Our thankful little prayer offered, we returned to our warm, soft bed. We lay, snuggled together, just enjoying being close. Eventually, I sighed, “You know, Dash, I feel so... stupid sometimes.”
Dash lifted her head, looking me in the eye, “What for? And where does this come from all of a sudden? I thought you already told me everything.”
I looked up to the ceiling, “I did. I just...” I sighed, “you know, when you start to free associate?”
“‘Free associate’? What’s that?”
“You know, when you start just randomly thinking of stuff and it reminds you of other stuff. Say you see a cloud, it reminds you of rain, you think of someone named Raindrops, who you know likes strawberry ice cream, which makes you think of roses because they’re both red and then you remember that Twilight hates roses and not to make a rosebud salad as the appetizer for dinner next week. Or something like that.”
“Wait, wait, wait. You mean when you think, you think like that? Jumping all over the place? That is so random. You must think like Pinkie Pie. Maybe it has something to do with all the chaos magic inside you? I don’t know, but Twilight would likely want to know that.”
“Huh, I always thought of that as normal. I’ll have to let her know in the morning.” I pondered for a moment, “So, ponies usually can’t think like that?”
“No, we can, but it’s very unusual. I mean, we could get to the same answer, but it would be something we would, you know, work at doing. It sounds like you can come up with a train of thought like that really easily.”
“Heh, I guess. I’m sure it will earn me some extra prodding and probing from our dear Miss Twilight Sparkle. I just hope it doesn’t involve needles. The ones she uses are huge. Anyway, and this is weird to hear me say this, back on topic.” This earned me a little chuckle and a nuzzle. “It’s those... damn, Flim Flam brothers, and what Luna said about me to Beatrix.”
“What, that you’re too trusting?” She smiled and gave me a nuzzle, “Well, maybe sometimes.”
I turned away, groaning, "I feel so stupid. Here I thought I was a positive force and now I find out I'm just a laughing stock. I know you love me, but your opinion is skewed. I mean, how many others must think I’m a complete fool?”
I felt her hoof on my cheek and my head turned toward her. She leaned in and gave my nose a little kiss. “I know it bothers you, but you have to believe me when I say it's one of the things ponies like about you.” Her expression became sweet, “I know it’s one of the things I admire about you.”
I chuckled, “So, you like guys who are oblivious?”
She chuckled warmly and rubbed her nose against mine, “No you goof. I like how you see the best in others, sometimes to the point of not seeing the worst.” She shifted herself to lay on my chest, her cheek on my neck, “Especially, how you see the best in me. For all my big talk, well, you know,” she finished shyly.
I spoke softly, “Yes, I do know. You’re an amazing person and I...” I faltered, took a deep breath, and continued, “I know I say this a lot, and I know it can sound so trite, but I need you to know I mean every single syllable of it. I am truly blessed to have you in my life. You... you are so special to me.” I chuckled sadly, “I wish I could show you.” I let my hand slowly glide along her back before kissing her. “Now, it’s going to be a long trip to Ponyville tomorrow. I think we both need our sleep.”
“Hey, before you konk out for the night, when did you want to actually tie the knot?”
“I don’t know, what’s the usual time between proposal and marriage?”
“About a month.”
I exclaimed, “A month? That’s fast. Ok, so I guess we had better get on that.”
“What do you mean, fast? How long did you and Ann take.”
“Four years. I asked her after dating her for a year.”
“Wow, you humans sure do take your time.”
“Well, to be fair, we took a long time even by human standards. A more ‘normal’ lead time is six months to a year.” Dash nodded, tilting her head slightly. “So, how about six weeks from now? I’ll need a little extra time because of the theatre.”
“Sounds okay to me.” She paused, thinking for a moment, “But, you don’t want to talk to Ann first? You know, to make sure she’s okay with us being together?”
“I thought you said you already talked to Ann about this and she approved. Didn’t she suggest we get together? I know she gave me those vibes, but she never explicitly said anything.”
“Well, I suggested it, and Ann never said no...” Her voice became very hesitant, “she was a little upset, but very-”
I interrupted, raising my voice a little more than I wanted to, “Hold it. What do you mean, Ann never said no and she was upset. I thought you said she suggested,” I gestured with my index finger, “us.”
Dash sighed, “It’s just that she knows you’ve been alone for so long, and she likes me, and I like her, she is a lot like AJ after all, and even though it’s been less than a year for her, she, she didn’t say no.” Dash was smiling a little too broadly and her eyes shifted from side to side. Ponies have such an easy tell when they lie. Well, most do. So, she was hiding something, but I decided to ignore it. She wasn’t a deceptive person and while she must think it’s a big deal, it’s likely something trivial by my standards.
