“Ten minutes behind schedule,” Fancy grumbled to himself as he put another leg into his tracksuit. It’d taken forever for him to find his winter workout gear. He usually misplaced such things out of disuse, which was likely why it felt more snug than usual.
After limbering up with a few stretches and canters, he took the last bite from his protein bar before setting out into the early morning air to resume his habitual jogs. Fancy hoped the month away from his exercise hadn’t completely ruined his endurance. It was getting harder to maintain as he got older.
Despite being the capital city, Canterlot was always fairly quiet before dawn. Ancient tradition kept most ponies inside before the sunrise as a show of respect to Princess Celestia. One wasn’t to rise to the day before the raiser of the sun rose herself. The alicorn herself found the antiquated practice to be just that, but she kept that detail to herself to ensure everypony had the chance for a good night’s sleep. It gave Fancy ample opportunity to do a trot around Canterlot in relative peace. While he had enough room to jog around the estate, he preferred having a change in scenery.
Crossing the open threshold of his property, the stallion began his jog in earnest. He passed his neighbors’ houses, each one sealed behind heavy gates and high walls to keep others out. Fancy’s neighbors wanted him to renovate or to add a gate at the very least, but he rather liked his home’s welcoming openness. The old flagstone walls might not be pristine, but he preferred their rustic, unique character. Besides, such barriers did very little against flight, teleportation, and ladders.
His jog reached a familiar crossroad: the intersection between the districts. Fancy stopped to consider his options. Keeping along the noble quarter’s streets made for an easier workout, though the path was a little dull until reaching the theater district. Turning left down the steep hill would take him to the lower levels, which were more open, but would force him to climb back up arguably the worst ascent in the city. Finally, there was turning right and heading towards the castle, forgoing any exercise, and joining the princesses for a filling breakfast of pancakes, fresh fruit salads, poppy seed muffins…
Banishing the delicious temptation to the recesses of his mind, he set off down the hill with gusto for thinking unhealthy thoughts. At the bottom sat a completely different Canterlot. Simpler, picturesque homes that were similarly designed ran up and down the streets. With such minor differences, the only way for Fancy to tell them apart were the personal touches their occupants left on the lawns. Most were fairly standard: flower pots, gardens, and Equestrian flags. However, there were always the standouts.
His personal favorite oddity was a family of tacky lawn flamingos gathered around a birdbath fountain arranged like a bar. Arpeggio always complained about that particular neighbor’s pink eyesores, but was quick to drop the topic when his decade-old “Proud ESPA Student Orchestra Parents” sign was questioned. Octavia’s early admission into the group had been a moot point for two years now that she helped manage it.
Fancy zipped his hood up at the sound of a front door and picked up his pace through the sleepy burg. He crossed over cobbled bridges spanning the ancient waterways and passed through serene parks scattered about the city. Sometimes, there were hills or raised platforms that crested high enough to see beyond the city walls and the rest of Equestria. He liked to stop and jog in place just to admire the crystal clear view the winter air allowed of the nation. The sun was still beyond sight, but the morning twilight was just starting to sneak shards of light just over the horizon. He could see Ponyville shimmering at the edges of the Everfree Forest with its sea of trees disappearing into the budding light of day.
After the spectacle, Fancy allowed his hooves to carry him nowhere in particular. He could never understand why his friends stayed on their treadmills or bought exclusive gym memberships when there was so much to see outside. All of Canterlot was beautiful, with each space bearing its own charm. Even Mane Street, littered with storefronts and consumer sprawl, bore an air of elegance as it welcomed ponies to Canterlot.
He wandered further and further across the city. With the commercial district gradually sloping downward, he knew he’d regret his meandering jog taking him towards Canterhorn Station. It was one of the lowest points within the castle walls, which would make the return trip harder and raise his chances of being noticed. Barring the recent art show with Luna, the Kingmaker of Canterlot hadn’t made enough noteworthy public appearances for what could be deemed a suspiciously long time. If there was one thing he didn’t have the energy for, it was answering to the media during his workout. Still, he was already this far in. If anything, he’d get a sense of accomplishment making it to the station and back.
Despite the peaceful days he found at home, Fancy missed the simplicity of getting out and about. Though there had been plenty of opportunities to leave the estate, he’d rejected every invitation and done next to nothing almost all month long. He could count the number of times he had left his home on his hooves, and the more he thought about it, the more he wasn’t entirely sure why.
His first thought was the fallout from the Screech, but he was no stranger to scandal. The exhaustion of failing to stop the sensationalism was there, but trivial in comparison to what Vinyl dealt with personally. The series of cascading events had ultimately culminated in a pony moving in—two if he counted Fleur’s impromptu stay. That was it. There were three more rooms to Fluffer Duster’s cleaning itinerary, two more spots at the dinner table, and one self-imposed duty to blindly fate weave.
