I actually made it all the way to the train station in Canterlot before Celestia finally came after me.
“Asher, do not leave,” she commanded, stalking behind me. I could practically feel her looking down at me, like she was about to pick me up by the neck like a cat.
“We can talk about this,” she said, something I didn’t believe.
“I’m so past done talking,” I said as I stood under an awning for the train. “I’m not interested in talking at you.”
“What exactly is the issue?”’
I had to bite my tongue to avoid screaming at her. “I told you at least ten times what the issue is. I’m not gonna say it again.”
“Asher–”
“Don’t you have a public image to maintain?” I asked bitterly, turning my head and glaring at her. “Maybe you should focus on that since you care more about it than you do anything I’ve been saying.”
Her wings flared in anger, and she stuck her nose in my face again, glaring at me like she did yesterday. This time though, I stood my ground, glaring back at her. I was prepared to argue against whatever she was going to say.
She didn’t say anything, taking the opportunity to grab the fat of my neck in her maw like Cheerilee did before and head back to the castle. She walked there, not bothering to teleport there. I didn’t know how long it took, but before long, she was setting me down on the bed of the room we were just in.
“Asher, I command you, stop with this insolence,” Celestia said loudly, glaring at me. At least, I imagined she was. I couldn’t actually see her because I put my head against the pillow to scream in frustration.
“Would your God want you to be acting this way?” she asked, something that only got me more riled up. It was such an insincere question, and even if it was sincere, I wasn’t sure what the answer was.
Well, I knew the answer. It was to subject yourself to your rulers, which, I would admit, I was struggling with a little bit. I shouldn’t have been so argumentative when I was told to stay with Twilight, even as brutal as I thought it would be. I probably also shouldn’t have been speaking so badly of Celestia to other ponies. It was something I needed to work on, I was ready to admit. I couldn’t say I was a perfect person, or anywhere close to it.
I did think there was a limit to submitting to authority, but where it was, I didn’t know. It was certainly at actively putting my and other ponies' lives in danger, I knew that. There was a time to be submissive, but intentionally trying to cause harm to your subjects was a time to speak up and out about how rulers acted.
I didn’t say that though. I was already beyond done with today. I wanted to go to sleep and wake up and be back at home in my own body, something that was never going to happen. I was gonna be trapped like this forever, growing into something I didn’t want to be.
“Don’t get dysphoric,” I told myself, having to let out a shiver. “I’m not gonna focus on dysphoria. That’s the point of finding something to occupy my time, so I can not sit and stew about everything.”
I needed to get out of this depressive mindset, that I knew. Try and make friends with that librarian, talk to Caramel about helping them out with stuff. In essence, I needed to make this world my own. If I could do that, then… well, I wouldn’t be happy, but I’d feel better.
Of course, that was gonna be an impossible task if Celestia kept acting like this.
“Why do you care so much about what I think and what I do?” I asked after a long moment of her standing over me. I didn’t turn to look at her though. I was way too angry.
“If I’m just a little girl like you say, then why are you even entertaining me at all with anything?” I asked. “What I do shouldn’t affect you in the slightest, just like what a 9 year old does on Earth doesn’t affect the president. Why are you so hung up on me?”
“Because you have the capacity to upend the plans I have in motion,” she said. “How you do, I can’t say, but you’ve already thrown what I intend to happen out of place just by your presence here.”
I was pretty sure she told me that before, but what exactly was I supposed to do about that? I couldn’t help if I got sick or talked to other ponies or whatever else might mess things up for her. Honestly, if her plans hinged on my not being sick, then it was a pretty weak plan to begin with.
“What can we do so I’m not making you angry and having you scoff at me and just look at me with nothing but contempt?” I asked, turning around to look her in the eye. “Because getting more contempt and mean looks is just gonna make me more put off with you.”
“Do not speak ill of me,” she said. “Do not speak my intentions to anypony else. Do not treat me or Twilight Sparkle with the disrespect you have been.”
I wanted to bash my head against the wall. I already said I wasn’t going to do those things. How she could possibly be this dense, I didn’t know, but I was absolutely fed up with it. Even managing a fast food place, none of my employees acted this self absorbed. How she got to be ruler acting like this, I had no idea.
“You’re gonna make me lose my mind,” I said, taking a breath and forcing myself not to yell. “This conversation is so ridiculous.”
“It’s ridiculous to ask you to be polite and follow basic etiquette when speaking to those who are superior to you?”
“I’m not going back and forth with you. I’m not. If you can’t get what I said for the twenty-eighth time, then my voice falls on deaf ears.”
“Asher, do not be like this.”
I took another deep breath. I wasn’t going to snap at her. This conversation was going absolutely nowhere. The best I could do was placate her and give in, even though I said I would do that before she gave me angry, hateful looks.
