Blueblood sat on the throne in Canterlot Castle, doing his best to not scream with panic as the advisors around him argued back and forth. He had most certainly not been expecting this madness to greet him when he had mysteriously found himself in Canterlot for the first time in weeks.
When his advisors had asked him his agenda for his time as Regent of Equestria, he hadn’t had an answer for them. Words failed to pass his lips as he panicked internally, all while outwardly presenting what he had hoped was a veneer of contemplation. Instead, it looked more like pained constipation. His panic had nearly reached boiling point when Beekler Alfreeves had whispered a suggestion in his ear of touring the northeastern holdings of Equestria. Latching on to the idea, Blueblood had recited the suggestion word for word and followed up with installing Beekler as Sub-Regent for the duration of his sabbatical.
A voice broke him from his wistful ruminations.
“Your majesty! What is your first decree as Re-Regent?!” a pony cried, silencing the cacophony of voices.
Blueblood blinked, lifting his gaze from his forehooves and resisting the urge to flinch. All eyes were on him, questioning intent clear in each gaze he met with his own.
“Ehm...” The pale unicorn coughed to clear his throat. When would Twilight arrive to get him out of this mess?! “My first decree as Re-Regent is to be allowed to quit...”
He gulped as all those eyes hardened.
“Followed promptly by my second decree of qui-”
Magic sizzled in the air at the bottom of the dais and, with a loud crack, Twilight Sparkle appeared before Blueblood and the assembly of advisors. “Prince Blueblood,” she said, dusting an errant mote of magical energy from one of her shoulders. She took in the situation, noting members of almost every branch of Equestria’s government in attendance. “I… hope this isn’t a bad time.”
“Your timing couldn’t be more perfect,” Blueblood said, a little too quickly. “Princess Twilight, if I could have a word with you in private?” He gave her a look that said something along the lines of ‘for the love of my aunts please’.
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure? These other ponies were here fir-”
“I’m sure they won’t mind waiting!” Blueblood squeaked impressively. “Just a moment, everypony!” He hopped off the throne, ignoring the stunned expressions of the other ponies as he wrapped a forehoof around Twilight’s shoulder and led her to a sideroom.
Or, more accurately, a closet. The door closed with a click, leaving the two of them in darkness. “I’m not entirely sure what’s happening here,” Twilight said, “but if you try anything untowa- Is somepony crying?”
There was a sniffle. “Perhaps.”
“...Is it you, Blueblood?”
“...Yes. Oh Twilight, thank my aunts you’re here! It’s been an absolute nightmare ever since that dastardly oaf dropped the throne in my lap!”
Twilight sighed, summoning an orb of light above her. The closet would have held the Princesses’ emergency dresses, kept in case of a foreign ambassador’s sudden arrival, but those seemed to have been cleared out at some point during the changes in power. “I guess they didn’t get Purple Heart measured before he scarpered,” she thought. “From what I heard, Bleekler didn’t drop the throne on you. You handed the succession over to him, and then went on vacation.”
“A temporary leave of absence!” Blueblood whined. “A necessity for anypony in a stressful situation like the ones we find ourselves in-”
“You’re the regent,” Twilight snapped. “And there’s a war.”
“What do you think was making this so darn stressful? The catering?” Blueblood scoffed; the indignation helping to cover his former panic. “That blasted butler spent all his time on the blasted war, so everypony else has been chomping at the bit to get the attention of anypony in power! And with my aunts who-knows-where and you doing who-knows-what, guess who that left to shoulder all that responsibility?”
Twilight hoped that her light spell didn’t reveal too much of the look on her face. “It’s talking to ponies,” she deadpanned. “You do that all the time at parties.”
“Not just talking! Making decisions! Decisions that could have widespread ramifications across all of Equestria! I’m made for deciding dinner courses, not the course of history!”
There was a part of Twilight that wondered if their ranks in the Equestrian government were close enough that she could slap the stallion without being tried for treason. Instead, she glanced around the closet, found one of the monogrammed paper bags that Celestia kept for putting visitors’ souvenirs in, and passed it to Blueblood. “Breathe into this.”
Blueblood looked down at the bag. “It’s not silk.”
Twilight slapped the opening of the bag over his muzzle. “In order: shut up, breathe, and listen.” She gave him a minute as he inflated and deflated the bag. When she spoke again, she did so slowly. “Right now, you and I are the highest ranking ponies in all of Equestria, and Celestia and Luna named you the regent for a reason. Blueblood, If any other pony was sitting on that throne, they’d be using it to rewrite Equestria’s history. But instead, they chose you. Do you know why?”
“Because I’m a self-centered coward who’s too scared to do anything like that?”
“Well, points for being self-aware,” Twilight thought. “If nothing else,” she continued, “you just need to keep Equestria running the way it always has been. Don’t worry about making waves right now. Just… make the choices that cause the smallest ripples. Alright?”
After a moment, Blueblood nodded. “Just one question,” he said, voice muffled by the bag.
“Go ahead.”
“Which choices are those?”
If it wasn’t for her exceptional restraint, Twilight would have set a record for Equestria’s longest continuous sigh. “Tell me what those ponies out there are asking you about,” she said eventually, “and I’ll give you some pointers.”
Blueblood swallowed, nodding shakily as he rubbed at his face with a hoof. “Ehm...” he grunted, eyes flicking back and forth, seeing nothing. Twilight arched an eyebrow, shifting to rest more comfortably on her hooves.
“Well?” she prompted. Blueblood blinked at her.