Perhaps that was what kept him home: a duty to be there for Vinyl, though it wasn’t like he could do much. Everypony else seemed far more capable of helping her. Fancy simply provided the space for all of them to gather. With that in mind, it would probably be better if he was away from the mansion more often. His constant presence would cause undue pressure on the mare, keeping her locked away in the studio. So the question remained: if the less he was home, the better it’d be for Vinyl, why had he wasted a month staying at home doing next to nothing?
A strong gust of wind blew across the mountain as he approached the station. The rush of air across his face felt like the bracing cold of sledding yesterday with Vinyl. She’d looked so happy, grinning from ear to ear the entire time despite her losing streak frustrations. It was a smile brimming with confidence that flared with the thrill of savoring a moment. He hadn’t seen her enjoying herself like that since following Luna into Cantrips. Working at the nightclub was probably the only time she really enjoyed herself anymore. With the Screech still fresh in the noble’s minds, getting any DJing work was unlikely for the foreseeable future.
Fancy couldn’t imagine the pressure of such uncertainty. He was familiar with feelings of doubt, sadness, and disappointment, but he’d rarely reached the depths where Vinyl found herself. There was vanishingly little experience for him to relate. He was born with a multitude of fallbacks and failsafes. Not only that, but thanks to his talents, he always knew the best choice, the right move, the path to success, or whatever interpretation served his needs that day. It was just a matter of investing, optimizing, and reaping the rewards. With everypony vying for his attention, it barely took any effort to find something that would pay dividends in the end. He was rarely wrong, which made far more sense now understanding the scope of his talents.
And, for all that power, none of it helped with Vinyl Scratch. His tools could get him past the starting line, but then he’d fall at the first hurdle. Luna’s parting words about Vinyl had provided as much clarity as confusion for him. The DJ required a different approach: help without saving, success without investment, and of course there were the rest of those accursed words he hadn’t figured out.
Fancy leaned against the pole of the street clock outside of Canterhorn Station to catch his breath. He looked over his shoulder at his flank. “Well, any ideas?”
His cutie mark offered no answers.
“Figured as much.”
Pushing off the pole, he turned his attention up to the clock. “5:53,” Fancy muttered between breaths. Seven minutes before sunrise and when traffic would start picking up around town. If he took the direct path home, he’d get back in a little over twenty minutes, just as long as the trek back up the mountain didn’t kill him. He was feeling the toll of his lethargy already, and he’d gone downhill for most of the way.
He ducked his head down, watching his hooves clop along the cobblestones as he began the slow climb home. He’d get back, warm up with a shower, and find something to get back on track. There was a mountain of letters he’d been neglecting for far too long for no good reason. Now was the time to refocus his attention productively and—
~Fancy Pants? Is that you over there?~
The perfect Prench cut through his introspection, causing Fancy to look towards the source. His absentminded trotting had taken him right past Pâte de Lune with Éclair de Lune meeting his eyes. Her mane was an unkempt mess like she had just popped out of bed and her natural features bore none of her favorite cosmetics, but that didn’t stop Éclair outshining the sunrise in Fancy’s eyes.
~I knew it! It is so good to see you!~ The mare shouted and kissed Fancy on his cheeks. ~Come, come! I just put some coffee on.~
“Jonbour,” Fancy stammered, unable to shed the initial surprise quick enough. ~I mean, Good morning, Éclair! You’ve caught me in the middle of my jog, so…~
~So you’ve earned yourself a breakfast croissant as well.~ Without giving him the chance to refuse, Éclair grabbed the stallion’s hoof and pulled him towards the door. ~Now, come inside and warm up!~
A moment with Éclair being far more tempting than a royal spread, Fancy willingly walked into the darkened bakery. Following the mare, she led him to the familiar spiral staircase to the abode above the storefront, and was welcomed by the nutty smell of freshly brewed coffee. Unlike the overwhelming bitterness of Luna’s abyssal mug, the pâtissier enjoyed lighter notes in her brew. The subtle sweetness matched the warmth of the mare who made it.
Despite having married richly, the small earth pony had forgone taking anything from the estate upon Suede’s passing. Instead, she enjoyed a modest living space that reflected her love of a simpler time in Prance. The downstairs dining area might’ve been designed for the more chic Canterlot clientele, but Fancy would be hard pressed to find a more earthy home in the capital city. Rough, wooden furniture with soft, wool cushions welcomed all into her small forest of potted plants strewn about the living space. Thick, manicured vines stretched up a cabinet, leaning towards the window for what light they could catch while dutifully holding Éclair’s lighter cookware in their grasp.
