Rarity had had better food, but in all fairness, she hadn’t expected a dining car to compete with the three-star restaurants she usually visited. Still, it had tasted okay, and after having eaten virtually nothing all day long, she would have devoured even the greasiest fast food.
Twilight had done most of the talking during her meal, showing Rarity photographs of Ponyville and supplying her mainly with statistics. It hadn’t been the most insightful presentation, notably missing things like psychological profiles of the Apple family or incriminating evidence that could be used as leverage. Of course, that kind of thing would have been impossible to obtain, considering that they were talking about a family of farmers in the middle of nowhere and that Twilight had had less than a day of prep time.
“It’s about time,” Twilight finally told her and nodded at one of the windows.
Rarity followed her glance and sighed. The coziest village in a fifty-mile radius was coming into view. Also the only village in a fifty-mile radius, she silently added and rolled her eyes. “Right. I’ll go and fix my make-up. You get our things ready so that we can get going as soon as the train stops. We’ll visit the farmer, then the mayor to negotiate for whatever else we need to get a majority of Ponyville. If we play our cards right, we can buy the key assets in two transactions and be back home before midnight.” She got up, confident that Twilight would settle the bill.
“Of course, Miss Belle,” Twilight obediently intoned. “Although we won’t make it home before midnight.”
Rarity gave Twilight a look and narrowed her eyes. “...and why is that, darling?”
“...because this train will only depart tomorrow at-...” She leaned back a little bit when Rarity made strangling gestures in her general direction.
“We are stuck here overnight?”
“...you literally told me yesterday that we might be here for a week, maybe two.”
“Yes, but that was... words!”
“Well, yes, that is how telling me things usually works,” Twilight replied, unfazed by the long stream of rude gestures Rarity was performing in her general direction.
“Ugh! What are the odds that your murder machine buddy can give us a ride back?”
“Low,” Twilight replied without even pretending to think about it. “Also, murder machines tend to be built for efficiency, not safety or comfort. Sure, the trip would just take an hour or so, but I only brought one pillow to sit on, and it’s mine.”
“Fine, I suppose we can spend the night. I mean, once I buy the farm, it becomes company property, so I can get us the best rooms in the house, right?”
Twilight wasn’t looking entirely convinced, but she nodded anyway. “You’re one of the company’s best dealmakers, Miss Belle. If anybody can do it, it’s you.”
Rarity stepped out of the train and openly scowled at the hut that was trying really hard to pretend that it was the station building. I bet they don’t offer free WiFi in there. She paused. I bet they don’t even know what WiFi is. “I’m starting to get where Gilda’s coming from,” she muttered. “Should just burn the entire thing to the ground. And what’s that smell?”
Twilight slowly waved her phone around like some future tech scanning device. “I believe the natives call it... ‘nature,’ Miss Belle.”
“Funny.” Rarity huffed and motioned at her bags. “See if you can deposit these somewhere. Then call us a taxi.” When Twilight hesitated, she groaned. “Let me guess, few taxis in this village.”
“The nearest gas station is more than ten miles away. I’m pretty sure few of the locals even own cars, and the only roads around are the ones leading out of the village. Maybe-”
“Yes, yes, yes, we’ll walk. Fine. Take care of the luggage. I’ll meet you in the front of this shed.”
She motioned at the Adjudicator to follow her. “I hope you’re up for a short walk, Miss Pie.”
“I was raised on a farm, Miss Belle. I’m used to hikes and physical labor.”
Rarity raised an eyebrow at that. From what she had heard, nopony really knew anything about Miss Lestia’s pink-coated judge-slash-jury-slash-executioner, so it was downright shocking for her to casually disclose such a mundane background. “You grew up on a farm? What did your folks grow?”
“Rocks.”
“...rocks. As in... these rocks.” She pointed at the gravel in front of the building, then did a double-take. Oh, wow, Twilight wasn’t lying when she warned me about the lack of proper roads! These savages probably haven’t even invented asphalt yet!
“Bit bigger than that,” Miss Pie remarked drily but didn’t bother to elaborate.
“Okay,” Twilight said as she came out of the building. “The station closes in four hours, so we should pick up our things until then. Also, get used to paying for everything in cash.”
“Right. I’ll let you handle the small transactions, and I’ll take care of the big one.” She held up her silver briefcase. “Now, where is this farm?”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Behind you.”
“Good, and here I was worried that this would be-...” She turned around and frowned when she saw no farm but only a few disgustingly cozy houses. Then she looked up. “-...hard.”
Sweet Apple Acres was looming over her from the top of a gigantic hill half a mile behind the houses. The hills surrounding the big one were packed with apple trees and seemed to go on forever.
