//------------------------------// // 199. Museum Manglers. // Story: Baa-Ram-Ewe! // by Darkonshadows //------------------------------// -Saint Canard Museum, Pom- Artisia De Ville, or Splatter Phoenix as she called herself, left with those wolf like copies of me to go fight off Dolly and Shanty coming to save me. Dolly reassured me they would be here soon. Now that Splatter Phoenix was distracted, I could try to free myself… if I even could. The chains around my neck and legs were on me pretty tightly keeping me off the floor and not allowing much leverage to do anything. I struggled a bit and tried to get free of the chains. It was at points like this that I wished I actually had super strength that someone might expect of me from the ridiculous things I’ve done. From the spot I was hanging in the dungeon, I could see the rectangular hole Splatter Phoenix exited through and it seemed to be across from a painting? The entryway even seemed a little off the floor and rectangular… wait… was I inside the painting of a dungeon? The chains are probably magically enhanced to be hard to break, considering my struggling isn’t doing anything aside from getting rid of a little bit of chafing. Okay physical application of escaping tested, no chance of intellectually garnered escape since I couldn’t reach a key even if I could see one. I had to try magic next. I bark blasted the chain on my front right leg, the chain shined brightly. Confirmed, the chains holding me here are magical. I tried a Bark Breaker, on the chain holding my front left leg this time. The chain shined again and… nothing. Okay, escape proof cell, unless I wanted to waste energy wasting her energy holding me here. I turned my head every which way I could with my neck chained as it was to find a way down from here, my bell was thankfully fine despite this. Well this was a well-designed way to keep someone prisoner. Even if there was a key for these shackles, I wouldn’t be able to reach them. Dolly I’m in one of the paintings, please don’t get hurt coming to save me. I received nothing but reassurance that things would be fine, that just made me more worried. -Splatter Phoenix- It may have taken a while, but this museum was a deathtrap for anyone foolish enough to try and get me while I’m inside it. I made my way down the stairs towards the balcony overlooking the entrance on the first floor. I saw a Hellcat blasts through the main doors of the museum, splitting in half and evaporating into a misty red haze as it did so. Three figures charged in and… wait, one of them was one of my commission works! “What are you doing here, Negaduck hired me on commission and I assured him that you couldn’t turn on him!” I said with crossed arms flicking my magical paintbrush idly. “Well I certainly can’t turn on him, because no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get angry enough to actually confront him about it… but Mr. Banana Brain here says you can’t exactly account for yourself or me attacking your other creations.” The fool holding that ridiculous smiling banana doll wasn’t wrong and apparently Negaduck’s commission has apparently gone a little south on me. I told the bastard that I hated doing comic book artwork for a reason, but no, I had to bring a team of three super villains and an idiot to life for his great plan. “If I can’t go after Negaduck for trying to blow me up in attempt to kill off a few heroes, and he almost hurt Mr. Banana Brain too, then you’re my next best target!” “At least you’re the one without super powers.” I groaned out audibly while rubbing my forehead with my right hand and holding out the paintbrush in my left. “Hey, wackiness is a super power! Isn’t that right Pink-A-Zoid Party Bomb?” The fool held up a weird pony toy that made a squeak noise and seemingly nodded it its head. The pink hair of the toy had a weird lightning bolt aesthetic along with a red costume with a large P and exclamation point symbol on it. Ugh, looks like a mixed reference of some kind, how annoying! A flash from my right and I saw the goat flipping to land softly on the floor while rubbing her nose, she just hit the barrier to the upper floor quite hard. What were they feeding that goat? Also did she just run up the wall? Yeah, I should be careful of Cut-Lass and Caper Canine… and speaking of mutts… I just grinned down at the three, the Dalmatian certainly seemed almost feral with the way she was growling while looking at me. This Caper Canine has likely met a ‘De Ville’ before given how angry she looked. Not that my family didn’t already tend to have this effect on animals, this seemed far more personal. “Nice try, but you can only get up to where I am through the stairs, I have this entire building as my playground… it is just quite unfortunate that you are messing with an individual of reality bending capabilities such as myself.” I slung my paintbrush to the left and a mass of my magical, blood powered, paint flew off and struck the statue of the duck god of thunder Zeus. “Crush them.” Slowly the statue came to life with glowing blue eyes and stood up raising the solid stone globe it held on its back. It pulled it back and then hurled the mass of stone with the carvings of the world map on it forward. The massive sphere bowled straight into the entrance as the three below dodged. Said mass now embedded itself in the main entrance and