“So, you’re telling me that you have family members and relatives in nearly every town across Equestria?” I asked as I followed behind Big Mac, who was effortlessly pulling a heavy steel plow behind him.
“Eeyup.”
“And your family hosts a reunion here every…one hundred moons? Is that right?” I tossed three pumpkin seeds from my saddlebags into the parted soil and quickly covered them before moving along.
“Eeyup.”
“Wow. It must be a pretty big event for everypony!”
“Eeyup!” He said with a bit more enthusiasm, puffing his chest out with pride and grinning.
“My family did something similar, too, though we had ours every year and it was only the immediate family that came by. It would have been nice to see my cousins a little more often.” I kicked a loose stone to the side and threw three more seeds into the earth, but before moving along I caught Big Mac looking back at me with a curious glance. His head was tilted to the side and one of his ears was markedly flatter than the other.
“Well, I mean it’s been a while since I saw them last. I haven’t really seen my family at all since I moved into the city. I guess it just occurred to me that it would be nice to see them again.”
We hit the edge of the field and turned to make another pass. The field we were working in was atop a small hill which afforded a decent view of Ponyville in the distance, and the Everfree forest beyond that. “It’s been almost a month now…” I thought to myself. Had I not been magicked away, I would have been on a plane heading back home to my family to spend the last bit of my summer with them before next semester.
I had tried to avoid thinking about them by keeping myself busy with work at the Apple’s farm, but there were still moments where my mind would wander back to Earth. I wondered how my family was doing at that moment. Were they waiting for me to call them, to let them know I had made it to my destination and would be boarding a flight back home? Were they excited to see me and hear how my time at college was going, or if I had made any friends there? Were they getting worried that I haven't contacted them yet? How heartbroken would my mother be to realize that I may never come home again, and she would never know what happened?
I felt some moisture building up in the corners of my eyes, which I quickly wiped away before haphazardly chucking a hoof full of seeds into the broken soil. “Now’s not the time to cry about it. Not in front of others, at least.” I thought to myself, but Big Mac had already noticed.
“Why not take a train? I’m sure your folks would like to see you just as much as you’d like to see them.” Big Mac said as he plowed on, eyes focused forward at some point on the other side of the field.
“It’s not that easy…” I said under my breath as I tried to stifle a sniffle. Mac’s ears pricked as I mumbled. I wasn’t sure if he had heard me or not, but if he did he let it go.
We continued our chore in silence for a while longer as the warm summer sun shone brightly on us. I noticed that I could feel the warmth reaching my wings now, and though it was strange to actually feel them, it wasn’t entirely unpleasant. Between the work, the warmth, and the sweat beginning to accumulate on my brow, the worries of the earlier conversation began to drift away.
Eventually we struck up another conversation as we worked our way through the field and before long our task was complete. Big Mac unhooked himself from the plow and stretched his neck with a satisfying pop as he surveyed the pumpkin patch. Apparently content with the job, he nodded happily to himself, “Eeyup.”
“That didn’t take as long as I thought it would.”
“Nnope.”
“Should we see if AJ needs help with her chore?” I asked as Big Mac moved the plow off to the side and out of the way.
“Eeyup.” He replied, before something in the sky caught his attention.
I turned to see what he was looking at, but what I saw confused me. A gray pegasus with a blonde mane and tail was flying towards us at a fairly decent speed. As they got closer I could see that she was flying…upside down?
“Uhh…is that normal?” I asked Big Mac, who chuckled in response.
“Eeyup.”
“Special delivery!” The gray pegasus called out as she came barreling towards us.
“Isn’t she going a little fast?”
“Eeyup.”
“Uh oh!” The pegasus called out as she came careening towards the ground in front of us, still upside down and now flailing her limbs as though trying to plant her hooves into something solid to slow herself down.
“We should probably move…”
“Eeyup.”
We took a large step to the side and…
THUMP “Oww!” The poor mare’s bubble bemarked behind stood straight up in the air as her face and forelegs laid half buried in the loamy soil at the edge of the field. Big Mac turned his head and whistled to himself, a small blush across his face, while I attempted to help the clumsy thing back to her hooves.
“Are you ok?” I asked as I helped her up. She shook some loose soil from her hair and looked around her before turning to me.
“I am now! Everything went all topsy turvy on me while I was on my way here, but it looks like it's all normal again! Thanks for helping me up though!” She said with a smile, but I wasn’t so sure. One eye was looking roughly in my direction, while the other was staring at my hooves.
“Uhh…you sure about that?”
“Yup! Sure I’m sure! Now what was I here for again?” She scrunched up her face and furrowed her brow in thought, which when coupled with her wall-eyed appearance made her downright adorable. “Oh! Right! I was looking for somepony to deliver this letter to!”
“A letter?” Macintosh asked, turning his head back to look at the newcomer.
“Uh huh! I am the mail mare after all! But I don’t recognize the name on the letter. It was posted to Sweet Apple Acres, but I thought it might be wrong since I don’t think this pony lives here.” She explained, as she rifled through her saddlebag for the letter in question.
