//------------------------------// // 3. Boundaries Tested // Story: Sun, Moon and Starlight // by FoolAmongTheStars //------------------------------// Finding me passed out on the floor, with blood smeared all over my face, was apparently the final straw for Cadance. She called the doctor and Shining immediately. I couldn’t blame her. I stayed on the floor, Cadance forbidding me from sitting up until the doctor arrived. She was nice enough to clean my face, but those were the only niceties I got as she proceeded to chew me out to fill the time. Flurry seemed to enjoy the fact that somepony else was getting scolded today, kicking her legs contently from Starlight’s bed. Of course, the doctor didn’t seem half as concerned as Cadance, giving me a quick once-over before Shining help me sit up. “What’s the last thing you remember?” “Huh…” I made the mistake of making eye contact with Cadance, her face saying if you don’t tell them I will. “I’ve been having dreams about Starlight, so I used my magic to look into her mind.” “And it worked?” Shining asked, eyebrows raised in surprise. “Somewhat,” I shrugged. “She wasn’t there though, just her voice, and she could only say a few words before the spell broke down and backfired.” Then it hit me and I almost jumped to my hooves, startling everypony. “Starlight! Doctor, is she alright?” “She’s fine, son, it’s you I’m concerned about,” the doctor herded me to the chair, and my eyes quickly went to Starlight. The sheets were a little ruffled from my fall, but she was fine, still in her cursed sleep, breathing deeply and evenly. Shining Armor nodded with sympathy. “Magical backlash, I guess we can thank the curse for one thing.” He put a hoof to his chin, thinking. “What did she say, exactly?” “She said that it hurt,” my voice cracked, and regardless of how angry she was with me, Cadance was instantly at my side, a hoof on my shoulder. “But she had to be there, right? Somewhere?” “I’m sure she was.” The doctor examined me some more, and once he determined that nothing was broken, he packed his things. “I’d recommend not trying this again, but,” his eyes flickered from me to Starlight, “I guess these are extraordinary circumstances, and magic is beyond me, now, unless there’s anything else I’ll take my leave.” “Doctor, would you mind hanging around for a moment?” Shining asked. Cadance gave him a surprised look, but he ignored her. “What else was there? In your dream?” “A meadow, filled with flowers, a starry sky, and that’s it. She told me to help her, and I’m trying, but I don’t know how. This kind of magic is beyond me, and all the books I read offer nothing helpful, I’m going in blind and she’s counting on me and I don’t want to let her down but I don’t know what to do for her—” Cadance cut me off with a hard squeeze on my shoulder and I stopped, trying not to cry for the hundredth day in a row. Shining still looked thoughtful. “How badly did it hurt?” I blinked, “Not that bad. The passing out wasn’t great.” “Shining, if you’re suggesting what I think you’re suggesting—” Shining didn’t hesitate to run over her words, “For him to try again? Absolutely.” Cadance let me go and moved to her husband, pushing a hoof into his chest as she made him take a few steps back and away from me as if doing so would bring them out of earshot. “He could get hurt.” “I know, but you and Twilight already tried, he’s the only one that’s gotten even close to figuring this out, besides,” he leaned into her as to say this only between the two of them. “You did the same for me on our wedding day, remember?” Cadance huffed but didn’t reply, the feathers on her wings ruffled in discomfort for a moment before turning back to me. “You’re only allowed to do it when somepony else is here.” “Alright.” Now I was getting ground rules? In my own house? Well, Cadance is a Princess… Cadance pointed a harsh hoof at me. “And only once a day. Maybe. After we see what this second attempt will do to you.” “Alright,” I repeated with a little less patience. She looked to Shining Armor as if to wait for him to object, but he simply shrugged in surrender. “But…can I try again now, while all of you are here?” I got a simultaneous ‘yes’, ‘no’ and a shrug but obviously only heeded one of them. I slowly came to my hooves, hearing a vague protest from Cadance that was overlapped with assurances from Shining. I sat on the bed and reached for Starlight’s face, cupping those delicate cheeks in my hooves, and just about prayed for anything. And there was the meadow, but the flowers seemed wilted and the sky was not as dazzling as last night, I couldn’t hear her but the feeling of her was there like I left her too weak to speak. “Ok, Starlight, here I come.” I picked a direction and started running, following wherever my instincts told me Starlight was. I galloped as I’ve never galloped before, since this wasn’t technically reality I didn’t tire, but the feeling was exhilarating. My hooves didn’t even touch the ground and I shot through the glade like a rocket, breaking the sound barrier—going faster than even the speed of light and thought. A shadow stirred at the corner of my eye, unrelenting, following me no matter how fast I went. I ignored it, focusing on Starlight instead, she was close, so close, just a little more and— I stopped; my legs locked together in fear. The edge of the world laid before me and above it, a whirlpool of malice swallowed everything in its path—planets and galaxies, light and shadow—spinning