“Oh! You want me to go first.” He shook himself, missing the alicorn roll her eyes. “Well, from what I could understand from their heinous caterwauling, things aren’t going very well on the military side of things. For one, Baltimare was captured-”
“That happened weeks ago,” Twilight interrupted.
“Ah. Well, Baltimare is STILL captured and nothing has been done about it. I sent messengers to summon Casus Belli and Belisaddelus, but neither of them turned up! It’s been days since anypony saw hide or hair of them and I’m starting to worry!
“On the domestic side, the senators from the captured territories are demanding assistance in retaking their homes. They petitioned for the Panel of International Situation Solutions to send a response team out to drive the invasion force from their land, but the Panel refused on account of a backlog of cases!
“Further, some of the lower ranked officers stationed here in Canterlot have received reports of elephants of all things crossing the Big Macintosh Hills out of the Badlands! What even are elephants, Princess Sparkle?! In all your travels dealing with the commoners, have you ever encountered such creatures?!”
“They’re civilized creatures, Blueblood,” Twilight explained. “Their rajas rule in the distant south, around where the zebras are from.” She frowned. “Although, what would elephants be doing so far north? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a report of more than two or three elephants in Equestria at one time. How many are there in the reports?”
Blueblood shrugged. “Dozens? Hundreds? How should I know?”
“...It would be in the reports. Did you read the reports?”
“Am I supposed to read every report that gets tossed my way?” Blueblood scoffed.
Twilight’s eyes were getting tired from all of the rolling they were doing. “Anything else?”
Blueblood frowned, his forehead furrowing as he tried to remember. “That ambassador of cousin Cadance’s was saying something… Something about bandits? But it sounded like the bandits were fighting each other, so I didn’t bother paying attention after that.”
“Bandits fighting bandits?” Twilight frowned. “Sounds like Light Patch lost control of his puppets after Moondancer broke the Orb. I’ll have to have Spike send Cadance a letter about that.” She paused, a thought turning over in her head. “Puppets, huh…”
“Blueblood.”
“Hmm? Yes?”
“I’m going to try something. It’s… a little spell to help you out. It should, if I’m right, give you a little… helping hoof when it comes to making these decisions. Like if I were giving you advice.”
Blueblood sighed in relief. “I could certainly use that right now. Well? Go ahead then.”
Twilight focused her attention inward, reaching for a magic inside her that wasn’t quite hers. Sifting through the swirling masses of energy, she quickly found a mana that was at once both familiar, and foreign to her. She grabbed it, mentally, and brought it to the fore, directing it towards the stallion that stood, eyes closed before her.
A single, thin, green thread emerged from between her back, right between her wings. She watched it as one end floated over her head, mentally directing it like a filly steered a kite. Slowly, almost casually, the end of the thread drifted down and looped lazily around the back of Blueblood’s head, before entering soundlessly into the base of his skull.
Blueblood’s brow furrowed for a moment. “Hmm.”
Twilight froze. “Are you alright?”
“Just a cramp from keeping still for so long. Are you almost through yet?”
“Almost,” Twilight sighed. She turned her attention back to the thread, trying to imagine how Purple Heart—or more accurately, Bael—would exert his influence on ponies through one of these threads. “I don’t need complete control,” she thought. “Just a little push in the right direction. Something like a voice of reason, or an angel on his shoulder.”
She felt what could only be described as a mental shake, like an involuntary movement from a phantom limb. With that, the thread disconnected from her back, sinking into Blueblood like a piece of spaghetti being slurped up.
Twilight was silent for a moment, her brain still processing what had just happened. “Well?” she said eventually. “How do you feel?”
Blueblood opened his eyes. “Well, I’m not sure what you did,” he said, slowly. His face broke into a wide grin. “But I feel incredible!”
Twilight’s lip twitched. “So you know how to handle things now?”
“Oh, not at all! But I feel like I’ll know what to do when the time comes! That’s a fair sight better than how I felt before!”
After a moment of thought, Twilight shrugged. “I’ll take it.”
“Say, can we get out of this closet now? I’m starting to feel a bit claustrophobic.”
The closet was bigger than some pony’s bedrooms, but Twilight was in no mood to argue that point. “Sure. Let’s go.”
The two ponies stood in silence for a beat. Blueblood cleared his throat. “Aren’t you going to open the door?”
Twilight was starting to wonder if one could pull a muscle rolling their eyes. She extinguished her light spell and swung the closet door open.
Squaring his shoulders and taking a deep breath, Blueblood strode past her, head held high as he approached the collection of advisors milling about before the throne. With measured steps, he ascended the dais to the throne and sat, lifting a hoof once he’d settled to forestall any questions or demands.
“Friends, ponies, Equestrians, lend me your ears,” he stated, gesturing over the crowd with a hoof. “Four score and seven years ago-”
Twilight rolled her eyes and sighed as Blueblood set about laying forth his plans to the assembly. “He did say it would come to him eventually,” she thought. “Best not to push him too far too quickly.”
She shut the door, shrouding herself in darkness. With a nod of satisfaction, she cast her teleportation spell again and vanished, promptly appearing in her chambers within her castle in Ponyville. With a groan, she rolled her neck, sighing with relief as she walked towards her recently installed minibar beside her balcony. Her magic flitted out, reaching for the bottles of Vermuleth and Sherry; only to find the places where those bottles normally resided empty. She frowned. “I can’t be out already.”
“Actually, we went through quite a bit recently.” A glass slid in front of her, filled with an off-purple liquid and garnished with a pair of bright red cherries on a bejeweled skewer. “Give that a try.”
