Her limbs gave out, Sassi slumping to the floor. She felt her limbs start to shake, the mare taking off her helmet. The air felt heavy and thick.
“I…” the words didn’t come.
This is it.
Within moments, it would all be over. Things would be back to normal. She had always expected this, knowing this would happen. It always did.
How could I have thought things would be different?
I was a fool.
“I mean, I kind of figured it out hours ago,” Astral admitted, sitting down in front of her. Not too close, but not distant either.
His words made Sassi’s entire thought process freeze, her head snapping as two violet eyes stared at him.
“W-what?!”
He shrugged, waving back towards the door.
“On the floor with the lockers. The nameplates on the floor.”
A few hours ago.
Astral stared at the displaced identification tag in front of him as Sassi scanned the hallway. He read the inscription once, twice, three times…and then again. The words cemented themselves into the stallion’s mind, all of the puzzle pieces abruptly falling into place.
Yet the only emotion in Astral’s heart was overwhelming, tender pity for the incredible mare with him.
Project Chimera:
Super Augmented Strike Soldier Initial -5 – ‘Sassi’
Secondary Adjusted, Tertiary Infantry Number – 1 – ‘Satin’
“Y-you’ve known?” she managed to say, Astral nodding.
“Since then, yep. Makes a lot of sense and answers a ton of questions.”
Her mouth hung open, words forming and then turning to ash within an instant.
“But you’re still here,” she whispered, “nothing changed. Why?”
“What do you mean, why? Why would I be anywhere else?”
The tension in Sassi’s mind finally snapped. A rubber band stretched beyond logical and emotional limits. She let out a cry, hoof pressed against her temples as an almost physical pain ran from her head to the tips of her hooves.
“No. This is w-wrong!” she cried, head shaking back and forth as she refused to look at Astral. “You’re not supposed to do this!”
“What are you talking abo-”
“You’re supposed to hate me!” she yelled, eyes wide, gaze now locked onto him. “You should think I’m some freak of nature! A monster! Nothing more than some company pawn!” The mare then dropped her eyes, shoulders shaking with sobs. “That is how it’s supposed to be. It’s so much easier than this. You’re supposed to think I’m just a product, and then it can all go back to normal.”
“You’re worth more than that, Sassi. Do you want me to think that about you?” Astral asked after a pause, “because I can’t.”
“No! I mean, I can’t…I…” she stuttered, tears dripping to the floor. “Just please don’t tell me to go away.”
When the mare looked up again, Astral’s heart nearly broke. Tears streamed from her eyes, Sassi sniffling and trying to wipe her nose with a forelimb. Raw terror shone in her gaze, the mare’s eyes focused on Astral, but seeing something not entirely there.
“Please don’t leave me alone.”
Astral’s own gaze became clouded by tears, the Thestral slowly but deliberately walking over to the mare. Gently wrapping his forelimbs around Sassi, he pulled her close.
“I’m not going anywhere, Sassi,” he whispered, the mare leaning into his embrace and holding him tight. “I promise. That hasn’t changed.”
His words made Sassi sob, the distraught Thestral wailing into Astral’s fur as she cried. He rocked her back and forth, feeling utterly helpless as the mare shivered in his embrace.
“I made you a promise,” he added softly.
He wasn’t sure how long they stayed there. Sassi’s tears eventually slowed, the stallion rocking her back and forth now and again. She eventually pulled away, taking a few steps as she wiped her face, the paper towels near the water dispenser proving rather useful. The two of them removed their armor; Sassi more out of a seeming necessity to be out of the enclosed apparel.
Astral figured they would settle down here for now. It was clear the mare was far from alright, that much he could see. Her entire demeanor was tense, her gaze confused and having gained a dangerous glint.
This would be interesting.
He shrugged off the saddlebags, making sure the door was locked as he sat back down.
“How are you feeling?” Astral asked cautiously.
She let out a choked laugh, head shaking as Sassi looked at the floor.