With the sunrise cresting over the horizon, the morning officially began, lighting the entire room in the vibrant glow of a new day. Gentle sunbeams accented by the soft greens of the foliage around them highlighted the natural, pastel colors of the beautiful pony at the kitchen counter. The messy mare glowed while humming a nameless tune to herself as she plucked two croissants from a batch of freshly baked breads. The ephemeral light caught the steam rising from the accompanying pair of piping hot cups of cappuccinos she carried to the table for their breakfast. When presented with a gift from such effortless beauty, Fancy could only offer a brief moment of silence for the work he was about to undo with the breakfast set before him.
~Would you like anything else? Jam perhaps?~ Éclair offered.
~You seem to misunderstand the point of exercise.~
~Really? I always use such things as an excuse to indulge more. What is life without the joys of good food and better company to enjoy it with?~
~Never change, Éclair,~ Fancy chuckled and took the croissant in his magic, pulling it apart from the ends to slowly reveal the flaky pastry’s interior in all of its calorie-laden glory.
~I don’t plan to, except for the better. Although, I could stand to cut back now that I am over the hilltop as they say. Though not too much. After all, nopony should trust a thin pastry chef.~ The mare giggled, poking at her pudgy barrel for emphasis. ~So, how are you doing, my dear?~
~The same as always. Can’t rightly complain.~ Fancy took a healthy bite out of the unhealthy treat, savoring the butteriness baked to perfection. He could feel what little gains he’d made from his workout slip away with each bite. ~But, is that what you're really curious about?~
~Oh my! Cutting to the chase so quickly? You’ve barely touched your meal.~
~Despite what others may say, I’m not a very interesting pony. I simply tend to surround myself with them.~
~I must disagree. Only an interesting pony would hire Vinyl for record-keeping. Fleur told me that she is doing something for the school with it.~
~Actually, it’s for the Society, but it’s fairly educational in scope, so I can understand the confusion.~
~Again, that detail doesn’t matter. What’s important is that I know she is safe with you.~ The relief from Éclair’s gentle smile wafted over Fancy, putting the croissant’s flavor to shame. ~Thank you so much for helping her.~
~Of course. I’m grateful for the referral. She’s great at what she does and a wonderfully talented mare.~
The baker frowned slightly as she tilted her head. ~What is this? You make it sound so transactional.~
~I try to keep it that way for her sake. She wants to earn every bit she does to live in Canterlot. Who am I to belittle that drive for self-sufficiency?~
~By the light of Luna, isn’t that the truth? I’ve never met somepony so opposed to receiving a gift,~ Éclair bemoaned while shaking her head. ~I’ve only ever managed to give her presents on her birthday and Hearth’s Warming, and even then she is adamant about making it even later.~
~On the subject of gifts, thank you for the coffee.~ Fancy lifted his mug as if he was offering a toast and then took a drink from the cup. It wasn’t bad, but it was sweeter than he expected.
Éclair grimaced. ~Sorry, I knew I should’ve tossed that out.~
~Oh, no. It’s perfectly fine. It’s been a while since we’ve met for coffee~
~That’s not it. I brewed that before you got here. For Fleur. Again.~ she sighed while looking at the lonely croissant on her plate. ~I’m still in mother-mode even though she is staying with you right now. She will always be my little filly, but my flower has blossomed into a capable, beautiful mare. I suppose I should get used to this once she finds her own way in life.~
~Well, you’re always welcome to stay at the mansion, too. I have plenty of room.~
She looked up for her food with a wistful smile. ~Fancy, we’ve been over this before. I’m a simple pony from the countryside. I love the life I built here with Suede. You should enjoy the life your parents left you up there on the hill.~
~Then perhaps I should leave the mansion to her and stay here with you.~
~Oh my!~ Éclair’s songbird laugh brought a forced smile to Fancy’s lips. ~What would the neighbors think about you of all ponies living in my humble bakery?~
~I’ve heard of stranger things,~ Fancy hunched over in his seat and lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. ~Keep this to yourself, but rumor has it that a once-legendary musician played second fiddle to a lovely mare in this very store.~
~Oh really?~ Her ears perked up as she joined him in hushed tones in the private comfort of her home. ~I heard the same thing once before. He was a wonderful stallion who didn’t know the first thing about cooking, but he made up for it by caring for his family. Oh, and by doing all the dishes.~
~There is some merit to it then. If it would help, I’ve been known to clean a cup or two.~
