Twilight Sparkle was, at the moment, not a happy unicorn.
That may have been because she had spent the last 2 days getting roped into hearing every crazy theory about Scootaloo that the citizens of Ponyville could throw at her. Or perhaps it was because she had been abducted by Princess Luna, who suddenly believed the lavender unicorn was her daughter.
The far more likely reason for her annoyance was the fact that Luna, in her delusional state, believed that Twilight was her BABY daughter.
That also explained why Twilight was currently trapped in a giant crib…and wearing a diaper.
"You know, I don't think cribs are suppose to have bars on the top," Twilight complained, rattling her 'cell' with her hooves and finding that the structure simply refused to collapse.
"But if the bars weren't there then the babies would escape," Luna said simply, prancing about the room dusting. "And mommy can't have her little Twilight Moonie sneaking out and getting into trouble."
"Sparkle, my name is Twilight Sparkle," Twilight said with a groan.
Luna giggled. "Somepony is cran-ky!"
A sour look flashed across Twilight's face. "Maybe somepony is cranky because you put them in a diaper!" Her horn glowed but Luna had enchanted the crib to prevent her from doing magic (and, much to Twilight's shame, she could not figure out how to simply rip the diaper off). "Please Princess Luna, I'm a grown up mare, I can use the bathroom like anypony else!"
Trotted over, Luna made a funny face. "Aw, my little filly thinks she is a big mare!"
"I AM a big mare!" Twilight shot back. "And I don't need a diaper!"
Her 'mother' clicked her tongue, disagreeing with that statement. "I know you think you can use the potty all by yourself but the little accident you had on the flight up here proved otherwise."
"That 'little accident' was caused by a deranged Princess kidnapping me after I drank 17 glasses of tea!" Twilight blushed at the memory, hoping no one had seen her wet herself.
~An Hour Earlier~
"Great meeting, everypony! We'll see you next week!" The Great and Powerful Trixie called out to the other members of the support group.
"Bye Trixie! I'll see you tonight! Bring your saddle," Gilda purred. Trixie gave her girlfriend a saucy wink and turned to head back to her apartment.
Prince Blueblood rolled his eyes in disgust. After his 'Auntie' Celestia had heard about his treatment of her prize pupil Twilight's friend Rarity, she had decided to punish him with community service. For the last 15 months he had been spending his days leading group therapy sessions as losers and rejects sobbed about being kicked out of Ponyville by the Elements of Harmony. Blueblood personally thought they all needed to grow a pair.
Still, he wasn't going to let their petty little worries get him down. He had the rest of the week off, the sun was shining and overhead he could see birds flying, bees buzzing and-
"What in the name of Discord?" Blueblood said, looking up in confusion as he saw his Aunt Luna carrying a struggling Twilight Sparkle towards Canterlot Castle. The unicorn was screaming something then her legs did a weird jig and-
"Why is she-wait...did she just...no...no...no no no no-" Blueblood shielded himself. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
~MC~MC~MC~
Luna smiled, reaching through the bars to give Twilight's head a pat. "Aw, my little foal is sad she made a boom-boom."'
Twilight growled and snapped at the Princess' hooves
"Well, somepony is fussy! I think it is time for your nap."
"Can I take it back at my house?"
Luna either didn't hear her or chose to ignore her. "Now, I have the perfect bedtime story in mind! I heard you were asking around about Scootaloo..."
"Please no," Twilight whimpered.
"...so I am going to tell you her secret origin!"
Twilight's lip trembled before tears burst from her eyes. "WAAA! WAAA! WAAAA!"
~Several Years Ago, on the Moon~
No one knew what exactly caused it. Maybe some flying space junk struck the ancient prison (which looked like a dumpster). Or perhaps the magic that held the seal finally wore off. The reason didn't matter; all that mattered was that the being contained within was released once more.
"At last! After a thousand years I'm finally free!" Nightmare Moon cackled. Her Shadowbolts nodded their heads in agreement, thrilled to be free of the dumpster (Nightmare had spent the last 300 years singing 'The Song That Never Ends'...they had lost half their troops to mass suicide). "Now we will turn our attention to Equestria!"
In Equestria, in a secret structure known as 'The Command Center', Princess Luna looked at the viewing screen and felt dread enter her heart that the sight of her old rival freed from her prison.
"Iy aiaiaiai!" Spike squealed in a panic, flailing his arms. "What should we do, Princess Luna?"
"The time has come...Spike, we must summon six young mares...with attitude."
