God, what the fuck is wrong with me? Charley thought to himself, turning around and staring shamefully at his hooves. I’m so fucking stupid! Why did I have to go and do that? He made it clear he doesn’t like stallions!”
“You’re fine, Charley,” Thunderlane started, not a hint of embarrassment in his voice as he spoke with a light laugh. “We’ve all been there at one point or another. And those of us who haven’t will be one day. It doesn’t need to be weird.” He paused for a second before finishing, “I just don’t like stallions like that.”
I’m not even a stallion…
“But anyway,” the pegasus continued, “about lunch: there’s this place in Cloudsdale I've been wanting to try for a long time, one that serves hamburgers made from vegetables instead of hay. Wanna come with me to try that? I’ll pay, obviously.”
“I should go…”
“Hey, it’s fine,” the stallion tried to assure him, still smiling. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been there. I’m not embarrassed or angry or anything if that’s what you think.”
“I shouldn’t even be here,” Charley said bitterly, not bearing to look anywhere but his hooves. “I don’t even know you, and shouldn’t be hanging around you like this.”
How he’d gotten so wrapped up in someone– somepony– he’d only known for a day, he didn’t know, but he hated himself for it. He clenched his jaw in frustration and closed his eyes, wanting to grind his hoof into the ground if not for the clouds. How could he possibly be this stupid to fall for someone like this?
“Hey, listen, Charley,” Thunderlane started, putting a wing on his shoulder.
“Don’t touch me!” he responded angrily, roughly pulling away from him. It was Thunderlane’s fault too. He openly said he was gonna try and make him fall in love with him. And it wasn’t a joke, clearly, with all the flirting he did and buying him drinks and letting him stay over at his house. And Charley just let it all happen. He went exactly down the route he didn’t want to go. He was only supposed to make friends, and yet he went and started to fall in love, and it made his cheeks go red in anger and shame.
“This is your fault, too,” he grumbled shyly, feeling a few steps away from crying. It wasn’t something he’d done particularly often, but he was close now.
“What? What do you mean?”
“I- you… nothing! Just forget it!” he turned away and stomped off, leaving he and Rumble standing there in confusion. He was feeling absolutely ashamed of himself, for letting his heart fall for someone so quickly, for the simple fact that he did like him.
His embarrassment was only made worse by how angry he was acting after the fact. He knew Thunderlane was going to think it was because he didn't kiss back, even though that wasn't the issue. Why did he try to kiss him? Thunderlane said he didn’t like stallions. He wished he could just jump off a ledge and die.
He did exactly that, finding the nearest ledge to jump off of to the ground below, free falling through the air. He only fell for about a minute though before he stretched out his wings to glide safely down. He wasn’t going to die. That was going to happen in a few days anyway.
In a few days, I’ll be a woman, and I’ll never have to think about Thunderlane again, he thought to himself. Thunderlane already said he was his friend, so did it really matter if he spent more time with the stallion? Probably not. He’d succeeded in his mission of making one friend, just like Death said.
And yet he still badly wanted to spend time with Thunderlane, even after that.
Why are you so wrapped up in him? he wondered to himself. He’s just another man. Sure he looks good and has a nice personality, but that’s never gotten you to fall in love so fast before. What’s the difference?
He didn’t know, and he wasn’t sure he ever would.
Charley might have known how to glide, but that didn’t make him particularly good at it. He glided quickly down to the ground, unable to control his speed, and eventually landed on his stomach and face near the bench he was first picked up by Thunderlane at. It was as good a spot as any to land, he figured, and the bench would let him lay down and be depressed like he wanted to be. Depressed over something that didn’t matter, of course.
He stood up and brushed himself off, but before he could make his way to the bench, he was being knocked down onto his back again. He had a feeling he knew who it was.
“Why?” he asked angrily, looking up to see the grey mail mare on top of him. “Why do you insist on knocking me down every time you see me? Is there any way you can just not?”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Charley,” she tried to apologize fearfully. “I just–”
“No! I don’t want to hear excuses! Can you just… please…”
In a second, tears were running down his cheeks as he tried to choke back sobs. How could he be crying over something so stupid? What on Earth or Equestria or any other world was wrong with him? He shouldn’t have been so emotionally caught up in someone he literally just met.