I thought for a long moment, “Well, she did tell me to build a life, and I can’t think of anyone else I would rather do it with.” I brushed her cheek with my fingertips, “So, let’s push the wedding back a few months until we can get this all cleared up.” I smiled with confidence, “I’m sure Ann will be happy for us and it will be nothing to fret over. You don’t mind waiting a little longer than normal, do you?”
“Not much, I guess. I mean, I would rather just go to Los Pegasus, just you, me and Scoots, elope and be a family, you know. I don’t care about a fancy wedding.” She suddenly covered her face with both hooves and groaned. “Oh, Celestia. When Rarity finds out, she’ll be even more freaked out than when Cadance got married.” Dash groaned again, “She’ll want me to go for a million dress fittings.” She gasped and turned to me, “She’ll want to give me a makeover.” She buried her head in my chest, and her voice was muffled, “She’ll want me to have a hooficure, Alex. A hooficure. I don’t love you enough to get a hooficure.” I laughed out loud, making her laugh, too, “I am not kidding!” We both laughed harder, “Well, maybe a little, but I definitely won’t enjoy it. And I’ll only do it once. And only if Rarity begs. Maybe.”
“Come on. Rarity is just being Rarity. I don’t think you need makeup to look amazing. You pull that off by just being you. Think of it as a favour to Rarity. Speaking of the wedding, do I need a best man, best stallion, best person? How many? I mean, what’s my role in all this? Are we having a wedding like I would know?
“I don’t know. I want to send a note to my mom before we leave in the morning, telling her about us and the wedding. She might be a little put out that it’s about four months away, but...” Dash looked worried.
“I’ll take the blame. Just tell her it’s a human idiosyncrasy.”
“No, it’s not that. I just, I just hope you’re not upset with me?”
“You mean about bending the truth about what Ann said? Maybe a little. But it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I’ll always love you, no matter what. I just...” I sighed, “You have to understand, Dash. I was married to Ann for almost twenty years before I jumped, and she kept me sane for the last sixty. In my mind, I’ve been married to her for almost eighty years. I still love her as I love you, and I will love both of you until the day I die.” I looked away for a moment, “I just need the peace of mind. I guess... I guess I just need her blessing. I need to know she approves of this.” I laughed angrily at myself for dumping my problems on her shoulders, “I know it’s just me being stupid, but I hope you can understand...”
She made a happy little sigh, and I turned my head to face her again, “You’re loyal. You’re loyal to her and me, and the only way to stay loyal to both is to get her blessing to marry me, I get that. I guess I thought I needed an extra edge to get you interested in me.” She snuggled up closer, “I’m so sorry I lied to you. I know you said you’re not upset, but... I am. I never should have told you that, and I feel ashamed. I hope I can make it up to you one day.”
I smile, “What did I do to deserve a woman as loving as you? Tell you what, let’s shelve it for now. There’s nothing we can do about it, and frankly, I would have been much more upset if you had told me after we were married. I’m just happy we’ve cleared the air. If I know Ann as well as I think I do, there should be no problem. So, you were sending a note to your mom?”
“Right, I was going to tell my folks about us. I mean, I’ve told Mom a little about you but nothing about us. I think my mom will be really excited when she finds out. Anyway, it’s usually the mother of the bride who arranges for all this stuff, with the help of the couple, of course.”
“Well, make sure they know it’s on my dime.”
Dash looked at me questioningly, “‘On my dime’?”
“It means I’m paying for it. I don’t want to put your parents in any kind of financial trouble, not when I can afford it. Anyway, if they object, just tell them it’s another crazy human tradition.” I snorted, then started laughing, “And I breathe fire when I get mad or turn into a big green monster. I keep forgetting which one is the lie.” Dash snuggled into my chest, laughing.
Still snickering, “Oh, Dash, AJ would be so disappointed in us.“ I noticed Dash suddenly became very quiet, not making eye contact, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I guess. I know things are settled between me and AJ, but we haven’t spent much time together since. I just hope things are okay with us. I mean really okay. I’ve just never had that kind of fight with any friend over any partner, never mind a friend like AJ over someone as loyal and honest as you.”
“Why wouldn't she be? Look, there’s no point in worrying about it. If she’s over this, we both get a friend back. If not, then pushing her will not help her get over it. Anyway, Elusive said he might ask her out.”
Dash snorted then laughed, “Your buddy Elusive? The same guy half the town thinks is a colt cuddler? The stallion who’s a little skinny, no muscle tone? Unlike every single stallion,” she runs a hoof on my decidedly non muscled chest, “and human, that has had any kind of romantic involvement with Applejack.” I nod. “He is very cute, you know.”