"Uh, Princess Luna...you were Nightmare Moon"
"..."
"Princess?"
"..."
"Fine....'mom', you were Nightmare Moon."
"See, was that so hard? And no, you just think I was Nightmare Moon. That is a terrible lie started by the real evil doer: Princess Celestia."
"...you know what, I don't even have the strength to point out everything wrong with that sentence."
Meanwhile, in Ponyville, best friends and mares-with-attitude Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were practicing their martial arts skills...because that is what you do if you are a cool mare, apparently (but what was really strange was that Snip and Snails teased them and called them dweebs...when clearly they were the hottest mares in all of Ponyville). Pinkie Pie was just about to show off a killer backflip she had mastered when the six of them were transported from Ponyville and beamed directly to The Command Center.
"What...what is going on?" Rarity said, looking about in a panic.
"Hey look, a baby dragon!" Pinkie Pie bounced over to Spike and began to inspect him. "Wow, you are so cool! Can you do any special tricks? What are those things at the end of your legs? Why are you that color?"
"Pinkie, you can't ask dragons why they are the color they are," Twilight grumbled. "I thought we'd been over this when we caught you with those…bad ponies!"
"Sorry Twilight, I just got excited. And you can’t blame me for that first time, I thought they were all dressing up like ghosts and burning lower case letter Ts."
The girls stopped speaking when Princess Luna stepped forward to address them. "Greetings, I am Princess Luna. I have brought you here to help save Equestria from a great threat. My sister, Princess Celestia, once tried to steal the moon from me because she knew it was awesome and she was really uncool and wanted to be cool. I was willing to let her have it because I am nice and the best mommy ever, but then for no good reason ("Literally") she turned into Nightmare Moon, an evil alicorn that wants to take over Equestria. Now then-"
"Wait...she must have had a reason," Twilight interrupted, not realizing just how annoying it was when she did that.
"Hey!"
"Well she didn't, and now she is sending her Shadowbolts down to terrorize Ponyville. Only the 6 of you have the power to stop her...by becoming the Harmony Rangers!"
"Shucks, ah done don't know 'bout that none, Miss Luna ma'am," Applejack said.
"Why does she sound like that? Applejack doesn't talk like that!"
"Do you want me to continue the story or not?"
"No! I've been telling you 'no' for hours!"
"I have to agree with Applejack, Princess," Fluttershy said humbly. "We're not strong enough to be Harmony Rangers."
"But you are...you see," the lights dimmed and Luna began to intone the truth to the six mares. "1000 years ago, the six of you were princesses on the moon, serving me, your queen. But when Celestia became Nightmare Moon I transported you to the future and erased your memories, so you could live as normal ponies until the time came to become Harmony Scouts."
"Rangers," Rainbow Dash reminded her.
"Whatever."
"This...this makes no flipping sense!"
~MC~MC~MC~
Luna blinked, startled by Twilight's outburst.
"I mean, first you say that we were picked because we were mares with attitude...then you say that we were really princesses of the moon who were sent to Equestria but had our memories erased! Wouldn't it have made sense to let us keep our memories so we could be better prepare to...fight...why am I arguing this?"
"What's that Moon Pie?"
"Why am I arguing this when I know it isn't true?"
"And how do you know that?" Luna said sweetly.
"BECAUSE I AM NOT A HARMONY RANGER YOU DERANGED PYSCHO!" Twilight roared in Princess Luna's face.
Sniff.
"Princess Luna?" Twilight said a bit softer, eyes growing wide when she saw the fat tears rolling down the moon goddess' cheeks.
"I...I just wanted to be a good mommy," Luna whimpered, her chest quivering with each sob she tried to choke back. "I read this book...for new moms and what they should do with their new daughters and I...I just thought..."
Twilight closed her eyes and reached over, patting the princess' hoof. "It's...it's ok."
"No it's not! My baby hates me!"
Twilight bit her lip, wanting to desperately scream that she wasn't Luna's daughter and she didn't even know how the goddess had come to that conclusion. But seeing the princess so broken up and realizing Luna had made the same mistake Twilight had during her first slumber party....
"Princess L...I mean...'mom'...I'd like to hear the end of the story?"
"R-really?" Luna whispered.
Twilight managed a weak smile. "Sure."
~MC~MC~MC~
"Hahaha!" The Shadowbolts laughed, attacking innocent ponies (because that is what you do when you are evil, apparently…remember kids, Martial arts= good, trying to kill ponies=bad). Ponyville was in shambles as everypony tried to escape the attackers.