“I don’t know. I just don’t know. How do I go from here? I can’t-I don’t understand why. I can’t think. It’s all blurred together. But why?”
“Why what?”
“Why are you here, staying with me? Not throwing me aside like…” she added, taking a shaky breath. “I’m a broken creature, Astral. I shouldn’t even exist.”
“Plenty of creatures are a bit brok-”
“NOT LIKE ME!”
Sassi’s abrupt roar nearly made Astral fall backward in shock, the stallion staring at the furious mare.
But it wasn’t directed at him.
Her bloodshot eyes were shimmering with new tears, Sassi seemed to observe much more than just Astral in front of her. Her focus seemed to be through him rather than on him.
“I’m not even a pony! I don’t know what I am!” Sassi yelled, her demeanor that of desperation rather than directed anger. “Sometimes I don’t even know who I am! I’ve never had a chance to find out! I don’t know what to do, outside of all this. What I am…who I am.”
Astral raised a tentative hoof, feeling his limb shake. Seeing Sassi so angry and distraught was unsettling.
“I know who you are, at least in part. I know that you’re my friend,” he said simply, Sassi looking at him in shock. “I know that I still care a lot about you, that hasn’t changed.” That made her draw a surprised breath.
“I also know that you’re an incredible mare. I know you’re a lot stronger than me, and I don’t mean just physically,” he clarified with a tentative smile. “I know I know you’re fun to be around, curious, and sharp as a tack. I look forward to learning more, but none of that will change while you figure things out on your end.”
The tears began to flow again, Sassi shaking her head. There was no more raw anger, only streams of frustration as confusion flooded her eyes.
“Why are you saying all of this?” she asked, gaze once again seeming to look through Astral. “I’m just a product. Outside of that, I don’t have value,” Sassi said, words seeming almost spoken as a recitation than anything.
“You do to me and to anyone else who gets to know you.”
That was when Astral saw it. A glimmer of life, a shard of hope in those two beautiful violet eyes that made his heart jump.
There you are.
Sassi’s eyes darted back and forth in thought, the mare shaking her head.
“What about us, Astral?” she whispered.
“What do you mean?”
“Everything…” the words stuck in Sassi’s throat. She could barely say it; even the thought was too painful to dwell on. “Everything you like about me came out of a tube. It’s all programmed and planned.”
Astral immediately snorted, shaking his head.
“Well, that’s just not true,” he said firmly.
“Oh, come on. How I look, how I act, I was made to be this way,” Sassi growled, eyes focused on the floor. But the frustration, the borderline rage wasn’t directed at Astral. It was at everything but him.
“I don’t believe that.”
The anger surged in Sassi’s heart again, the mare glaring at him. The tears obscured the stallion, but the fact he simply sat there and waited made the ember of hope flare up.
“Really? Astral, I know exactly how much I’m worth down to the bit!” she spat out, now not able to look at him. “Every part of me. I’ve heard it more times than I can count. Kidneys, fifteen million bits. Muscle tissue? Twenty million. Heart? Nine and a half million. Eyes? Thirty million. Every part of me was engineered to be above average, all with a specific purpose and goal! That’s where my value is.”
“You think I like you because of your kidneys?”
Astral’s comment derailed Sassi’s train of thought, the stallion shaking his head.
“Sure, I think you’re gorgeous, but I don’t like you just for that. You’re worth more than whatever some spreadsheet says.”
She let out a sad laugh, head shaking back and forth.
“Convince me.” Her voice was soft and carried with it a defeated and haughty tone. But there was an underlying pleading, a brief look as she glanced up to Astral. “Please,” the final word was a whisper, and the other Thestral nodded once.
“So, removing the physical attractiveness aspect, of which there are many things? Well, I doubt they programmed you to be fun to get along with.”
“Personability was part of it. Able to get along with others,” she said, almost as if it was a recitation.
