So, yeah, about yesterday…geez…um…alright, let’s get it over with. What happened never happened and will never happen again and we will never speak of it again. I was drunk, you were manipulative, the stars were aligned, and I’m not gay. I’m not gay for stallions and I’m not gay for books. Crap, I’m still not even sure if you’re a boy or a girl book. This paragraph is the end of it. We never speak of it again. It will never be referenced again and we'll both forget it ever happened.
As I’m sure you noticed, I was too drunk to go to work let alone write an entry for the evenoring. So, let me spell out how my day is going to go in the next paragraph.
To prepare for the party, I’m going to thoroughly clean one of my bowtie things and make sure everything is in order. By that I mean that I’m actually going to be taking care of my hygiene in a way that makes me ultimately presentable to those who will be in attendance at the party. Do you know what that means? No? Well, let me tell you; thorough baths. I will not show up to this event smelling as I normally do.
You see, while I may detest my relation to that bastard father of mine, I do adhere to the principles that my family has always held. In this instance, the principle that I will be holding true is that if you are to honor a pony then you honor them truthfully. That means that I will not only be presentable at this gathering, it means that I will be the best guest I can possibly be. Sure, the VERY second I leave their property I shall return to my usual delightful self, but until then I shall be a model guest.
I know, it sounds pretty noble, right? Well, that’s because it is. Though Daddy Dearest ruined the family name and ignored the family values, my Mom held those values close to her and I choose to do the same.
Now that is out of the way, I’d like to discuss something with you in the following paragraphs.
I have absolutely no intention to make any social appearances until the party and I’d like to limit those once the party has occurred. Why? Well…I don’t think I’d…well…I’ll settle for saying that I’m not ready to go back out into public without…well…I’m just not ready to be out of my comfort zone quite yet.
This house is my temple and my sanctuary and I’m safe here. I’ve got you by my side, my button collection in the next room, and Carty right outside. There is absolutely no place I’d rather be. However, staying within my hovel presents an interesting problem that concerns me greatly; how do I continue my courtship of Octavia?
I haven’t a clue about how to accomplish that.
There is the fact that I will have to go grocery shopping in a week or so, which presents a prime opportunity to take a detour on the way home.
Hey, who knows, maybe I’ll sell some stuff to Twilight while I’m out. Unfortunately…that’s then…in a week. As of right now, Octavia will have to wait patiently.
Oh how I wish I could mail her a letter or something to retain correspondence in some form. If it wasn’t for a certain Derptard then I’d gladly take that path.
I don’t know, I’ll probably think of something. Who knows, maybe I’ll run into Octavia and catch her making out with somepony in an alley again.
That’d sure be convenient.
Listen, I’ve only got one more thing to update you on before I get to my cleaning.
What, didn’t you notice how I smell like sweat, alcohol, and shame?
Yeah, that’s not gonna stay that way.
I do have something interesting to tell you; I’m in the newspaper today! That is something that has never occurred to me before. The picture isn’t the best one ever taken, but it is clearly me. Let me explain in the following paragraph.
The article is all about Soarin’s victory at the Wonderbolts thing up in Canterlot. Featured in it are the reactions of retired Wonderbolts, important ponies, their personal trainer, and none other than Equestria’s very own Best Young Flier, Rainbow Dash. Somewhere amongst the obsessed drivel of her obsessed ramblings regarding percentages and other crap she mentions that the reason she is there is because of me. Let me quote her for you, “…which really surprised me cause I’d been thinking that Spitfire had this one in the bag! I am SUPER glad that I managed to be present for this! There’s no way I would’ve made it if not for my good friend, Ipsa Unica, who gave me some awesome tickets while I was in the hospital. He’s a real cool guy! He doesn’t know anything about the Wonderbolts, but he’s still cool.”
Can you believe that? She called me cool!
That should probably make me really proud or some crap. Well no, I’m not proud of that. I’m super glad my plan is going on swimmingly since she sees me as an ally, but not proud.
Accompanying the article is a picture of the lesbian cheering while wrapping her foreleg around me to keep from falling over thanks to her bad leg. Though she has an expression of pure jubilee that the camera caught wonderfully, I barely look entertained. Actually, now that I look at the picture, I can almost make what appears to be a scowl on my face as I look at the lesbian through the side of my eyes. I remember doing that. I was not pleased with the breach of personal space. However, thanks to the camera angle and quality of the picture it looks almost like I’m eyeing her with adoration or something crappy like that. Can you believe that crap?
Oh well, I smell horrible. Time to take care of that. And yes, I do intend on working daynight.