Twilight, mentally drained and too tired to care about that fact, lifted the glass to her lips and sipped it. The taste was… unique. Not unpleasant in the slightest, and far smoother than the Cider that had started this recent fascination of hers into the art of mixology. “That’s nice,” she mused.
“Where I come from, it’s called an Aviation.”
“You’ll have to teach me the reci-” Something clicked in Twilight’s brain, and she turned towards the voice.
Wits End held out a shaker, rattling the crushed ice inside. “Top up?”
It was in that moment where Twilight realized why so many unicorns had searched for a way to turn magical energy directly into physical objects, because she had never wanted to literally glare daggers at a pony more than now. “What are you doing in my home, Wits?”
“Mixing drinks.” Wits topped off her glass and picked up his own—filled halfway with a golden, almost honey-colored liquid. “You’ve got a lot of booze here. When did you start drinking?”
“Shortly after you three started ruining Equestria. Weren’t you a teetotaler in the other world?”
“Weren’t you and Applejack the ones who forced hard cider on me the moment you two had me alone?” Wits poked a cocktail stick into the jar of cherries, and popped one of the fruits into his mouth. “I’d say you’re the bad influence here.”
“And I’d say I need to invest in better locks, since everypony and their mother seems to find a way in here.” Twilight resisted the temptation to dramatically slug back the rest of her drink, and instead sipped it to prolong the flavor. “So, are you here on your own? Or did you send Trixie here to butter me up?”
Wits looked up from seeing how many cherries he could fit on the skewer at once. “To be completely honest: yes, I did. But even setting Trixie aside, I didn’t come alone.”
“Who did you bring with you?”
“Roughly one-tenth of the Alicorn army.”
Twilight sipped her drink—a longer pull this time. The drink really was quite good. “Where are they?”
“Out back. I think they’re quite enjoying the stores of Apple Family Cider you invested in.”
“That was expensive, you know.”
“I’ll make it up to you.”
“How?”
Wits topped off her glass with the remainder in the shaker. “How about that?”
Twilight took a sip. “A little more watered down, but we’ll call it a down payment. Shouldn’t you be leading the invading army or something?’
Wits set out a few bottles, his summoned hands picking up the shaker. “See, that’s a funny story.”
“You have until my glass is empty.”
“It’s not a short story.”
Twilight smirked. “Then you better keep these coming,” she said, holding up her glass.
* * *
The guard posted at the western entrance of the Second Alicorn Diarchy Base Camp squinted at the shorter than average alicorn soldier on the opposite side of his desk.
“You seem a little short for-”
“WHO YOU CALLIN’ SHORT, YOU TOWERING BERK?!” snapped the green and gold alicorn. The poor guy’s armour hung off his frame.
The guard blinked. “...You.”
The soldier’s eyes twitched (not that the guard could see them) and slammed a hoof on the table. “Private Con Arteest, returning from patrol of the Western Perimeter!”
With a roll of his eyes, the guard skimmed his papers, finding the check-out entry for the day’s Western Perimeter Patrol. His brow furrowed upon finding the entry. The name the private gave wasn’t there. The guard’s eyes lifted and his mouth opened to cry ‘alarm’. His vision flashed green as something struck his temple. He blinked, shaking his head in confusion.
“You okay?”
The guard looked across his table at the alicorn soldier before him. The colt was giving him a concerned look.
“Yeah,” the guard replied slowly. He shook his head again. “Sorry. Felt a little dizzy for a second there.”
The soldier nodded. “You might wanna have a medic check you out after your shift,” he suggested.
Nodding in agreement, the guard smiled weakly. “Probably. It’s been a long campaign.” The two alicorns chuckled and the guard waved a hoof at the camp. “You’re all cleared. Welcome back.”
Purple Heart nodded and saluted as he stepped past the check-in post into the Alicorn Base Camp. A low exhale expelled itself from his chest.
“That could’ve gone smoother,” the disguised colt muttered. “Gotta get better with sizing.” He made his way over to a section of tents, nodding to other off-duty soldiers as he passed between the simple housing for the rank and file. Once he found one that was unoccupied, he slipped inside. Seconds later, he reappeared, his small green and gold alicorn disguise now larger with gold hide accented by purple patches. A blank faceplate concealed his features from any onlookers while his armour became more ornate, yet remained practical for actual combat.
Shifting his helmed head, he peered around for a few seconds until his gaze alighted on a pair of alicorns by a kettle over a small fire. Rolling his shoulders back, he approached the pair with long, regal strides.
“Pardon me,” he rumbled deeply. A smirk curved his lips when the alicorns jerked in surprise and looked at him. “Could either of you inform me of the Strategos’ whereabouts?”
One alicorn, a stocky female, blinked up at him. “Barn near the center of camp.” She gestured with a wing. “You can’t miss it. Just listen for the shouting.”
Purple Heart inclined his head in gratitude, turning to look in the direction the soldier had indicated. In the distance, he could indeed see a barn next to a large, ostentatious blue tent with black trim and heraldry. Without further ado, he set off down the dirt path towards his new destination, idly observing the goings on of the camp around him.
A cry of outrage sounded off to his left followed by a shout of ‘seize them!’ Quirking a brow in interest, he craned his neck to peer over the tents towards the source of the disturbance. His height was just enough that he could see just a hint of the action. About a hundred paces away, a tall white alicorn was screeching expletives and hurling bolts of magic at what Purple Heart could only assume was a less skilled intruder. A smug smile curved his lips as he listened to the combat, silently thanking the intruder for their unknowing distraction for his own infiltration.
