//------------------------------// // Wednesday // Story: Seeking // by Fillyfoolish //------------------------------// My six friends sit around a round table, sipping milkshakes at the Sweet Shoppe, smiling and chatting. During a lull in conversation, I say, “Hey, I’m really grateful I got to talk to all of you this week about your religious beliefs.” I wink at Rainbow, preempting her retort. “Even yours, Dash.” “Bu- Su-set,” Pinkie Pie says, muffled through a straw. She slurps the end of her drink, making enough noise in the process to elicit a disgusted wince from Rarity beside her. Pinkie pushes her empty glasses towards the centre of the table and exclaims, “You never talked to me about mine!” I smile, a bit confused. “I asked if you had any religious beliefs, and you just told me to meet you and the girls here for milkshakes.” I sip my own drink and then add on, “I assumed you’re just really religious about spending time with your friends.” Rainbow Dash snickers. “Nah, I bet you that Pinkie Pie’s ‘belief’” – she makes air quotes with her fingers – “is that sugar is holy and cupcakes make good communion.” Rainbow looks at me and wags her eyebrows. “5 bucks?” I glance at Pinkie’s indignant face and give Dash a thumbs-up. Is betting on a friend’s religious beliefs sinful? Hey, if we’re all sinners, it doesn’t matter, right? …Wait. “Deal. 5 bucks that Pinkie believes something other than ‘there’s no limit to how much sugar a healthy adolescent should consume in one sitting’.” “You say it like it isn’t true,” Pinkie Pie huffs at me. She then sticks her tongue out playfully at Rainbow, who sticks hers out much less playfully in return. The situation escalating, Pinkie wags her tongue around, and Rainbow gags. While the two most mature members of my entourage battle it out, I notice Rarity making hurried glances around the busy shop. To Rarity’s obvious relief, Twilight Sparkle interrupts the little fight. “You guys are being ridiculous.” Rarity and Fluttershy nod in unison at this. Rainbow Dash crosses her arms with her eyebrows raised. “Rainbow, I can’t believe you don’t know that Pinkie Pie is Jewish.” Pinkie bats an eye. Rainbow follows suit. Fluttershy tilts her head slightly at the revelation. And Rarity? Rarity scoffs. “Preposterous. Pinkie Pie is a follower of Christ.” Fluttershy nods along. “I don’t know where you heard that rumour,” Twilight frowns. “Because she’s definitely Jewish.” “Rumour?” Rarity huffs. “She’s a Catholic, just like me.” “No,” Twilight says, “she’s a Jew, just like me.” By now, the others look quite confused, Fluttershy most of all. Twilight and Rarity each turned their gazes Pinkieward for confirmation. Pinkie says nothing and smiles cryptically. Fluttershy speaks up. “Um, I don’t know if it makes her a Christian, but Pinkie likes going with me to church on Sundays. She says she likes singing our worship songs.” Fluttershy smiles sheepishly at Pinkie. “She sounds pretty good, too.” Rarity puts up a finger. “Fluttershy, dear, let’s not be hasty. Pinkie Pie is a churchgoing Catholic. She knows the liturgy by heart. I think that counts a bit more than some, er, worship songs.” Fluttershy seems hurt by this remark, and I am tempted to defend her. When I was there, the songs at Fluttershy’s church sounded like a valid way to pray, just like the liturgy at Rarity’s. Alas, before I get the chance to say anything, Twilight shakes her head and cuts in to the argument. “I for one see Pinkie at my shul all the time.” Rainbow Dash smirks. “She probably just goes for the free food.” Twilight blinks. “I suppose I have seen her eating her fair share of the oneg.” She pauses momentarily in contemplation, then shakes off the new information. “But Pinkie goes even when it isn’t anyone’s bat mitzvah. She prays, too, in Hebrew.” Twilight cups her hand around her mouth and comments to the group, as if I can’t hear her while sitting right next to her. “Her Hebrew is a lot better than Sunset’s, I gotta say.” I stick a kiss on Twilight’s cheek in protest. She blushes but stands by her words. “Some Christians learn Hebrew. It’s one of the holy languages, after all.” Fluttershy replies, unsure of herself. “And Pinkie sings all the worship songs, even the ones about loving Christ.” Rarity nods. Twilight blinks and then looks between Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Rarity in quick succession. “Oh