Living in Equestria

by Blazewing


How to Find a Mommy

What a profound change a good night’s sleep had on a person (or, in this case, a pony). I awoke and came down to breakfast to find Pinkie her usual cheerful self once again, her mane and tail back into their old ‘Pinkie Frizzle’.

“Good morning, Davie!” she greeted, flipping hotcakes onto my plate.

“Morning, Pinkie. Sleep well?”

“Yep! You’re not gonna believe the dream I had last night!”

“Do tell.”

“I dreamed I was in a boating race from one end of the Ponyville lake to the other, but the lake water had been replaced with chocolate syrup!”

“…Chocolate syrup?”

“Yeah! Luckily, the boats we were using were giant bananas, and our oars were peppermint sticks! It was a narrow (and delicious) race!”

“I can imagine,” I said, grinning. “Do all of your dreams involve sweets?”

“No, not all of them. Sometimes I dream about Gummy, sometimes I dream about the girls, sometimes I dream about the Cakes…”

Suddenly, she stopped, seemed to consider for a moment, then gasped.

“Davie! You’ve never been in one of my dreams yet! You could be missing out!”

She acted like this was a sign of the end of the world or something.

“Relax, Pinkie,” I said. “There’s plenty of time for that.”

“You’re right!” she said, perking back up again. “Thanks, Davie.”

It really warmed my heart to see her back to her normal self once again, but I also hoped that this change in her demeanor didn’t affect her promise to keep Scootaloo’s secret confidential. After all, she was acting as if yesterday had never happened at all, like she was trying to avoid it. I certainly would have liked to avoid it (well, only the part about being lost in the forest and making everypony worry), but I had to be sure she didn’t forget our mission.

Therefore, after breakfast, I took her aside to ask her point-blank.

“I’m really glad to see that big smile back on your face, Pinkie, but there’s something serious I need to ask you.”

“Yes, Davie?”

“You haven’t forgotten our agreement last night?”

Her smile immediately faded, but I could see it wasn’t from being caught off-guard or even from having last night brought up again, but from the more serious nature of the question.

“About Scootaloo?” she asked.

“Right.”

“Not for a second. I Pinkie Promised, and a wild manticore wouldn’t make me break it.”

“Great. I knew I could rely on you,” I said, ruffling her mane, which brought the smile back to her face. “I’m gonna be out and about today, Pinkie.”

“What for?”

“I need to mentally narrow down who would make the best guardian for Scootaloo. At the least, I’d like to have a talk with Rainbow Dash about it, since she’s Scootaloo’s idol, and she might know some pegasi in Cloudsdale who might prove worthy of raising her, but I have no idea where to find her. I can’t exactly fly, you know.”

“I know you can’t fly, silly. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have tumbled through the clouds when I found you!”

“Yeah, I realize that,” I said, dryly.

“Leave this to me, then,” said Pinkie. “I always know where to find Dashie.”

“But you can’t fly, either.”

“Oh, don’t you go worrying your head about that. Your Auntie Pinkie Pie’s got it all taken care of!”

“…I’m pretty sure you’re not that much older than me, if you even are older than me.”

Just how did pony age work in Equestria? In any case, Pinkie acted as if I’d never responded to her statement.

“One question, Davie. Is it ok if I tell her?”

“Yes. I grant you full permission to invite her into our private confidence. We can trust her, as the Element of Loyalty, after all. That’s your mission, 'Private Pie'. Do me proud!”

“Yes, sir!” said Pinkie, giving me a salute.

With that, she bounced off on her way, leaving me to my own thoughts.

***

It really was quite a conundrum. Scootaloo ought to be taken in by somepony who was not only a capable caregiver, but could also teach her how to fly, something she must need desperately. Who did I know that could possess both of those qualities?

As it stood, I’d made a mental checklist of ponies I knew already, and some pros and cons to go with them. I reflected upon them as I made my way to a nearby park, seating myself on a bench.

Pinkie Pie.

Pros: Good with kids, knows how to make ponies happy.

Cons: Not a pegasus, might not be mature enough to take on parental responsibilities.

Rarity.

Pros: Sister is best friends with Scootaloo, mature and responsible

Cons: Not a pegasus, work might keep her too busy

Applejack.

Pros: Sister is best friends with Scootaloo, treats everypony like family.

Cons: Not a pegasus, work might keep her too busy

Twilight Sparkle.

Pros: Has experience with kids (Spike), wise beyond her years.

Cons: Not a pegasus, might interfere with her studies.

Fluttershy.

Pros: Pegasus, natural mother’s instinct.

Cons: Might already be swamped with so many animals

Rainbow Dash.

Pros: Scootaloo’s idol, acts like a sister towards her

Cons: Might not be ready for that commitment.

To that last, I couldn’t say that for sure until I’d talked to her. Only time could tell at this point.

As I was thus engrossed in my mental preoccupations, a shadow fell over me, and an all-too familiar voice pervaded my ears.

“Well, isn't this a small world?"

Looking up, with a dreading heart, I beheld none other than Ironmane, the pony that had confronted me two days prior. What he was doing here still, I couldn’t guess.