with the same deadly but slow force of a hurricane coming to shore. All except for one thing. It was small, but it shined with its own light, unmoving despite the pull of the curse that even I could feel, standing so far away. It flickered brightly when my eyes settled on it for a moment, before dimming exponentially. “Starlight…” The whirlpool swelled in size, sucking more of her light. The ground shook underneath my hooves. It was impossible. She was too far away. I couldn’t reach her. I don’t know how to fly! My power and magic weren’t strong enough for that. I wasn’t enough. How could I stop the curse? How do you unlock someone inside themselves? The darkness reached me, pushing me over the edge and I fell. At least the bleeding wasn’t so bad this time. I didn’t remember much from the second attempt, besides Cadance's frantic orders and the blood dripping from my nose. However, when the sun woke me the next morning, I felt a clarity I hadn’t experienced since Starlight had come to stay. Even stranger, I wasn’t alone in bed, Flurry was lounging in a full-blown, chainsaw snoring sleep. I slid achingly slow out of bed, tiptoeing across the room. I paused only once when Flurry seemed to roll over violently for a moment before settling again. I made it to the hallway without disturbing her and shut the door. Even more surprising than Flurry was Shining Armor sprawled on the couch, using one of the blankets I throw over the sofa for warmth. “Shining?” I croaked, suddenly realizing my throat was aching for liquid. Shining flinched and looked at me with wide eyes before sighing with relief. “Oh, praise Celestia, you’re up.” It seemed like a strange reaction in the midst of the bunch of oddities in my house. “How long have I been sleeping?” “Three days.” Shining slowly peeled himself from the couch. “You passed out only a few moments after your last attempt, caused quite the stir, but the doctor said you were fine and that you’d wake up on your own. So, we waited, took turns watching you and Starlight, and here you are now.” I couldn’t seem to rub two brain cells together for a reply. Instead, I moved towards the kitchen, pouring myself the water I so desperately needed. Shining followed me, a hoof coming to my shoulder. “Slowly.” The tiny sip I took left my throat screaming for more, but I could feel my stomach lurch at the contact, taking time to settle. “Flurry’s in my room,” I mumbled dumbly. “She takes her guarding duties seriously,” Shining chuckled. “And with her talent, I thought it best she was with you. That, and she’s very fond of you, I couldn’t pull her away if I tried.” “And Cadance?” “With Starlight.” I took another inadequate sip. “How mad is she?” “Furious,” he said with an amused laugh. “That’s funny?” I had more to say, but my throat still barely allowed the words I used to come. I tried to satiate it with another sip. “You know, that’s what makes us good partners, and really, this applies to most couples.” Shining began to bustle around the kitchen as if it were his own, going through the motions of getting coffee ready. “We complement each other. Cadance pushes me to think outside the box and try new things, while I keep her from going too far. You and Starlight were very similar—” “Please,” I spat the word. The last thing I wanted was to think about what we used to have. Shining, either feeling particularly sadistic or thinking this was a learning opportunity for me, continued, “You and Starlight were very similar. Though I could never really figure out who pushed who.” The coffee cups clinked as he brought them out of the cabinet. “Starlight,” I croaked before taking another sip of water. “She was always the brave one.” He shook his head but still focused on the drip of the coffee, his tail flicking in thought. “But you had the stability she needed for that bravery. It was your trust, your devotion, that gave her the confidence to be more.” And look where that got me, I stared bitterly at my glass. It was starting to feel more like sadism. “You’ll have to do more than that, Sunburst.” “What?” I wondered if gripping at my chest would stop the hurt, would clue him in, but regardless of the movement of my hooves, I knew he was going to just keep pushing. “It’s obvious you’re holding back.” How Shining could be so matter-of-fact, so astute in the face of somepony emotionally wrecked was beyond me. That blankness on his face just made things worse. “Take it from somepony who was in Starlight’s position once. Cadance didn’t just pour her love and magic—she gave me her everything to break Chrysalis's hold on me. I understand you’re hurt, but you’ve closed off a part of yourself to her. If you’re going to keep doing that, then you might as well quit right now. Let the rest of us do what we can for her and bury her when she finally loses whatever strength she has left.” No amount of water on Equus could clear the clench in my throat, the arid dryness from swallowing his words. It just isn’t fair. It isn’t fair! Why couldn’t I just keep that part that she wounded away from her? But if it was that or she died, did I really have a choice in the matter? “It’s not fair.” It was nothing more than a pathetic whimper. A glimmer of pity shone in his eyes before he blinked it away. “I know.” Shining turned back to the counter and filled the cups with coffee. He was infuriatingly normal at the moment, mundane as if he hadn’t ripped my heart out. “Let’s go see Cadance. Expect her to hug you.” Maybe some