I chuckle, “You wound me, madam.” I dramatically put my hand to my forehead. “You cut me to the quick. Well, as long as you think I’m of adequate quality to be your colt-toy.” We chuckled and held each other, soon falling into a happy slumber.
In the morning, all three of us met Beatrix at the train station. Her suitcase was thin and a little battered, but I made sure to take it and put it with Twilight’s and Dash’s. Beatrix gave me a sad and hopeful smile, like she couldn’t believe her luck or she was experiencing some wonderful crazy dream. I couldn’t help but give her an encouraging smile. Before our luggage could be taken to the cargo car, I grabbed the little sky-blue box out of Dash’s case. She rolled her eyes at me a little but smiled warmly.
We had a private berth for the trip back home. Dash and I shared a bench, and Twilight and Beatrix sat across from us. At first, Twilight and Beatrix chatted about magic, spells, and all kinds of stuff I honestly didn’t understand. Dash, in her usual style, stretched, put her head in my lap, and promptly started napping.
The trip back was a repeat of the trip there, with the addition of Beatrix, and like every trip back home, it felt a little faster. Dash spent most of the trip with her head in my lap and a content smile. I lightly stroked the leading edge of her left wing with my thumb, with the occasional sigh from Dash as a reward. I didn’t chat much with either of my unicorn friends this time. Twilight spent most of the trip looking out the window, and when she thought I wasn’t looking, she would look at us wistfully.
In the darkness of a tunnel, I mused, ‘I hope she finds someone special soon, and I mean real soon. But that is not something I can help her with. I mean, she’s envious of two lost souls clinging to each other in a desperate bid to not die alone. How sad is that? I mean, without asking anyone and based on what I have learned of the pony form, she is quite attractive, and I imagine she would clean up nicely. There’s no reason why she can’t find some brainy hunk, somewhere. I better keep this little bit of insight to myself, though. Taken out of context, it could be quite hurtful.’
I was woken from my thoughts as we arrived at the Ponyville station. Dash lazily stretched and gave me a warm smile. Beatrix stood, and Twilight sighed, and both started making their way to the platform. I stopped them before they could leave, “Can I ask one favour, guys? Can we keep the whole ‘magic is killing Alex’ thing under your hats for now? I want to control who knows that and how they find out,” I looked down sadly, “especially Scootaloo. That kid’s had a tough life, and we’re part of a better one for her.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, “Anyway, the last thing I want is everyone fussing over poor sick Alex. You understand, right?”
Dash made my heart sing with her confident smirk, “Sure, Alex. No point in worrying anyone, right Twilight?”
Twilight looked at me with a determined expression, “Absolutely.”
We all looked at Beatrix. She looked at me a little sadly, “You’ve got it, boss. The show must go on, right?”
I smile broadly, “Eloquently put Miss Beatrix Lulamoon, thank you. The show must go on, and for that to happen, we have to keep this on the ‘Q.T.’.” All three ladies looked at me, not understanding, “It means keep quiet about something.” They nodded as one, looked at each other and chuckled warmly. I smiled sadly and continued, “Thanks guys. But, if you feel the need to share with someone, I trust you to use your discretion.” Dash came forward and threw a hug at me, quickly followed by Twilight. Beatrix looked at us, unsure of what to do.
Dash gestured, “Come on Bea, you’re our friend.” Beatrix came forward hesitantly and joined our little group hug. I glanced down at her. A happy smile was on her face.
I gave them all a final squeeze, and then I spoke with a rough, gravelly voice, partially to hide my emotions and partially to amuse, “Okay, enough of this emotional stuff. Let's go face the world.” As Dash started to head out, “Dash, wait. Your necklace. Here, let me put it on.” I quickly placed that perfect accessory around her neck and was rewarded with a sweet smile and a peck on the cheek.
We stepped out onto the platform, and I was surprised to see a banner, “Welcome Back Alex”. Standing below the banner was a crowd of ponies who cheered as they saw me. At the front of the group, the Mayor was beaming at me. She strode forward and put out a hoof, which I happily took, “Alex Roberts, how did your business trip go? Did you meet with Perfect Home? Did you secure funding?” She paused, her eyes flitting from my feather necklace to Dash’s intricate jewel necklace, and her smile grew wider, “Are you two getting married?”
I tried being as businesslike as possible, “Madam Mayor, everything went very well, better than I expected. I got a lot of very interested investors to follow up with, and Mr Perfect Home will have the initial plans by the end of next week. And yes, Ms Rainbow Dash and I are engaged to be married.”
“Oh, that is absolutely wonderful on all accounts. I look forward to your presentation before the council. And congratulations on your engagement.”