“Fine. I won’t talk bad about you, or about Twilight, or do anything at all lest it upset whatever plan you have. I take full blame for being sick and sitting next to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon while I was sneezing however many days ago.”
“Asher–”
“This is what you want, right? I’m agreeing to do whatever you want, even though you keep acting mean and brushing me off and being unsympathetic.”
I could feel the emotion welling up, and did my best to keep a straight face. I didn’t do that great of a job, because I could see Celestia finally looking a bit sympathetic for me, maybe even slightly ashamed. I was so over talking to her though.
“Was there anything else you wanted to blame on me and tell me not to do?” I asked. “Or can I leave now?”
“I’m not blaming you for being sick, Asher–”
“Fine. You’re not. I’m sorry for thinking you were. Is there anything else I should apologize for, or can I leave now?”
She opened her mouth to say something, but after a second of silence, closed it again. I took that as my queue that I could leave again, stomping past her and trying to keep myself together.
“Where are you going?”
“Back to Ponyville,” I said, not turning to look at her. “I can take the train back by myself.”
She didn’t stop me this time, letting me leave on my own. I had to force myself not to cry as I walked, almost becoming dizzy with how many deep breaths I was taking. That whole conversation really screwed with my emotions, but what didn’t these days? I cried over half the days I was here.
The train station had no trouble accepting me on board. I didn’t even have to pay, since they saw me as a foal. Or maybe it was just the sad look I had in my eyes when I said I was going to Ponyville. Either way, it was hassle free.
I sat in the back, ready to burst into tears at any moment, but somehow kept control of myself. I at the very least didn’t want to cry in front of these ponies. That would’ve just made me more upset.
“Lord, I ask that you help me to walk in your light to the best of my ability,” I prayed. “I ask that you bring me peace and help to ease my mind, in spite of all these things. I ask that you let your will continue to be your will.”
I took a deep breath, feeling my lip start to tremble, but still forced myself not to cry. I was never going to see my family or friends again. That was a fact. I was gonna be stuck here, and for a good long time if Celestia was right about how old ponies got.
I needed something to direct my attention to, and the obvious thing would be making this world my own. It had only been two weeks, and I was nowhere near in the headspace to start doing that, but I apparently had hundreds of years according to Celestia. There was plenty of time to just sit and think and get my head screwed on straight. I could do that, even without my friends or family or my old life and being a girl.
“Heck, this dysphoria is bad. How does anyone live like this?”
I kept myself from crying as the train stopped in Ponyville, ignoring Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle and their friends as I went straight to the library. I couldn’t keep my composure any longer when I finally closed the door behind me, falling down right there as I let the tears flow.
“What’s wrong?” Twilight asked, coming up to me, but I turned my head away.
“It doesn’t matter,” I said bitterly. “No one here cares.”
“What does no one here care about?” she asked, sounding completely confused.
“Just leave me alone,” I said, getting back up as I continued into my bedroom. “I just want to be alone.
“How am I so bad at managing one foal?” Celestia asked herself as she looked in the mirror of her bedroom. “How long has it been since I’ve had somepony working against me?”
Of course, she knew Asher wasn’t directly working against her. The filly was just doing whatever she thought was best. But it was a problem, one she had no idea how to deal with. It didn’t help the confrontational attitude she possessed, one that rubbed under Celestia’s skin deeply. She didn’t know why it upset her so much, but something about the air of superiority she seemed to have got to her. Maybe it was the fact that she only looked like a foal while acting like an adult.
The more she argued with her, the more things would get out of hoof, that Celestia knew. There would come a point when Asher would try to directly work against her, and what she would do then, she didn’t know. Hopefully, it wouldn’t come to that point, but Celestia had a feeling it was slowly getting there. With how observant she was and her intellect, as well as her distinct lack of naivety most ponies had, she was certain Asher could have Equestria in her grasp if she tried.
That was something she didn’t want to have happen.
“Something bothering you, Celly?” Princess Luna asked, sneaking up on her sister. “You look quite annoyed.”
“It’s nothing,” she replied. “Just thinking something over. What are you doing up so early in the afternoon?”
“I am trying to become adjusted to sleeping in the day once again,” she said. “The light of the moon doesn’t shift for weeks at a time. It’s days of permanent sunlight, and then days of permanent darkness. Quite disorienting it is to be here once again, where we cycle the sun and moon regularly.” She stretched and yawned, saying, “I figure we ought to prepare for our duties in the meantime. Taking over the realm of dreams once again is something that will take us weeks. We figure we might as well help ponies who sleep during the day before taking over night duties once again.”
“I see. Well, I’ll be here for a while before I head off. Good night, Luna.”