“Uh, that’s called learning to socialize, Sassi,” Astral added, “So you got programmed instead of hanging out with a ton of ponies? You turned out better than many who did it ‘naturally’,” he huffed. “Sure, maybe they added stuff to make you work well in a military unit…but playing board games isn’t part of that, is it? Being funny, carefree, and curious about things other than military stuff? Wouldn’t they want a fixated soldier?”
She stared, such a simple fact bouncing around Sassi’s skull, refusing to be absorbed.
No. That…wouldn’t have been programmed. Not that specific.
“What about wanting to explore? To see this amazing world? Why would they have programmed that into some soldier they probably wanted to control? That’s not programmed, that’s you,” Astral added firmly. “Your sense of humor? The shy mare I got a glimpse of in that jungle? The pony who has memorized A Queen Betrothed? That’s not a programmed super-soldier. That’s. Just. You.”
Sassi didn’t have a response to that, Astral taking a tentative step forward.
“They could make an exact copy, and even if you shared genetic code, they would be a very, very different mare. They wouldn’t be you.”
She couldn’t think about it. Astral’s words made complete sense, hope nearly making her chest burst with anxious joy- but it was just out of reach.
“I don’t…no. Everything about me is programmed, made by the Company for a purpose,” she whispered.
Astral moved slowly, Sassi watching as he gently placed a hoof on her chest.
“Not everything,” he whispered.
The words made the tears start up again, Sassi gritting her teeth.
“Ponyfeathers, Astral. Why…I…” she stammered, hanging her head as Astral dropped his hoof. “How can you still want to be close to me?”
“How can I not? Pretty sure we’ve had this discussion before.”
“Not like this!” she growled, “I’m not a pony, not even close. I can’t give you a normal life; I certainly don’t get to have a normal life!”
“Do you want one? Do you think I do?”
Astral’s response made Sassi pause, thoughts grinding to a halt.
“You say you can’t give me a normal life?” Astral asked, Sassi’s ears perking up as his tone became erratic, the stallion’s demeanor shifting abruptly. “What makes you think I want one? I don’t get to have a normal life after this. That’s the curse of knowledge, of living through something like this. But do you want a normal life?”
“I don’t…know,” she admitted. “But this is different. This isn’t just about me. You won’t be coming home every day to some perfectly-combed wife with a neatly set dinner table or anything!” She saw Astral stiffen, but he stayed silent. “You’ll get home, and I might just be a wreck, curled up into a ball and crying. Memories and…” her words trailed off, Astral scooting over to gently brush against the mare’s shoulder. “And you’re ok with that?” Sassi asked quietly.
“Well, yeah. Especially when you put it like that.”
“Why?!”
Astral turned to look at her, and that was when Sassi’s thoughts paused. There was something behind Astral’s gaze that made the mare’s heart both overflow with affection. It was understanding, a steadfast determination, and a genuine warm emotion that made her just want to hug him and never let go.
“Other than I care about you?” he asked, gaze dropping. The more serious tone immediately clued Sassi in that something was brewing. The stallion’s ears pinned back, Astral’s eyes focusing on the floor. He seemed to shrink back ever so slightly.
“Some days it’ll be me on the couch. You’ll come home, and it’ll be me needing you to tell me that everything will be ok, that I’m s-safe,” his voice hitched. “That’s why. We’d still be a team. And maybe some days we’d both be a mess on the couch. But we’d be getting through it together, just like we are now.”
She could only stare. Somehow that thought had never crossed her mind. There was genuine affection in Astral’s gaze, but also a fearful acknowledgment of his own words. Of course, he’d be dealing with things too.
And now it was clear he wanted to deal with the trauma with her. Not leave her alone, but…
The doubts crumbled, the final pillar of everything Sassi had grown up with shattering.
The world didn’t make sense anymore.
All the mare could do was hang her head and cry. Her head was pounding, chest tight with anxiety. But the wing Astral draped across her back made it all hurt a little bit less. A thought then surfaced, cementing itself as the new foundation in her mind. This was the new layer on which Sassi could start to build an understanding of a new world.
He doesn’t hate me. He’s still here.