now they wouldn’t be able to get out that way. I swung my brush and several Pumpkin Pugs and Helicopter Hellcats popped into existence in the air next to me. I also created a few Hot Heads, burning sun like monsters that would explode violently if hit too much. The Wolves Clothing monsters made their way forward ready to jump over the railing. “My name is Splatter Phoenix, I hope you have a horrible time here at the museum while it’s under my control, attack!” I pointed and my creations immediately leapt over the balcony and towards the floor, while the stone Zeus statue started to stomp forward. It was slow, but it was going to pack quite a punch. “I hope you enjoy my art show, it’ll make a killing.” I moved to lean against the wall to watch the show. -Shanty- The Pumpkin dogs be arranging themselves alongside the growling Wolf Poms, the large clawed flying cats be quite annoying and if that wasn’t enough there also be a few hovering fire monsters with two small limbs cackling as they hovered about no too. The statue was also something to be careful of even if it was being quite slow to step off of its pedestal. “I don’t know where to be starting.” I said as I back towards the large rock that be blocking off the way we came in and they be closing in on us, aside from the statue still be mostly at the pedestal. “Fortunately for us, I do!” Quackerjack shouted as he tossed the costumed pony toy forward. “Let’s party!” The toy be exploding into a mass of pink gas and sparkles, then Quackerjack sent a flaming mallet into the gas and it ignited everything caught in it was on fire and being turned into an evaporating haze of red mist. A flying cat, two Wolf Pom’s and a pumkin dog be blown away immediately before the floating suns be sucking up the flames and growing in size. “That not be good.” I stated flatly as I finally be getting into the fight by leaping forward and slashing my right hoof across a pumpkin dog before it can be biting me. It be splitting cleaning in half from its bottom right to its upper left, then it be evaporating into a red haze with a short cut off whine. “Maybe some seltzer water will help?” Quackerjack pulled out a bottle and started to spray the fizzy liquids from it at the flaming sun in the middle, it exploded and the other two be growing bigger from the explosion. “Uh whoops?” Dolly be barking angrily at Quackerjack while grabbing a Wolf Pom by their leading claw before it could strike her and swung her around to launch the wolf into a flying cat knocking it from the air. “Excuse me, but I got some surprises to set up for you. Continue having fun with my minions.” The duck on the upper balcony walked off towards a doorway into the next room. I narrowly be avoiding the teeth that be snapping for my neck, I performed a quick spin buck to the face of the wolfy sheep knocking them back and be slicing up their face badly. “I got you covered!” Mechanical snakes be flying past me and wrapping around the Wolf Pom that I didn’t be see coming at my left and then she be yanked upwards by Quackerjack to be slammed into the ground on her back. I lunged forward and slashed my hooves several times cutting up the Wolf Pom in front of me until she vaporized with a red haze like the other monsters. That’s where Dolly finished off the one Quackerjack downed by slamming her skateboard down on its skull. In my distraction a set of three claws almost be taking my head when one of the flying cats swooped by, I ducked and backed away and watched as the cat was hooked by the wheels of Dolly’s skateboard and she yanked it down to the ground painfully. After she be pulling her board back to herself Dolly leapt forward and brought the board high as she leaped forward and slashed the edge of the board through the downed flying cat bisecting it. Quackerjack be dodging the other flying cat and we both be dodging the fireballs from the floating heads together. “Can you guys be covering me I can be dealing with the fire ones, be taking care of the flying cats and other wolf ones please, I’m going to need some drinking water afterwards!” I shouted as I dodged some balls of flames striking the tiled flooring burning it with pillars of flame. “Riptide!” I slashed my hooves forward, a blast of water be flying forth and striking true. The orb of flame I hit, immediately be turning black and dropping to the floor and started to weakly struggle to even move on the ground. Leaping in a forward flip I extended my leg high and then brought it down slicing the orb apart and the two blackened halves burst apart into the same red mist like they’ve all been doing. The other flaming sphere be growing in size and I turned to see a Wolf Pom leaping for me only to be rammed into by Dolly on her skateboard and Quackerjack be covering me from the right with his purple pony toy spewing bits of burning liquid at the flying cat monsters. As I focused on preparing myself for another riptide, I be needing to carry a canteen everywhere for this, I idly noted the duck statue that be throwing the large sphere at us be slowly be moving faster. “Riptide in.. and out!” The flaming head monster dodged my first blast of water when I swung my leg inwards, I then swung them outwards and launching a second more expanding stream like blast of water that struck it. It be dropping to the floor immediately knocked cold, I went for it only a Pom wolf