“Um, do you need a hug, Mr. Charley?” the mare asked. "You're not hurt, are you? I'm sorry. Should I get somepony to get a doctor?"
“No, I'm fine,” he said, wiping his eyes and getting control of himself a few seconds later. “And stop calling me ‘mister’. I’m just Charley.”
“Sorry.”
He brushed himself off again, finally taking his seat on the bench, letting out a breath and closing his eyes as he did. Maybe he could just sit on this bench for the rest of the week and not talk to anyone. It wasn’t like there was anything else to do. Thunderlane already said they were friends, and treated him like a friend.
Like a friend. That was the main thing. It wasn’t Thunderlane’s fault Charley was being an idiot and trying to kiss someone who didn’t even like stallions. He said he didn’t like stallions. When he said he would make Charley fall in love with him, he was obviously joking. Anyone could see he wasn’t being serious with his flirtations. It was Charley’s fault for letting himself get wrapped up in this.
“Um, do you need somepony to talk to, Charley?” the mare suddenly asked. He opened his eyes to see her sitting right next to him, looking at him with big, sad eyes. For somepony who said she was afraid of him, she seemed remarkably concerned. Maybe this was why Death said it should’ve been easy to make friends.
“I’m fine,” he said, his voice cracking a little bit. “Just stop crashing into me, please. And let me be alone. I don’t want to talk to anyone.”
“Is it about that stallion you were watching during the show? Thunderlane?”
“Oh, come on! How do you know about that?”
“I was at the Wonderbolts show, and was gonna ask how come you were looking at him the whole time. Also, he saw me and told me to tell you he’s sorry if he made you feel bad. Which is weird because I don’t normally deliver messages like that, but there’s a first time for everything! Maybe I can become a messenger mail pony!”
“Maybe,” Charley rolled his eyes sarcastically. “It doesn’t matter though because I won’t be here for long enough for this to be a thing. I’m just being a big dumb idiot.”
A dumb, stupid, lovestruck fool, one who tried to kiss ponies who openly said multiple times they didn’t like stallions, one who let himself get caught up in the exhilaration of being flown around, who wasn’t even going to be a pony for long enough for this to matter, who knew he shouldn’t have been getting caught up in this, and was anyway.
“That happens to lots of ponies,” she said. “Not that you’re stupid. I’m sorry. But, um, well, I like somepony named Dr. Whooves, and it took me a long time to realize he didn’t like me back. And then I cried about it. But that doesn’t make somepony stupid. A lot of the letters I deliver are ponies who love other ponies who don’t love them back. But they can still be friends. Dr. Whooves and I still are, in fact! We're best friends, even though he doesn't like me the same way.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t really like him. It’s just…”
Fine. He liked Thunderlane. A lot. That didn’t mean it was okay to hang onto him and try to kiss him like he did, or wrap his hooves around him and smell his neck while they flew, or stare at him during the show. All those things were just making how he felt more intense, and probably making Thunderlane feel bad. He should’ve been trying to go the opposite route and not get caught up in him. What came over him during the show, he didn’t know, but he wouldn’t let it come over him again if he could help it.
“Can you just leave me alone now, please?” he asked. “I don’t wanna talk about this.”
“I’ll go now,” she said. “I’m sorry for crashing into you, Mr. Charley.”
“Please don’t do that again either. If you need glasses, get them or just fly slower. And also, I'm not a mister. It's just Charley.”
“I’ll try. I’m sorry.”
She left with that, flying off back to Cloudsdale presumably. It left Charley to lay alone by himself on the bench all afternoon. He passed the entire day away, the sun setting over the horizon after a while. What kind of day was that? Three full days were gone, all three just being completely wasted on nothing.
Well, not entirely nothing last night and this morning. It was such a nice time, being able to hold onto Thunderlane like that, and talking with him and looking at the stars the night before. And it wasn’t like he asked for those things. Thunderlane was the one who offered. Not even that in some cases, just picking him up out of the blue and flying him around. Not to mention, the stallion didn’t seem that mad about it, either when he held him while they flew or when he tried to kiss him. In fact, he laughed like it was a joke. It didn’t make it okay for Charley to do, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t having a nice time before.
