//------------------------------// // 194. How Shocking. // Story: Baa-Ram-Ewe! // by Darkonshadows //------------------------------// -Equus, Canterlot, Jade- My name is Jaded La Perm and as one can imagine, I’m a rogue and a jerk with something like a heart of gold. So whenever someone walks up to me and asks… “What are you doing here?” Spitfire stated sourly and then wilted when she sat down at the table across from me. I will always have a swift response for occasions such as these. “This.” I pulled out a rubber band and stretched it. “Can you please not try to force me to chase you?” Spitfire said in a defeated tone. “Aw, you act like we aren’t friends.” I let the rubber band fly. Seconds later several things happened in quick succession, the rubber band eventually disappeared. I counted down from thirty seconds. If I timed that right then… A bright pillar of colors rose into the sky and I smiled brightly at hopefully making some foal’s day with that one… also I just ruined the day for someone else. Let the Zap Apple Jam-boree begin! “JADED YOU WILL RUE THE DAY YOU CROSSED THE MARE OF THE MOON HERSELF, I WILL GO NIGHTMARE MOON JUST FOR YOU IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT!” Princess Luna yelled from halfway across the city five seconds later spooking every single pony and visitor in the city. “Well lucky for me, I don’t have to chase you today.” Spitfire sighed with relief as she wasn’t looking directly at me. “Oh?” I curiously tilted my head at her and made a questioning mewling noise. “Why not, you’re my favorite pegasus to bug Farts Fire! Even Rainbow Dash can’t hold a truly fiery candle your backside, just think of the destruction that would cause!” Quite a few ponies laughed about the nickname. “Can we not bring out humiliating secrets about how I actually perform the buccaneer blaze in public?” Spitty said with a dry sigh, probably realizing what she just said in front of an amused crowd. She lazily pointed behind me. “Besides those guys will be doing the chasing today, they need a big distraction as they’ve been kind of tearing the royal guard apart, in your stead mind you, as training aids. You’ll be making their day for them, since I think they will really enjoy burning off some energy by ‘playing’ with you.” I could hear the sound of four familiar Canis Minors barking excitedly, my eyes went wide and I paled considerably. “Well I certainly made a mistake today when it came to being here to research whether or not you have longma heritage. Here Spitfire, have a few good meals on me… because… I’ve got to run!” I tossed a pouch of bits to Spitfire and then darted from the table like a bat out of Tartarus with Pom’s Puppy Patrol hunting down my feline backside. -Spitfire- “Sad thing is… I actually believe that we are friends, no matter how annoying.” I took the bit pouch and looked at the amount inside. “Yep, this is my bit pouch... huh? And hers too?! How actually… nice of her for once.” Turning my hoof slightly I saw another pouch tied to my stolen pouch and with a friendly message from Jade, who apparently just wanted to have fun today and relieve all the stress of having to be a politician. If she weren’t so annoying about getting me to chase her, I’d find her admirable in trying to build a friendship with me by doing stupid things. Remarkably this is how most of my friendships actually started, darn Abyssinian knew me so well. … Can Rainbow Dash just take my position as captain of the Wonder Bolts so I can finally retire from Jade already? That cat might actually be getting me to start smiling. -Earth, Power Plant, Shanty- “So that’s when I rescued the poor toaster…” This Megavolt guy can monologue, he currently be at it for far too long. “Can we be fighting now?” While making my impatience quite clear, this be taking too much of our time and Pom might be needing help outside. “Yeah, I think I’ve just about figured out what he did and how to fix it and the power situation in the city, I just have to make sure I don’t get knocked out first and take this guy down.” Gandra followed as Megavolt continued to monologue and we ignored it for the most part. “I don’t think you can knock him out with electricity, I mean in the comics he is immune to lightning, electricity and most forms of energy based attacks.” We be turning to look at Fawn. “Almost everyone in TOON Division used to be an actor before becoming police officers. We used to do some work on the Darkwing Duck show and the comics were well written.” “Not to be a little insensitive, but you strike more as being a girly girl.” Gandra, can I be pointing out that we’re being too distracted and my friends not be having all the time in the world out there? We also be having the pillar to take care of, there is being that. “Also thanks for the warning, because I was about to toss my electrified bolos at him.” “Oh I get that a