//------------------------------// // (18) Higher // Story: Wish Fulfillment (Legacy Version) // by Boopy Doopy //------------------------------// The rain was not helping my mood, but it wasn’t like anything ever would. I was just a dumb fangirl who pressed too hard for things she couldn’t have, one who kept on pressing when the person they were interested in clearly didn’t feel the same way. I knew I needed to stop. If it was a man doing it to me, I would call it harassment. What I was doing was largely the same thing. Shorey woke me up as it started to rain, and basically had to drag me to get me moving. I felt terrible about myself once again, which was no surprise. I felt terrible every single day of my life except for those few years of happiness. I was going to have to deal with loathing waking up again. The rain had turned into a downpour when I posed the question, one that I could see made her uncomfortable with every word. She looked like she absolutely wanted to say no, but polite as she was, only told me that we’d talk about it later. It was a response I should’ve expected, seeing as I was given that response before, but dumb and clueless as I was, I just kept pushing. Even worse was the sad look she had when I expressed my obvious disappointment. Because, of course, she was just too nice for this world, even with how I acted. So nice that she avoided saying how nice she felt for my own sake. How she could stand to be around me, I had no idea. It rained the whole rest of the day as we walked, not stopping until the sun started to set again. The sky cleared out enough for us to see a few rays of Celestia’s sunset before the moon quickly rose and the temperature dropped again. It was cold enough that we could see our breath, something I didn’t like with all the rain we just got. Luckily though, by the time the night came, we were only a couple of miles away from the start of the plateau. The Crystal Empire was right up there, begging us to get to it. “I can’t wait to sleep in a real bed again,” Shorey said as we walked up to the plateau, a thing that rose steeply, like a continental shelf had broken apart from the land and was slowly moving away. “A nice, soft bed would be amazing after all of this,” Shorey said with a little shiver. “I bet you that it’s not gonna be as easy as all that,” I replied. “Watch when we get there and they say, ‘Oh, you actually can’t be in the Crystal Empire’ or something. It wouldn’t surprise me.” “You said Luna told you in your dreams before about not being able to help you. What exactly did she say?” Shorey asked. “I don’t know because our… I don’t know, connection? Whatever the proper term is, it was bad. I could barely make out what she was saying. She did say something about not being able to help me because nations have laws against her helping other creatures or ponies that aren’t Equestrian. And Rusty Bucket told me that she and everyone else were sticklers for laws. I won’t be surprised when we get there and we’re told we have to go somewhere else.” “Well, I guess we’ll find out when we get there. I think a first good step would be to see if we can find a member of the Royal Guard if they have one here, or get to Cadance’s castle. I wonder if they have a homeless center though, considering how big the city looked.” “I hope they have something to eat, because I’m starving for something other than grass. And not more bread and cheese. I want actual food. The only hot thing I ate since I got here was mashed potatoes that Rusty cooked for me.” “It would be interesting to see if I’m still allergic to certain foods,” she wondered aloud. “I’m not gonna try any though, just in case I am. But I’m curious to see.” “I’ll take anything,” I said firmly as we made our way up to the rock face. “More than that, though, I’ll take an easy way to get up this thing. This looks like it’s gonna be ridiculous.” “Do you see a trail up anywhere?” Shorey asked, looking around. “I’d think with the empire so close, they’d have an easy way to get from here to there.” Nope. No trail, no steps, no walkway– nothing. There were indents in the rockface, ones that made me think they rock climbed up and down this thing, like the rock walls people paid to climb at the zoo or an amusement park, but that couldn’t have been the intended way to get to the Crystal Empire, could it? Of course, it was. Because everything about Equestria had to be as silly as possible. Shorey could see what I was thinking, because she said, “Let’s walk around some first and make sure there’s no easier way to do this. I’d rather not risk my life trying to get up fifteen hundred feet of rockface untethered. With hooves no less.” “Yeah, well, I’m not really at