A violent crash sounded, somewhat behind him this time, and the disguised colt looked over his shoulder to see a large tent collapse in on itself. Then, a beam of incandescent light pierced the sky and the tent split to reveal the white alicorn from before now flapping angrily into the air.
“WHERE ARE THEY?!” roared the alicorn, voice filled with rage and fury. Purple Heart immediately turned away and lengthened his stride, eager to reach the barn before the pissed off alicorn sought out a new target to rain hellfire on. He reached the barn in no time at all and slipped inside, doffing his disguise as he slipped through the door.
The inside of the small barn was, in a word, a mess. A desk lay upturned quite splendidly at one end, with papers and errata scattered before it in an arc. On one wall hung a map of Equestria, strung with strings and pins to represent the front lines of the conflict; many of which had come undone and now hung limply from their surviving compatriots. Opposite the desk was a series of roughly assembled file cabinets, with roughly half of them in a state of rapid disassembly and, for lack of a better word, charring. Finally, as if to top the whole post mortem off, a masterwork chair sat upturned in the middle of the room, decorated with bands of cloth and menacing with spikes of polished wood.
“Seems like someone had a bit of a tantrum,” Purple Heart muttered, eyeing the mess with an amused look. He stepped amongst the clutter, passing a small desk nearly hidden in an alcove behind the door and promptly gagged.
“Someone didn’t know how to handle a shower,” he wheezed once he reached the opposite end of the building. Wiping his eyes with a hoof, he cast a cursory look over the papers and flicked out some strings to pick them up. Most of them were troop movements, scribbled out memos, some haphazard battle schematics, and all of them were useless.
“I wonder where the sneaky bugger is… Must be walking amongst his personal troops or something...”
He’d just reached the map of Equestria when pounding hooves from outside reached his ears. A brief bout of panic hit him as his mind blanked on what to do.
“Hide, you idiot! HIDE!” he hissed to himself, eyes darting around the chamber as the pounding drew closer. He looked up, eyes locking on the high ceiling.
“That’ll work,” he whispered.
The door burst open and two alicorns crashed inside, glaring at the cluttered room with fury while Purple Heart hung suspended from his strings above their heads.
“He shall be found, sister,” Penumbra was saying, trying to keep her voice even. “With time, our scouts shall seek him out and-”
“Time?” There was a burst of light and heat from Sol Eater’s mane, leaving a heat haze around her pacing form. “We can add ‘time’ to the rapidly growing pile of things we don’t have! Along with a regiment of alicorns, an entire population of those blasted Batponies, and lest we forget, a Strategos!” She let out another yell, and another burst of light.
Penumbra didn’t flinch as the cabinet behind her exploded into splinters and flames. “He shall be found,” she repeated, her tone harder now. “Furthermore, the destruction of his office seems unlikely to bring his return. Please, be calm.”
“I will not be calm!” Sol Eater roared.
Penumbra lifted the masterwork chair with her magic and righted it. “Then be seated,” she said flatly. “And refrain from destroying the possibility of evidence to his whereabouts, if you will.”
Sol Eater’s eyes jumped to the chair, then to the burning remains of the file cabinet, then back to the chair. With a huff, her magic immolated the chair, reducing it to a masterwork pile of ashes. “I never liked that chair,” she snarled. “More like the seat of a delusional supply clerk than a ruler.”
With a sigh, Penumbra extinguished the smoldering remains around them. “If nothing else, this is at the least the lowest possible point of the day.”
Purple Heart grinned, unlatching his strings from the ceiling and sending them to weave around the two alicorns as he landed on the floor heavily. Grinning at the twin expressions of surprise, he saluted cheekily.
“Hello there,” he greeted.
Sol Eater looked down at the green strings entangling her body, following them back to the colt. Her surprised expression turned to a smirk. “Purple Heart. You are a bold one.”
Purple Heart cocked an eyebrow at the white alicorn. “Never been called bold before,” he mused. “I mean, infiltrating an enemy camp is certainly audacious, I’ll admit. But your lovely rampage certainly made it easier to get in here.”
“I find myself curious as to why you are in here,” Penumbra said. “Last we heard of you, you had made a fool of our Strategos. What leads to a fellow ruler infiltrating the camp of an adversary, I wonder?”
“Conquest,” Purple Heart replied. “All the hip ponies are doing it these days, so I thought I’d hop on the bandwagon.” He looked around the charred remains of what once was Wits’ office. “And I was hoping to deal with Wits without too much difficulty. So-” He tightened the strings around the two alicorns and lowered his voice to a growl. “-give him to me, and I won’t wipe this encampment from the surface of Equestria.”
Penumbra seemed concerned, but Sol Eater simply laughed. “And here I thought you were only interested in hoof-fights and secret princesses! You’re more than welcome to go looking for him.” She motioned with her head towards the door. “If you find him first, I’ll even let you have the first swing.”
“Sister…” Penumbra hissed. “This one is dangerous.”
“And if he wanted us dead, he would have led with an attempt,” Sol Eater replied, before turning her attention back to Purple Heart. “And if you intended to end the war, you would have acted on your threat instead of presenting it to us. But you came here on your own, into the heart of your enemy, looking for your little friend. Could it be you don’t want him as harmed as you make it seem? Or are you the only one allowed to beat the life out of him?”
Purple Heart frowned, staring questioningly at Sol Eater. “What do you mean ‘go looking for him’? Have you sent him on some mission to the opposite end of Equestria?”
“In a sense,” Penumbra muttered. “He may well be on the far end of this world by now.”