The rest of the ponies rush forward with a cacophony of congratulations, hugs, and pats on the back. Pinkie, as always, a happy smile gracing her face, was the first I could understand, “Our little Dashie is getting married!” She looked back at the banner, “Wait!” she reached into a nearby nook and pulled out a new sign, “I always have a few of these stashed away for engagement emergencies.” She quickly slapped the new sign over the old one. It said, ‘Welcome back and congratulations on your engagement!’”
Her colt friend was standing off to the side with a bow tie and a Fez at a jaunty angle. His expression went from annoyed to delighted as he said to no one in particular, “I never expected to see one of them here. Cool.”
Looking around, I could see the whole Apple family had come. Granny, Big Macintosh, and Applejack, with Elusive standing beside her. I also saw Applebloom with the other Crusaders. I was surprised to see Elusive with them and did a little bit of a double-take. I couldn’t help but notice he was standing very close to AJ. Very, very close. This allowed me to notice that AJ was actually a little taller and more heavily built than Elusive. I wondered if it was simply the difference between earth ponies and unicorns. While Big Macintosh was giving me a little wave, AJ quickly made sure he was not looking and stole a quick kiss from Elusive. Unfortunately, Mac must have caught them out of the corner of his eye because he flashed a scowl in their direction. ‘I think I’ll have to have a little chat with my little brother about them.’
In the centre, charging in our general direction, were four fillies. Scootaloo was leading the charge, flanked by Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and a little grey unicorn I didn’t recognise. The new Crusader had the most brilliant sapphire blue eyes,
Beatrix was to my left, and I caught two colts, Snips and Snails, I think were their names, sidling up closer to her with goofy grins on their faces. Beatrix saw them and flashed them her best Trixie smile, “Ah, my two enthusiastic admirers. I hope you’re not bringing anything to town this time.” She responded to their nervous chuckles with a warm laugh. “And, I hear you two have a magic act. I look forward to seeing it.” The two colts grinned like any star-struck kid would. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, boys.”
Rarity was also waiting, as ladylike as always, with Spike in attendance. It always made me a little sad to see him there, waiting on her and for her. I idly wonder if she feels the same way about him. It's none of my business, but still, Luna knows redemption comes in many forms. When she saw Dash and her necklace, her eyes grew, and her usual decorum was completely forgotten. She squee’d and lunged at Dash, hugging her friend in pure joy, “Oh, Rainbow Dash! You’re getting married! How wonderful!” Realization dawned, “A marriage between the Element of Loyalty and the Paladin of Redemption! It will be the social event of the season!” Once again, she squee’d like only she could squee. I couldn’t help but laugh.
Dash looked at me and smirked, “I told you she would go nuts.”
I thought Dash would appreciate having Rarity’s attention deflected away from her, at least for a little while. “Rarity, I have some even better news. I’m not the only Paladin anymore.” Rarity looked a little confused as I gestured to Bea, “Our good friend Beatrix, you may remember her by her stage name of Trixie, is a Paladin too. She saved the life of a distraught young mare and gave her her life back.”
Rarity paused for the slightest of moments but smiled brightly and with all the genuine charm and class she could muster, “Darling, what a pleasure it is to see you again.” She gave Bea that upper-class kiss on both cheeks without quite touching. “You absolutely must teach me the spell you used to affect my hair when we first met.” Rarity leans back, tilting her head slightly, “Of course, we can discuss all that while I make you a new ensemble. I dare say Fluttershy may have a rival as my top model. Now, as I was saying, once I was past the shock, I found the effect to be wonderfully amusing. There are so many uses for it in the charity work I do.” She grew thoughtful, “Sometimes a pony will regain her health faster if they look their best, you know. Sometimes, just feeling better is all that matters.” With that, Beatrix and Rarity began chatting in earnest.
As Pinkie started herding the well-wishers to my house for the party, I spotted Miss Butterscotch. She stood at the edge of the platform, near the closed ticket window, her severe demeanour and mane in a tight hair bun perfectly matching her scowl. She was obviously unhappy, but suddenly seemed to reach a decision with a little nod, stepped forward, “Mr Roberts, my employer, Mr Golden Coins, would like to send his congratulations on a successful business trip and,” I could see the distaste in having to say this, “on your forthcoming nuptials. He would also like to offer you a friendly meeting next Wednesday at noon for lunch at his mansion for negotiations in regards to his future investments in the theatre.” She glared at me, “Don’t be late for this undeserved privilege.”
As the crowd moved, I recognised Lyra off in a corner, looking very upset. She was being comforted by a cream earth pony with a pink and blue mane. I heard her moaning, “It’s not fair, Bons. He was going to be mine to study. Now that Rainbow mule,” she spat, “has taken him away from me.”