G-d”. She covers her mouth with her hand, eyes betraying her shock. “What if she’s one of those Jews for Jesus?” Pinkie says nothing. Throughout the conversation, Applejack has been distant. Zoning out, maybe. Contemplative, more generously. But now she sighs. “I don’t want y’all drawing conclusions based on some ol’ she said, she said. But when I went through my faith crisis freshman year, Pinkie Pie here looked me in the eye and said, ‘AJ, it’s okay not to believe in God. It really is’.” Applejack bites her lip. “It really helped me to hear it back then. Lord knows none of my family would say that to me. Even if some of them were thinking the same thing. Thank you, again, Pinkie.” She smiles wearily at Pinkie, who returns an unabashed ear-to-ear smile. Applejack looks at Twilight, Fluttershy, and Rarity. “Now think what you want about Pinkie here, but those don’t sound like the words of a faithful Christian or Jew to me.” While the religious trio looks puzzled, Pinkie innocently slurps on at least her third milkshake, while the rest of us are still on our first. I start to wonder if I’m going to lose this bet. Rainbow Dash slaps her arms against the table. “I for one have never heard Pinkie talk about religion.” Applejack quirks an eyebrow. “Since when do you give a hoot about anyone’s religion?” “Duh, since I had a bet riding on it.” Rainbow sticks her head out and waves it like it’s obvious. “But I knew Shy is a Christian, ’cause she told me. And I knew Twi was Jewish, ’cause she told me.” She points up. “If Pinkie cared so much about loving God or hating God or whatever, she would’ve told me. ’Cause we’re friends. Cue the D.” “Do you mean QED?” Twilight frowns. “Because that doesn’t mean what you think it does.” I snicker. “‘QED’ doesn’t, or ‘Cue the D’ doesn’t?” “Yes.” There is silence, and one by one, we turn our heads towards the subject of our confusion. “Pinkie Pie,” Applejack says, “I think you’ve got some ’splaining to do.” That would be the understatement of the day. “Hmm… I guess you’re all right about me.” Pinkie slurps away the last of milkshake numero cuatro. She needs to fuel up before monologuing, or something like that. “Just like you’re all right about God.” A chorus of “huh?” ensues. Pinkie taps her finger against the table. “Say I’m just a Jew. Then I get to go to synagogue with Twi, which is super fun, but I miss out on everybody else.” Twilight nods. “Or say I’m just a Christian. Then I get church with Flutters and Rarity. Those are both super fun in their own ways. But then I get no Twi.” Fluttershy and Rarity nod in turn. “And in none of those cases do I get to support Applejack as she comes to reject religion altogether, and that’d be a huge bummer.” “Pinkie Pie, dear, why would you want to support her rejecting God if you’re a Christian?” Rarity frowns. “Or a Jew, for that matter?” Pinkie smiles. “Because I’m Applejack’s friend. And yours too.” “I’m your friend, too,” Rainbow mumbles. “Yep!” Pinkie grins. “And I know nothing I do or don’t do could ever change that, Dashie. That’s part of what makes our friendship so awesome.” Rainbow squints her eyes but says nothing, apparently both baffled and oddly touched. Twilight flips a notebook onto the table and clicks her pen. “I don’t understand, Pinkie. What do you believe in?” “You guys, silly!” Pinkie laughs, and squeezes Rarity and Rainbow on either side into a sudden hug. Both look dumbfounded by the turn of events. “That’s ridiculous.” Twilight pushes her glasses against the bridge of her nose. “None of us are God. Actually, I have my doubts about you, but none of the rest of us are God. And you believing in yourself is either cliché or narcissistic. Maybe both.” “Pff.” Pinkie giggles. “I’m not God. I met Her, though. She’s pretty chill.” Pinkie leans in, away from other tables, and whispers, “But She’s pretty peeved that people keep fighting each other over Her.” I blush at the language, though nobody else seems to react to that part of the sentence. Rarity blinks. “I’m sorry, dear, you said you met God? As in…” She crosses herself. “The God? Not some pastry or rock musician or something else merely named God?” “Obviously,” Pinkie laughs to Rarity’s awe and disbelief. “Only once, though. It was during the Friendship Games.” Twilight grimaces. “I don’t like where this is going.” “Nah, you’re good, Twi.” Pinkie beams. “Lyra, Bon Bon, and I were munching