~I do appreciate the offer, but you shouldn’t worry about me. If I were you, I’d be far more worried about leaving Fleur to her own devices in that mansion of yours. That’s a disaster waiting to happen.~
~Thankfully Vinyl is there to keep her in check. She’s got a good head on her shoulders. Plus, DJ Pon-3 is able to put that old studio to better use than I have.~
~I’m surprised you’d give up your mansion so freely to somepony you’ve only just met.~
~I like to think I’m a good judge of character. Those two will surely take the castle district by storm.~
Éclair tried to stop herself from laughing loudly, but only managed to snort while trying to contain herself. ~No, no, no! There’d be nothing left after their siege! Besides, even with her own space to make music, I doubt Vinyl would want that old mansion any more than I would. What do ponies do with so much room to themselves? I’ve never understood it.~
Fancy opened his mouth to offer a witty reply, but the words died on his lips. ~You know, that’s a very good question.~ His eyes drifted down to the coffee he was clutching with his hooves. ~Sometimes, it feels like I’m living in a museum more than a mansion.~
~No, no, no! That will not do at all! What are museums but beautiful mausoleums?~ The mare booped Fancy on his nose, stealing his gaze back to her and her warm smile. ~What you must do is fill your home with life, my dear Fancy. Maybe I’m too old-fashioned, but perhaps you should finally settle down. Find a special somepony to share all of your compassion and good fortune with and see where it goes. If that’s too much, Maybe convince Dapper’s fiance to finally move in.~
Fancy laughed freely at the notion. ~I’d have better luck asking to borrow the sun for a day. For all of my years in diplomacy, I have still yet to negotiate a ceasefire between them. Miss Julia is just as stubborn as he is. And furthermore, I’m firmly on her side. After all, if she were to move in, where would I get my brandy?~
~She’s already named her daughter as her successor, right? If not, there are plenty of griffons left in the Razorwind clan to keep that silly addiction of yours alive,~ she teased. ~How long have those two been engaged? It’s just getting silly now.~
Fancy tried savoring another sip of sweet coffee as he tried to recall. ~Let’s see, my first diplomatic mission to Griffonstone would’ve been when I was seventeen or eighteen. So perhaps a little over fifteen years?~
~And I thought my love life was strange.~ Éclair smirked knowingly at Fancy. The stallion shook his head, trying not to think about it. ~Still, star-crossed lovers even after the old bird’s racist parents have long since passed on.~
~The irony isn’t lost on them, but at the same time they both take pride in their work. From my understanding, it’s now a marathon to see who retires first.~
~Of all the absurd games. Knowing those two, they’ll work themselves ‘til death do they part.~
~Anytime I’ve tried bringing the subject up, Dapper simply refuses to engage. It doesn’t help that she is just as stubborn. I know he wants to stay at the estate during his golden years—which he’s more than welcome to do so—but retiring to the Griffon Lands to a family-run vineyard and marrying the love of his life…~ Fancy trailed off as he looked out the window towards the rising sun. ~The notion sounds far more enviable to me.~
~The idea does carry a certain nostalgic romance. It makes me yearn for the hills of Prance.~
Fancy nodded in agreement, as his mind wandered back all those years. He took a deep breath, smelling the warmth of his breakfast, the loaminess of the plants around him, and the subtle hint of sweetness that wafted in from the pastries baking downstairs. Shutting his eyes to savor the atmosphere, he could hear the wind blowing over the hills outside, rustling grass from the unkempt fields of the countryside, and the adorable laughter of two—
~Fancy? Is something wrong?~
The stallion’s eyes shot open, bringing him out of his reverie. ~No. It just sounds wonderful is all.~ Fancy affixed a diplomatic smile to his face. ~A life that could’ve been.~
~Oh, Fancy,~ Éclair admonished with a dismissive wave of her hoof. ~It’s a life you could always have. You could easily buy a villa in Prance, or really, anywhere in the world.~
~Even if I did, it’d always be missing something important.~
~Then maybe you should find that something first. Nothing would be able to stop a pony like you.~
~You’d be surprised.~
~Now, now, don’t make me pull out my maternal instincts. No son-in-law of mine is going to be so negative!~ she reassured him with a light chuckle at the absurdity of it all. Fancy gripped his cup tighter in his hooves. ~I did once before, and I plan on doing it again once I spot it.~
~A-another one?~ Fancy bit down on the inside of his cheek, focusing on the more preferable, physical discomfort.
