//------------------------------//
// 24 - Settling In 
// Story: Return to Equestria 
// by David Silver 
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Food! The group devoured their pizza eagerly, well, most of them. Gloomy was taking her time with her usual amount of zest, allowing the others to chow down ahead of her. David realized something suddenly. "This is going to be a strange question that… will probably sound odd, but it needs to be asked."

"Yeah?" Joypad raised an ear at him. "What's up? Still hungry?"

"I'm fine." He had eaten three slices and his glances implied he could go for a fourth, but he was looking at his pony pal instead of that. "What goes in has to come out, rule of nature, except all the offramps I have are remodeled. So… I want to not mess it up, but it probably all falls under the 'how can you not know that?' header, since even a little foal would learn about it all pretty fast."

“You poop with your butt, don’t overthink it.”  Gloomy replied without looking up from her food.   Then without looking up to read the room droned on, “That’s what he was asking.”

Back Story considered with a hoof to her chin. "I mean, yeah, most animals do that… but it's different… Wow, I never really thought about it… but a fish is gonna be different than a pony."

Joypad clopped a hoof to her face. "Go in there and…" She trailed off. "Wait… As a human, you had no fur, um, down… there… That I knew of… So… Oh… Oh! Oh… Wow… I'll be right back." She nudged David towards his new hooves. "We're going to the bathroom."

And soon the room was down to half its original inhabitants. Back Story glanced at the sedately chomping Gloomy. "Hope everything comes out alright…"

“Every pony asks these questions when they’re young…” Gloomy tilted her head uncertainly. “Right?  I assume this is a human thing?”

"Sure, yeah." She bobbed her head as she brought up a cup held between her hooves in a slurp. "But he isn't a human, especially down there, so…"

“According to Charlie, humans have extra bits.”  Gloomy nodded sagely.  Then with the passion of a reading of Tuesday’s menu specials continued, “This is probably one of those things.  Those things that require that friendship thing everypony loves now.”

Back grabbed a new slice between her lips, chomping eagerly. "Would you rather be fighting? Unicorns aren't nearly as bad as they say." She caught herself with a squeak. "I didn't mean it like that!"

“I grew up with unicorns.”  Gloomy replied flatly, “Trust me that they are at least as bad as they say.”

Back laughed with tense worry. Her eyes lifted with motion. "Hey, all okay?"

"I've seen things." Joypad sunk to her haunches, returning to the circle. "But, yeah… all done."

"Sorry." David thumped down onto his butt, a thing he still had compared to his haunches-using friends. "Thanks."

“You actually watched him poop?” Gloomy quirked her head to the side.  “I’m not in a position to judge…”

Joy buried her face in her hooves, her voice muffled in her cry, "If you know a better way to do this, please share! It was that or shove him in the shower right afterwards."

Back grinned at David. "Topic shift! Human stuff! Are your families arranged the same way? A stallion and a mare fall in love, children happen, the end?"

“That is not at all like the stories Charlie told me about the stories of human families,”  The gray mare didn’t seem especially interested.

"Right! A wedding, duh." Back Story bobbed her head with complete confidence. "Is that how humans work, or is it more exotic?"

"It… varies." David wobbled a hand in the air. "But usually, yeah. Sometimes the marriage is skipped, sometimes the children are skipped. We come in a lot of flavors, especially on a world with billions of us."

Joy's brows went up together. "Billions? That's a lot of you, David."

"It is, perhaps, for the best that there is exactly one of me." David reached for an unclaimed slice. "And now just one human, half a human, on the planet." A thought tickled. "Say, how many ponies are there, you know, in total?"

“I don’t think there’s ever been a full count.”  Gloomy hummed for a second in thought.  “Bridlewood is more of a village than a city, we’ve got around 6,000 ponies at last count.”

Back nodded slowly. "We only just came together." She brought her hooves together in sympathy. "And we weren't keeping the best track even of ourselves, so a whole count is… unlikely. That would be quite a bit of counting."

Joypad crossed her arms. "Well, now I'm a little curious… We don't add up to billions, gonna say pretty easily. Seriously, billions? How do you even dream of fitting that in a city, even like Zephyr Heights?"

"We had a lot of cities." David shrugged as he mentally journeyed from one to the next, visiting a few he could envision from other countries. "Tens of millions a pop."

Joy shoved at him. "Get out! Um, if each had tens… That's a lot of cities! What, I mean…"

"Complete global control." Back's eyes shone with the implications of it. "That's the only way that could've worked."

“According to Charlie the only thing that could challenge humans for control of the planet was other humans.” Gloomy nodded sagely, her voice a droning monotone.  “They conquered the entire planet by conquering each other piecemeal.”

"It wasn't easy, fast, or nice… But it was done." David shrugged gently. "Nobody asked my permission or advice on any part of it. Let's not belabor them too much."

"Please let's!" Back was practically vibrating with the lore dump. "Tell me more!"

Joy gently bapped the eager pegasus on the noggin. "Points for enthusiasm, but this doesn't look like a comfortable topic. I don't think he's proud of that part of his history."