on some of my special Pinkie brownies, and then there was this burst of magic, and all of a sudden I was flying with Lyra in the sky with diamonds. We flew all the way to the pearly gates, and let me tell you, that took a while. They are so high up.” Rarity blinks. “Anyway, we got there and said hi to three Sweetie Belles playing six dimensional chess with Discord and Granny Pie. Then, bam, God showed up, and She was like, ‘Hey Pinkie Pie! Hey Lyra! Wait, Lyra, you’re not supposed to be here for another fifty three years’. And so Lyra looked super sad and scared and asked if she was going to hell, but God laughed and said that’s impossible, ’cause it’s just something We tell fillies to scare them a lil bit.” Fluttershy blinks. “Anyway, I apologized to God because Lyra being there was all my fault. God understood and chatted with us about pudding, cupcakes, the nature of the square root of one thousand seven hundred and sixty four, pies, pastries, you know, the works.” Twilight shakes off a hand cramp and keeps writing. “And then, uh, actually I don’t remember anything after that. Next thing I know, the three of us were behind the school bleachers, and we were all super hot from all the magic in the air and yummies in our tummies, so we turn to each other and decide to–” I blink. “Anyway, you get the picture. Great day, besides the discontinuities in the fabric of spacetime.” Twilight sighs. “I feel like this is my fault.” “Eh.” Pinkie shrugs nonchalantly. “Think less ‘fault’, and more ‘kickstarting your future classmates’ future marriage’.” “…Yeah, this is definitely my fault.” I try to process Pinkie’s perspective to little avail. “Hey, Pinkie?” “Yes, Sunny?” “Do you consider yourself religious?” “I dunno.” She shrugs happily. “I go to two churches and a synagogue, so that’s, like, three times as religious as going to just one, right?” “I’m not sure that’s how it works, darling.” Fluttershy speaks next. “Um, if you really did meet God, do you know if…?” She hides her face behind her hair. “If it’s right to be a Christian?” Pinkie grins. “Of course it’s okay that you’re a Christian, ’cause that makes you happy.” “Crap.” Twilight frowns. “Do I need to convert?” Pinkie giggles. “Of course not, why would you need to convert?” “Because I’m Jewish?” “Are you happy being Jewish?” “Yes.” “Tada!” Pinkie grins. “Then there’s your answer.” Rarity blinks. “I’m so lost. Does God approve of… both Christianity and Judaism?” “How should I know?” Pinkie laughs as if it’s a silly question. “I only met Her once, and we mostly discussed recipes so good they’re out of this world. You should ask Her yourself.” Rarity sputters. “But.. how… you… didn’t…” Pinkie’s smile is unwavering. “Well, snap.” Applejack sighs and tips down her Stetson. “I guess I gotta believe in God again, if He – er, She – is real after all.” Pinkie shrugs. “Why? I thought not believing in God made you happy.” “It does,” Applejack admits to Rarity’s horror and Fluttershy’s distant frown. “But if God is real after all, then that matters a might more than my happiness about it.” “I don’t understand.” Pinkie frowns. “Why should God care what you believe? It’s not like She’s counting on the income.” She laughs at her own joke, to the flat silence of everyone else. “Get it? Because God made money? And can just create more money and skyrocket inflation? Because She created inflation? And everything else?” Rarity places her hand on Pinkie’s shoulder. “We get it, love.” “Okie dokie.” Something clicks inside Rainbow Dash, and her face lights up. “Ha! That means I was right after all.” “About?” I ask. “Religion not mattering. Pinkie just said God doesn’t care what I believe, so I was right.” “Hmm.” I grin wickedly. “You’re right, that is one of her deeply held religious beliefs. Which means you just lost a bet.” “Ugh.” Rainbow reaches into her clothes, produces her wallet, extracts a five dollar bill, and hands it across the table to me. I feel a little guilt, choose to ignore it, and pocket the money. “I admit I don’t know where this leaves me. I came to you girls for answers, but now I have six different answers. And I may have caused some faith crises and a friendship problem.” I bury my head in my hands. Twilight wraps me in a chaste side hug, and Pinkie gets up out of her seat to follow suit. “Thanks.” I pause. “You know, I just feel so lost. I don’t know if the Bible is the