Chapter Three: From the Bottom of His Heart
"Bu- You- This is.....? I...!" sputtered Princess Celestia, rapidly shaking her head from left to right. This was NOT going according to plan. Not in the slightest.
The room was trashed with Applejack D and vodka, just like the musicians' quarters, and the blinds in front of the balcony were now all but torched. The roof, which during the day was enchanted to be transparent, was completely opaque. The source of all the smoke was nowhere to be seen, but the window was open a crack, offering a clue as to where it may have been thrown.
And here I was hoping it would be somepony that I knew! He's bucking hot!
The Princess looked at the handsome tan stallion that had returned to lying in her queen-sized bed, trying her best to regain her composure.
"Master Braeburn, at yer service, ma'am. I trust that ya got yerself a bit of a pro-blem-o, if it's not too bold to say!" The leather-vested, scrawny (and slightly attractive) pony smiled sheepishly through he smoke, his embarrassment showing through his extremely happy face.
He looked around, momentarily confused again. "If ya don't mind me askin', why am I in your bed? Wait, is this your bed? Did I... ah, horseapples! We didn't-"
Oh, damn! He has courtly western manners. Everypony knows that there's nothing hotter than courtly western manners! Oh, why! WHY NOW!!! screamed the Sun Goddess inside her head. She completely ignored what he was saying, and concentrated on not blushing.
"-cuz the last of what ah remember was-"
"Wait..." interrupted Celestia. She walked over to the torched blinds, inspecting them whilst talking. "What do you remember? Exactly?"
* * *
Braeburn nervously trotted down the walkway, completely out of place in the palace garden's posh decor. The roses that peppered the green bushes at exact intervals symbolized order and peace, neither of which he was accustomed to.
The stallion snorted. Back in
‘AAAAAAPPLEOOSA!’
Appeloosa, such control over nature was scorned. Instead, the
‘AAAAAAPPLEOOSA!’
Appleloosans preferred to let nature grow about untamed, and in return harvest its delicious fruit.
Braeburn held his head up high, and resisted the urge to yell "Appleloosa" out loud. "After all, a pony should probably carry himself with dignity on a business trip such as this one!" He nodded to himself knowingly as he walked. “And I’ll be darned if I didn’t sound all fancy-like just now!”
The cobblestone on which he walked was now clear of leaves. Bright, colorful chrysanthemums had taken the place of the roses now, all still arranged in that perfect checkerboard pattern.
"Now, Brae. You'll do good this time. You won't make a goofus of yourself. You'll make the
‘Aaaaaaaappleloosa!’
Apple family proud!" said Braeburn to himself.
He looked up from the cobblestone to see the reception hall in front of him. The large, gothic building was the centerpiece of the entire, three-mile-wide Canterlot castle grounds. The large front entryway opened into the interior, comprised of two large staircases on either side centered around a ridiculously small-looking reception desk.
Braeburn trotted closer to the reception pony, who had his front hooves up on the desk, not paying any attention to him or his surroundings. He was reading something.
"AHEM!" coughed Braeburn, the sound echoed through the entire building.
That did the trick. The gray unicorn looked up from ‘Equestria Daily’, annoyed.
"How may I halp yoo?" asked the gray unicorn in a nasal voice. His expression, however, said ‘Buck off and leave me alone’.
Braeburn could feel himself getting angry at the pompous pony. “Keep it cool, keep cool, Braeburn, keep it cool...”
"Hello, sir," he thought in his head.
"What a douche!" he said out loud. The receptionist gasped, his mouth opening almost wide enough to swallow a young buffalo. Braeburn was confused for a moment, then realized what he’d said out loud and what he’d kept in his head.
"DAMMIT, BRAE! You said the thinking part out loud and thought the talking part! STUPID STUPID STU-"
* * *
"Wait, what? You're that bad? You screwed up THAT badly?!" said Celestia. She had seemed some screwballs in her time (quite literally), but this pony was starting to take the cake.
"Well, I was never that gud at talking tah other ponies... Ya know, once, when my cousin came to visit to AAAAAAAAAAPPLELOOS-'' Braeburn would have finished, but for the hoof in his mouth.
"We get it." interrupted Celestia, her head splitting open once more. She removed the hoof from his mouth. If I make it through this day alive, I’m changing the name of that town.
"Well, mah cuz and her friends came tah town, and ah spent a week practicin' in the mirror for mah introduction. Wrote a script and everythin. When everythin' went wrong, ah had no idea what ta' say!" Braeburn sat upright on the bed, clearly embarrassed.
Celestia promptly facehoofed. Here in Canterlot, being social was the expectation of society, and, with a little hard cider, you could get anyone to talk to you, even a perfect stranger. Antisociality was not a good trait to have in such an upper-class city.
"Yeah, my family almost never lets me do anything with customers. Ah always screw mahself up, with mah disorder and all."
An awkward silence fell across the dark room. Celestia thought she could sense Luna’s laughing presence nearby.
She decided to break the awkwardness. "Continue telling me about yesterday!"
* * *
MEANWHILE, 1.5 Miles Away
"Dammit, Vinyl! We're going in circles!" scolded Octavia. They had just arrived back in front of the room with the bass clef on the ceiling, finding it in the exact same condition they had left it.
"Tavi, watch your language! Ponies get in TROUBLE for that!" Vinyl mocked. She pretended to swoon, putting a hoof to her brow.
"Vinyl, this is no time for such nonsense! YOU have the map, YOU find the way around!”
"Kay, kay. I'll do it. I could swear that this castle, like, changes, though." The royal D.J. took a look at the map again.
"Hmm... ‘Study’? I'm pretty sure that wasn't there before!"
"Vinyl, for the last time, the castle doesn't just magically change by itself! It-"
"See for yourself!" interrupted the unicorn. She unfurled the map with her magic, holding it out for Octavia to see.
"Vinyl, I don't see anything different. Our room is still where it was. It's not the castle that led us back here, it was you!"
The white mare looked back at the parchment on which the map was drawn.
"There! Clear as glass! It says ‘Study’ right next to Celeste's room!" The DJ scrutinized the paper, putting a hoof on the small study marked on the map.
The grey mare looked bewildered. "Vinyl, there's nothing there. That's outside of the castle! Those shades must be impeding your eyesight." As she said this, she took a hoof and ripped Vinyl's shades off, revealing her red eyes.
The DJ, shocked, looked down at the paper. "But- What the buck?"
"What?" the gray mare replied, confused.
"It's- Wait! Gimme your sunglasses."
Octavia handed the DJ her black shades that she had gotten from the Princess, wincing a little at the increase in light. Her headache was getting better by degrees, but was far from gone.
The DJ put on the glasses.
"It's-"
She took off the glasses for dramatic effect.
"Gone!"
* * *