~But of course! You didn’t think somepony as wonderful as me would stay a lonely widow forever, did you? I’m sure Suede would’ve already told me a thousand times to hurry up already and find somepony else. I still have plenty of life left to live another one. I just haven’t found another life I’d want to share it with like your father. You’d think Canterlot would have a decent stallion somewhere.~
~If I can help in any way, my door is always open.~
~My dear Fancy, don’t you worry about me.~ Éclair placed her hoof on Fancy’s, smiling gratefully for his concern. ~You should focus on finding your own joy. I’ll be just fine.~
~I know you’ll be.~
~Although, that being said, if you do run into somepony—or someone else—that might be a good match for me, be sure to let me know. Perhaps I should take a page out of Dapper’s book and look into other species.~
~If anyone comes to mind, I’ll send them your way.~ Fancy tried to drink some of his coffee, but he couldn’t even taste it anymore. ~Admittedly, it might take a while. I’ve been traveling a little less as of late.~
Éclair frowned and leaned over the table to get a better look at the former ambassador. ~Now I know there is something wrong.~
Fancy plastered a light smile on his face and quirked his brow. He was quickly remembering why he always stayed away from de Lune. Indulging himself with Éclair’s loving presence always backfired on him. ~What makes you say that?~
~You always loved traveling, meeting new ponies and creatures the world over. Isn’t that why you accepted your royal appointment in the first place?~
~I just needed a break.~
~A break from what?~ Éclair probed.
~Just… a break.~
Éclair bonked the stubborn stallion on the horn. ~Fancy, I’m a mother. I know when I’m being lied to.~
~I’m sorry, Éclair. If I am lying, I’d welcome you letting me know what it is that I’m hiding.~
~In that case, the first step is to start being honest,~ she tisked with a waggle of her hoof. ~You must’ve spun quite the tale if you managed to fool even yourself.~
Fancy shrugged. ~As you said, I am rather charming.~
Éclair’s frown deepened in frustration as she narrowed her eyes. ~Don’t make me slap some sense into you, Fancy Pants. I want all of my family to be happy.~
~I am happy.~
~Are you happy?~
~Why wouldn’t I be?~
~Why wouldn’t you be?~
Like mother, like daughter, the Prenchmare’s perception bordered on prescience. Not wanting to answer, he found solace in the chime of the clock ringing in the half hour mark. They were both behind their schedules now, and Fancy couldn’t have been more thankful for the excuse.
~Thank you for the breakfast, but it appears I’ve taken up far more of your time than I should have. I need to get back to my jog so you can get ready for opening.~ He picked up his unfinished coffee and pastry with his hooves and deposited them into the sink.
The mare gritted her teeth, cursing the passage of time under her breath. ~I absolutely hate that you’re right.~ She sighed in defeat and walked to the door. ~Next time, stop by yourself rather than having me drag you off the streets. Please.~
~You’ll have to let me work off my holiday excess first.~
Éclair walked Fancy to the back door to let him out into the alleyways to avoid any passersby. Neither pony said anything as she unlocked the deadbolt and opened it to the cold morning streets. Before he passed through the doorway, a leg snaked around his neck and pulled him into a small hug.
~Just like you said to me, my door is always open to you. You are welcome here, my dear Fancy Pants, so please, come by more often.~
He lightly hugged back, not allowing himself to overindulge in the mare’s love. ~Thank you, Éclair. I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.~
She pushed him away and grabbed his face to command his attention. ~Bah! Keep your useless thoughts! I want you to come visit!~ she growled, but released him after venting her anger. Not wanting to leave it on a sour note, she placed a hoof over her heart and offered him a smile. ~I might not be able to make you happy, but truly, seeing you always brightens my day.~
“My dear, it’s impossible to outshine you.”
“Make sure you saying… save those special said thing—” Éclair groaned in frustration at her inability to respond in kind. ~Be sure to save such sweet words for your special somepony.~
“Of course, Éclair,” he replied as he turned away. Unable to get a decent grip on his hood, he carefully pulled the hood around his horn and zipped the flap up. Upon hearing the gentle shut of her door, he allowed his mask to finally slip away.
“I always do.”
With ponies milling about in their morning routines, Fancy kept his head down as he took a less direct route home. It was getting too busy for his liking, and he wasn’t above sneaking back through the waterways. If he was going to encounter anypony else this morning, he wanted it to be on his terms. He needed to freshen up and shake the unwanted thoughts of Éclair clouding his head.
His path led him through a few deserted parks and towards Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. While plenty of students were making their way to their morning classes, most of them wouldn’t recognize him either way. He’d be surprised if any of them even knew his name. Furthermore, if he ran into the teachers or older students, they’d all be too busy to strike up a conversation. With only a few minutes before school started, even Fleur would have to think twice about—
“There you are, Pantsy!”
—ignoring the consequences of being late.
Fancy considered pretending to not hear her, but it would ultimately be unwise to let her escalate in trying to get his attention. She could easily outrun him and wasn’t above tackling ponies in the streets. Hoping no one else would notice, he turned towards the mare to see she wasn’t alone.
“Oh. It is you,” Vinyl remarked in surprise as he approached the two from across the street.
“Fleur, Vinyl. It’s good to see you two. On your way to the audio department, I presume?”