Word of God. I don’t know if Pinkie’s religious experience was just a hallucination. Er, no offence.” “None taken!” I press on. “I don’t know who God is. I don’t know if God is real. I don’t know if any of this even matters.” I sniffle to prevent an outburst. “I knew Equestrian religions were mostly wrong, but I thought humans knew more. Now I don’t know anything anymore.” “Nah, Sunny.” Pinkie squeezes me. “You know the six of us. That counts for something.” She giggles. “I don’t know what, but something.” I smile slightly. “Thanks, Pinkie.” Fluttershy pipes up. “You know, Sunset, you don’t need the answers right now. You have a lifetime to figure things out.” “I concur,” Rarity says. “There’s no use rushing matters of the soul.” Rainbow Dash shrugs. “And if you never figure it out, so what?” “It ain’t like God’s gonna smite ya over it.” Applejack winks. Fluttershy opens her mouth and immediately shuts it. Twilight squeezes my hand. “Sunset, you have a good head on your shoulders and a good heart. Wherever you end up, I think it’ll work out. If that means becoming a Jew, I know Beth Chaim will welcome you with open arms. If it doesn’t, I’ll love you and support you all the same.” She kisses me on the lips, and I kiss back, to a chorus of “Aww”s from the peanut gallery. “I love you, Twilight.” I whisper. “I love you, too.” She whispers back, her breath hot. I pull back and face the others. “We make a funny group, the seven of us.” “Sure do,” Pinkie says, returning to her seat across the table. “It’s like, a Jew, a Catholic, and an atheist walk into a bar.” It’s silent for a second, then Pinkie bursts out laughing. “Get it?” “Uh, Pinks?” Rainbow says. “Usually there’s more to those jokes.” Pinkie Pie’s lips round into an o. “Okay, sorry, let me try again. A Jew, two Christians, an ex-Christian, an agnostic, and a mystic walk into a bar… And then they order a dozen milkshakes!” Pinkie again bursts out laughing, and seeing her ease with the world, I find myself smiling too. “I’m really glad I have you, girls.” I raise my eyebrows, then add with a wink, “Even you, Dash.” “You’re pretty tolerable yourself.” Rainbow returns the wink. “Glad I have the rest of you to pick up the slack, though.” “I agree with Sunset,” Fluttershy says. “I love all of you, with all my heart and all my soul.” “Absolutely.” Rarity adds, “Twilight, I do mean to apologize for raising my voice earlier. It was no way to treat one of my best friends.” Twilight presses her fist against her chest. “I’m sorry, too. For a moment there, it mattered so much what my friend Pinkie believed.” Rarity’s lips curl up. “But I believe the friendship is what matters, and everything else will come in due time.” Oh… Oh Celestia. “While we’re all apologizing…” I suck in a breath. “I’m sorry for trying to force you into a box, Rainbow. I guess I got caught up in all the strong opinions, from Fluttershy’s to Applejack’s, that I didn’t stop to think maybe you didn’t have a strong opinion. And that’s okay. Pushing you wasn’t okay.” Rainbow throws up her hands. “Hey, it’s all good. You were just doing what eggheads do best.” Twilight seems miffed by this remark. “Study?” “No,” Rainbow laughs and replies in a crummy approximation of Rarity’s accent. “Faux pas.” Rarity rolls her eyes at the impression but chuckles anyway. “Aww, snap.” Applejack sighs. “I guess I got an apology to give, too.” “You don’t have to do this, AJ.” I reach over Twilight to touch Applejack supportively. In doing so, my right arm brushes against Twilight’s chest, not that she seems to mind. She pauses. Then she sits up a little straighter. “Naw, I’m afraid I do.” She lets go of a deep breath. “Alright, here goes. Fluttershy, Rarity, I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions about how you might treat me if… If you knew something about me. I try to be honest, but I’ve had to hide something for a while now. I know we’re friends, but it’s just hard to say, what might happen in the future, you know? If you knew.” While Rarity’s eyebrows shoot up, Fluttershy seems confused and asks, “Knew what? I promise that no matter what, I’ll love and support you. It’s what Jesus would do.” “A promise?” Pinkie sticks her nose into the conversation. “Or a Pinkie promise?” Fluttershy brings her hand to her chest and motions as she replies, “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” “Right.” Applejack