“Wow, those photos did not do the place justice,” she muttered. “That’s... that’s several hectares worth of farmland, isn’t it?”
“Make that several hundred hectares worth of farmland,” Twilight corrected her patiently. “And that’s not even taking into account the topology of the hills.”
“Small wonder that we’re supposed to go after it first. It’s probably larger than the rest of the-...” She barely held back a curse when she realized something. “We have to WALK all the way up there?”
“Unless you wait a few hours - I’m sure Miss Dawnstar will give you a ride once she arrives.”
This time, Rarity failed to hold back her curse, but the reminder that she was working against the clock at least made her move.
"Thank... goodness,” Rarity wheezed when she had finally climbed Mount Applefarm. She had been ready to pass out three times and had cursed Twilight twice for not stowing a spare car in her bottomless purse.
However, the worst part was that she was somehow the only one who was out of breath. Miss Pie probably had superior Earth pony genes on her side, but Rarity had no idea what Twilight’s excuse was, other than magically being better than anypony else by default. She gave her assistant a glare. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t possibly resent her any more than I currently do.
Twilight seemed not to notice her superior’s state. “Wow, living in the city, you tend to forget how invigorating a nature hike can be!”
...and I immediately stand corrected, Rarity thought and tried not to listen to the voice at the back of her head that was telling her that no jury in Equestria would convict her for absolutely justified murder. “Just... get me somepony... to sign this... stupid contract.”
“Ah, you may get your wish sooner than you’d like,” Twilight curtly informed her, her silly smile replaced by her usual mask of professionalism.
Already? Rarity looked up just in time to see two members of the Apple family coming out of the farmhouse. I must look like a complete mess - why did I even bother to fix my make-up on the train? She forced herself to stand upright and took a deep breath. Okay, this isn’t ideal, but you’ve had worse starting positions. You can do this. She gave the two Earth ponies a look and identified them as Applejack and Big McIntosh. Both were dressed in dirty jeans and shirts that deserved a Medal of Honor for going above and beyond in their attempts to contain the physiques of their wearers. At first, they just appeared to be bulky, but as they came closer, Rarity realized that the lack of surrounding context had concealed just how big both of them were. She found herself staring at a wall of green and black flannel and had to tilt her head back just to be able to meet Applejack’s matching green eyes.
“Well, howdy!” Applejack immediately took the initiative before Rarity could make the first step. “We don’t often get visitors here, ‘specially no city slickers.” She gave Rarity a grin and flicked her cowboy hat up a bit, revealing more of her unkempt blond mane. Somewhere between the disarming smile, the freckles, and the muscles, Rarity was able to spot beauty, but it was well hidden under a layer of dust, dirt, and sweat.
“I suppose so, Miss Applejack,” she carefully conceded and forced a smile.
“Jus’ call me Applejack!” The mountain of a mare chuckled. “An’ y’all are?”
Okay, you get only one chance to introduce yourself, so make it count. She put on her best winning smile and reached into her jacket pocket to fish out her business card. “Rarity Belle of-...” Her voice trailed off when she saw Applejack’s friendly smile shifting into a very cautious frown. “I assure you there is nothing to worry about.”
“Uhuh.” Somehow, Big McIntosh managed to put multiple layers of meaning and implication into that one grunt. He quickly exchanged looks with Applejack, who ended up huffing.
“Whaddya want?” Applejack crossed her arms in front of her chest, and Rarity could almost hear the seams straining to not burst open under the pressure of her biceps. A distant part of her noted that Applejack’s upper arm was nearly as big as her head.
“Well, I suppose the metaphorical cat is out of the bag,” Rarity muttered and sighed as she handed her business card to Big McIntosh, who was acting a bit less hostile, at least at the moment. “Applejack, I have-”
“Actually, I changed my mind. I’d prefer if you called me Miss Applejack.”
Rarity took a deep breath. “I’m starting to feel that you know why I’m here.”
Applejack looked down on her both literally and figuratively. “Sweet Apple Acres is not for sale,” she hissed.
That’s what they all say. And she wouldn’t open with a statement like that if she wasn’t worried. “Of course it’s not.” She laughed lightly and noted the way Applejack’s eyes widened. “Ancestral family farm and all that. You have weathered hard times and endured, right? Surely your dearest grandmother told you tales of how-”
“Goodbye, Miss Belle,” Applejack interrupted her and pointed at the path leading downhill. “Please take your goons and leave our property.”
