Return to Equestria

by David Silver


23 - Safe Harbor

“You're right, Mister David, there always was a perfect test subject.” Gloomy droned.  
In her peripheral vision, the world of words dissolved.

Only one line fading in Comic Sans remained, “And stay out!”

As the world that buffered the creators from the created faded for the last time she felt an epiphany.  “The medicine always needed a unicorn mare to test it.  It was always supposed to be me…”

David set a hand on her shoulder. "Look, it may work, or just not, or… something else. Either way, you have friends with you at least. I'm not going anywhere until we're sure and you're alright." He turned the touching hand into a thumbs up. "Ready?"

“We know it works.” Gloomy nodded.  “I’m just going to be a filly of an appropriate age to have tea parties with her dolls?”  Her smile was unsure and didn’t quite meet her eyes.  But it was a resolved smile.  “I owe the doctor an apology for my outburst.  We… did wrong at every step.  He only tailored his medicine to his patient, like he always has…”

"The scientific method could use some work…" Double-blind clinical trials this was a far way from being. "But we're here." He took a clop forward past her. "Do you want to go back there now, or not? Your choice."

“Me and Charlie both made the deal.”  The taciturn mare nodded as if she were simply buying camping equipment online. “We pushed and we got what we wanted.  The jinx always came with its price…”

"Right." He had no argument for that part. "But, it doesn't mean you have to do it today. So, really, are we going home, or in there?" He pointed in the direction of Gloomy's place with a swishing noise, then back in the clinic with a new swoosh. "I'm alright either way, and following you." He scratched at his butt a moment longer than polite company would allow for.

“We don’t exactly have a time frame.”  The young grey mare actually smiled. “We have time to adjust.  I have to go back to Zephyr Heights.  I already had to do that.”

"That doesn't tell me what we're doing today, uh, besides maybe visit a tailor." He clopped his right hoof, a new noise for him to make, and one that seemed to please him if the clopping he made was any hint. "So which'll it be?"

“Are we actually gonna do a glow up?”  Gloomy asked with the straightest face. Because if we are, we gotta get the girls and head over to Zoot Suit’s…”

"They would probably like that." He patted the sides of his altered legs. "I don't need anything fancy, but I have a tail in my pants and I'm pretty sure tails do not belong in there, and it's a tiny bit uncomfortable so maybe we should do something about that, assuming it's in the budget."

"In the budget?" Joypad appeared as if from nowhere at David's side, coming in from behind him. "You made the budget, my strange human person. Pretty sure we can fit in a pair of pants."

"Feeling better then?" Back Story came in on the other side. "That's great! So… I still have questions, and now that you're not dying, we can go over them! After some pants, I hear."

“Charlie has always insisted that pants are optional.”  Gloomy sonnet opined in a bored voice.  “Honestly he never wore clothes at all, so I thought that was a weird line to draw in the sand…”

David looked from pony to pony. Was he the unreasonable one? "What is the pony view on clothes anyway?"

Joy shrugged. "They look nice."

"Work uniform." Backstory jingled, shaking her name tag in the process. She was a writer for a corporation and dressed the part! "When I'm off-duty I can wear whatever I want, or nothing."

“I like my hat…”

It was more of a beret, but David did not correct that. "Alright, so… Forgive me, but stripping nude on the sidewalk feels pretty strange. Can we go somewhere a tiny bit more private?"

Joy hiked a brow. "Stripping in public? That is odd." Despite a complete lack of a nudity taboo. Societies were strange. "Back to your place?" She was looking at Gloomy. "And you alright?"

“I am not.  The text message helps, though.  I know he is still out there.  The pony that sent the text isn’t going to keep him away.  It’s like the words told him, when we made the  deal.  Either we’ll search for each other or we won’t.  I will.”  She spoke like she was reading from a drive thru window menu.  “Also yes, ‘my place’...”

The group made its way back to where they had started, with a much more spirited human. Half human? Back Story was looking him over. "You're still a human from the middle up, but a pony from that down. I bet marketing could still use you for a lot of shots if you were interested." Her interests were elsewhere. "So humans wear clothes all the time, right?"

"Most of the time, especially where I'm from." He stretched a hoof backwards before his next big step. "Do I really look half-pony?" He couldn't say as opposed to a horse. He hadn't seen any of those…

You have pony hindquarters… and a horn.  That is actually the weirder part, but I don’t know why…”  Gloomy contemplated David’s conundrum with the intensity of a foal solving a fast food menu-maze for the first time.”

Joypad brushed against him as she accelerated to the house and grabbed the handle in her mouth, tossing it open. "You're still you, which is the important part."

"Hear hear!" Back waited for David to head in before following herself. "Now about those questions…"

"First." David glanced at the door, nodding at its closed place, his friends inside. "Let's… try this." And he slipped off his pants in a rough shove, no slowness about it. He danced free of them, balled around his new hooves as they were, his new tail flicking animatedly as if in joy at its freedom. "Behold?" He was colored faintly, but largely kept his emotions on the inside. Still, the blush on his dark skin was a hint that he was feeling them despite any attempt on his part to hide it.