“Well, who’s the letter for? Maybe we can help?” I offered, but the gray mare shook her head.
“I’m sorry, Miss, but I can’t reveal the names or addresses of other ponies. Letters are supposed to be confidential!”
I was about to protest, but she realized Big Mac was still there, “Oh, hi Big Macintosh! Hey, do you know if somepony named Zinnia is around? I have a letter for her, but I didn’t recognize her name.”
“...So you won’t tell me that you’re looking for me, but you’ll tell Big Mac while I’m still right here? Just how ditzy is this girl?”
“Eeyup.” Big Mac replied with a grin.
“Really? Where is she?” She replied, flaring her wings excitedly.
Big Mac pointed a hoof to me as I stood there still trying to figure out why it was ok to tell Big Mac “confidential” information, but not me, even though we were literally only a few feet from each other. She looked back to me and evaluated me for a moment before silently mouthing an “Oh…”
“Miss Zinnia?” She asked as she retrieved the letter from her bag.
“Yes?” I said, my right eye twitching a little.
“I have a special delivery for you from the Ponyville hospital.” She said through her teeth as she held the letter in her mouth. My eye twitched again as I imagined the paper becoming wet while it rested in her mouth.
“T-thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to deliver it.” I took the letter from her, and was surprised that it wasn’t even the slightest bit damp.
“It’s my pleasure, and my job. Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.” She said proudly, though I had a feeling that “swift” and “accurate” may be two different matters entirely. “Oh, and if you ever need to send a letter, make sure you come by the Ponyville Post and ask for Ditzy Doo. That’s me! Now, I need to get back to delivering the rest of these letters. Wouldn’t want anypony missing anything important!”
Ditzy gave a quick salute before blasting off towards town, flying sideways. I shook my head as I watched her go before turning back to Big Mac, “Guess I’m not the only one who has a flying problem.”
“Eeyup.”
We chuckled as Ditzy seemed to figure herself out. It was actually pretty relieving to see at least one other pegasus my age that had wing issues. Though I had to remind myself that I wasn’t really a pegasus, just a human in a horse suit.
I sighed and turned my attention to the letter. I hadn’t expected to receive anything, let alone something from the hospital, and I wondered at what it could be. “Maybe the Doc want’s a ‘follow up’...Ugh…” Memories of my embarrassing interaction with Dr. Horse floated through my mind, reminding me that both he and the staff there probably think I still had the hots for him which couldn’t have been further from the truth. I’d honestly been avoiding going back to the doctor to ask about my wings partially because of that but despite my concern and my better judgment, I tore into the letter.
“Dear, Zinnia,
Our records show that it has been nearly one month since your release from our care at Ponyville Medical. While you were released with a clean bill of health, we often like to follow up with patients who have sustained significant injuries. We understand that you may be busy, but your continued health and recovery is important to us. Please feel free to stop in for a routine examination at your earliest convenience. If you have any questions or are experiencing continued difficulties or complications, we may address them during your exam.
Sincerely,
Dr. Horse and Staff.”
I read over the letter to myself, sighing deeply upon finishing it. “Oh, thank the stars. I was worried it’d be Doc Horse writing to see what his “favorite patient” was doing this weekend.” My ears flattened and I shook my head to clear the idea, which only garnered a confused stare from my large red friend, who had been standing off to the side waiting for me to finish.
“Oh. Sorry. The hospital staff want me to come visit for a re-examination to make sure I’m recovering ok. I feel fine though, so I should probably just decline. Besides, we have so much work still left to do here before the fall harvest starts-”
“Nnope,” Big Mac interjected.
“Really, it’s ok. I mean, I can feel my wings again so I bet they’re probably fine, right?”
“Nnope,” He replied, a little more sternly.
“But what about the potatoes? And Apple Bloom still wanted me to help her fix a loose board in her tree house today!” I argued, though my protestations landed flat.
“Nope,” his ears were now flat against his head and he planted his hooves into the dirt as if to physically resist my words. “Your health comes first.”
“Tsk. Sometimes you act like you’re my older brother too,” I countered, kicking a loose pebble down the hill. Mac visibly cringed at the remark, but kept his position. He obviously wasn’t going to let me get away with avoiding the issue. “Fine…I’ll go,” I relented, rolling my eyes as Big Mac’s face lightened up.
“Eeyup.” He replied, victoriously as he began escorting me back to the farmhouse to wash up and collect my things. Something in my gut told me that I wasn’t going to like this.
“This sucks…” I muttered as I sat sullenly in a waiting room chair for my turn to see the doctor. There weren’t very many patients other than myself, but they all seemed to have different ailments. I recognized a brown stallion from my first impromptu visit here, who seemed to have returned with a broken leg once again. He gingerly rubbed his splinted limb as he whimpered angrily about some sort of hole at the edge of town and how “those fillies are always causing trouble.” Poor guy.