Vinyl nodded in affirmation, but seemed more curious about his clothing choice. “I guess you weren’t kidding about the workout thing,” she said while inspecting Fancy’s white and black tracksuit. “It’s weird seeing you wearing something so… normal.”
“I suppose I do tend to overdress for success everyday.” Fancy laughed as he looked over himself. “It’s an old habit from working in the castle. Needed to be ready at a moment’s notice. While I’m sure one of my suits would provide a rather unique challenge to my workout, I’d rather be comfortable while breaking a sweat.”
“Looks good. Like the minimalistic approach.” Vinyl nodded in approval with a small smile. “Where’d you get it?”
“I commissioned this and a summer version from Hoity Toity. I would say it is comfortable and concealing, but I suppose the verdict is out on that last part.”
Vinyl sighed in disappointment. “Of course you did. I don’t know why I asked.”
“I’ll be sure to pass along the compliment next time I see him.” Fancy’s mind briefly drifted back to his conversation with Éclair. He’d need to check when Vinyl’s birthday was. “So, was there any reason you two needed me, or are you intending to be late to raise Arpeggio’s blood pressure?”
“Can’t it just be that I want to say ‘good morning’ to my favorite stallion in the whole wide world?” Fleur grinned and pulled Fancy into a tight, uncomfortable hug. Something was definitely amiss, but he didn’t want to deal with her antics.
“Well then. Good morning, Fleur.”
“Good morning, Pantsy! I hope you had a wonderful breakfast before sneaking out of the house so early.”
Fancy paused, trying to figure out the edge of her angle. “I’ve certainly had my fill this morning if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Perfect!” Fleur shifted to his other side, bumping him in the shoulder as she adjusted herself to be cheek-to-cheek with him. “To answer your question, if you must know, Vinyl was the one who pointed you out of the crowd. I was just wondering if she got it right.”
Vinyl took a step back, looking between the other two. “Hey, don’t pin this on me! I just thought it was weird to see Fancy in a hoodie is all!”
“It’s a tracksuit,” Fleur corrected while presenting Fancy like a prop. She paused over his covered hind legs. “Oddly enough, I think this is like, one of two pairs of pants you actually own.”
“Keeps me warm while covering up the cutie mark,” Fancy explained, looking back towards his flank, the only thing that could identify him was his sky blue tail. “I might need to consider a better disguise if I couldn’t fool you two. Perhaps I should borrow from Vinyl’s book and add a pair of sunglasses.”
“Maybe…” Vinyl trailed off in tacit disagreement. If she was failing this hard to lie, perhaps he’d have to reconsider his inconspicuous workout wear. “Where’s your monocle, anyway? Wearing a contact lens?”
“I don’t need it unless I am reading something. The left eye is just bad enough to warrant assistance while being too good for corrective treatment. Besides, even if it was, I like to think I pull off a monocle rather nicely.”
“Indubitably,” Fleur chortled with grandiose smugness while nudging him with a wink. “In fact, throw in a top hat and cape and you’re downright dastardly, my good stallion. Though you’d need to work on the handlebar a tiny bit for a proper villainous mustache twirl.”
Fancy frowned at the joke. “Thanks. I can always count on you for a compliment, Fleur.”
“Bully!” she exclaimed before casting the character off with a deep bow. “It’s what I do, Pantsy.”
“Well, If your only intentions were to exchange pleasantries and chew the cud, I really must be getting back to the mansion to start my day.”
“Oh really? Why’s that?” Fleur released Fancy from her monkeying around and glomped onto Vinyl.
“It’s nothing too serious. I simply realized that I’ve been neglectful in my duties.”
“If it’s that important, don’t let us stop you from doing duties.”
“Fleur, of all the asinine…” Fancy put a hoof to his forehead in a desperate attempt at channeling patience amid Fleur’s over-the-top snickering.
“Sorry, you stepped right onto that one, Pantsy.” The follow-up earned an exasperated sigh from Vinyl who was suffering right along with him. “Guessing you’ve got important meetings lined up with important ponies doing important things, importantly?”
“No, but therein lies the problem.”
“Oh? That’s news to me. Wait a sec.” The larger mare propped herself up on Vinyl’s back, who grunted in complaint from the sudden demotion to table. “Okay, go on. Tell us why not subjecting yourself to the absolute worst ponies in Equestria is a ‘problem.’”
“It’s nothing of the sort, Fleur. You put your talents into practice through your voice work research while I do the same by investing in others. Simple as that.”
Fleur’s muzzle crumpled in disgust. “So you’re going to start attending those boring parties again, hobnobbing it up around insufferable ponies, all because your cutie mark is telling you to?”