The other mare responded with a long-suffering sigh, “I know, sweetie. I know. But you have to remember that Alex is a person, just like you or me.” Bons continued with much more annoyance in her voice, “He’s not a science experiment. Please remember that. For us, Lyra, for our sake” Lyra gasps and turns to Bons. Bons sighs again and continues, her voice kind, loving, “Maybe one day another human will pop up, but for now, be thankful you’ve been able to study him as much as you have. Let's leave him alone to be happy. Can you do that? For me?” Lyra nodded, and they went off together.
I felt compassion for both of them and wondered if actually sitting down with Lyra would help. ‘That’s something for later.’
Our little menagerie made its way to my house, now the centre of a Pinkie Party. On the noisy walk, I could see Twilight casting a spell. While I wondered what she was doing, I suddenly heard her voice very clearly in my head, “Alex, I’ve been thinking about some additional magic reduction measures, and I think your knife will provide a small but consistent protection. I suggest you take a chance to slip it on as soon as you can.”
I imagine the sound of a finger tapping a microphone, “Is this thing on?” Twilight smirked without looking at me, “Sorry, couldn’t resist. So, the knife. Will do. Hey, random thought, would a magical device designed as inefficient as possible be a practical protective item? I mean, all technologies have efficiencies, and I imagine magic does too. So, how about an old-fashioned, magic-sucking something, maybe a pendant, combined with some task that burns lots of magic, like, I don’t know, maintaining a large mass both small and light? Does that give you any ideas?”
“Maybe. Well, it will give me another avenue of research anyway.” As I see Twilight pursing her lips in thought, I start ‘hearing’ her quite complex thoughts on possible devices. I really don’t want to be in her head at an inopportune time and decide to interrupt her, “Cool. So, how do you hang up this line?”
I see her momentarily confused, quickly followed by a smirk. She glances in my direction, “You’re funny.”
I smile kindly at her, “I’m a scream. I know how you get distracted by new problems. I just didn’t want to be in there if there was something you didn’t want me to see or hear or whatever this is.”
She nods and gives me an awkward half-smile. “I appreciate that.” She paused, then looked back at me as if she remembered something. “You’re a good friend, Alex Roberts.” Her eyes glaze over in concentration for a moment, her horn gives a slight glow, and at that instant, her thoughts disappear.
As we reach my humble cottage, I can see the party cannon parked outside my back door, a lone thin ribbon dangling comically from the end. The streamers, balloons, and other decorations are visible in my front window. I make my way closer to Pinkie, smiling broadly, “Wow! Look at this place, Pinkie. You, my positively popping party pony pal, have done it again! You are such an amazing organizer and decorator, Pinkie.” I give her a big hug, knowing Dash won’t mind, “Thank you so much for such a wonderful welcome.” I gesture to Dash, and she joins us for a quick squeeze.
Pinkie pulls away from us and grins, “Aww, thanks, but I don't deserve all the credit. Gummy helped too.” Feeling pressure on my leg, I looked down to find him gnawing on my calf. I bent down to pick him up, and he changed his focus to my hand. It didn’t hurt. He just happily chewed with enough pressure to hold on. ‘Cute little bugger.’ With that, I transferred him to Pinkie to continue my trek through the guests.
As I stepped in the door of the house and the party beyond, I immediately excused myself and rushed upstairs. I opened my bedroom door, and to the right was my dresser, with the single item that had saved my life and treasure many times. It was proudly mounted on a simple wood stand, unpretentious in its battered leather sheath. It was more than an item; it was a friend, one that even helped me remember from time to time. I had stopped wearing it soon after saving the child, fearful it would encourage me to violence in this innocent place. Still, it held a place of reverence, deserving of this simple little altar.
And now, it was going to save my life again. I picked up my trusty old knife in its worn and battered leather sheath. I quickly strapped it on my waist and right leg. It’s slung low for several reasons, but the two main ones were it made it easier to draw, the handle is where my hand is when my arm is relaxed, and the second and most important reason, it made me look badass. In the few rare situations where I needed it, this setup saved my life. Again, my trusty blade will be saving me, albeit indirectly.
Armed with my lifesaving weapon, I returned to the happy party. As I walked down the stairs, Dash called out, “There’s my anti-social hubby to be. Come on and join the party and have a drink with your amazing future wife and awesome future daughter.”
I laughed and called out, “Anything for my two angels.” I hurried the rest of the way and stopped at the drink table. I grabbed a bottle of hard apple cider from Sweet Apple Acres for myself, a box of apple juice for Scootaloo, and a salted sarsaparilla shooter for Dash. We only managed to spend a few minutes together before being whisked away in different directions.