I heard giggling from behind the front counter and turned to see Nurse Redheart and Mrs.Care enjoying some private conversation. The paranoid part of me wanted to believe they were imagining how my first date with the doctor was going to go which only made me want to escape even more than I already did. “Yup, I knew I wasn’t going to like this.”
“Zinnia?” A familiar voice called out from the hallway, “The doctor is ready for you, dear.” Nurse Sweetheart waved with a smile as she beckoned me to follow her. I flashed her a quick, nervous smile in return before begrudgingly dismounting my chair and trotting after her. She led me to a scale and quickly took my height and weight and scratched some notes onto her clipboard before leading me to a room near the middle of the hall.
The room was small and had very little in the way of decoration or equipment. A single medical bed, two chairs, a sink, and a monitor of some sort were the only items in the room aside from an anatomical model of the skeleton of a pony with various colorful organs placed inside of it. Sweetheart took me inside and had me sit on the bed while she washed her hooves and punched some buttons on the monitor.
It wasn’t unlike any other doctor’s visit on Earth. The monitor was some form of machine that measured one’s vitals. She took my heart rate, blood pressure, temperature, and the like, noting that my heart was being a bit more active than she would have liked. I couldn’t help it though. My nerves were getting the better of me, and I was beginning to regret not trying to run away from Big Mac while he escorted me to the hospital. Not that I would have been able to get away from him, he was pretty fast for as big as he was.
Sweetheart finished taking her notes and turned to leave, “Doctor Horse will be with you shortly, Zinnia,” she said as she exited the room and shut the door behind her, leaving me alone to my thoughts. At least, for a moment. The door creaked open once again as she poked her head back inside. “And dear, it’s just a check-up. Take a few deep breaths and relax. It’ll be over before you know it.” She smiled warmly before closing the door once again. I could hear her trot down the hall, this time actually leaving me to myself.
I tried to take a deep breath and relax, but the anxiety in my chest remained. “Relax, Zinnia. Focus. He’s a professional…mostly. He just wants to make sure his patient is recovering correctly, that’s all. Besides, if he does ask I’ll just turn him down. No big deal. I’m not interested in him…I’m not even a pony anyway so what’s it matter, right?”
I took another deep breath. Doctor Horse’s perceived affection aside, that’s not what bothered me. On the way to the Hospital, Big Mac had done his best to convince me to ask about my wings. Several other ponies already knew about my difficulties at this point. Even Apple Bloom had figured it out, which didn’t help matters much as she had told her two little friends, who then I’m sure told others. So why did I still feel so awkward about the subject?
It had been a while since I sat still, quiet and alone like this. Left to my thoughts, my mind went to work picking apart that question relentlessly. “It’s awkward because I’m a pegasus that can’t fly, right? But I’m not really a pegasus. I’m a human…or at least I was one. Now I’m a pony…but no matter how hard I try, I can’t help but remind myself I’m not.
“Physically, I’m no different to everyone else. I’m one of them. But I know I’m not one of them. I’ll never really fit in here because I don’t belong. But is that true? I mean, life at the farm is simple enough…The Apples don’t really seem to care who I am or where I came from, they seem content with me as I am.” I looked at the model of the pony on the counter, eyeing over the bones and internals when the big question finally hit me.
“But, who am I?” I could feel my heart skip in my chest and my gut sink, “If I’m not a pony, and I’m not a human…and I’m not the old me, and ‘Zinnia’ is a lie I made up to blend in…who am I? Do the Apples only like the pony I’m pretending to be? Would they still accept me if they knew? Applejack and her family have been nothing if not accommodating, hospitable, and honest with me the entire time. They didn’t have to let me stay with them, but they trusted me enough to give me a room. They allowed a stranger like me to live and work with them for nearly an entire month…and I’ve done nothing but lie to them.
“That’s not me…I don’t want to lie, but I’m afraid if I tell them the truth that I’ll lose the only friends I have here and I’ll be alone again. Even if I’m alone in my mind, at least I still have them. But what if they figure out I’m not who I say I am. What if they think I’m a monster?” I felt tears beginning to build in my eyes. “What if I am a monster…”
I shifted uncomfortably on the bed as I struggled in vain to slow the tears beginning to fall. Was everything I said, did, and felt this last month a lie then? Was I even lying to myself? How could I even be sure I was really me anymore? That uncomfortable feeling I had after the spa, the awkward embarrassment about my wings, my insistence on reminding myself that I’m not one of them; was it all just an effect of the lie I kept living? Or was I afraid of becoming something else, trying to hold onto what I thought made me human while trying to blend in with the ponies and in the process becoming neither, but something in between.
If I was something in between, not pony nor human…what did that make me? “What am I? Am I nothing?”
I could feel myself starting to slip away, somewhere dark, lonely, and unreachable, when three loud knocks echoed through the tiny room. I nearly jumped out of my skin and through the ceiling at the sudden sound, but was grateful that it brought me back up from whatever pitch black mire my mind had sunk to. I tried to quickly wipe my eyes and face of the tears that had fallen, but wasn’t quite fast enough to beat the doctor and his assistant as they strode into the room.