“But not by our order,” Sol Eater continued for her. “If anything, he fled to avoid me doing to him exactly what you’re doing to us right now.” She gave an almost mocking struggle against the strings. “Although, I would have made these tighter on him. For such a brute, you’re quite gentle when it comes to the mares, aren’t you?”
Purple Heart blinked once. Then again. “He… fled?” he asked. The two alicorns frowned at each other, then nodded together. The purple earth pony sucked his lips against his teeth and frowned.
“Hmm. Ahuh. Okay.”
“I take it you weren’t expecting this when you first planned to infiltrate,” Penumbra stated.
“OF COURSE NOT!” Purple Heart snapped, glaring at the darkly-colored alicorn. “Why the absolute carp would I consider the possibility of him bamfing away from you two?! I had everything planned! Mostly! Sort of! I had a plan! Wits End fleeing was NOT part of the plan!”
Sol Eater chuckled. “Well, it is nice to see that he vexes you as much as he does me.”
Penumbra watched the two of them for a moment. “Perhaps…”
Purple Heart shot a second, back-up glare at the alicorn. “Oh no, none of that ‘maybe possibly perhaps’ stuff. Spit it out.”
“Could it be, dear sister,” Penumbra mused, “that you have a rival for our former Strategos’ affections?”
Sol Eater stared at her sister for a full beat. Then at Purple Heart. Then back to her sister. “What.”
“It would explain much,” Penumbra continued. “The single-minded persistence. The willingness to meet in single combat. The way that he saw us not as a threat to his kingdom, but to his so-called ‘friend’...”
It took a second for the purple earth pony to parse through Penumbra’s words. “...Wat? Rival for his affections...” Purple Heart’s face blanched and he recoiled, not noticing his strings slacken their grip on the two mares. “No. No, no, nononono. NO. I am NOT attracted to Wits of all ponies! I figure that, considering he’s the mastermind of all this, taking him out will help end this conflict faster! Without him as your little… whatever he is to you, you’ll surrender and this whole thing will be wrapped up so that WE THREE can finally get out of this mad house of a world to live OUR OWN LIVES!” He turned his baleful gaze on the pair of alicorns, his face a mask of incandescent rage.
He blinked. “What the bu-”
Sol Eater shrugged the last of the loosened strings off of her, her smirk turning into a sneer. “I told you,” she said, as Penumbra shook a string off of her own hoof. “You should have made them tighter.”
The muscles in Purple Heart’s jaw jumping violently was all the warning the pair of alicorns had. Strings erupted from his chest and back, tearing towards the two alicorns. Sol Eater and Penumbra vanished in a hail of shattered timber and debris as they soared heavenward to escape Purple Heart’s sudden attack. The duo flapped in place high above their encampment, watching silently as the large earth pony rose from the ruins of the barn on thick, green trunks of interwoven strings.
From their lofty height, the two alicorn rulers could just barely make out the muscles in Purple Heart’s neck flex as he roared a single inarticulate battlecry.
“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!”
An answering call trumpeted from the hills to the east and a swathe of great, grey behemoths lumbered into view. The trees to the west trembled and gushed forth a wave of black armoured ponies. Both forces thundered towards the encampment between them. Purple Heart himself banished his stilts and fell, cratering into the center of the camp with a crash.
“I think that is why he didn’t bind us tighter,” Penumbra commented dully. “He wanted to make a statement.”
“I hate statements,” Sol Eater mumbled, watching the alicorns below them scramble to form defenses against the invaders. “How did they get here?”
“Mayhaps our former strategos allowed them to slip in,” Penumbra mused. “Or his attempts to slow the war allowed the purple barbarian time to muster his forces.”
Sol Eater tisked, watching as their forces formed the earth around them into trenches and walls to funnel the invaders, only for those defences to be smashed by the charging tusked elephants. “This is a terrible place for a last stand,” she muttered, her horn gathering silver flames about it. “But, if it’s to be an end, I shall make it one this world will certainly remember.”
“Hold, sister.” Penumbra put a hoof on Sol Eater’s shoulder. “An end, yes, but not the end. Might we suggest an alternative?”
After a moment of hesitation, Sol Eater extinguished her flames. “Go on.”
“As our strategos did to us, we do to the foes below.” Penumbra motioned to the hastily formed front line of alicorns. “Take thee the strongest and most loyal of our forces, and we shall take the remainder to hold strong.”
“You want to sacrifice yourself here?”
“Not here. We shall return to the portal to our own world. The shifting forest there shall provide ample protection from attackers.” Penumbra seemed to think for a moment. “Five days hence, no later than first light.”
Sol Eater hesitated. “But what would I do until then?”
“What would thou do, we wonder,” Penumbra flashed a wicked smile, “without thy sister to keep a steady eye on thee?”
Slowly, Sol Eater grinned. “You should have been strategos, sister. Perhaps then Wits would have learned how to run a proper war.”
Penumbra shrugged. “Go, while we still have forces to split. The best of luck to you, dear sister. Happy hunting.”
“And you. Make them pay.” The two sisters dove into the fray below, moving quickly amongst the alicorns.
Purple Heart slammed his forehoof into the breastplate of an Alicorn captain. The armor crumbled as the shocked officer was sent flying into his companions, landing in a heap of groaning bodies. With a grunt, the earth pony moved on to the next captain.
It wasn’t much to alleviate the irritation, but punching this captain in the nose did help somewhat.
“Well well well, haven’t you been busy?”
He turned, spotting Sol Eater standing a few paces away. He turned, rolling his shoulder and leaving his previous target clutching their broken muzzle. “I’d say I told you so,” he said, “but… well, I did tell you so.”