and pumpkin dog be distracting me. “Get it!” I leapt up and kicked upwards with my hind legs to knock back a flying cat swooping for Dolly, she swept underneath me on her board and hopped up and pulled it back to stab it forward into the blackened sphere that started to light up again. Quackerjack be knocking down the other flying monster cat with a shot from his purple pony toy and then launched a kick into the pumpkin dog as I deflected the rapid thrashing of the wolf Pom’s claws. The sphere was taken out and no more fireball spewing menaces, but we still be having two cats and a statue to deal with. “Ooh I’ve got the statue, how about an Apple-pie-Jack-in-the-box!” Quackerjack be pulling out another one of his toys, this one be a crank on a box. “Watch my back girls!” -Quackerjack- I can see why Darkwing Duck does this now, being a hero can be as fun as being a villain! Still didn’t like the guy though, but that’s just my Quackerjack side talking by design. Darkwing currently wasn’t here and I was, I’m going to have a blast! I cranked my box while aiming the top of it towards the statue that was now moving full speed towards us with its shoulder. The music played its sweet tune and Mr. Banana Brain seemed excited to see this one go off! “Deep-doo-de-doo-doo!” The box popped open and out sprang an orange pony toy with a cowboy hat holding a pie with explosive flavor on the end of her hooves. It struck the charging statue in the face and the orange pony Jack manage popped back into the box from several feet away. Said pie exploded violently after splattering all over the stone statues upper half, chips of stone blew everywhere. This made the stone statue stumble back, stopping its charge cold like ice cream and its head and neck were badly cracked. I must be losing my touch, the yield on that was far lower than I expected… or maybe this was a result of me becoming nicer? I felt the air shift behind me and I turned to my right to watch as the chair behind the entrance desk slammed one of the Hell Cats into a wall and destroying it. Wow, Caper Canine had a good throwing paws. Huh, uh oh! I back flipped away as the statue jumped and brought both its fists down on the ground and broke the floor in a wide circle of destruction. It’s a good thing this place didn’t have a basement. Cut-Lass finished off the only other Hell Cat and then launched a vicious slashing uppercut that took the face off one of the wolf sheep monsters. She along with Caper Canine joined up with me, Caper Canine barked and then shot forward. The statue tried to stomp on her and she simply hopped off with what I’m beginning to believe is a goofy grin, a mischievous and heroic spirit in the form of a dog? I bet she was popular when it came to merchandising. When the statue stomped down it struck the skateboard, and in classic pratfall fashion I was proud to laugh loudly at, the statue flopped onto its back when the skateboard pulled its leg out from under it. Caper Canine caught her skateboard as it went skidding her way and I started spray seltzer water at the cracks on the statues heads making them worse, then pulled out my Twilight Spar-kill toy and started spraying acid at its ankles. When it tried to stand up, it only proceed to flop onto its face when it’s feet crumbled underneath it. “Good one Quackerjack!” Mr. Banana Brain was sharing in my glee with his own laughter. “Though I think we’re being a teeny bit too destructive.” I looked around at all the collateral damage, Mr. Banana Brain was right we were causing quite a bit of destruction to the entrance of the museum. I shrugged as Caper Canine popped herself up into the air and after performing a series of forward flips, she whipped her board out and brought it down on the statues neck taking its head off by shattering it completely. The canine flipped backwards and with a precise yank landed on top of her board, she turned and motioned us forward with her paw while looking up in a specific direction. I didn’t know why she was looking at that blank part of the ceiling, but I think it had something to do with Leap Lamb. We charged into the next room thinking ourselves ready to face whatever Splatter Phoenix could throw at us. At least we thought we could until we saw a large skeletal T-rex roaring in our face, along with numerous dinosaur statues brought to life. It tried to bite down on me, only Caper Canine lodged her board in its teeth. “Well that doesn’t look fun at-AH!” I whined as I nearly took a leaping feathered velociraptor kick to the face only for its bladed toe to be deflected straight into the floor by Cut-Lass, who proceeded to bash it in the chin with a powerful looking leaping uppercut. The bony T-rex that started thrashing the other exhibits trying to bit down on the skateboard between its jaws that Caper Canine was holding onto for dear life. “Do you think anybody cares that we’re wrecking the art museum?” I’m asking because being a hero was seriously not something I thought I’d be good at. “Doesn’t be mattering as long as we not be getting caught… also don’t be stealing anything!” Right Cut-Lass, no four fingered souvenirs, got it. Cut-Lass be rolling between the Velociraptors leg and planted her front hooves and slashed her hind legs upwards. “Halberd! Jack look out!” I rolled to the side as a triceratops rammed its way through some glass on a cave duck