Rarity made a show out of looking as bored as possible as she took a deep breath. Then she slowly held up her suitcase with a spark of magic and snapped it open with her hands. Thanks to Twilight’s briefing, she didn’t have to look up the key facts, but holding up a piece of paper made things look far more official. “Sweet Apple Acres has generated roughly ninety thousand bits in revenue in the last year, is that correct? That is a definite improvement over the average of the years prior to that, mostly thanks to your initiative to diversify the product range you are offering for sale.” She glanced at the paper again. “Causing Sweet Apple Acres to almost break even for the first time in about half a decade. You are an impressive mare, Miss Applejack.” She paused for effect. “But you are no miracle worker. How much longer until the family savings run out? How-”
“Impressive?” Applejack snorted. “Y’all wanna see somethin’ actually impressive?”
“Are you going to perform a squat without causing your pants to tear open?” Rarity smiled when she saw the tiniest hint of a smirk behind the mask of contempt.
Instead of answering, Applejack turned around and marched into the house. Rarity resisted the urge to follow her - Big McIntosh was still blocking half the dirt road, and his expression implied that he might consider any wrong step as trespassing. Well, as even more trespassing than we already are, considering that I ignored her ultimatum. She was half tempted to coax some more information out of the stallion, but he didn’t exactly seem like the talkative type. Ultimately, the issue became moot because she could hear Applejack’s heavy hoofsteps coming closer even before the front door was opened again.
At first, it took Rarity a second to realize what had changed about Applejack, but she finally spotted two new accessories attached to her belt. On her left side was a lasso, neatly coiled up but undoubtedly ready to... do... lasso-y things... at a moment’s notice.
The other one was a gun.
“Um. M-... Miss Applejack, before you start shooting anypony, I might have to check with my secretary if her contract contains any clauses about her taking a bullet for me.”
“It doesn’t,” Twilight replied without even thinking. Then she hesitated. “...excuse me?”
“Lemme show ya what I think of your quaint ‘I’ll make y’all an offer ya can’t refuse’ speech,” Applejack said without reacting to Rarity’s attempt to throw Twilight under the bus. Before Rarity could react, Applejack had already grabbed her open briefcase and emptied it with a few hearty shakes. Then she snapped it shut. “Ya think ya can just waltz in ‘ere and make me sell the farm for a couple o’ thousand bits.” Somehow, her drawl was becoming worse by the second.
“I was actually thinking more along the lines of three point eight-”
“Y’all can show yer precious briefcase to yer boss an’ tell’em what happens to them if they try an’ lay their greedy hands on Sweet Apple Acres.” And with that, she tossed the briefcase up into the air.
“-million bits,” Rarity finished her sentence even as her eyes automatically followed the briefcase, causing her to miss the visual cue of Applejack drawing her revolver. The first shot nearly made her jump out of her skin, but by the fourth shot, her eyes were focused back on the briefcase, which was jumping higher with each bullet that pierced it. After the sixth shot came an eternity of silence, and the briefcase began to enter the atmosphere again.
The lasso came virtually out of nowhere, catching the briefcase in mid-air with unbelievable precision and- “Wait, what?” Applejack abruptly turned to face her, causing her to pull the lasso in at an odd angle, sending the briefcase flying straight at Rarity’s-
*WHAM*
“I vaguely recall sending you along on this trip to avoid one of my top employees being hospitalized,” Miss Lestia’s voice came through the satellite phone Pinkamena had packed into her suitcase.
“Strictly speaking, Miss Belle wasn’t hospitalized.” Does it count if the hospital is staffed by a single nurse who keeps the sole bed free for life-or-death cases? She tilted her head a bit. Let’s say it does. “Also, your intent was to keep them from murdering each other. And given that Miss Dawnstar has not even arrived yet, I am fulfilling that task more or less by default.”
“Yes. Speaking of which, I have received multiple calls from government agencies that don’t even officially exist, and they wanted to know if I still got my battle axe. You wouldn’t by any chance know why Equestria was about five minutes away from sending a less-than-polite request for an explanation to Cybertron, would you?”
“I...” Pinkamena desperately tried not to look at Twilight. “I can say with a certain degree of certainty that Miss Belle did not make deals with any flying trains.”
“I see.” Miss Lestia took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. “So Gilda is still stuck in the middle of nowhere, Rarity has a mild concussion, and the Apple family intends to go broke just to spite us. And I don’t get to threaten a train with an axe.”
“Things are just getting started.” Pinkamena hesitated. “I mean, aside from the whole flying murder train business - I’m afraid you will have to make your own fun there.”
“I always have to do that.” A quiet chuckle. “How is Twilight holding up? Is she already planning some spectacular way to resolve everything before midnight?”