“So you did.” Sol Eater smirked. “Do you recall what you said earlier? About not expecting your friend to flee before you had a chance to deal with him?”
Purple Heart frowned. “Sure.”
Sol Eater waved a wing. “Bye bye.” The alicorn, and twenty of the unharmed captains in combat, vanished in a burst of flame. A moment later, and the remaining alicorns seemed to sink into their own shadows, disappearing in mid-melee. All that remained were the wounded, and a few dozen shocked, and now surrounded, alicorns.
Purple Heart’s mouth twisted into a rictus of a scowl, his eyes not leaving the soot-marked ground where Sol Eater once stood. “Well then,” he growled, “I shoulda saw that one coming...”
The ground quaked, signaling the arrival of Colonel Hathi’s troops. The alicorns that still possessed a degree of consciousness inched away as the pachyderm officer approached Purple Heart.
“Area secure, sah,” reported Hathi, saluting with his trunk. “I see you caught some of the scalawags. Some of the blighters we fought either vanished in fire or shadow.”
“The Alicorn sisters fled,” Purple Heart stated tersely, walking over to a group of cowering alicorns. “It seems they took those troops they needed with them.” He leaned down, staring contemplatively at the alicorn shying away from him. “Unless you all are special in some way...”
The alicorns under his scrutiny immediately shook their heads in the negative. “We’re not important at all, sir!” one squeaked. “It looks like all the best combatants left with the Strategos, or one of the two Princesses! We’re the dregs of the army!”
“Or the ones I incapacitated before the Sisters bamfed away,” Purple Heart replied drolly. He straightened. “Congratulations, you are now the First Alicorn Corps of the Emerald Legion. Welcome aboard.”
The alicorns blinked at each other and at Purple Heart for a minute. “What?”
One of Purple Heart’s eyes twitched. Strings lashed out and struck each downed alicorn.
“I said,” he rumbled, “you are now the First Alicorn Corps of the Emerald Legion. Welcome aboard.” A wave brushed through the alicorns and those that could, stood. Others supported their fellows to stand and salute Purple Heart.
“Sir,” a chorus of voices sounded.
“Gather the wounded,” Purple Heart ordered, turning to Colonel Hathi. “We march in fifteen.”
“Where to, sah?” asked the elephant.
Purple Heart grinned, eyes flashing bright, eldritch green. “To find those cheeksy, sneaksy alicornses...”
* * *
The Ice Caves of the Frozen North were a sight to behold. Glistening walls of shimmering ice shone under the patches of sunlight that managed to reach the caverns. Had any travel agency worth their salt possessed any knowledge of the Ice Caves, perhaps tourism would be a consistent source of travellers within the underground tunnels. However, as it were, only the adventurous or truly desperate used the tunnels of Ice Caves and rarely did they have the time to admire the light shows that could appear.
“You were supposed to turn left two tunnels ago!” snapped Hobby Cliffer from his strung up position between Wedge Antlers and Crowcall View.
“You said left at the stalactite!” returned Buck Skykicker over his shoulder.
“He said stalagmite,” mentioned Soon Fell from the back.
“Regardless, you missed it!” Hobby hissed.
“How could I have?!” Buck retorted. “I haven’t seen either a stalactite or ‘mite since we got here!”
“Do you even know what those are?” West Prancer asked.
“Of course not! I grew up in a desert!”
“Well, that answers that question!” Hobby growled. “If you actually led us according to my directions, we wouldn’t have run into that campload of blasted minotaurs!”
“What directions?!”
“‘Follow the Northern Stars right down the road into the Caves of Ice! Find the Yellow Path and take the first juncture on the left and go straight on til morning!’” Hobby quoted. “How could you take the first juncture on the RIGHT?!”
“Because I was half listening!”
“And you’re not listening now either!”
“Will both of you shut up!” shouted Soon Fell. “We aren’t exactly out of danger yet!” No sooner had the words left the pegasus’ mouth did a trio of hefty stones impacted the cave wall behind them.
“Oh yeah, we were being chased,” mused Hobby.
“Shut up and hoof it!” Buck ordered, reining in his squadmates to resume their hurried departure.
“Rerouting… rerouting...” Hobby muttered under his breath as he was carried along. “Uuuh… Once you see a fork in the tunnel, hang a left! An actual left this time!”
“Fine!”
The squad dashed down the tunnel, egged on by the sound of their pursuers. More stones, and a few arrows, ricocheted off the cavern walls and, remarkably, never managed to hit the fleeing ponies. Following the tunnel, they finally reached a fork. The squad banked left, staring confusedly at an actual fork frozen under several inches of ice in the wall.
“Okay, I didn’t think that would be literal,” Hobby said.
“Next direction!” ordered Buck.
“Oh! Uuuuuuh, keep on going! We’ll come to a tiny alcove in another minute at this pace! We can hide there for a moment!”
“Shouldn’t we press on?” West asked.
“Not if you want us to go any further,” Wedge gasped.
“I’m injured, whadaya want me to do?” Hobby asked.
“Fly? Your hoof’s hurt, not your wings!”
“But I’m injured!”
“Not invalid! Flap, you jerk!”
“Later! We’re here!” Hobby pointed with a wing at a crack in the wall. Buck skidded to a halt beside it and hustled his squadmates through, keeping an eye on the minotaurs’ progress. The thunder of cloven hooves echoed up the tunnel and just as the first horned head appeared around the bend, Buck slipped inside the crack and flattened himself against the wall beside it. Then he noticed his squad weren’t the only ponies present.
