“P-Please no Twi, just a few more minutes. I’ll tidy my room later, I swear. Those comic books scattered everywhere are just a design choice, honest. Who are you to tell me how to decorate my new… ow.”
Spike turned slightly in his sleep as he heard a female voice he assumed belonged to a certain alicorn, before a sharp nudge in his ribs fully restored him to his senses.
“Okay, okay… there’s no need for that! Don’t you think I deserve a bit of a lie-in, anyway? Compering your ceremony yesterday was a tough job; I burnt through seven suits alone during the dress rehearsal! W-Wait… you’re n-not… a-and this i-isn’t…”
What slowly dawned on the distressed dragon as his vision began the heedless transition from black-and-white to glorious technicolour was that he no longer resided in the plushest quarters of the Canterlotian castle.
It resembled some kind of dusty old cellar; Twilight’s library without all the books. And the curiously-dressed two-legged individual crouched by his side prodding his prone form with some kind of pointy stick was most definitely not any kind of pony.
“Aaarrrggh!!” Spike was loath to scream like a little filly at the best of times; considering himself quite the brave warrior in comparison to his small stature after all he’d done to save Equestria.
Waking up in a strange place, being ‘attacked’ by a stranger by strange implements definitely qualified as the right occasion to panic though, in his view.
Yep, the whole situation was very strange indeed.
(Apparently, helping Twilight edit and catalogue her many speeches over the years hadn’t improved Spike’s vocabulary a jot. Go figure.)
Regardless, the terrified drake was now to be found trembling in the corner of the dirty room where he’d crawled, and there was to be no escape from the approaching behemoth as it slowly bore down on him relentlessly.
I thought my biggest problem today would be clearing up the mess left over from last night’s celebrations… I certainly didn’t think I’d be kidnapped and held against my will by some kind of hairless ape! Oh Twilight, I promise that if you swoop in now to save me as usual I’ll never complain about having to work overtime ever again…
“Ni hao”? An oddly-accented female voice came from the direction of the almond-skinned beast, as it towered over the mentally-pleading dragon.
“...P-Pardon?” Spike opened his eyes a scooch as he instinctively answered the inquisitive creature. Well if it’s trying to communicate, that can only be a good thing, right? Of course, I have no idea what it’s saying… but at least it appears I’m not dealing with a soulless predator…
The female ‘monster’ frowned a little at Spike’s stammered one word reply, and took a few seconds to consider her answer. “Hello? Is that… better? You speak… English, yes?”
“Hold it…” Upon hearing the young girl talk to him in (almost) perfect Ponyish, Spike’s overriding emotion turned in a moment from sheer terror to undisguised amazement. “You… understand me?!”
“Yes, yes I do! I learn many languages at school!” The girl suddenly clapped her hands together in sheer joy, and as she crouched down until she was about Spike’s size she didn’t seem half as scary anymore. “First, it is great honour one so revered is visiting in our humble home…”
“Wait, wait…” Spike declared a time-out as he swiftly got back onto his feet. “No-one likes a bit of hero-worship than me… but, there’s a time and a place for everything. First, where on Equestria am I? Second, how did I end up here? Thirdly, who the Celestia are you? And lastly…”
“Yes, honourable dragon?”
“What is ‘Ing-glish’? And seeing as we’ve just met, maybe I should be the first to tell you; I’m not that honourable…”
…………………………………
“...So you’re telling me you were cooking in your kitchen…”
“That’s right, Mr Spike! Baba come home soon, and I stir pot of soup when I hear loud crash come from downstairs. I arm myself with spare chopsticks, and I discover you there resting. Sorry I nudge you, but I need to see if you real. Not every day mythical creature end up in basement.”
“I see.” Spike nodded as if this cleared everything up, when it didn’t really at all. “And you’re telling me I’m on a planet called ‘Urth’, in a place called…”
“‘China’ in English, or Ponyish if you like. We call it ‘Zhonghua’ in Mandarin, though. It beautiful country! Many people live here, and be happy to see such a legendary figure in history.”
“Uh-huh.” Spike answered sceptically, as he wasn’t willing to risk that all the inhabitants of this unfamiliar location were as nice as this cheerful dark-haired girl. “...Sorry, what did you say your name was again?”
“Oh, apologies! My name is Su-Ling, and I fourteen years old! Ever since Mama die I take care of Baba by self, as no brothers or sisters to help. It hard work, but I very happy to see smile on his face when he come home every evening! And when he see you, maybe he smile for change too…!”
“...Yeah, perhaps later.” Spike’s inner voice still told him the less people he met in this weird new reality, the better. “Look, as much as it’s been nice to hear about your life history and all, I fear I can’t stay long. I need to find out how I got here, and how to return as quickly as possible. Everypony must be so worried about me! No offense, but I don’t belong here…”
“Oh, no Mr Spike! You always welcome here! You our honoured guest!” Su-Ling had obviously misinterpreted the dragon’s words, and suddenly grabbed him by the claw. “Basement no place for important dragon! You come upstairs, and see the house! I give you guided tour! It be true pleasure! Then later, you join us for Wanfan! We having Yunnan rice noodle soup; my speciality!”
“Y-You’re not listening to me, Su-Ling!” Spike had genuinely enjoyed his host’s company and the offer of foreign cuisine did sound tempting, but certain things should always take precedence. “I can’t waste any time in trying to get back home! For all I know, the more time I spend here, the chances of me returning to Equestria could be decreasing by the second! Now, are you going to help me, or am I going to have to find out that information by myself?”
The so-far bubbly and boisterous Su-Ling stopped trying to drag Spike to the second floor, and seemed very upset; some would even say crestfallen. But just as the guilty dragon began to see telltale signs of teardrops appear in his host’s oval eyes…
‘BANG!’ That was the sound of something being slammed upstairs, followed by a few brusque words shouted loudly which Spike couldn’t quite make out (he did catch Su-Ling’s name at the end of them, though).
“Oh, no! Baba home early! I do not know why, but I not even finish cooking chicken yet!! I spend lot of time here talking to you, and now soup be late! He will not be happy…” Su-ling seemed more anxious about the fact that her meal wasn’t ready yet than the prospect of introducing her father to a hitherto undiscovered species.
Spike felt sympathy for her plight, but he intended to make his position very clear. “Listen, Su-Ling. Could you… not tell your da… ‘Baba’ there’s a dragon in your cellar yet? I need to consider my next move carefully, before I let anyone else know I’m here. Could you do that for me, please?”
Su-Ling paused for a second, before asking something quite unexpected. “M-Mr Spike?”
“Yes?”
“Can you… breathe fire?”
“Well, I’d be a pretty disappointing dragon if I couldn’t.”
“You show me that, and I keep you hidden away very safe. Do we have deal?”
“...Sure, Su-Ling, if that’s what it takes. Hope you don’t mind that it’s green, though. Now back away… and move anything flammable, if you please…”