“Ah! Zinnia! I’m glad to see you again. I was beginning to think you wouldn’t come back for your follow-up, since I had sent that letter a week ago.” Doctor Horse said as he made his way through the room to the sink without looking at me. He quickly started washing his hooves in the sink while reviewing the notes on his clipboard. His assistant, however, was much more attentive to me.
“Zinnia? Are you ok?” Another familiar voice asked as I continued to rub my face and sniffle, trying to hide my emotional distress. I recognized the voice, but it was one I hadn’t heard since Rarity and Pinkie took me to the cafe.
“Twilight?” I asked, trying to reign myself in and doing a miserable job at it. “W-what are you doing here?”
“I, uhh…I’m here to help Doctor Horse with some new medical equipment he received from Canterlot today.” She replied lamely, which garnered a strange look from the doctor, but before he could say anything she continued, “But that doesn’t matter. You look like you’ve been crying. Is everything ok? You aren’t hurt, are you?”
“N-no. I just…have a lot on my mind right now. I-I’ll be fine. I think.” It was a pretty terrible excuse, but I wasn’t about to spill the beans in front of the Love Doctor and the pony mind flayer who I was still pretty sure was hiding something from me.
Twilight was clearly concerned though, as she decided the best place for her to sit was on the bed right beside me. She hesitated for a moment before bringing her head close, putting her cheek and the side of her head into contact with mine. I was confused, before I realized she was nuzzling me in an attempt to make me feel better. It was the first time a pony had done something so personal and heartfelt that I wasn’t sure how to respond, so I just closed my eyes and leaned into her.
“I know you’re struggling with a lot right now, Zinnia. Honestly, I can sympathize with you because I know what it’s like to have your world flipped upside down. It’s hard, and it can be confusing, and frustrating, and scary. But you have friends who you can turn to if you feel lost or alone. We’ll be here for you, no matter what.” Twilight said as she wrapped me in a hug.
Her words were sincere, and I could feel her heart reaching out to mine. She meant what she said, and I felt lucky that someone like her considered me a friend, but her words were bittersweet. I couldn’t help but feel guilty as the growing darkness in my mind reminded me that she only liked the lie, not the real me.
It wasn’t enough to prevent a real smile from my face though as I returned her hug. I didn’t realize how much I needed one of those. Unfortunately, neither did the doctor as he cleared his throat to garner our attention. Twilight let me go, blushing slightly underneath her purple coat as she realized how embarrassing she was being. I was reluctant, but decided leaning my shoulder against hers would suffice for now as the doctor took a seat.
“Well, emotional difficulties aside, how has your recovery been? I believe Nurse Sweetheart mentioned that your limp is pretty much non-existent now.”
I sniffed one last time to clear my head before answering, “Yes. I’m pretty much back to normal. I’ve even been able to help Applejack buck apples at her farm.”
“I see. While I would have liked for you to have taken it easy till now, it seems that my concern was unfounded. You appear to be much healthier and in better condition than you were when you last visited as well. I take it you’ve been taking advantage of Applejack’s baking?”
I blushed a little at that remark, looking down at my belly. I knew I had become stronger in the last month on the farm, and I could even make out some definition in my leg muscles, but did I start gaining weight too? “I, uhh…”
“Oh, no. My apologies. Your weight is ideal, I simply meant you appear to be eating better than when you first arrived.” He said, nervously chuckling at his own mistake.
“Oh, yeah. I mean, apple pies are definitely better than random wild mushrooms.”
“Indeed. You’ll be in for a treat when the Zap Apples come in. Granny Smith’s Zap Apple Jam is unbelievable.” He said, with a hungry look in his eye. I had heard it was good, but he looked almost lustful as he talked about it.
“So I’ve heard. I think we’re expecting them to come in next year.”
“Oooh, I can’t wait! But enough about that. Have you had any issues with your memory? If I remember correctly, you seemed to have some difficulty with short term recall after your accident.” He flipped to a new page on his clipboard and began jotting down some notes.
“No, sir.”
“Any headaches, nausea, tingling sensations?”
“No, sir.”
“Excellent. I was a little worried. Head trauma large enough to cause lapses in memory can often have recurring issues or a prolonged recovery time. I’m glad to see that you seem to have flown over that hurdle as well.”
I felt my wings involuntarily twitch at the mention of the word “flown.” I knew I had to breach that subject soon, but was dreading it. Twilight, who I was still leaning on, definitely felt it too as she jumped slightly at my wing’s reaction. She looked at me expectantly, but I ignored her for the moment.
“Of course your scratches and cuts have healed nicely with little to no scarring. It would have been a shame if the damage was much worse. I think your friend, Rarity would agree that your mane and tail are far too pretty to ‘suffer such an atrocity.’” He was partially mocking Rarity, which Twilight giggled at, but I could tell that he was starting to work up his courage and test the waters with me.