“It comes with the territory, Fleur.”
“Does it? Because the way I see it, you shouldn’t give a single one of those jerks the time of day. Not after what they did to Vinyl.”
Vinyl sighed, clearly tired of the topic. “Fleur, it’s—”
“—not. Fine,” Fleur bit back. “I am done playing nice with gentrified jerks. I don’t even want to mess around with them as Lady Faire anymore. You can count me out this time, next time, and for the rest of time!”
“I’d never drag you anywhere you didn’t want to go, Fleur. However, you can’t just assume the worst about every noble.”
“Oh, really, Fancy?” Fleur sauntered closer, stopping just shy of his face. “Then this should be no problem.” She shoved a hoof between them and narrowed her eyes in haughty contempt. “Name one.”
Fancy blinked, looking between Fleur and her hoof. “One what?”
“Name one noble who took Vinyl’s side. After everything that happened.”
“Fleur, you’re being ridiculous. I know for a fact that Miss Photo Fin—” Fancy caught himself before misspeaking. Photo Finish hadn’t outright fought against Vinyl, but she definitely wasn’t taking the DJ’s side. Pressure from the industry would force her to use other performers, and unless she was adamant about DJ Pon-3, she’d use the path of least resistance. Hoity Toity would do the same.
Fleur clicked her tongue in mocking pity. “Monsieur Fancy, do I sense un problème? You need only one. Perhaps there is a noble I don’t know yet that would defend Vinyle? You know more ponies than me, after all.” The good lady fluttered her eyelashes with a saccharine smile that just begged for Fancy to try lying to her.
Fancy furrowed his brow in thought. It was unfair to lump every noble together, especially when they weren’t all there to begin with. There were a few that had sympathetic leanings since it was an accident, but they ultimately didn’t take a stand one way or the other. Apathetic didn’t mean supportive.
“Come, come, Fancy. You can do it, right?” Lady Fair purred. She leaned in, taking up all of his vision with her eyes, boring into his soul.
As Fancy ran through the names in his head, he kept finding problems with his rebuttal. He knew that nopony at the party had changed their minds after talking to all of them. The others he spoke to elsewhere either didn’t care or blindly followed the media frenzy. The princesses, or rather Luna, didn’t count despite being a most noble mare herself. Most ponies at the ESPA were noble-adjacent at best, and the same was true of CSGU. There had to be somepony he was overlooking. Anypony.
The noblemare put her muzzle right up to his ear. Her eerily calm breathing made against it made his blood freeze. “You can’t, can you?”
“Cut it out, Fleur!” Vinyl yelled, having lost patience with the whole exercise. “We’re gonna be late as it is and wanting to pick a fight with Fancy isn’t going to fly with the professor.”
“Fine, whatever. Have fun playing Kingmaker with your ‘friends’, Pantsy,” Fleur spat, tossing her civility into the sun. The voice actress leaned over, and stage-whispered to Vinyl while plastering pity in her eyes. “I take back everything I said about cleaning cutie marks. He’s definitely got the worst one.” With that, Fleur waved ta-ta, as she turned her back on him, and strode down the sidewalk with the starlit confidence of a runway model.
Fancy grimaced as he felt the pressure of his failings fall around his neck. Fleur knew just the right ways to dig under his skin. Why couldn’t he think of a name?
“All you need to know is that the DJ is truly none of your concern, Sir Fancy Pants,” Upper Crust remarked, knowing that she held all the cards. “You are in the minority this time.”
And now even his cutie mark was betraying him. Forget work, he just wanted to go home and drown his throbbing head in a bottle of whatever was available.
“Yeah, sorry about that.” Vinyl scratched the back of her head and turned to join Fancy in watching Fleur's perfect stride away from them. “She’s kinda upset that you left so early and didn’t come back for a Friend Ship thing.”
Fancy sighed bitterly, knowing full well it was far beyond a simple absence. “I wasn’t aware of an event planned for this morning.”
“Kind of the point. She woke up early to make breakfast for everypony as a surprise only to find out you weren’t home in time to join us.”
“For the love of—Of course I’d be in trouble for missing a surprise I had no way of knowing about. Serves me right for keeping protein bars in the study, I suppose.”
“Fluffs put your share in the oven—well one of the ovens—to keep it warm in case you wanted it.”
“Whether I want it or not is immaterial at this point if I want to keep my head.” The stallion looked over himself and laughed emptily. “Seems as though nopony is interested in helping me slim down today.”
“You look fine though. Super frustrated, but fine.”
He nearly disagreed with the attempted platitude, but caught sight of the DJ’s eyes from behind her shades. No lies, just a mix of confusion and concern. He tried to take a calming breath, but his mind felt unfocused. “Thank you, Vinyl, but I’d also prefer to be fine as well. Trotting to the station and back winded me more than I’d like.”