This time, Pinkamena did look at Twilight, who was busy looking miserable, sitting on the floor next to the couch Miss Belle was lying on. “She is too busy feeling guilty for not catching the briefcase before it knocked out Miss Belle.” There was a quiet groan, and Twilight’s head immediately snapped up. “Speaking of which...”
“Understood. Keep me posted if anything comes up.” Miss Lestia hung up, and Pinkamena stowed the phone away.
“Whu...” Rarity squinted against the light. “Whud... happen...” She tried to get up, but Twilight quickly held her down.
“Miss Belle, you need to take it slowly,” Twilight assured her. “You have taken a massive blow to the head, so please stay like this until we are sure you can stand.”
“Massive... blow...?” Rarity frowned, then groaned. “Ughhh... right. That crazy farmer must’ve knocked me out with my own briefcase.” She covered her eyes with one hand. After a second, she snapped her fingers, and Twilight had to pin her again. “This is GREAT, though!”
“Could we discuss this while I do some preliminary checks to ensure that-” Twilight was interrupted by Rarity’s impatient finger-snapping.
“Do whatever you need, but then I need you to call the company lawyers.” Rarity grinned even as Twilight fished a pen-sized flashlight out of her purse and pointed it at Rarity’s eyes. “We will-AGH!” She paused while Twilight shone the light directly in her eyes and swung the flashlight back and forth slowly.
Pinkamena wondered if this test was actually necessary to diagnose a concussion since being knocked out cold was already a strong indicator for that. Then again, I’m not a doctor. She paused. Then again, neither is Twilight. Probably. In the end, she reasoned that whatever test Twilight was performing did no harm, so she refrained from commenting on it.
“As I was saying,” Rarity said when Twilight turned the flashlight off with a click, “call the company lawyers. We are going to hit this Miss Applejack with a lawsuit for aggravated assault. Then we can offer to-”
“No.”
Rarity froze. “No?”
“Miss Belle, I apologize.” Twilight let out a long sigh. “I-... I already agreed that we would not press charges.”
“You WHAT?” Rarity asked and once again struggled against Twilight’s grip. “What could POSSIBLY-” She froze when she saw Twilight’s horrified expression.
“You...” Twilight got to her hooves and wrapped her arms around herself. “You were... you were just lying there, and you... you weren’t moving, and... and...” She took a deep breath and slowly dragged one hand from her forehead all the way along her muzzle. “I panicked. I’m sorry. I should’ve-”
“Twilight negotiated to have you transported as quickly as possible to the Ponyville hospital,” Pinkamena cut in, sensing that Twilight would sell her actions short. “She commandeered a tractor to take you there and then arranged for a proper place for us to stay since you were in no condition to spend the night in the tent she had brought.”
“I’m sorry,” Twilight whispered again, but Rarity ignored her for the moment.
“Okay, that’s a lot to unpack.” Rarity slowly propped herself up against her pillow to get a better look at the others. “First of all... this is not a hospital.”
“The nurse wouldn’t let us stay there since... there were not enough free beds,” Pinkamena bent the truth a little bit for the sake of conciseness. “She did give first aid and assured us that you won’t suffer long-term consequences as long as you take it easy for a few hours, though.”
“Okay, so...” Rarity slowly looked around and frowned when she realized that the couch was standing in a large hall and that nearly every wall was hidden behind tall bookshelves. “This is not a hotel room, isn’t it?”
“There is no hotel in Ponyville,” Pinkamena replied.
“This is the Ponyville library,” Twilight added, slowly snapping out of her panic flashback. “It’s normally closed since the last librarian left years ago, so we have the place to ourselves.”
“So you gave away our surefire leverage to buy the farm,” Rarity said, making Twilight wince, “because you were worried that I would die?” She smiled warmly, and Twilight relaxed visibly. “I suppose I can let that one slide, then.”
“Thank you, Miss Belle!” Twilight cried out and gave her superior a quick hug.
Pinkamena allowed herself a tiny smile. It was refreshing to see that, at the end of the day, the insufferable mastermind was still just a pony after all.
“Okay, yeah, that’s enough of that,” Rarity teased her and gently held Twilight at an arm’s length. Then she glanced out of one of the library’s windows and nodded slowly when she saw that the sun was setting. “Let’s call it a day and get some rest. And tomorrow, we will give this another shot.” A pause. “Unless Gilda finally makes it.” She sighed. “Well, you probably won’t let me walk out of here anytime soon, so I suppose we’ll just have to hope for the best, right?” When Twilight gave her a half-hearted nod, she let her head rest against the pillow again. “Knowing that crazy farmer, Gilda will just get a briefcase to the head as well.” She smiled and gave Twilight’s hand a quick squeeze. “This is not how I had hoped this day would go, but that happens. From the sound of it, you made the right call, Twilight.” She hesitated. “Thank you.”