“Hi! You get chased here often too?” Pinkie asked, smiling down at the stallion from where she was holding herself nearer to the ceiling. Buck heard a dull thud, which drew his attention to two other ponies; a mare which had just faced hoofed, and a colt eying him and his team curiously.
“Got caught in the same fight we’re stuck in, huh?” the grey stallion asked cautiously.
Buck swallowed and spoke in turn. “If you mean the minotaur bandits, yeah.”
“Great, they’re down here too now,” Rainbow griped. “We got chased into this hiding spot by some Diamond Dogs.”
“Diamond Dogs?” Soon Fell asked. “Are they another group of bandits?”
“Probably. Not sure which side they’re throwing in with, if either,” Light Patch answered.
“I think I also heard some pony bandits in the fight above as well,” Pinkie chimed in, still holding herself up.
“So three contentious forces, at least,” Wedge grunted, sagging against the wall. “I’m starting to think this might have been a suicide mission.”
“He wouldn’t send us on a suicide mission,” Hobby chuckled. “...would he?”
“What was your mission?” Rainbow asked cautiously.
“Oooh!” Pinkie slipped on a pair of night vision goggles. “I’ll bet they were sent on some super secret stealth mission to secure something of great importance to one of the bandit factions, but they got caught and it was assumed they were working for the other bandit faction, and now they’ve become the spark that ignited the bandit civil war!” Rainbow and Light Patch turned to look at Buck, a questioning eyebrow raised by the both of them.
The ponies of Rogue Squadron all sucked their lips against their teeth and looked everywhere but at the three non-combatants. Buck coughed, eyes firmly locked on the wall furthest from where Light Patch, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie sat.
“I can neither confirm nor deny such an action taking place,” he replied stiffly.
“Well, did you get the piece of the Orb you were after at least?” Light Patch asked, earning him questioning eyebrows from Rainbow and Pinkie.
Buck blinked. The rest of his squad blinked. All six of them looked at the grey pegasus. “Did Purple Heart send a second team after the Orb?” Buck asked, eyes wide with surprise and a small hint of betrayal.
“Nope, just made a reasonable guess,” Light Patch replied with a shrug. “What else would you be trying to sneak in that provoked a war between the bandit factions?”
“So Purple Heart sent you lot?” Rainbow asked, her wings just slightly lifted in anticipation of use. “Are you actual Royal Guardsponies then?”
“Or just some extra francy armor suits as opposed to just the really fancy ones?” Pinkie continued the question.
“Actual guardsponies,” Soon Fell replied, casting a warning look at Hobby and Buck. “Our mission was to end the deadlock between the bandits by stealing the Orb from them. Ideally, they would attack each other, believing the other stole it. Unfortunately, we got a little lost and ended up in the middle of the Minotaurs’ camp instead of above it.”
“Yeah, that’ll make stealth a little more difficult,” Light Patch said with a shrug. “Surprised Purple Heart only had you going after one of the Orb’s halves, and not both.”
Buck blinked. “Halves?”
“Yeah,” the grey pegasus replied. “The bandits broke the Orb into half and took one each for themselves.”
“Ah… That would’ve been nice to know...”
“I’m sure Purple Heart would have told us if he’d known,” Soon Fell said.
“I think we’re good to move again.” Pinkie said, slowly letting herself slide down the walls utill she was standing normally again. “If we’re gonna start moving again, now might be a good time for it.”
“Right.” Light Patch nodded. “I’ll go ahead considering I’ve got the warhammer, and I think we’re close to the original digsite.” He moved to heft said hammer, before one of Rainbows hooves blocked him.
“You're leaving the warhammer here. I’m not gonna let you clobber me with that.” Rainbow pushed his hooves away from the handle with a hard glare in her eyes.
Light Patch pouted for a second. “You never let me have fun anymore,” he grumbled.
“Oh, I feel so guilty,” Rainbow deadpanned. “No warhammer for you.”
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re going towards the bandits?” Crowcall asked. “Instead of away from them? I dunno what you three are capable of, but I doubt you’d be able to successfully take on that many opponents.”
“Why not help us then?” Pinkie suggested. Rogue Squadron looked at her in confusion.
“What?” the six pegasi chorused.
“You wanna get out of here, and we’re gonna wanna get outta here eventually too, so why not team up?”
“And what makes you think you can even sneak away from the fight through the digsite.” Hobby asked.
“Our friend here should know it well enough, and he thinks he knows a tunnel that should come out close to a town decently far away from the fighting.” Pinkie said, wrapping a foreleg around the grey pegasus.
“So you were one of the locals who had to help dig it?” Buck asked.
“No silly!” Pinkie cherrily replied. “He was the one who had it dug in the first place!”
Rogue Squadron blinked at the three ponies in silent confusion. “Wait, what?”
“Yeah Yeah, Equestria’s most wanted number one… maybe two,” Light Patch grumbled, hoping to forestall any outbursts he was worried would give their groups away.
Hobby shrugged. “I wouldn’t count yourself that high.”
“Top five though, right?” Light Patch asked, prompting Pinkie to face hoof; already seeing where this was going.
Hobby made a non committal noise, as the rest of Rogue Squad closed their eyes and sighed.
“Top ten?
Rainbow rolled her eyes at the slight desperation in Light Patch’s voice. “Would you settle for eleven-point-five?”
“I didn’t even get a whole number to myself. I thought Purple Heart and I were friends,” Light Patch stated as his ears laid back, and Rainbow and Pinkie hid their snickers behind forehooves.