Still though, he knew he needed to remove himself from the stallion and find a different pony to befriend. He was pretty sure he’d already completed the requirements for friendship Death gave to him, but just in case he didn’t, he wanted to find someone else. A mare, ideally, so there’d be no chance of him falling in love. He’d only known Thunderlane for a day, but if he continued to spend time with him, his attraction would only increase and start to make it painful to think about having to leave after the week was up. He didn’t want to get to a point where, if Death offered, he had to chose between being a man with Thunderlane or a woman alone.
Yeah, right. Like one day really counts as friends. You still barely know him.
He had four more days to make a new friend and forget about Thunderlane. He could do it. And he would. He would do it, even if it still made his heart flutter to think about the stallion smiling at him.
He laid on the bench, looking at the stars, just as he did the night before, when all of a sudden, a familiar, handsome black pegasus was floating above him, his wings flapping up and down gracefully. He was still wearing that Wonderbolts uniform that showed off his physique, and still had those beautiful golden eyes. He sent down that smile that made Charley’s heart melt and smile against his will. When Charley realized he was though, he turned away.
“Can I buy you a drink?” he asked, the joking tone in his voice clear. He obviously thought what happened earlier was nothing, which made Charley feel a little bit better. He wasn’t in the mood for a drink though.
“Can I just be left alone?” he asked. “I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone right now.”
He could practically hear Thunderlane frown at that, and turned to see him floating down to sit next to him on the bench.
“I didn’t mean to, like, play with your emotions,” the stallion apologized softly. “It probably feels like I was leading you on, and that wasn’t my intention. I just thought it was all in good fun, because we both said we don’t like stallions. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, that was a lie,” he sighed. “I don’t even know why I try to convince myself I don’t.” He grumbled to himself angrily. Maybe it was an attempt to try and appear more normal, at least to himself. That he was just the same as everyone else. It was just as futile as trying to convince himself he was a man, or that he could actually find another friend to make in the next four days when he sucked at interacting with people.
“I’ve literally never liked one other person like this though,” he grumbled, looking up and practically glaring at the stallion next to him, almost annoyed with Thunderlane because of how he felt. “Not even my ex-wife. No one.”
“Haha, I’ve had a whole lot of mares tell me that, more than I can count,” the stallion laughed. “A few stallions, too, apparently. Honestly, I don’t get what ponies see in me.”
Maybe it’s the fact that you’re the most attractive man I've ever seen in my life, he thought. That, and how cool and calm and confident he was, and the faint smell of sweat and wind he gave off, and the fact that he was still staring at him with those amazing, soul piercing golden eyes.
The way Thunderlane said the words, too– it seemed like he genuinely didn’t know what ponies saw in him. Could he really be that clueless? If he was, then that was saying something, because as clueless as Charley knew he was, he wasn’t this clueless. Not that anyone ever saw anything in him. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be here.
“Well, I don’t know what I see in you either,” he lied, “but I hate that I do see something. So just… I don’t know, stop existing?”
“I will try to stop being as charming as I am,” Thunderlane offered, mostly joking as he smiled down at the stallion. It made Charley blush and turn away, his normal scowl reforming.
“For real though,” he started, being more serious now, “I’ll stop flirting with you if it’s hurting you and making you upset. I don’t want to come across that way. I just like flirting with ponies, even if they're the same gender as I am. I’m sorry.”
“Thanks, but I’d rather be left alone.” He didn’t want to be anywhere near the stallion for the rest of the week if he could help it. He severely hated how much he liked this stallion, how he was making him do things Charley would never do. He would never reach out for a kiss like that to anyone, or slip up the way he did in front of Rumble.
“I appreciate your hospitality, but I’d rather not be near someone who’s rotting my brain with all this fucking romantic comedy shit.”
“Well, I can’t let you stay out here, I’m making that clear,” Thunderlane asserted. “If you don’t have a place to stay, I’m not letting you sleep outside… wait, you said Pinkie Pie would let you stay with her, right?”