Was it his history? Technically, yeah… He was still a human,especially upstairs. "Not so much to be proud of there."

“I found the stories interesting.” The gray mare continued absently with little sign of interest.  “Humans never waged war on other species.  Only each other, and still they conquered them all.  Except the emu.  Humans actually went to war against the emu and lost…”

That was a story David knew. "That was a mess, but it was called off due to it being a hassle more than anything else. "Sudden change of topic time: What now?"

Joy inclined her head. "What now? Oh, well… you're not dying right away, that's good…" She looked to Back. "So this is more in your court. Should we head back to Pegasoft?"

 “Can Pegasoft track a text message?”  For the first time there was emotion in Gloomy’s voice as she faced the pegasus in the party.


Back quirked an ear at Gloomy. "You mean on a phone?" She drew hers free, waving it at the end of her wing at Gloomy. "We're a software company. We make software! Speaking of that, probably someone somewhere in the HQ that wrote something for that. Why?"

“I received a text message in the doctor's office from a pony that claims they have found Charlie.”  Gloomy’s voice took on a dangerous edge, passing the phone with the message to her pegasus friend.  “They say they are going to return him… eventually.  But I would like reassurances…”

Back looked over the writing there quickly. "This is more of an email, which is good!" She clopped her hooves with a growing smile. "There's more to see in an email anyway, um, if you know how, which I do not…" The smile dimmed, but only a little. "You'll have to ask around back at HQ, which is where I suggest we go next, with a recovered David!"

I still have to test Blue Sky’s medicine tomorrow.” Gloomy said with a determined scowl.  “And it’s going to take two days to walk back to Zephyr heights.”

"Which means you might be a little girl at that point… You can ride on the floating disc if you want." She'd be small enough, by his calculations. "But it sounds like we have that settled?"

"Even when I was a filly the first time, I wandered wide from the village.” Gloomy shot David a reproachful look.  “I didn’t need to be coddled then, and I don’t now.  I’m not going to be carried around like some kind of d-...”  The word caught in her throat.

David shrugged softly. "They had to carry me. Not my proudest moment, but it got us here faster. Your choice, just an offer. I'm ready to walk, and that feels good compared to then." He stretched one leg and the other. Altered, perhaps, but they were his and they felt ready.

Joy waved downwards. "Easy, we're all on the same side. There's nothing wrong with asking for a hoof up, so don't feel bad asking, alright? Head out tomorrow morning? Assuming everything goes alright with the doctor."

“I’m sorry,” Gloomy tucked her tail and lowered her ears,  “It was just always a thing with me and Charlie, I was the one who carried him.  I got to choose where we went.  Riding meant you had no control.”

"Of course you have control." He reached for those lowered ears as if gentle pets would help make them raise up again. "You just say what you want. Being friends, we'll probably do it."

“That’s exactly what I would say if I were in control.”  Gloomy hung her purple-maned head in a sulk.

Not resisted, the gentle strokings of her mane and ears continued. "Then I promise to be a gentle ruler. Seriously, we're here to help."

Joy shrugged softly. "I'm already in charge of keeping him in one piece, what's a unicorn filly that's not really a filly on top of that?" She frowned suddenly. "But if you're coming to my place, you're helping out! Them's the rules!"

“I’m also going to need to talk to Mr. Alphabittle.”  Gloomy mused glumly as she contemplated her next moves.

"Onwards… to bed!" David clopped towards where his resting place awaited him. "We have a lot to do tomorrow and it's already late."

Back let him retreat, but wasn't moving. "He does know it's about eight, right?"

Joypad snickered at Back's confusion. "When he's allowed, he hits the hay early."

“In my experience the elderly need their rest.” Gloomy Sonnet said with the straightest imaginable face.

Joypad shrugged softly. "Greymane. Either way, up to us youngbloods to keep them in shape." She rose to her hooves. "Still gonna get some sleep, because he'll be up before dawn, probably." And she wandered off without another word.

Back watched her go with a hum. "Well… I probably should too…" She flopped over right where she was. "Night."

“Mr. David…”  Gloomy shuffled her hooves nervously with no discernible rhythm. “I found Charlie almost 20 years ago.  He was old even then.  You talk to him like a peer.  How old are you?  I’m sorry if it’s rude to ask.” 

Back peeked at the one pony still there in the room. "Dunno. Do humans live the same age as ponies?" Not that the maximum age of ponies was likely to be disclosed. "Dunno. And now he's not exactly 100% human, so… dunno!" The key word for her evening. "Maybe he just runs early? Some ponies are morning birds their whole life."

“No.  I’m sorry, you think I am still making jokes.”  Gloomy shook her head.  “It wasn’t a joke.  Do any of us know how old any of us are?”

"Oh, sure." She waved off the idea. "But a lady doesn't say." She waggled her brows at Gloomy. "And it doesn't tell us at all how old that is in human years."

With the question remaining entirely unanswered, it was time to catch what Zs they could manage. The house filled with many free Zs, just waiting to be caught by any that had the will to do so. A pity they were lousy hunters in their sleep.