“There is a traditional song for this exact situation.” Gloomy nodded sagely.  “It has been passed down in my father’s family for generations…”

"Um?" But there he was, naked, and the ponies weren't worried about his… His… He looked down. "Oh." A man should be expected to make more of a response. He was like any other cartoon horse, G rated. "Huh…"

Joy cocked a brow at his confusion. "Something wrong? You look fine, minus the half and half thing, which isn't awful."

“Go commando, like GI-Joe or Rambo,” Gloomy chanted to her own furious beat, which suddenly ground to a halt.  “Swinging through the trees, Tommy knocker Tomm knocking on my my…. Oh wait… I am so sorry.  That was very inappropriate…”

David laughed tensely. "Most of that song does not apply…" He had nothing to knock on anything. Shoot… "I am going to need a pony biology lesson, I think, being one from here down." He put his hand even from where the fur started. "Also, keeping this shirt. Bare skin gets cold easily, so whatever. Not the first person to wear a shirt and no pants around here, I bet."

“We need food.  Somepony has to walk to get food.” Gloomy observed randomly.

"Nope!" Back Story flipped out her wings in either direction. "Walking is not strictly required."

“There are a couple of diners that have traditional Unicorn food. There’s my work that serves nice snacks you can eat while playing games, and there’s the new pizza place.”  The options were pretty straightforward


.

"Pizza, got it!" And she was gone in a puff of smoke into the air, the door closing behind her, thrown open along her way. "Be right back!" Food was apparently her treat, as she had asked for no contributions.

David was busy poking and prodding his new furry parts, perhaps searching for the missing bits? Or the new bits in his tail and furry exterior. Either way, he was distracted, but didn't look unhappy about it, just curious.

“Charlie doesn’t have one either, if that makes you feel better.”  Gloomy related without any outward emotion.  “I seriously checked once… and he’s still cross with me over that…”

Joy looked between the two quickly with darts of her head. "Checked for what? Have what?!"

David laughed a bit more easily than the first time. "I'm more wondering how she knows, but I still need to be caught up on pony biology. Seriously though, he's a doll. He is missing a lot, I would imagine?"

“Before magic, he only had my senses…” Gloomy sighed.  “Since, He has every sense sewn into his face, but none of them ever turn off.  He needs me to absorb the sensory over-load, just like I need him to… We need each other…”

"To be clear… He had you look at him somewhere that embarrassed him, and he took it out on you? That isn't cool." That wasn't stopping David from prodding at himself, trailing along his new thighs as if he were petting himself. "Sorry about that."

“He didn’t let me do anything.”  Gloomy hung her head.  “I was his only source of awareness in the world.  He couldn’t stop me.”

His hand found something better to do, landing on Gloomy's head with a gentle petting of her ear since she didn't seem to mind that. "Sounds like he was stopping you anyway."

“We were a long way from the side of right,” the grey mare admitted.  “Even after I find him… it can never be the same…”

"The same is a lousy target." He pinched and played with her ear. Ponies had such pettable ears! "Let's aim higher than that. So hey, she's probably gonna come back with 'everything' on the pizza. That alright?"

Joy shrugged. "I'm not picky about free pizza. You?"

"I am honestly unsure…" David looked at Gloomy. "You?"

“I’m good with whatever.” The unicorn shrugged.

David joined in the shrug. "Sounds like we're good then, so… I know you want to ask me a bunch of questions, but I have pony questions that hinge on the fact that I am one in part." He reached back and took hold of his new tail. "Let's start with this."

"That is a tail," Joypad helpfully noted. "What about it? You know what a tail is, right?"

"Sure sure, in theory." He wagged the tail in his grip, not with its own power. "But it feels like the whole thing is moving instead of just the bit near my butt, the dock?"

Joypad looked back at her own tail as it wagged gently. "That's pretty normal as far as I know."

“Tails are very expressive.” Gloomy sonnet nodded sagely, deftly thwacking open the refrigerator door with her own.  “Does anypony want a soda? We have Unicherry, CarrotUp, and Spicy Rad.  It’s radish flavored.  Charlie has odd tastes…”

David raised a finger, just for it to curl, the statement unsaid. "Huh… Is nutrition much a pony thing? Back where I'm from, I avoided sugary drinks, but I'm not that anymore." He set a hand on his furry lower belly. "Maybe it doesn't matter anymore. Do ponies who eat a lot of sugar get fat?"

“Ponies who eat a lot and don’t exercise get fat.”  Gloomy answered with exactly the emotional gravity the statement warranted.  “Some ponies have trouble with too much sugar.  It’s a medical condition.”

"So exactly the same as humans." David shrugged. "And I don't plan to start getting super active, so no sugary drinks for me. Control the in, or control the out. My choice is made!" He clapped his hands twice in firm strokes. "So… am I setting off all of your uncanny valleys right now?" There he was, half pony, but not properly pony. He was closer, and yet clearly apart…