Charley rolled his eyes at that. He’d rather keep being in the middle of this romantic comedy Death set up for him than spend a night with her. He was probably looking down at him and laughing at his choices. Find Pinkie Pie and get a migraine from her talking his ear off all night, spend the night outside in the cold, or be awkward around a stallion he liked who didn’t like him back.
Well… at least Thunderlane is good looking…
“Fine, but don’t, like… flirt with me and stuff or try to do things that make me like you. It’s gonna hurt if you act like that.” He could feel the tears building up, but pushed them back and forced himself to keep his emotions in check.
“I promise, I’ll try my best not to do those things,” Thunderlane assured him. “Pinkie Promise, in fact. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”
“What the hell is a Pinkie Promise?”
“It’s a promise you never break with anypony, ever, no matter what. It’s how you know I’m serious about not wanting to hurt you like that. You don’t want to know what Pinkie Pie does to ponies who break Pinkie Promises.”
“Whatever. Let’s just go… god damnit, I still can’t fly.”
“I can carry you up again,” he said. “I’d teach you how to fly right now, but I’m completely worn out from the show and carrying you from earlier. Tomorrow would be a better day for that.”
He so wanted to learn how to fly. Or rather, he wanted Thunderlane to teach him how to fly. However, he knew he was just gonna get more wrapped up into how he felt about him, and he didn’t like the idea of that. He already knew he was gonna be a completely lovestruck idiot if he did do that with Thunderlane tomorrow, and didn’t know what to do about it.
He sighed and decided to let it be a problem for tomorrow. For now, he watched Thunderlane get off the bench and bend down and stretch his wings so Charley could climb on his back. As much as he didn’t want to, he wrapped his hooves around the pony and climbed on, doing his best to not grip too tightly or rest his head on his neck as they lifted into the air.
“I’m sorry if this is awkward for you,” Thunderlane apologized. “This might take a little while though. I am so worn out… Wanna find a place to eat? I know you haven’t had any lunch or dinner at all.”
“Sure, as long as it’s a fast food place or something.” He didn’t want something fancy where he would sit down and be treated to an expensive meal, as nice as it sounded.
“There’s a Hayburger in Cloudsdale. I don’t know if you’ve ever eaten there, but we can go there.”
“I haven’t, but sure.”
The conversation ended with that, both staying silent as Charley was quietly carried by the stallion back into the clouds. He closed his eyes and tried not to think about how peaceful and nice this was. It shouldn’t have been making him feel so nice and happy to hold onto him like this. He could feel the muscles of the stallion under his Wonderbolts uniform, feel his own long mane brushing into Thunderlane’s a bit. He couldn’t help but imagine he was a lady being carried on her boyfriend’s back, a thought he tried to get out of his head.
He got more of the smell of sweat now, the stallion likely having not showered yet after his performance, but it wasn’t bad like it would be on someone else. It was strong enough to combine well with his normal smell– a smell he now identified as something piquancy– but not nearly enough to be just disgusting and nasty like sweat usually was. It made him want to wrap his hooves around Thunderlane tighter and inhale deeply to take in every single ounce of the smell he could.
He forced himself not to do that, despising himself for even thinking that. He needed to jump off of Thunderlane’s back right now and find somepony else to be with. His time with the stallion would end eventually. Whether it was right now or more painfully a few days from now though was to be determined.
He didn’t jump off, staying on for the whole ride to a place called Hayburger. It was not a place that smelled particularly appetizing, Charley mostly getting the smell of hay and the dumpster behind the restaurant as he approached. He wished he would’ve asked Thunderlane if they could eat at his house, this place reminding him of a typical McDonald's back on Earth.
“I don’t eat here a lot because Hayburger isn’t very good, or good for you for that matter,” the pegasus explained, “but, I mean, it’s fast food.”
“It smells nasty,” Charley got out. “But whatever. Here’s fine, I guess.”
“We can find something else if you want.”
“It’s fine, we’ll eat here.”
Charley marched right in, Thunderlane following behind him up to the counter to order their food as Charley sat down. A few seconds later, Thunderlane was sitting across from him again, watching as Charley put his head on the table and closed his eyes. He didn’t want to look at him if he didn’t have to. He needed to have some sort of self control in the presence of this pony.