She didn’t know what time it was, and neither did she care. She did know that she didn’t deserve sleep, much like she didn’t deserve the farm she had called home her entire life. She did deserve a prison sentence, though. No, the quiet voice at the back of her head chimed in, prison is for nice ponies who cheat on their taxes. Bad ponies who try to murder supermodels in cold blood get the guillotine. She groaned quietly and rested her head on the table.
The sound of heavy hoofsteps almost made her turn around - a part of her wanted to be left alone, but another part craved company. “It’s nearly midnight, AJ,” Big McIntosh scolded her quietly, but there was no malice in his voice.
Applejack finally turned around, and her older brother grimaced when he saw her face. “Can’t sleep.” I can sleep in my cell once this Miss Belle finally comes to her senses and calls the cops on me.
Big McIntosh grabbed one of the free chairs from the kitchen table and sat down unceremoniously. “It was an accident,” he finally whispered.
She got up with enough force to make her own chair fall over but barely managed to avoid shouting. Her grandmother had taught her manners, and one of those - admittedly rather specific - lessons had been not to shout obscenities at her older brother when everypony else was asleep. “It was not an accident!” she hissed. “Ah tried to show off an’ intimidate ‘er!”
He thought about that for a moment. “Been meanin’ to ask why you-”
“AH DUNNO, YA BIG-” She covered her mouth with both hands, eyes wide in shock.
Neither sibling moved as they listened for any sign that they had just woken up their grandmother. After half a minute, both exhaled slowly.
“Ah dunno what-...” Applejack took another deep breath. “I don’t know what I’ve been thinking,” she finally said. She knew that her family could understand her drawl even after eighteen bottles of cider, but she was also the caretaker of Sweet Apple Acres, and as such, she wanted to put in an effort to not act like a dumb hick all the time. “Shoulda just punched her and be done with it.”
“Pretty sure that would’ve hurt her more than hittin’ her with that briefcase,” Big McIntosh mused.
The siblings engaged in a brief staring contest until Applejack caved and cracked a grin. “Jerk,” she muttered.
He extended a hand and ruffled her mane in the highly specific way only big brothers could get away with. “C’mon, try to get some sleep. We got plenty of work to do tomorrow.”
He is right, of course. But... Reluctantly, she pulled back. “When I close my eyes, I... see her,” she whispered. “The way she just... collapsed. Those bright blue eyes... just...” She trembled and leaned into her brother when he pulled her into a tight hug.
“She’s gonna be fine, AJ,” he whispered into her ear. “You and her two coworkers did a great job getting her to Nurse Redheart. And you got a promise out of it that no charges would be pressed.”
“I only got that promise because the other unicorn mistook me freezing up in shock for Equestria’s best poker face. She will probably hate me for that once she realizes that she gave in too fast.”
“Well, that’s how it sometimes goes in business.”
“Business?” she snapped and pushed herself away from him. “This wasn’t business!”
“She came to buy our farm!” Big McIntosh snarled, and Applejack immediately took a step backward. Her brother was incredibly hard to anger, but the flip side of that was that, once he got going, he really got going. He froze when he saw her wide eyes. “Sorry,” he muttered lamely and took a deep breath to calm down. “But ya gotta understand that these ponies came here to talk business. They didn’t come to talk about last season’s harvest; they came to prey on us because we’re strugglin’. An’ you better hope they will take no for an answer.”
Applejack nodded slowly. “You’re right. I need to focus more on what she had said before-...” They exchanged looks. “...-before the accident, fine, whatever.” She realized that she enjoyed focusing on the business side since it meant focusing less on Miss Belle’s lifeless body in front of her home. She crossed her arms. “Do you think her offer was genuine?”
He thought about this. “Genuine? Maybe. Uninformed? Definitely.”
“Yeah,” she conceded immediately. They both knew that the farm was not worth several million bits in its current state. “So why would she start with an offer like that?”
He shrugged. “Big company with more money than common sense? Though they usually do their research.”
“Definitely.”
“Maybe she’s in a hurry? Folks tend to overspend when they’re workin’ against the clock.”
She frowned. “But why would some city folks be in a hurry to buy a farm this far away from their home?”
“I dunno.” He sighed. “But I hope they take the next train home an’ take their money with them.”
“Yeah.” Because who’d ever want to get several million bits delivered by a mare like that?