“Okay, yeah. I get that,” Vinyl agreed. Her eyes were flicking about as if she was trying to avoid something, but he wasn’t sure what.
“Did you have something you needed to say to me too?” Fancy asked, grumbling far more than he intended.
“N-no. It’s just… does that thing have pockets?”
“Yes, though they are a little hard to see by design.” He poked a hoof into a thin one on his chest and shuffled around it for show. “Why do you ask?”
“Well, you might want to keep something on hoof to fiddle around with when you don’t have your monocle. Casting manipulation spells without an object to focus on can hurt somepony if they wander through your unstable field.”
Fancy tilted his head. “What in the world are you talking about?”
Vinyl bit her lip as her eyes drifted up to Fancy’s horn. He followed her gaze to see it was glowing every-so-slightly from casting something. Following the magic, he noticed his nearly invisible, weakened field grasping at nothing. It was definitely swirling around as if to clean a nonexistent lens with a cloth that wasn’t there.
“Oh…” He coughed into his hoof and dispelled the errant magic.
An awkward silence settled on the two. Vinyl tapped her hoof in an internal debate that played on her face until she finally broke the silence herself. “I know it’s none of my business, but I know a few good objects you can safely stress cast with as long as—”
“Vy!” Fleur yelled from down the road. “I’m trying to make a dramatic exit here to get my point across and you’re undermining it!”
“For peat’s sake,” Vinyl cursed before raising her voice to call back. “Hold on!”
Vinyl sighed and levitated a few crystals from her saddlebag, shuffling through them before settling on a thin, white crystal. She tossed it around in her aura and affirmed her choice with a smile before firing several blasts of magic into it. The crystal’s surface was cut and smoothed over as the mare skillfully inscribed a sigil within its core.
“There,” she announced with a smile. “A quartz all sealed up in case you try to idly cast something weird on it. Gotta run!”
With that, Vinyl shoved the crystal into the bewildered stallion's hooves and sprinted off to catch up with her friend. Instead of joining her pace, the DJ shot straight past Fleur, double-timing it towards the school entrance.
“But Vy, my exit!” Fleur complained.
Vinyl turned around, trotting backwards as she went. “Do you want to be a little late or a lot late so we get an Arpeggio punctuality lecture again?”
Fleur’s haughty facade dropped in horror as she spied the time on the clock over the entrance. “Sweet Celestia, you’re right! Go-go-go-go-go!”
Both mares galloped as fast as their legs could carry them. They rounded the corner up the stairs and darted through the doors, leaving Fancy alone in the street. With a shrug, he turned around and continued on his way home. Looking down at the crystal, he rolled it up and down his hoof, feeling the smoothed over bumps. Levitating it closer to his face, he twirled it around to inspect it.
The crystal’s rough cut bore no traditional beauty to it. Every sharp point and jagged edge had been sliced off haphazardly and beveled to a smooth bump. The quartz’s white coloration was imperfect and cloudy with a sloppily inscribed sigil cut inside it. The only thing notable about it was its weight. It was somewhere near the paper weights at home: just heavy enough to feel comfortably substantial in his spellwork without being cumbersome. Overall, he determined it was an utterly inert, lumpy, and pointless rock. Still, there was something that nipped at the back of his mind.
“Stress casting, she says.” Fancy had heard the term thrown around before, but hadn’t paid much attention to it. It was a step up from idle casting. It was like chewing feathers or hoof biting: habits that parents were quick to tell their children to stop, lest they evolve into compulsive habits.
But that wasn’t what he was doing. He polished his monocle as a simple delaying tactic. It bought him critical time during debates or helped him gather his thoughts in conversations. There was a calming aspect to cleaning the smears and sweat off of it, but that was the simple feeling of a job well done. Even though he found himself doing it more often, that was only when he needed to relax. Although, ponies only needed to do so when they were stress—
“What’s the harm of entertaining the idea?” Fancy asked himself as he twirled the little crystal in his magic. After finding a good side to start on, he began to mimic his polishing by rubbing the edges with his magic. He tried to flatten the sides like scrubbing grime off a lens.
As he rhythmically swirled away, a wave of relief washed over him as he continued scratching the itch he didn’t know he had. The tension he’d felt bridled by since leaving Pâte de Lune slowly dulled to match the smoothed corners of the crystal. He slowly turned it to address each side until he’d polished it top to bottom. Surprisingly satisfied with the simple action, he stowed the rock in his pocket with a contented sigh to continue his jog home.
Or he would have, if he hadn’t already been standing at the gate to his property with no memory of how he’d gotten there.
“Oh. Oh dear.”