“Minister Ironmane,” I said, stiffly. “What a surprise.”

I didn’t say that it was a delightful surprise, a pleasant surprise, or even a welcome one. He deserved none of that. Thankfully, this omission passed right over him.

“How interesting that I should find you here, human,” he said.

“Is it illegal for me to sit in a public park?” I asked, masking my annoyance at his refusal to use my name.

“Certainly not, but it is curious that I should meet you again so soon. I wished to have a word with you.”

He was speaking civilly enough, which was a welcome change from his suspicious questions, but there was an oiliness to his voice that I didn’t enjoy. It suited him far less.

“Go on,” I said.

“Your doings yesterday proved rather…interesting.”

“And just what do you know of my doings?” I asked, sharply. “Is there something you haven’t been telling me, Minister?”

“My good human,” he went on, composedly, “I am the Minister of Foreign Affairs. It is my duty to regularly check in and see how you are faring, to ensure that you are doing nothing that may prove treasonous or dangerous towards Her Majesty.”

“In other words, you’ve made it your job to spy on me,” I responded, coldly.

“Sir,” he said, unaffected, “‘spy’ is such a dirty word. I am merely performing reconnaissance, reconnoitering.”

“You can fancy it up however you want,” I replied, having none of that, “but I call it spying.”

“Call it what you will, then,” he said, with a sigh. “Regardless, word of your escapade yesterday reached my ears. Is it not true, therefore, that you journeyed into the Everfree Forest, risking not only your life, but that of the young mare who accompanied you, all for the sake of a little filly?”

“And so what?!” I snapped, looking him straight in the eye. “Are you suggesting that I should have left her there to die, Minister?!”

“My dear human,” said Ironmane, calmly, “I would never wish such on anypony. You needn’t form such assumptions.”

He was right. I was way out of line.

“My apologies, sir,” I said, humbly.

“It is of no consequence,” he said. “As I was saying, your endeavor was, shall I say, bold?”

“Everypony else has told me I was reckless, stupid, foolish.”

“Appropriate adjectives, yes, but unexpectedly bold, nonetheless.”

“Are you saying you never considered me capable of such boldness, sir?”

“Not at all. You humans have always had a history of bravado, wherever you appear in the records.”

He said this last part in a cold mutter, bordering on contempt. I was anxious, in spite of my misgivings on this uptight stallion, to know just what knowledge he had on humans before me, and whether or not it had anything to do with his treatment of me.

“What do you know about humans, sir?” I asked.

He cast a sharp glance at me, then said,

“Never you mind. You were bold, that is what matters. However, that is not what caught my interest. There was something else in your misadventure that grabbed my attention.”

“And what was that, sir?”

“That little filly.”

“Is that so?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

Why should he care so much about Scootaloo?...

“Her history…intrigues me.”

So, it was true. It was out in the open now, and he had no shame about it!

“And just when did you become acquainted with her history, sir?” I asked, angrily. “Did you happen to be performing one of your little ‘reconnoitering’ duties last night? You listened in on a private conversation, you coward!”

“Sir!” said Ironmane, sharply, “I will thank you to rescind the application of that vulgar title to my person! I am an official member of Her Majesty’s cabinet, and the Minister of Foreign Affairs. I do my duty and nothing more. I am no peeping Tom, eavesdropping outside keyholes, and I thoroughly resent the implication. I have my sources; let that suffice."

No, I wasn't going to let that suffice. Just how did he get word of what happened? I’d never seen him in the crowds or out in the open, so how did he escape my notice? And how did he catch Scootaloo's history if he hadn't been eavesdropping? Was he lying about not listening in at Twilight's door, or did he have some hired toady of some mythical species dispatched to keep tabs on me without my knowing? I knew he’d never tell me directly, but he was holding fast to that ‘it’s my duty, so I’m entitled’ bull-spit…

“So you know her history,” I said, keeping my anger in check. "What’s it to you?”

“My dear fellow,” said Ironmane, also back under his own control, “surely you're not unaware of the consequences should the truth come to light. That young filly has been orphaned for some time now, when, under such conditions, she should rightfully be under the guardianship of a public orphanage. Your temporary patronage is, at this point, inconsequential.”

“If you ask me,” I retorted, hotly, “the need to put her in an orphanage will prove inconsequential! I’ll have found her a suitable adoptive guardian by then! You’ll see!”

"Shall I, truly?" asked Ironmane, raising an eyebrow. "She has evaded it for too long, already."

Was there just no reasoning with this guy?

“Minister Ironmane,” I said, in an almost pleading tone, “have a little humanity. She’s only a little girl.”

“My heart is not of stone, human,” he said, in a somewhat mollified tone, though still with a hint of authority. “I do not wish to see her suffer because of this, but what must be done must be done. It is merely my wish to uphold justice wherever needed. However, as I have said, I am not a stallion without feeling. I shall allow you a grace period of 24 hours. When that time has expired, however, I am afraid I will have to take action if nopony else will. Good day, human.”

With that, he finally took his leave of me, leaving me in a much more agitated state of mind than before.