a point that I care about my life,” I said flatly, making my way up and putting my hooves in the first few indents. “Rally, stop.” “It’s the truth. I don’t,” I said, turning back around before I could get up the first step. “I’m so fed up with all of this. I just wanna get up there and go to sleep.” “It’s risky, Rally,” she told me, her tone of voice reminding me of a mother scolding her child. It only made me more fed up with everything. “I know it’s risky! I’m not stupid! But everything up to this point has been risky already, so why don’t we just get up there now? It’s cold and I’m tired of being out here after over a week of this!” “I’m not saying your stupid, Rally, but you’re not thinking clearly. Let’s just take an hour to see if there’s any other way up, okay? If we don’t find anything, we’ll climb the rock.” “We can be up there in an hour! Or less! It’s just wasting time and another hour that I have to spend being in this mangled body!” “It’s not gonna help anything if you fall down and break your neck when there could be an easier way to do this,” she told me. “I know it hurts, but–” “No you don’t!” I yelled. “You don’t know because you didn’t transition! I put in the time and money to be who I wanted to be, and then it was taken away! You don’t know what that’s like! Shorey only sighed and shook her head. I wasn’t being fair, not at all. I shouldn’t have been acting angry to her for something she couldn’t control, but I was anyway. I was bitter, and I couldn’t help but be better. “I know I’m being jealous as fuck and I shouldn’t be, but God! I hate this! And I want to cry, but I can’t!” I was growling by the time I finished, my teeth clenched tightly, somehow able to feel my hoof grip itching to rip the grass up like it was my hair. “It’s okay to be jealous, Rally,” she told me. “If I were in your shoes, I’d be just as upset as you. But you’re not thinking clearly. We can’t risk our lives climbing this thing if we don’t know there’s other options yet.” “It’s gonna take less than an hour to get there though!” I argued. “All these footholds just lead straight up! And I know for a fact there’s not gonna be a trail or something because I haven’t gotten one break out here this entire time! Why should I expect one now?” “Rally. You need to take a breath and calm down. Please. You’re being irrational. Let’s just check for a little while. There are footholds everywhere. It looks more like a gym rockwall than it does a regular rockface. We can climb up wherever we want to.” I didn’t like the tone she had. It was one that was slow and deliberate, almost patronizing. But it was one of those things that I always just sucked up and went with because she had a terribly hard time changing her mind once she made it up. Stop. Breathe. It’s good advice, and she’s ten times smarter than you. You’d hate it if we climbed up the rockface and then found out there was an easy path up. Even though I’m certain there’s not gonna be any other way up. “Fine,” I gave in. “Whatever. Let’s look for the trail that’s not gonna be there.” “Please don’t be rude, Rally.” “I’m not being rude! I’m just frustrated with all of this! We don’t even know which direction to go in to check! It just feels like we’re wasting time when I could at least be sleeping!” “We’re both gonna walk in opposite directions for 30 minutes or until we see something. If we do, then we can catch up and find the other. If we don’t, we’ll meet up again and get started on this rockface.” “I’d really just–” I said before closing my eyes and stopping myself. I had to take a breath before I screamed. I was getting way too worked up over this. It wasn’t that big of a deal. “I really think we should just climb up this,” I started again, my voice softer and quieter now. “I think it would be better if we just got up this thing. I don’t want to stay out here all night looking for something that I don’t think is gonna be there.” “I understand, but it’s not a good idea, not without at least looking first. An hour of time wasted, if it is time wasted, isn’t a big deal.” I let out a breath, realizing that it was going to be futile to argue my case to her. “Whatever. What direction should I walk in?” “You walk that way,” she said, pointing a hoof in the direction I should go. “I’ll head this way. If we don’t see anything, we’ll come back here.” She drew an X in the mud to mark the spot.   