Maybe I could try to make friends with Pinkie Pie or that mail mare again, he thought. It was an idea. He certainly wasn’t going to be falling in love with either of them any time soon, and he was sure a simple apology would be enough to suffice and make them less angry with him, if they even still were. They didn’t seem like they were. If he stopped being an ass and put in actual effort, maybe he could–
“Hey, can I admit something to you?” the stallion in front of him suddenly started, interrupting his thoughts.
“Hmm?” Charley looked up at Thunderlane with curious eyes, wondering what he was going to say. He watched the stallion open his mouth, but didn’t hear any words come out, Thunderlane seeming like he was at a loss for what to say. It made Charley tilt his head in curiosity.
“Nothing,” he finished after a few seconds of no words spoken, looking away awkwardly. “Let me see if our food is ready.” He wasn’t even smiling, seeming like he was uncomfortable. It was surprising to see. Charley hadn’t known the stallion for very long, but in the little time he did, he didn’t seem like he was uncomfortable even once. Hell, he had out and out tried to kiss Thunderlane, and even then, he didn’t look uncomfortable like he did now. It was surprising, and had Charley completely confused, as well as a bit concerned.
He couldn’t help but think he was going to come back and say that he was right and he should just be alone because he made things too uncomfortable. Or maybe he’d be polite about it and say he didn’t want to keep hurting Charley. He could see Thunderlane feeling that way, not wanting to make him feel bad, as though it was his fault Charley was the biggest idiot of all time and moved in like that.
The stallion didn’t say anything as he sat back down in front of him, staring at their tray of food for a long moment, practically glaring at it.
“Are you okay?” Charley had to ask. “Like I said, I should probably just go if I’m making you uncomfortable. I’m sorry I made everything as awkward as hell.”
“Huh? Oh, I’m fine, sorry.” He quickly shook his head and put his classic confident smile back on. “I was just thinking about what kind of grease this food has in it and how bad it’s gonna be for me. Also, you told me last night you told me you cursed out Pinkie Pie and the mail mare, right? I think you should apologize to them as soon as you can. If you’re not gonna be here that long like Pinkie Pie told me, you aren’t gonna wanna leave relationships on bad terms.”
“Ugh. God, those two are annoying. You know the grey one crashed into me a few hours ago again? That has to be the sixth or seventh time in the last three days. It’s fucking annoying.”
“I know I joked about it before, but she really does have an eyesight problem, and poor coordination at that. You should cut her a little bit of slack if you can, especially with how sensitive she can be.”
“Well if she needs glasses–”
“It’s not a glasses problem. It’s an actual eyesight problem. You know how one of them looks lazy? Well, they actually both are. I don’t know much about it, but I’m pretty sure if anyone else had eyes like that, it’d be impossible for them to just do normal everyday tasks, let alone deliver mail every single day. It’s impressive, honestly.”
“Yeah, well… if it hasn’t been obvious, I’m not a people person, and I barely know how to interact with anyone. It should be no surprise when I go and fuck up relationships.” Not that he really cared to learn how to, since he didn’t like people. Or ponies for that matter, outside of one.
Thunderlane laughed a little bit at that. “I’ve noticed,” he said. “But you should apologize anyway. If you’re trying to make friends, it’d be an easy way to make friends with both of them. Then, at least, when you decide you’re sick of being with me, you’ll have a place to stay if you needed it.”
Thunderlane was definitely trying to manipulate him. Maybe that was the whole plan. He heard about how he cursed out Pinkie Pie and moved in to try and manipulate him into apologizing. He wouldn’t have been surprised, since Charley himself was trying to manipulate the stallion into being his friend so he could get out of here. Of course, that was until Thunderlane made him fall in love with him.
Can you get the idea that he’s manipulating you out of your head? Charley told himself. He’s just trying to make sure you be nice because that’s who he is, if you haven’t noticed. He’s just a genuinely nice person.
He wished the pony weren’t so nice. If he were more annoying or if his charmingness came off as arrogant, then maybe he wouldn’t be in the position he was in now.
“I’ll try,” he said flatly. “I won’t make a promise though, but I’ll try. Anyway, can we eat and talk about something else? I'm so sick of thinking about everything.”