display and some paint flung from above bringing the cave duck statues with clubs to life. The velociraptor despite taking quite a bit of damage to its tail was up again and already going at Cut-Lass. I glared up at the grinning witch of a duck as she sauntered off with a sway of her hips for the next room as a pterodactyl attacked me and several more of those Leap Lamb based wolf sheep monsters dropped to the floor from above. I drove the artwork of flying ancient terror back with a blast from one of my flamethrower mallets and had to dodge back from nearly having my head taken off by a club being dropped down to shatter the floor tiles. -Dolly- “Oh come on, who uses fake bones for a T-Rex exhibit!” I spluttered at the nasty flavor of what I thought was actually bone. “What part of ‘ART’ museum do you not understand Caper Canine?!” Dormarch be yelling at up me as the dinosaur’s art exhibits attacked my friends on the ground and the T-Rex head continued to flail me about wildly while roaring. “Also all T-Rex exhibits are fake copies of the real things!” I will never mention the truth of something like that to the puppies in my family or they might get very disappointed in the wonder that is T-Rex bones. This didn’t even have a throat, how was it even going to digest… ah… I twisted my board and fell out of the head through the gaping open space where its neck would supposedly be before it could crunch me. I flowed into swinging off it the T-Rex’s left arm with my front paws and up onto its back with a kick from my hind legs to build momentum for my launch up to there. Its head spun one hundred and eighty degrees to look at me as its bony arms twisted upwards and tried to scrape me off its back. Its head bounced forward off of its own neck and snapped at me, making be back away down its spine towards its tail. It quickly spun trying to throw me off, I clamped my paws around its bony hips to stay on. Its bony tail swatted the nearby velociraptor out of the air before it could eviscerate Shanty who was busy dealing with one of those fake Pom wolves with a double hoof axe swing. The skeletal head bounced high up and opened its jaw wide while twisting its head sideways, it came down at me and I dove for its rib cage. I pulled myself up onto the bottom rib of the cage and sighed, I was getting a lot of exercise today and it might even actually beat a puppy corralling workout. The head was biting where its own butt would be now and its claws tried to scrape at me from inside the rib cage, I leapt forward as the bony spikes that consisted of its fingers tried to pierce through me. “I could use some help here with this thing, I’m trying to conserve my magic for that De Ville, whoa!” I leapt and grabbed the ribs of the cage next to the spine above me with my paws, narrowly avoiding being impaled by the four long claws jabbing through the spaces in its own body again. “We need someone to at least help Shanty, that raptor is intent on killing her!” “What about you?!” Dormarch said from Shanty’s head wrapping as the goat avoided getting trampled by the T-Rex and was deflected backwards by a swinging club almost into the raptor that she narrowly rolled away from. “What does it look like I’m doing, I’m totally keeping the T-Rex distracted… EH?!” I shouted as I clambered forward monkey bar style and swung myself up onto the neck. The floating skull head suddenly embedded its own teeth straight into its rib cage trying to trap me in what was now a spike filled rib cage of doom. The entire body shook and stomped about in a circle. “Not going to lie, this is some really freaky stuff we’re dealing with here little bro!” -Dormarch- We couldn’t call for any help for the possibility of alerting Negaduck and Splatter Phoenix seemed too prideful and dare I admit, powerful, to even ask for help. That and she wouldn’t be able to, even if she could since the power stations interference was stopped. Smolder and Ocellus were still directing the other heroes to hot spots around the city. There were even more Hell Cats, Pumpkin Pugs incoming from the next room and the situation was getting worse. On top of that we were making a mess of all the museums exhibits. I closed my eyes and tried taking a breath… it was weird, I hadn’t exactly tasted the air of this world like my prior life might have and yet I can still feel like I’m breathing inside my PET. I know I could do it, but how would I explain myself? Could I really leave the PET and actually aid them in the fight? How would I confront Pom about being capable of doing this at any given time and not helping her since I actually figured out how to do so since before Clockwerk? Pom, please forgive me... for being scared. I sighed as I watched the anomalous velociraptor begin an attack on Shanty from behind while she was busy with the Sheep Wolf in front of her. “Dalma.mon manifestation protocol, Search Hunter!” In a flash my teeth were buried in the velociraptors neck and I was tearing its head off with my claws. “Whoa bro, you can… yipe!” I sighed at Dolly as she dodged the head of the haunted T-Rex and made it bite its own tail. I shivered as I watched the Raptor's torso fall limply to the floor in front of me, I lightly pressed a paw to the PET acting like a collar around my neck. I took in my first fresh lungful of air and tried straightening out my nerves, everything was so vivid now.