There were hardly any ponies asleep during the day, and no nightmares to contend with. Luna figured it was a good thing, and went around observing the ponies who were asleep during the day to see what kinds of dreams they had. It was a good way to get back into the pace of things.
It seemed ponies had the same dreams they had a thousand years ago, something that caused her to giggle. Or, at least, she thought so, until she stepped into an exceptionally odd one. It was one like she’d never seen.
The colors here were much more muted than the real world, and the food smelled weird. She was in a building, one with a lot of strange creatures, all bipedal, all of which came in different shades of brown, from pale white to almost black. Their manes had more variety, but were largely the same way, organizing from blonde and gold to brown to black as night. It seemed they were in a cafe or a restaurant of some kind, because every creature here was eating something, or waiting in line to receive a meal.
“Nightmare Moon?” a voice called, one coming from behind the counter the creatures were lining up at. This one was probably the palest among them, and a bit on the taller side, with jet black hair that fell to its shoulders and eyes a bit more oval than his counterparts. She knew it was a male from the way his voice sounded and his sort of pointed face. He was slim, but not thin, and stood almost as tall as she was, certainly as eye level.
“Is that you?” he asked. “What are you doing here?”
“Who in Equestria does this dream belong to?” she asked, tilting her head. “Who are you?”
“Huh? I’m Ashley… err, well, Asher, but…” He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t hate the name Ashely when I actually look like myself.”
She blinked at that, and said, “My sister was right. You really are from another world!”
“Yeah, I am. Not a lot of people believe me about that, and the ones who do like to give me as much trouble as possible. Except for Lofty and Holiday. They’re nice.”
“And you truly are an adult male?” she asked.
“I’m certainly not a lady, and don’t sound like a little kid,” he answered. “Even if I’ve been acting like one with how emotional I’ve been. Like a kid, I mean.”
“Huh. Well that’s certainly interesting to hear,” she said, taking him in again. “You are a very strange looking creature,” she said. “Do you look like this where you’re from?”
“Yup,” he answered, then shook his mane. “My hair isn’t usually this long though. I like to keep it down below an inch. This has to be at least twelve since it touches my shoulders. It hasn’t been this long since I was sixteen. I guess it shows off my Korean roots though when I grow it out. You can tell that I'm half Asian more easily this way.”
“It certainly makes you look a bit different from the rest of the creatures here,” she agreed. “But I must ask, what are you doing sleeping in the middle of the day?”
“I’m just stressed out,” Asher explained. “By that librarian I live with and Celestia and being a pony and just everything.” He sighed and said, “Being able to be myself for a few minutes is nice, even if it’s in a dream.”
“Ah, quite understandable, we say,” she agreed. “Although we must ask further: what issue with my sister is causing you stress?”
“The fact that she’s being completely unsympathetic to me even though I told her I’d do whatever she wanted to,” he explained, his face turning into a scowl. “She’s just acting mean because… I don’t know! I got sick the first few days I was here? As if I intentionally did that?”
“It seems our sister has taken quite the dislike to you, we will admit. Although from what she told us, it seems you’re ruining her plans, whether intentional or unintentional.”
“Okay, and what exactly does she want me to do about that?” he asked. “Just stop existing? Because believe me, if I could be on Earth again, I’d take it the first chance I got. I’m not fond of Equestria so far.”
“I believe she would like that as well. But from her words, I don’t believe she expects it to happen, much to both your and her dismay.”
“So what exactly am I supposed to do?”
“It is a good question,” Luna considered, placing a hoof on her chin. “I’m not exactly sure.” She paused for a moment before continuing, “Perhaps keep your head down and maintain a low profile? That shouldn't be too hard I think for a filly. I haven’t spoken to her extensively about you, but I believe she feels you have the capacity to completely unravel things and change the face of Equestria.”
“Change the face of Equestria?”
“The politics of Equestria,” she explained. “Influence rulers and nobility and common ponies and whoever else. The comments she’s made about you suggests she thinks you have the capacity, and just speaking to you, it seems you have the capacity to pick up on things many ponies would miss.”
“Hmmm… now there’s a thought,” he hummed to himself. “I wonder if…”
“Now I want to be clear, I’m not suggesting you intentionally try to insert yourself into Equestrian politics,” Luna told him. “However, if you were to, I’m certain there are quite a few things you’d be able to push through in spite of my sister. Of course, you’d be risking my sister’s wrath if you did such a thing, but I would say it is possible for one such as you.”
“Well, I wouldn’t want to make Celestia angry, would I?” Asher said, rolling his eyes. “But it is something to think about, certainly interesting. I’ll have to keep that in mind… but why are you telling me this?”
“What do you mean?” Luna asked, tilting her head in confusion. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped himself before any words came out.
“Nothing. Never mind. It’s just interesting to hear.”