“True. You should have heard Rarity after their spa day. She wouldn’t stop lamenting Zinnia’s choice in mane styling.” Twilight added, happily.
“I’m sure no matter the choice, it would have looked great.” Dr. Horse said, matter-of-factly though he maintained eye contact with me and gave me a grin.
“...so is Twilight my wing-pony now?” I simply rolled my eyes and awaited his next question.
He paused for a moment to awkwardly clear his throat before continuing, “Yes, anyway, it seems like everything is in order here. Were there any other issues that you may have been experiencing? It could be physical or psychological, like mood swings, a change in sleeping patterns, maybe some other physical issue that may have developed that seems tangential to the original injuries sustained. Even if it’s something small?”
I inwardly winced at the question. If I was going to ask him about my wings, that would be the time. Part of me wanted to tell him no and skip the issue all together, the same part of me that wanted to believe that my body and wings weren’t really mine at all. On the other hoof, if I didn’t bring it up and it was a bigger issue than just not being able to fly, it could mean missing a chance to fix the issue before something happened to make it worse.
Apparently, Twilight noticed my long moment of hesitation and pushed me to get my attention. “There is something, isn’t there?” She asked, but the look in her eye told me that she might already know what it was. Damn her friends and not being able to keep a secret…
I nodded and swallowed hard, my ears tilted back of their own accord as well giving my uneasiness away even more than my stalled response. “I umm…well…I haven’t been able to use my wings since the accident. I also haven’t been able to feel anything with them until recently, either.”
Twilight sat there with her shoulder against mine, providing me with a feeling of support that was reaffirming, but something in the way she weighed my response in her mind also made me feel uneasy. I could almost see the gears in her head kick into motion.
The doctor looked up from his clipboard with a bit of surprise on his face. “Oh? Why didn’t you tell us about that when you were first admitted?” He chided.
“Well…it was umm…embarrassing?” I responded lamely, which only made Dr. Horse more frustrated. His ears were now firmly pinned to his head and if looks could kill I’d be well on the way to being readmitted.
“Embarrassing or not, your health should always take priority! If it were a broken bone, it could have set improperly by now, or if there was some serious nerve damage, it could have been something we could have fixed! Waiting this long to alert us to something so serious as a pegasus losing her ability to fly simply because it’s ‘embarrassing’ is beyond foalish!” Dr. Horse had now stood up and was making his way towards me with a fire in his eye.
I shrank back, debating if running may be a good idea when his horn lit up. I still had very little experience with unicorn magic, and the threat of an angry unicorn stallion blasting me by accident ran through my mind. I nearly bolted from my bed when a warm sensation enveloped one of my forelimbs and it raised on its volition. I struggled to yank away from the Doctor's light blue magic aura but it was no use, my meager physical strength was no match for magic.
He approached me and lowered his face closer to mine, to which I closed my eyes and turned my head. “Oh buck, he’s gonna…I-I don’t know what he’s gonna!” I heard a glass tinkling across the room, then after a brief moment a sharp pinch pricked the limb he had grasped in his magic. “Ow!”
“Oh, calm down. I’m just taking a blood sample for testing.” He said with an air of mild irritation.
“Testing?” I asked, daring to open my eyes to see that he was indeed drawing a small test tube of blood. I felt a little uneasy looking at it, not because I was averse to blood, but because he took it without asking. Then again, it was my fault for not bringing up something so significant earlier. Guess he figured the sooner he could get it, the sooner he could diagnose whatever condition I may have.
“Yes, testing. Miss Zinnia, I’m not sure if you are aware but losing your ability to fly isn’t something so trivial. There should have been a litany of tests performed to determine the damages done and how, or if, it could be treated! How in Equestria have you been content to avoid this conversation for so long?” He continued reprimanding me as he removed the needle and placed the tube in a rack on the sink counter and the needle he used into a bio-hazard bin.
I wasn’t sure how to answer that question, so I simply sat in whipped silence as he bandaged the new hole in my leg and released me. I winced as I regained control of my limb, placing the now slightly sore leg back to on bed.
“Well, at any rate, it’s good that you brought it up at all. With any luck it won't be anything significant and can still be corrected, but we won’t know until the results from your blood work come back. I ask that you remain here while I see to it.” He grabbed the tube rack and his clipboard in his magic and made his way to the door.
“How long will that take?” I asked quietly, trying to avoid making him more irate.
“Certainly shorter than a month.” He said quickly before trotting out of the room and shutting the door behind him.
Twilight looked at the door in surprise for a moment before speaking. “Wow. I’ve never seen him that upset before.”
“Ouch, thanks for the salt Twilight. I can rub it in myself though.” I whimpered, looking down at the bandage on my leg.
“He’s just trying to look out for you, Zinnia. It’s his job to help ponies who are hurt, but it’s not easy to do that when ponies won't tell him if they are hurt. He’s not a mind reader, after all.” She said, doing her best to explain his position, but kind of making me feel worse in the process.
“I know, it’s just…”
“Embarrassing?” She deadpanned.