Everyone wanted to chat with me, and being too polite to say no, I was moving from one group to the next. I barely had the chance to get into a conversation when I would be whisked away to the next group. I stopped for a moment to see Scoots and her friends. I was told their new friend, Sapphire, was mute, but she always made herself understood. When I made eye contact with her, she was very expressive, and it was like I knew she was asking me if I was Scootaloo's daddy. I simply nodded and said out loud, “Yes I am, Sapphire.” This produced some excitement on her part, like no one has ever understood her this clearly. Before I could react further, I was whisked away again to Forest Harvest and Hedge Trimmer.
While I was chatting with Tree Trimmer's folks, Dash hovers up and whispers in my ear, “Come on. You, me, and the kid are getting some fresh air.” She glances down my side, “Good, you’ve got your knife. Twilight said it should act as a good sink, and me and Scoots will be there too.”
I whisper back, “You and Scootaloo head for the back door. I’ll get a distraction going, and we’ll head out.”
I excused myself and made my way to Beatrix. I gently touched her shoulder to get her attention and whispered, “I’m really sorry to bug you, but can I ask a huge favour? I know it’s a little unfair asking you this, and if you say no, that’s totally—”
She interrupted me by putting her hoof on my mouth. I felt a little twang of guilt at noticing how soft and smooth it was compared to Dash’s hoof. With a bit of a smile, she spoke quietly, “Twilight and Rainbow Dash both said you apologize way too much. They weren't kidding.” She looked down and chuckled sweetly then looked me in the eye, all business, “So, what do you need, boss?”
I chuckled, “So, I humbly request, as a personal favour, the Great and Powerful Trixie come out, and both entertain and distract while me, Dash, and our daughter escape for some fresh air alone.”
She laughed and whispered, “It will be my pleasure.”
She made her way in front of the fireplace and started in her bombastic Trixie voice, “Come one, come all! Come and witness the amazing magic of the Great and Powerful Trixie!” Her trademark fanfare blared out. With that, the guests oohed and aahed. Beartix’s gaze met mine, and she sent a wink my way, “Watch in awe as the Great and Powerful Trixie performs the most spectacular feats of magic ever witnessed by pony eyes!” With that, she created an illusion over the ceiling of the living room. We all saw an open sky with a dazzling fireworks display, right down to the slight thump you would feel in your chest after a large burst.
Rarity seemed absolutely delighted, clapping her hooves in a most unladylike way while exclaiming, “How simply delightful.” Meanwhile, Twilight and Fluttershy titter at the fun spectacle provided by their new friend. I could see a poof of frizzy pink mane bopping up and down across the room, and I assumed that was the brilliant and sweet Pinkie Pie. Applejack, with Elusive by her side, simply looks on with that half smile of hers. Big Mac’s reaction was the most amusing of all, a combination of dumbfounded fascination and maybe a little hint of lustful ogling.
With everyone's attention on Trixie, I joined Dash and Scootaloo in our escape. They were both thankful that we were taking a walk together, although Scootaloo was a little disappointed at missing the Trixie show. Dash reassured her, “Don’t worry squirt. Bea will be staying in Ponyville, so I’m sure you’ll have plenty of chances to see her.” Scootaloo seemed to accept this and happily started sneaking away with us.
Once outside, and with the act in full swing, no one saw us sneaking away. I peeked back into the living room and saw Beatrix had a radiant smile on her face, drinking in the adulation and obviously enjoying every moment in front of the crowd, even a modest one like this.
Sure that everything was going as planned, I bent down to my soon-to-be daughter. “Okay, Scoots, we have to be quiet until we’re away from the house. Here’s a trick I picked up. When you’re walking, place your first hoof forward on the ground, but don’t stomp, then shift your weight to it as smoothly as you can. Do that with every step. I’ve only got two legs, but it should still apply to you and mom. Here, let me show you.” I carefully stepped as I had instructed her, crouching and moving slowly, but with almost no sound. “It’s slower, but even if you’re walking on sticks, you’ll make a lot less noise. I know you can do this because I’ve seen how graceful you are,” Scootaloo blushed, “and it should be easy for you.”
I looked behind and above me. There I saw Dash with a loving smile, looking down on us, like an approving angel. With that, we all moved in silence to the path between Sweet Apple Acres and Fluttershy’s cottage.
Once we were far enough away that we were out of sight, we started walking together at a brisk pace. I figured we could all use a stretch like this. I gave my back a little crack and started speaking. “So, Scootaloo, as you can see, Dash and I are getting married. I want you to know that tomorrow, no matter what, we’ll go see Miss Sweetheart and start the adoption process, just like we promised. We want you to be our daughter. I hope that’s okay.”
