace." I sighed. "I just came by to tell you that Twilight and I talked about it; she's assured me that our DNA is incompatible, so we don't need to use protection."
"And how can she be so sure?" Ace asked, lowering his arms.
"It's Twilight; she'll have read a book or ten," I said. "Remember, we're not the first humans to have lived in Equestria."
Ace chuckled. "That's a good point," he replied. "I'm going to assume that somepony studied the possibility of human/pony cross-breeding all those years ago, and came up with nothing."
"Yeah," I said, "that sounds about right."
"Well, if she says you have nothing to worry about, then I'm not going to argue with her." Ace held out his hand. "No hard feelings?"
I grinned and shook it. "Of course not," I said. "Thanks to you, I've discovered that Twilight and I can have as much sex as we want, and all without having to worry about bringing any weird hybrid types into the world." Ace smiled politely, and the two of us stood in silence for a while. "But enough about me and my sex life!" I said eventually. "How are you settling in, Ace?"
"I'm doing all right," he replied. "My new laboratory is nearly completed, and I'm thinking about renting Tiny out as a mobile DJ platform; Vinyl Scratch says he's awesome."
"Glad to hear it, mate," I said. "Remember, if you need any help, you know where to find me."
"Yes." a sly grin spread across Ace's face. "In Twilight's bed."
I chuckled. "Anyway, I've gotta go." I looked at my watch. "It's getting late, and I don't want Twilight to worry." Ace nodded, and I began jogging back to Ponyville. "I'll see you later, Ace!" I shouted.
As I ran, I heard rustling coming from the tree line; I slowed down to a walking pace and looked around. "Oh, boy," I muttered. "That had better not be a fucking manticore or some shit."
"You there!" a voice called from behind me. "Halt!"
I stopped in my tracks and turned to the source of the voice, a shocked expression appearing on my face as I saw who had spoke.
It was another human, but it wasn't John or Ace. He was wearing a khaki-coloured uniform with a Union Jack on the sleeve; I instantly recognised him as a British soldier.
"What the fuck?!" I said. "Who are you? What's going on? Why are you here? Actually, more to the point, how did you get here?"
"I am not at liberty to answer those questions, civilian," the soldier replied. "All you need to know is who I am; Captain Andrew Jones of The Black Watch, 3rd Battalion, The Royal Regiment of Scotland. I have been sent to bring you to my commanding officer, regarding a top-secret matter of national security."
"Why me?" I asked, dumbfounded. "What use would I be?"
Andrew sighed. "As hard as it is, I need you to trust me. The General has some questions for you regarding this world..."
"And?" I said, realising he had trailed off.
"And your association with one Doctor Ace Sorou."
"Ace?" I stood silently for a moment. "Very well," I said. "I'll come with you, but you'd better not take up too much of my time. My wife will kill me if I'm late getting home."
"I can't guarantee that we won't." he looked confused when I said 'wife,' but he quickly composed himself and snapped his fingers.
Two more soldiers stepped out of the trees; one of them grabbed my arms and handcuffed me, the other put a bag over my head.
"Hey!" I shouted. "What in the fuck is going on?!"
"For security reasons, we cannot allow you to know where you are going." I heard an engine rumbling, followed by the squealing of brakes. "Get him in the Jeep, and let's get out of here." Andrew ordered. "Hurry! Before we're spotted!" I was bundled into the back of the Jeep, the two soldiers on either side of me. "Drive."
The Jeep began moving, and once again I felt my nerves going. My palms were sweaty, my knees were weak, my arms were heavy, and my heart felt like it was going a hundred beats per minute. As the vehicle bounced along the road, a single thought came to mind.
Yep, Twilight is gonna kill me.