“Ugh…Not as embarrassing as getting yelled at by a healthcare professional.” I muttered.
“If what the nurses say is true, he won’t stay mad at you for long,” She said with a wink.
“Please don’t remind me.”
Twilight giggled, “I take it he’s not your type?”
“I don’t even know if I have a type, Twi.” I said, rolling my eyes.
“That’s not what Rarity says.” She said in a teasing manner, to which I could only bury my head in my hooves and groan. Twilight continued to laugh for a moment before she got quiet. Despite her poking fun at me, it helped take my mind off the brow beating I got.
We sat in silence for a moment before she tapped my shoulder with a hoof. “So, do you mind if I ask you a question?”
“Sure.” I said with my face still hidden in my hooves.
“You said it was too embarrassing to talk about your wings not working, but you’ve told Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash. Why tell them about it, but not the doctor?”
“How did you know that I told them about it?” I asked as I unstuck my face from my hooves to look at her curiously.
“Fluttershy told me that you and Applejack had come to her for help, and Rarity told me you accidentally hit Aloe during your spa day.”
“Oh…that.” I blushed bright red and stuck my muzzle back into my hooves.
“Aloe isn’t upset with you, ya know.” She said, putting a hoof on my side.
“I almost wish she was. I don’t think I’d feel as bad about it if she were.”
“Well, she isn’t. So try not to let it bother you too much, ok? But why not tell the doctor about your problem earlier?”
I still didn’t know how I was supposed to answer that question. I couldn’t just tell her that I was some alien creature from another world, transformed into a pony that couldn’t use her own wings. “I guess…once Applejack figured it out, she convinced me to tell Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash about it. It’s hard to hide things from AJ…and well…Rarity and the spa sisters kinda found out by accident. Rainbow had said something about somepony at flight camp having an accident and needing surgery and I guess maybe that freaked me out a little.”
“She must have meant Stormwind. His injury was pretty bad, but he recovered well and is currently a member of the Ponyville Weather Team. Was the fear of being unable to fly again so bad that you would have rather run away from it than face it?” She asked.
“I guess so? But isn’t it kind of the same either way?”
“It isn’t. If you had faced your fear, you might have been out there flying right now instead of being in here, hiding your face in your hooves and having a ‘come-to-Celestia’ moment with the doctor.” She remarked pointedly.
“A ‘come to what?’”
“You know, Princess Celestia? One of the diarchs? The Princess who raises the sun every morning?” She asked, seeming rather confused about my question.
“Oh! Y-yeah. Sorry, I don’t think I’ve ever heard that phrase before.” I said, trying to laugh off my ignorance but only garnering a critical look from Twilight. “There’s no way that’s right. Princess, maybe. Being responsible for the movement of celestial bodies? No bucking way…”
“Anyway, running away from your problems isn’t going to help you solve them, Zinnia. If you were scared of the idea of having a surgical procedure done, then you should have just said so. No one would blame you for being scared of something like that. And remember what I said earlier? You have friends who you can turn to, so if you feel like you can’t handle something on your own you can always rely on us to support you.”
“You’re right. It’s just…it’s been a lot. Sorry for being stupid.” I said with a huff.
“You aren’t stupid. You just don’t always make good decisions. But that’s ok, everypony messes up.” She lowered her head to nuzzle me again, just as the doctor returned to the room.
“Well, Zinnia. If you weren’t already the luckiest pony in Ponyville, you certainly meet that criteria now.” Doctor Horse said as he trotted past us and back to his seat. He threw himself into it and sighed heavily before flipping through another stack of papers he had carried in with him.
“What do you mean, Doctor? What did her blood work say?” Twilight asked, eager to learn what could be the cause of my affliction. I was simply surprised that they were able to process it so quickly.
“As you know, Twilight, Zinnia suffered at least one major concussion when she fell into the Everfree Forest. A severe concussion can lead to many things: Hearing loss, a decrease or loss of sight, decreased coordination, narcolepsy or insomnia…you get the picture. One of a more rare subset of conditions that can occur though, is a specific type of nerve damage.
“During a concussion, the brain can undergo chemical or physical changes as it gets jostled around inside the skull. Those changes can upset how the brain functions and processes the information it receives from around the body, among other things. In some cases, a severe enough concussion, or trauma in just the right spot, can cause somatic nerve dysfunction.”
Twilight sat there, nodding in total comprehension while I stared dumbly as the stallion explained. “Uhh…so, let’s pretend I don’t understand what you just said…” I said, receiving a sigh and a smile from the Doctor. “Yup, Twi was right. Didn’t take him long to get over being mad at me.”
Dr. Horse took on a studious appearance and continued, “Okay. Let’s start with the two major nervous systems and define what they are. There is the autonomic nervous system: Those are the nerves that control involuntary actions such as your heartbeat and your breathing. Then there is the Somatic nervous system: Those nerves transmit signals to the skeletal muscles as well as control voluntary actions, such as moving your legs or your wings.” He explained as he used the anatomical model for reference.