Scoots looked up at us questioningly with a hint of fear, “So, I can call you ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ now?”
I chuckled, “Only if I can call you ‘pumpkin’.”
“And only if I can call you ‘squirt’,” Dash added with that glorious, truly confident smirk.
Scootaloo grinned and tapped her chin in mock thought, “Well, I guess that’s ok, Mom and Dad. But,” a sly smirk grew on her face, “you know, everypony already calls me ‘squirt’, Mom,” she suddenly threw a hug around Dash, “but yours is the only one that matters.” Dash’s expression softened, her eyes moistened, and she looked down on her new daughter lovingly.
I cheerfully call out, “Group hug.” and both girls run into me, wings, arms and forelegs all wrapped together. I spoke, my voice thick with emotion, “I am so lucky to have you both in my life.” This only promoted stronger hugs and a choked chuckling on my part. We were a family in every way that mattered. We just needed the paperwork to back it up. We soon continued, the girls at a leisurely pace, for them, and a brisk walk for me.
“So, as soon as we can, we’ll get permission for you to move in. I have a few surprises for you, but you’ll have to wait until then.”
She started buzzing excitedly, “What is it? What is it?”
I chuckled, “Good things come to those who wait, pumpkin.”
Dash ruffled Scootaloo’s mane, “He went through a lot of trouble for it, squirt,” Dash chuckled, “and when you’re older we’ll tell you all about it.”
The young filly rolled her eyes with a smirk, “Aww. Okay, I guess I should obey the authority figures.” We all laughed. I couldn’t help but think, ‘She has the same smirk as Dash, her Mom now. Brave, bold, and strong.’
Scootaloo looked up at us, “So, I’ve got to know. How did you guys meet? Fighting dragons? Tricking Diamond Dogs? Shopping for carrots? I bet it was bad-flank...” She suddenly looked embarrassed and became very meek, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to use bad language.”
Dash snorted, “Don’t worry about it, squirt. We know you’re a good kid.” Dash looks up at me with a sweet smile and a bit of a smirk, “And as a matter of fact, it was bad-flank.”
“Your mom’s right.” Scoots brightened at that, “That language was appropriate to the situation, it was totally bad-ass.” Scoots looked a little confused, “That’s the human version of bad-flank. Smaller but more concentrated awesome.” This elicited a round of snickers.
Dash continued, her voice growing excited, “We met along this road actually, right back there. Your dad was walking along with Fluttershy and I’d never seen a human before, so I thought he was some kind of cute Diamond Dog.” Dash bumps me with her shoulder while Scootaloo rolls her eyes and makes a gagging face. “Anyway, I knew Diamond Dogs were bad news, so I charged at him to give Fluttershy a chance to escape.”
I interrupted, “Hey, your mom did the smart thing in that situation. She clobbered me from behind.”
Our little orange audience was buzzing with excitement, “Oh wow, I’ll bet that hurt.”
I cracked my back, “Yup, my back still hurts. Sorry to interrupt.”
Dash chuckled warmly, “Anyway, I slammed him to the ground and pinned him there, or so I thought. We were both worried about Fluttershy, so we both yelled at her to run away at the same time. That’s when he elbowed me in the side and knocked the wind out of me, not that anyone except you two will ever know that, and he rolled away.”
“That’s when we stood there, like two old west gunfighters,” The girls looked confused, “Um,” I looked at Dash, “Help me out, Dash. Any time in your history where ponies regularly settled differences like—” I stopped in mid-sentence and quickly held my hand up and open, a symbol I hoped they would understand. I was sure I heard the characteristic subsonic growl of a large animal. I thanked Luna for my enhanced senses and peered around the tree line.
Looking over my left shoulder, I saw the outline of a massive creature that made my blood run cold. The exact dimensions were hard to judge, but the body looked to be three meters long. The shadows and shrubbery obscured most of the details. As I slowly drew my knife I issued a command, NON.LETHAL.COMBAT.MODE. I then glanced at my two loved ones and designated them as friends, just to be safe. The blade sank into the knuckle guard, and several short spikes grew all around the edge—small arcs of electrical discharge played over the tips of the little spikes. I wanted to be able to stop this thing without killing it. ‘Anyway, killing things means they need to be remembered, and I really don’t want to start that again. Not here. Not now.’
In a sudden and totally unexpected action, there was a dark purple flash, almost like the afterimage of a lightning strike, blinding us all for a split second. I felt the telltale burst of air a teleporting body creates from displacing the air in the location it is materializing in. My body reacted before I had time to understand, and I instinctively threw myself over Dash and Scoots, unceremoniously knocking them to the ground. I had the wind knocked out of me and I felt something fly past my head and back again. Just as suddenly, there was another flash and the dull pop of air filling a vacuum. The creature had teleported again. This frightened me far more than the thought of a three-meter animal simply attacking us.