Save six.
"Ready girls?" Twilight said, standing dramatically in front of the Shadowbolts.
"Ready!" her friends called out.
"It's Morphin' Time!"
"Honesty!"
"Loyalty!"
"Kindness!"
"Inspiration....er, I mean....Generosity!"
"Laughter!"
"Magic!"
The girls were instantly clothed in spandex suits that were the color of their body (which isn't racist in the slightest) and their helmets had a viewing window that was in the shape of their cutie mark (you'd think that would make it hard to see but...uh...magic?). The Shadowbolts stomped their hooves and rushed into battle, the girls charging at them and performing impressive/impractical martial arts moves.
"Good thing we are all world-class karate experts, or this would be difficult!" Pinkie Pie said happily, high kicking a Shadowbolt that was trying to sneak past her.
On the moon, Nightmare Moon was not happy. "It's time to take things up a notch!" Her horn glowed and she sent a blast of magic to Equestria. "Magic Horn, make my Shadowbolt GROW!"
The girls began to back away as one of the Shadowbolts grew to the size of a dragon. It stomped its hoof and it sent them all flying in a very cheesy way.
"What are we gonna do now?" Applejack asked.
"Let's summon the Megazord!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
Fluttershy shook her head. "Princess Luna hasn't be able to get the funds to buy it yet." (Kids, remember to ask your parents to buy you the Harmony Megazord! Available at your local Toys R Us!)
"Who are you talking to? What kids?'
"Shhhh, burping time."
"Listen, I will call you mom but I will not let you-UUUURRRP!"
"See?"
"....just...keep going..."
"What about the Kamahamaha?" Twilight offered.
"No can do, Twi," Applejack said. "That belongs to a different story.
~Meanwhile, on Namek~
"Nail.....Nail!"
Nail, a Namekian warrior in service to the leader of Namek, Lord Guru, stepped forward. "What is it Lord Guru?"
"We are in an overhyped internet sensation."
"...how is that any different from every day in our lives?"
"I MEAN A DIFFERENT ONE!" Guru shouted.
~MC~MC~MC~
Just when it looked like their first mission would be their last, several bolts of energy struck the giant Shadowbolt and sent it crashing to the ground.
"Who is that?" Rarity exclaimed, pointing to the new ally. The figure wore an orange spandex uniform with purple highlights and was riding on a high-tech scooter armed with laser guns and all sorts of gadgets.
"I'm Scootaloo! I either hail from another world where ponies descended from bugs or I was a prisoner who was almost turned into a cyborg slave but I escaped before the brainwashing step and now I fight evil."
"You don't know which one you are?" Twilight asked. "Shouldn't you know your own origin story?"
"Well, it kinda...listen, that isn't important! I have randomly appeared at the last minute and I will now help you all! Let's take down this monster!"
"Princess Luna, I'm sorry to interrupt your private study time, but I-TWILEY?!?!"
~MC~MC~MC~
Twilight and Luna looked up, startled by the appearance of Shining Armor, Princesses Celestia and Cadence and Tydal (who looked a bit green in the gills at the scene playing out before him). During the last bit of the story Luna had managed to get Twilight out of the crib and in a bib and bonnet and was in the process of rocking her when the others had burst in.
"Help...me..." Twilight whimpered.
Celestia simply shook her head. "Luna, Twilight...what you to do on your own time is your business..."
"But...but I..." Twilight stammered.
Tydal grumbled to himself before speaking. "Luna, release her." The moon goddess reluctantly let the lavender mare go, Twilight slamming to the ground. "Shining Armor, please de-baby your sister. "
"Uh...yes Lord Tydal," the white unicorn said, using his magic to lift a sputtering Twilight up and marched out of the door with his sister floating close behind. Cadence followed after them, confused by the entire situation but going with the flow (as was her nature).
Celestia waited 30 seconds before the tittering laughter she had been trying to contain bubbled up from her lips. "I can't believe you put her in the bib!" She began to make plans to use a memory-depiction spell to get the image of Twilight being craddled by Luna made into a photo as soon as possible. "I knew you were planning on the diaper..."
Luna smirked, all traces of sadness and insanity leaving her instantly as she basked in the glory of a successful gag "What can I say, I was inspired. What better what to welcome my daughter into the family then by pranking her? It's a tradition!"
Tydal watched his students/sisters laugh and shook his head in good humor. "This is why our family reunions are so short."