“Because a concussion can change the way your brain interprets information, it can lead to issues with a variety of systems within the body. Some ponies start confusing smells, while others may discover they have difficulty maintaining balance. A pony who suffers from somatic nerve dysfunction as a side effect of a concussion may experience difficulties telling their bodies what to do or how to move.”
“So what you're saying is that when I hit my head, the concussion damaged my brain in a way that stopped my brain from telling my wings how to work?” I asked, feeling the familiar feeling of anxiety beginning to rise in my chest.
“Yes, that’s correct.” The doctor responded.
“So it’s like what happened to Stormwind.” Twilight said, leaning a little harder into me.
“Well, not quite. I did say she was the luckiest pony in town afterall.” Dr. Horse said with a grin.
“How’s that lucky?” I asked sharply, quickly becoming annoyed with how he was being coy with his responses.
“While you and Stormwind have similar issues, his weren’t from a concussion. He broke his neck just above the shoulders. I’m sure I don’t need to explain the type of effect that would have on a pony’s nervous system.”
I shuddered at the thought. No wonder Fluttershy started turning pale when Rainbow Dash brought him up. That stallion must be tough to still be able to fly after that.
“That is why he required surgery to regain his ability to fly, or even walk at all. His resilience is rather remarkable. You, however, will need no such action to recover your abilities. You see, while your concussions were fairly severe, the brain has the ability to rebuild severed connections between neurons. Typically, patients suffering from somatic nerve dysfunction as a result of head trauma recover some or all of their mobility after a period of time that varies by the individual and how much they use the part of the body that was affected.”
“Oh!” Twilight jumped to her hooves on the bed and pranced in place, “It’s almost like having to relearn to walk, or fly in Zinnia’s case!”
“Exactly. Zinnia, you haven’t lost the ability to fly. Your brain simply ‘forgot’ how to use your wings. There may have been some pain or numbness associated with it as well, but as your brain repairs those connections, you should regain proper feeling and use of your wings.”
That…made sense. It’s not that it was a pinched nerve like Aloe and Rainbow thought it was. It just so happened that their massage and the stretches were helping my brain reconnect to my wings by stimulating them. “I guess I’m not as broken as I thought…” I said under my breath. I was relieved that I wouldn’t have to have an invasive procedure done on me, but that dark little part of my mind wished they had stayed unusable. At least then my body would have reflected how my mind felt.
“No…I should be happy about this. I should be ecstatic that I can actually use this body properly at some point. I should be happy. So why aren’t I?”
“There’s one more issue though that’s a bit…troubling.” Dr. Horse interjected, causing Twilight to stop prancing in place and me to snap back to reality.
“What’s that?” I asked, feeling as though I’d regret it.
“When we ran your blood work there was a distinct lack of magic that came back in the report.” He flipped over a few pages in his stack until he found what he was looking for. He pulled it from the stack and floated it over to me. “That page shows two results. One result is a normal baseline for a healthy pegasus mare like yourself. The other is yours.”
I wasn’t a medical student. I knew trees and rocks, animals and plants, and really only the ones back on Earth. But even to me something looked way off. The baseline chart had a line that read fairly high on the graph and wavered only slightly, while mine hovered near zero at the start and gradually climbed to a still rather low mark compared to where it should be.
Twilight gasped beside me, which only deepened my suspicion that something was very wrong. She grasped the page in her magic and stuffed it in her face, reading over every number and tracing the lines on both graphs before looking at me with dismay, then back to Dr. Horse.
“That can’t be right! Dr. Horse, these readings suggest that Zinnia’s connection to the magic of harmony was basically non-existent when she was first admitted! It’s only just started to recover! Why didn’t you bring this up to us while we were here originally?” Twilight said, now taking her turn to be angry with the doctor.
“Well, we thought the test may have been incorrect. That’s why we requested new equipment from Canterlot which you yourself helped us set up nearly two weeks ago.” Dr. Horse explained calmly. “We sent a letter to Zinnia where we believed she was staying a week after the equipment arrived to give us time to familiarize ourselves with it before the follow-up examination, but Zinnia took her time coming back.”
“But I just received the letter this morning! You sent it a week ago? How long does it take a letter to get to somepony around here? Actually, you know what, I spoke with Ditzy Doo personally. I think I know that answer.”
Twilight face-hoofed, causing her face and muzzle to stretch as she dragged her hoof down. “Well, that’s just great. I’ve never seen anypony with magic levels this low before, and I couldn’t even study you or your recovery because somepony can’t deliver a letter! Ugh! That was a once in a lifetime opportunity!”
“Uhh…Twilight, I’m still right here ya know. I thought I was your friend, not a science experiment.” I said, raising an eyebrow at her.
“I mean, you are! But what if somepony else has a similar issue and doesn’t recover like you did? Learning about your condition and how you recovered could have made a difference to somepony in the future! I could have written a book about it!” She complained.
“Right…so what does this all mean?”