compassion from somepony in this house was what I needed. Shining motioned for me first and I padded out into the hallway, making sure to remain extra quiet as we edged past my room. Flurry’s questions were the last thing I could stomach right now. As soon as I hit the doorway, Cadance was out of her seat, hugging me tightly with both her wings and hooves. “You giant idiot.” I felt like a colt who had kicked a buckball through a window. “I’m sorry.” “Neither of you is sorry and you know it.” She released me to look menacingly at her husband, who took in her anger quite well, before snatching the coffee from him with her magic. “But you’re forbidden, forbidden—” “Cadance, I have to,” I put all the strength I had left into those words. “But I’ll wait, tomorrow I’ll try again.” She looked from me to Shining, her coffee cup shaking slightly in her magic grip. “You need time, Sunburst. Can’t you wait until Luna gets here?” “I don’t think she has that kind of time,” I murmured. I couldn’t look at Cadance anymore but the only place left was Starlight and that seemed worse. My eyes stayed on the floor as I moved towards the bed, my limbs feeling heavy from the exhaustion I couldn’t escape. “Can I…Can I be alone with her?” It was an absurd request and I expected rejection, complaint, but I just heard their receding hooves, the door shutting behind the two of them. Being close to her, just our skin touching in some way, was the way I had always felt whole, alive as if she were part of the vital process of my breathing. I made the last few steps to the bed before easing myself down next to her, my head on the same pillow. The smell was still strong, too flowery, and I blamed the queasiness in my stomach on that as I let my hoof fall to her cheek, tilting her head my way. “Shining’s right, you know, I have locked a part of myself away, but I had to because, damn it, Starlight, you hurt me and I have a right to be angry, don’t I?” I expected a sting but got nothing, my hoof trailed down the curve of her cheekbone. “It would be easier if we could talk this out first, but…” I cleared my throat, feeling all my words clustered there. I had rehearsed this a million times in my dreams, but it didn’t make saying it any easier. “Starlight, I’m hurt, I’m angry, but I love you more than all of that. I love you so much that I’ll do anything to bring you back.” I had let too much drain away, and in my exhaustion, I allowed myself to be pulled into sleep, my hoof drifting from her cheek to her hip, pulling her tightly to me. Cadance and Shining had left me there and when Healing Touch came for the evening, she didn’t say anything about finding me in the bed. She just gently shook my shoulder until I sat up in a half stupor. “I brought you food.” “I’m not…” I started weakly but let it trail off, my stomach answering for me instead with a groan. “Thanks.” “And you absolutely have to shower,” Healing Touch frowned. “Yes, ma’am.” I’m sure she would have clipped me with her wing if I didn’t look so pathetic. In return for not beating the stuffing out of me, I did as I was told. The shower was long, something I regretted since I felt it oozing the last of my strength, like a siren’s call back to bed. I put on a warm cloak over my withers, lazily tying it around my neck with a knot that came undone a few seconds later, forcing myself to the dining table where a bowl of food was waiting for me. The food, as Healing Touch had the audacity to call it, was nothing more than the gruel-like substance Starlight got every day. I should have realized that sleeping for three days didn’t earn you a carrot-dog and hay-fries. When the thought of that made my stomach wither, I stuck with the mash in front of me, slurping it slowly as I rested my head on my hoof. It tasted like socks and had the consistency of mud. As I reached the bottom of the bowl, Healing Touch appeared. “Princess Twilight is coming over tomorrow.” I nodded as if this conversation was going to include me, Healing Touch was in doctor mode, chin tilted upwards with importance. “She’ll determine if this curse is too much for you. It might be your last chance.” “No pressure,” I grunted. “Sunburst, please.” I had never heard Healing Touch beg so I can’t tell you what it would sound like, but the quality of her voice was alien to us both and our faces registered the same surprise. “Then I’ll get it right tomorrow.” I pushed the bowl away, creating a space where I could rest my head and still look at her, cheek pressed against the warm tabletop. “Don’t worry, I have a plan.” She seemed unsure of her next set of words, awkwardly settling on, “I won’t doubt you.” “Thanks.” Healing Touch turned, making space in the doorway. “Go back to bed, Sunburst.” I hesitated, comfortable in the awkward sprawl on the table, but I pushed myself up. She switched with me, moving into the kitchen as I started the trek down the hallway. I paused at the doors and for a moment I could swear that lily scent was there, as if Healing had gotten it right this time. I moved to Starlight’s room. I was wrong, I knew it couldn’t have been the actual scent since the room reeked of that other soap, just as it did every time Healing was here. But it had been there, pulling me, and I continued to be led back to her bed, back to her, and before I knew it, I was curled next to her, only brave enough to hold her hoof this time. As I drifted off, I swore her hoof twitched, but it was only part of the dream. It had to be.