Dash and Scoots were both shaking their heads, their vision obviously impaired and still stunned at being knocked to the ground. I smiled a little at Scootaloo. I was so proud of how she was handling herself. I could see the fear in her expression and body language, but she kept quiet.
I whispered, “Dash, you take Scoots straight up, as fast and as hard as you can. Take Scoots somewhere safe and get Twilight or Fluttershy. I’ll keep this thing busy and away from Ponyville. When I say the word, you get her out of here.”
Dash, also following the creature with her eyes, spoke angrily at me, “Alex Roberts, I will not leave you alone with a popping cat.”
The creature snarled and skulked out of the shadows, coming closer to us. In the dim light of the evening twilight, I could see the monstrosity in more detail. The huge panther-like creature with six legs was frightening enough, but it also had an even more unusual feature, two long tentacles sprouting from the front shoulders, tipped by a cluster of vicious-looking barbs. I muttered a small thankful prayer to Luna for the limitations of this creature's teleportation abilities.
I begged, “Dash, there is no way you can take off fast enough with both of us.”
Scootaloo whimpered, “Dad?”
I touched Scootaloo’s cheek, “It’s going to be okay, sweetheart. Your old man has everything under control.” With growing fear for the safety of my loved ones, “Please Dash. I’m begging you, do as I say. I’ll be fine. Just... go.”
She glanced at me for a moment, fear and determination in her eyes. She carefully picked up Scoots , “I love you, you stupid ape. Stay safe.”
My eyes flicked to her, and my lips curled into a small smile. “I love you both, now get out of here.” I took a deep breath, “On three. One... two... THREE!” I burst forward with a primal scream, letting all my ape ancestors voice their fears and anger. The beast’s head snapped between looking up at Dash and down at me until he decided I was the easier meal.
I shifted my direction, running away from Ponyville, away from Dash and Scoots, and toward the Everfree Forest. I glanced up and saw Dash carrying Scootaloo already high in the sky, heading toward Ponyville. With my loved ones safe, I gritted my teeth and yelled out, “Hey, you ugly son of a bitch! Come and get me!”
I could hear the odd asymmetrical thumping a six-legged creature makes while running. ‘Okay, the more legs, the slower they are because it’s harder to coordinate all those legs. Now, what did that old bastard say when fighting teleporting creatures? Shit, shit, shit, gah! Oh, yeah, right! Stick to areas with lots of undergrowth or obstructions. They usually can’t teleport safely, and it’s easier to find cover.’ I looked around desperately, ‘Toward the forest. It has trees, maybe tree stumps and fallen logs. That will have to do.’ I pressed myself even harder to get to the relative safety of the forest.
I suddenly caught a reflection of the afterimage flash from behind and immediately dived to the ground. This was followed by the rush of air and a dull thud, right behind my head. I quickly turned and saw one of the huge clawed paws. I could smell its breath. I rolled and threw a punch straight up, as I sent the command HALF.DISCHARGE. My blow landed squarely on its sternum and I was almost blinded by the electrical discharge. There was another afterimage flash, and I took the opportunity to scramble the last twenty meters or so to the tree line.
‘Holy shit! That was enough juice to stun a bull elephant. I think I just pissed it off.’ A beautiful angelic voice, elven to be specific, spoke in my mind, “Half discharged. Fifteen heartbeats until two-thirds charge available. Sixty heartbeats until fully charged.” So, about forty-five seconds until it has what might be an effective charge and about three minutes for a full charge. I hope they get here before then. I could use the help.
Breathing heavily, I peered around, looking for any telltale signs of that nightmare. My heart was pounding in my ears, making hearing difficult. I used my breathing exercises to calm myself, but it was no use. I knew it only took it about thirty seconds to recharge, based on its pattern so far, and that was any second now. I knew hitting it with a half charge was a waste of time. I needed that full charge. ‘Three minutes is a very long time.’
The other rule when fighting this kind of creature is to keep moving. Sitting still means it can plan its next move. As I start running in a random direction, I hear that subsonic growl of something to my left. I immediately turn right, diving between two pine trees. ‘I can’t afford to give it anything but a hard time.’ As I ran, I started doing sharp turns at random, always trying to pick my next path with at least one or two spots to rabbit in or hide behind.
I had enough time to register that afterimage flash, and then there was an impact to my left arm, slamming it against my chest, and knocking the wind out of me. I could feel my body being lifted up. This was followed by a moment of weightlessness, a sudden impact, and blackness.