She turned and walked the other direction with that, and I sighed and traveled my own way. This was just going to be a big waste of time, and I knew it. I walked anyway, counting out the time in my head, seeing if I could find something that I knew wouldn’t be there. As I did, I felt more of that dysphoria work over me, able to see my pointed snout in the edges of my vision. I hated being alone like this, where it was the only thing I could focus on. How I was able to make it through the several days before Shorey showed up, I didn’t know. I counted out eighteen hundred seconds without finding anything, and then a couple hundred seconds more just in case before I headed back to the X. Shorey got there a few seconds later, a look in her eyes that told me she didn’t see anything. “There was nothing there,” I started before she could ask. “Who would’ve guessed? Not me.” “It’s better to check than it is to risk our lives,” she countered. “One hour of time spent didn’t break us.” I rolled my eyes at that, but kept my mouth closed. I needed to shut up before I started acting rude. If I acted that way, she would be rude back, and I’d only get more upset. “Well, either way, can we start climbing now? I’m sick of being outside.” “Sure. Let me go up first, and then you get behind me.” “If it’s okay, I’d rather not have your mare bits in my face,” I replied. Staring at things I didn’t have wasn’t going to do anything to make me less jealous. “I have a tail, Rally,” she told me with a tone in her voice, one that reminded me that I didn’t have one and was still showing off everything I didn’t want to have. It was a comment that I deserved with how rude I was being. I needed to take a breath and calm down like she said. “And the point is that if I fall, you can catch me, since you’re bound to be stronger than I am.” “There’s no way I’m stronger than you,” I shot back. “Weren’t you in boy scouts? You’re gonna be better at this than I am.” “I was. We went camping, not climbing fifteen hundred feet of gym rockwall. Besides, I’m pretty sure you are gonna be stronger than me because I’m a mare.” I’m sure she knew it was a mistake to say the second she said it, but if she didn’t, the glare I gave her made sure she did. “I didn’t mean it like that,” she tried to backtrack. “I know you’re a woman, Rally, but you–” “I don’t care! Just get up there! I’m so fucking sick of feeling like this and don’t want to keep standing out here.” “Sorry, Rally,” she apologized quietly, giving me a look before putting her hooves on the wall to test out her hoof grip. I needed to get out of this mood I was in. She was being more patient with me than I deserved. Being angry and upset and dysphoric was no reason to act how I was to her. She didn’t deserve my anger with as nice and sweet as she always was. Just because I was the one who was screwed over. God, I look horrible. How can she even stand being around me when I look like this? I’m a monster, the exact same monster I was before. I wasn’t born to be a man! “Rally! Are you coming?” she called, looking down at me, already a couple dozen feet up. I was shaking in place looking at myself, for how long, I didn’t know. Long enough that she had to get me moving. She had that same, sad look in her eyes, like she was sorry for me. I couldn’t blame her though. I felt sorry for myself, too. “Yeah. Give me a minute to catch up though.” The rockface we climbed up wasn’t completely vertical. It only took a few minutes of climbing before the grade lessened, turning into something like forty five degrees. Still extremely steep, but not so bad. I decided to avoid commenting that we could’ve started climbing this earlier, but it was almost to a point where we didn’t necessarily have to rock climb up to the Crystal Empire. “What are we gonna do when we get there?” I asked, doing my best to avoid getting an eyeful of Shorey’s tail. “Do you think they have a homeless shelter in the Crystal Empire? I don’t suppose they offer free public housing. Or maybe we’ll get to stay in the castle with Cadance, like every other human in Equestria fic.” “I don’t know. Let’s just focus on getting up this thing first before we start getting into all of that.” “Okie dokie.” There was a long period of silence that built up before I said, “I’m sorry for being so mean. I know I’m just bugging the heck out of you with all of my problems, and I know you don’t deserve me being a jackass like this, and I know you’re being kinder to me right now than I deserve with how I’m acting. I’m sorry.” “You’re not bothering me, Rally,” she called back. “I know you’re going through a lot, and that you’re–” She was suddenly interrupted by a hot, white flash of light, one that made us both squint against it. A second later, a dark blue mare appeared before us, one with a navy blue coat and purple mane with orange highlights. Her hooves were set down on the steep incline we were ascending, something she wasn’t prepared for as they slipped out from under her. A moment after that, she was falling down the rockface.