sighs and closes her eyes. “I’m, uh, I’m gay.” Nobody says anything. Applejack pokes her eyes open. “I thought y’all would have something to say to that.” Applejack’s unsure eyes meet Rarity’s. “Darling, I don’t mean this in the wrong way, but I’ve known that since the Spring Fling. I’m not quite sure what you’re so worried about.” Rarity looks around the table. “Is this coming as a surprise to anyone?” There’s a mix of nodding and shaking of heads around the table. Fluttershy is one of the nods, but she says, “Applejack, I support you. I meant what I said.” Applejack seems distant. “I’m just scared, you know? I know you support Twilight and Sunset, but I also know what Christians think of people like me.” “Not all Christians.” Fluttershy seems a bit hurt. “Jesus taught us to love one another. Hate isn’t compatible with truly following Christ.” Applejack bites her lip. “But what about all that stuff in the Old Testament about how queer people are s’posed to get stoned?” “What’s wrong with that?” Pinkie asks. “Getting stoned is great!” Applejack and Fluttershy both look at her. Pinkie looks back, smile undeterred. “Right,” Applejack continues. “I know the Old Testament law isn’t binding on Christians, but if you really think that God wrote the Bible, then you think God wrote that part, too.” She lowers the volume of her voice. “Maybe you support me now, but maybe that’s because you’re a new Christian. You know the Gospels but not the rest of the Bible yet.” She stops herself. “But assuming makes an ass out of me, so I guess I better ask. How do you square those parts of the Bible with being all supportive?” Fluttershy seems pensive. “You’re right. God prohibited Jews from practicing homosexuality in Old Testament times. But when the Word of God doesn’t seem consistent with what God would say – the God we know from the New Testament – that’s a sign we need to look deeper.” She sighs. “In truth, I don’t know. Your church growing up didn’t support gay Christians. My church does. I think times have changed. We’re no longer bound by the Old Testament law, because now we have Jesus. Doesn’t following Jesus’s lead takes priority over law that was never intended for Christians?” Applejack looks around. I wonder if she thinks the question is meant for somebody else. When nobody else answers and Fluttershy doesn’t clarify, she replies, “I guess? My Christian knowledge is pretty rusty.” “That’s alright,” Fluttershy smiles. “I just want you to know I do support you. Thank you for trusting us with this.” “Thank you, Fluttershy.” Applejack smiles. Pinkie squeals. “Ee! Friendship moment!” Applejack and Fluttershy each look at Pinkie fondly. Then Applejack turns pink. “Er, speaking of.” Applejack fidgets with her hair. “Rarity, I know it didn’t work out the last time I was in a church, but I was wondering if maybe I could be your plus one sometime?” She pulls her hat over her forehead awkwardly. “You know. Just the two of us, your church?” “Hmm?” Rarity looks dumbfounded for a moment and then blushes. “I can’t quite tell if you’re trying to convert to Catholicism or finally ask me out.” Applejack blushes in response. She scratches her neck. “I mean, I guess, I’m not opposed, in principle… Ahem. Does this weekend work for you?” Rarity smiles and blows a kiss across the table. “It’s a date.” “Alrighty.” Applejack averts her gaze. Her face looks like it’s about to catch fire. “Wow,” Rainbow snorts. “Get a room, you two.” “Aww, Dashie, don’t be a spoil sport.” Pinkie elbows her. Rainbow relents. “You guys are all pretty gay, huh?” Fluttershy smiles. “And pretty religious.” I smile too. “Before this week, I wasn’t sure that humans could be both. I guess I’m learning a lot.” Applejack’s cheeks seem to have recovered to their regular orange. “You and me both, Sunset.” Fluttershy says, “I don’t know about you all, but right now I feel full of the Holy Spirit.” “What do you mean?” I ask. “It feels like a special moment. For you, for Applejack and Rarity, for all of us as friends,” she says. “I can feel the presence of God.” “Wow.” I take in a deep breath. I won’t pretend I feel the presence of God myself, but for the first time since Saturday, I do feel at ease. “I know my journey is different from yours, but we’re all on different journeys. Maybe we’ll all get to the same place in the end.” Fluttershy smiles. “And we’ll be together the whole way.”