“Well for starters, even if your wings were working perfectly fine you wouldn’t have been able to fly anyway, or move clouds or stay warm at high altitudes…and thank Celestia Rainbow Dash didn’t try taking you to Cloudsdale.” Twilight continued ranting.
“What?!” I nearly shouted. “Pegasi can freaking move the clouds around? That’s insane!” I thought to myself, completely taken aback by how awesome I could have been and didn’t even know. Being grounded and keeping busy with work on the farm kept my eyes from straying too much, so I guess if pegasi were moving things around for fun I just hadn’t noticed it yet. “So wait…Cloudsdale…if that’s a city in the sky…if I had tried walking on the clouds would I have just fallen through? Oh…buck me sideways…”
“I know. It’s rather shocking, but remember: a pegasi’s magic is tied to their ability to fly and keep their body temperature up even at extreme altitudes. Without it, you wouldn’t have been able to even walk on the streets of Cloudsdale without falling through.”
“Yup. That answered the question I didn’t need answered. This world is terrifying.”
“But it appears that your body was able to recover from…whatever it was that happened to you. I’ve never seen, or heard of, anypony who’s magic was at near zero but whatever it was that happened wasn’t permanent, thank Celestia.” Dr. Horse added, somewhat frazzled by the turn of events.
“So, I’ll recover and be normal again?” I asked, though ‘normal’ didn’t really apply to me at all anymore.
“Yes. I believe it may yet take time for your body to fully regain its magic, but you will make a full recovery as far as I can tell.”
“Dr. Horse, Zinnia, I understand that patient confidentiality is important, but I would like to have a copy of your blood work to study. I’d like to know what may have caused your magic levels to drop so dangerously low, and how you managed to even survive. As far as I’m aware, that shouldn’t even be possible.” Twilight asked, still looking over the sheet of paper as if burning a hole through it with her eyes would yield some hidden information.
“Usually, the answer would be ‘no,’” Dr. Horse sighed, “but since it’s you, I’d be willing to allow it if Zinnia is okay with it as well. It is her private information and medical records after all.”
I thought about it for a moment. If the doctors say it’s okay, for whatever reason, then it should be okay, right? I don’t understand why Twilight has so much sway, but it must be for a reason. Besides, there can’t be anything more incriminating in there than my magic being at zero, right? Whatever that means... “I guess it’s alright. Just promise me you won’t share it with anypony else? Like, for real this time? I know how information spreads between you and your friends.”
“Our friends,” Twilight corrected with a smile, “and yes. I promise I won’t share your medical records with anypony else.”
“Okay. I trust you, Twilight.” I didn’t have much choice at this point. “I’m sorry, but are we almost done? It’s…been a day.” I asked, ready to just go back to Sweet Apple Acres and collapse in bed.
“Yes. You won’t be needing any medications, so we don’t have to worry about filling prescriptions. I just recommend doing some stretches and practicing using your wings everyday, even if you have to use your hooves to move them around at first. You’ll find they’ll work again soon enough.” Dr. Horse said with a smile as he opened the door with his magic for us.
Twilight and I dismounted the bed and thanked him for his work before making our way out of the room where he handed Twilight a copy of my blood work. She thanked both of us for the opportunity to study it, and Doctor Horse for letting her sit in on my visit. I still wasn’t sure why she was allowed to, especially since doctor-patient confidentiality was apparently a thing in this world too, but my mind was too haggard to entertain the thought for long.
We parted ways with Dr. Horse and had made it nearly to the end of the hall before he caught up to us once again, looking as though he nearly forgot to ask… “oh no…”
“Zinnia! I nearly forgot to ask. You see, I have two tickets to a play in Phillydelphia next week-”
“Yeah, no. We’re gonna stop that right here.” I thought to myself as I turned to face him. He looked hopeful, but I was about to crush this poor stallion’s dreams.
“Sorry, Dr. Horse, but it probably would be better if we kept our relationship as doctor and patient. I appreciate the offer though, and wish you luck finding somepony to go with you to the play.” I said, putting on a pleasant smile as I tried to let him off easy.
His face melted back to its normal, professional demeanor as he cleared his throat, “I see. Yes, that is probably for the best. Well, I wish you good luck on your recovery, Miss Zinnia. Please take care of yourself.”
Twilight and I finished signing off on paperwork before taking our leave of the hospital, waving to the nurses as we exited the building. Nurse Redheart, Nurse Sweetheart, and Mrs. Care were gathered around the front desk whispering to each other as Dr. Horse came back into the room to call in his next patient.
“Ah. I see your appointment with Zinnia went well. Were you able to ask her all the questions you wanted to ask?” Mrs. Care asked cheerfully.
“I did.” Dr. Horse answered shortly, motioning for a mare with a cough to follow him back.
“How did it go?” Nurse Sweetheart asked.
“I may be a doctor and a surgeon, but even I can’t splint a broken heart.” He and his patient walked back to one of the open rooms, while the three mares looked at each other with a mixture of confusion and pity.