“Evidently not, given the circumstances,” Soon Fell said. “However, if you were indeed the pony responsible for the current crisis, Purple Heart’s orders make much more sense.”
“Yoinking the Orb fragments from underneath the Bandits’ noses?” Rainbow Dash clarified.
Soon Fell nodded. “Purple Heart still believed the artifact to be intact when he sent us up here,” he revealed. “We… I am unsure if he knew about its sundering and kept it to himself, or if he was truly unaware.”
“Regardless,” Buck piped up. “The longer we stay here, the more likely we’ll be discovered. So if you three are going towards the bandits, good luck. We’re getting out of here.”
“Oh, we’re not going to the Bandits,” Rainbow Dash denied, slinging a hoof around Light Patch’s neck. “We’re trying to bring this shnook back to Princess Twilight.”
“Excuse you, I am not a twin rotor cargo helicopter,” Light Patch groused, trying to shed Rainbow’s foreleg only for her to just hold on harder. “Uh, this is getting a little tight.”
“Which will be easier,” Rainbow continued, “since his powers are almost completely shot… though it’d be nice if he’d be able to use them to get us out of the mess he got us into.” Rainbow ignored the tapping of the stallion.
“Though, it’d be easier if you helped us get out of here?” Pinkie said, leaning up against Buck.
The pegasus recoiled, leaning away from the pink mare. “Uhhhhhhhh,” he groaned in confusion, rapidly looking back and forth between Pinkie and his squadmates. “I don’t think we’re on the same side, exactly...”
“We already swapped sides once, what’s the matter with doing it again?” West Prancer interjected. Seeing the disgust on his comrades’ faces, he sighed. “I dunno about you all, but I’d prefer to be on Princess Twilight’s side when this all goes pear shaped.”
“Yeah, but turncoats squared?” Crowcall asked. “That’s a surefire way of ending up not breathing.”
“Not if we turncoat to the right side,” West pointed out. “With how much of a mess Canterlot was after Purple Heart left, I doubt our absence has been noted. If we come back toting one of the three colts responsible for this whole mess, the worst we’d have to deal with would be a demotion. Which I can definitely live with.”
“Not if that colt is dead,” Light Patch rasped, still trying to free himself of Rainbow’s forehoof. “And not that ya’ll probably care much, but if I had to choose my odds, I think I’d go on Twilight. If Purple Heart is still in control, I am afeared. And if it’s some other council member, I’mma moss up in prison while they deal with all of the other fires. Then again, maybe the princesses would sneak tea and crumpets to me...” Towards the end, he trailed off.
“Look, I’m willing to team up to get outta here,” Rainbow said, holding onto the grey pegasus a little tighter, “but if you try to take this lovable moron anywhere but to Twilight’s Castle we’re gonna have some problems.”
Rogue Squad blinked in unison, then turned inward to form a small huddle. Pinkie tried her hardest to intrude on the Secret Jam Session, but the flaring of six pairs of wings prevented any spying. The pink mare had barely sat down to pout when the wings folded and the six pegasi presented themselves as a unit.
“Red Squadron reporting for duty, ma’am,” Buck said, saluting Rainbow Dash. “I would very much not like to fight two of the Elements of Harmony.”
“Smart,” Rainbow said, grinning.
“Nope. Pragmatic.”
The cyan pegasus’ smile vanished. “Pragmatic how?”
“If we fought you on this, you’d just have to Sonic Rainboom and bring the whole cave system down on us,” Soon Fell explained.
“Yes, we like not being ponycicles,” Hobby added.
“I’d prefer to not be one of the Wampa’s later meals too,” Light Patch groused.
Pinkie reached into her hair and pulled out a crowbar, casually tossing it away and earning a questioning look from the others. “Well, it’s not like I need it for Plan L anymore.”
“And what was plan L?” Buck asked, sure he wasn’t gonna enjoy the answer.
“Leg breaking,” Pinkie said cheerily
“It’s Plan L for Legs, isn’t it?” Light Patch asked.
“Nope! It’s Plan L for Light’s Legs.”
“Right. On that concerning note, I think I’ve at least figured out where we are and where to go to find one of the air vents cut in for the deep shafts.” Light Patch pointed in the rough direction, just before Pinkie’s tail started to spin like a broken compass, followed by her whole body as it turned to face another, more specific direction.
“I hope that airshaft isn’t too far, because this is my ‘hoisted by their own petard’ Pinkie Sense,” Pinkie said.
“Pinkie Sense?” Hobby asked.
“And we care about the bandit over that way because?” Light Patch asked, ignoring the guard's pony.
“What's Pinkie Sense?” Hobby repeated.
“That’s not where the one being hoisted is coming from,” Pinkie replied. “It’s where the petard is coming from.”
Most ponies barely got a ‘what’ out before through the ice wall Pinkie was pointing at exploded inward, revealing a large, four-armed insectoid creature. It looked at the ponies and roared, but its impending charge was cut short by Rainbow and Buck, who shot towards the creature and easily knocked it unconcious.
Their victory was cut short as several rough-sounding voices bellowing, answered the creature’s roar. The ponies all looked at each other for a moment, before Light Patch took off and the rest followed.
“I read the briefing on the local fauna, and those things weren’t on it!” Soon Fell shouted.
“What briefing?!” cried Hobby.
“Okay, I read a travel brochure!”
“That was an Ambull, but this is the wrong universe for those things!” Light Patch shouted back at the bandits chasing them, before a small thought occurred to him. “Oh. Oh, so those are what came through. And that also explains the petard hoisting.” Light Patch grimaced as he ran.