lot, just because I like being cute and endearingly friendly.” Sighed Fawn and wilted with the weight of her medical kits. “That would just charge him up and make him stronger if he’s actually anything like a real version of Megavolt.” “Hey, I am the real Megavolt, are you even paying attention to me!” Megavolt be getting angry at us and turning red with rage as he lifted a pointing finger positively glowing with energy. “Well if you don’t want to listen to me then I’ll just get to the zapping!” “Finally!” I threw my hooves up. “You are being both very insane and chatty!” “Chatty?” His finger stopped glowing for a moment. “Yes, you be going on about your washing machine for too long, what was even being the point of that!” It be exhausting just to listen to him speak even partially. “I don’t care if I be getting hurt, at least it would be being more entertaining than your story about a lost left sock!” “Hey, you were paying attention!” He be seeming far too happy about that. “Can I be beating him within an inch of his life?” There were being so many things about this guy that be annoying me. “I don’t know, can you? Somehow I feel it’s warranted and that’s not usually a feeling I’m capable of.” Fawn be looking quite upset with herself for admitting to that. “It feels weird to want someone to come to harm, I mean one of my best friends is Fall-Apart Von Rabbit and he annoys people to no end and yet this guy tries my patience in barely a few minutes?” “Oh come on, I can’t be that bad… oh right, I am!” He lit up his left hand and fired a blast of lightning our way, it being stopped simply by Gizmo Gal holding out her collapsible staff. “Uh…” “I know you’re immune to electricity and raw lightning… but if I’m the same, then what does our fight boil down to exactly?” Gandra be looking bored as I did with this guy, he be really distracting and I swear Pom would be needing our help right about now. That not be something I can be forgetting very easily. “Well I have an army of appliances to do my bidding!” Megavolt be saying with his hands raised in the air sending lightning everywhere and several metallic objects around the large cavernous room of the power station came to life. “You know, I was expecting something a little more… dangerous… maybe? I mean I can’t exactly hurt you with my shock pistol in any other method than pistol whipping you with it, but I’m not exactly a great purveyor of violence or up to the task of doing so.” Fawn was being a rather peaceful being like Pom, but she still be here for us and if she is being anything like Pom then she would help however she could. “I mean the appliances are a bit interesting and that you can control them is kind of cool, but it’s not really threatening is it? I swear, if you weren’t about to kill a lot of people by redirecting the power away from the hospital, I wouldn’t even be able to take you as a serious threat. I wish Bonkers was here, he’d be handling this in his usual most ridiculous way possible… do you suppose Caper Canine and Leap Lamb are okay?” “They will be being fine for another minute.” At least that would be as long as I give them to be either doing something really epic without me, which in that case I would be a very sad goat that I missed out, or they would be terrible danger and about to die when we’re here talking a boring villain into a coma. “No seriously, what do you expect egg beaters, toasters and a microwave to do? The microwave wouldn’t work with it’ door open, the egg beaters are at best going to shoot off at us. I’m armored and Shanty can deflect, we can even be living shields for Ms. Deer and she can patch one of us up while the other protects us. There’s also the face that toast don’t have moving parts aside from internally and all they did was create overly burnt toast. We stalemate again.” Pointed out Gandra who was sitting in front of us doing something with her phone before putting it too her ear. “Hello… yeah… uh huh, found out what’s going on. He’s been captured and villains are running amuck in Saint Canard. No, no, I can save him on my own, but can you just hand Manny Apocalypse Manhorse the phone for a few seconds Mr. Gearloose? Yeah, I’m going to invoke that… we kind of need some backup even if it’s going to just be pure muscle and he doesn’t even need to pull on the magical apocalypse powers, not ready to doom the world yet… yeah you can feel the increasing urge to do so with the idiocy we have to deal with, but please resist that urge Gyro. Where am I calling from and why is there so much interference? A super villain took over a power station and apparently has control of all the network towers in the area… I just finished hacking into said network. Since it’s a villain’s network, this is a completely legal call. Thank you for agreeing, oh and Boyd is protecting a hospital. Apparently the nearby arboretum is on fire but that’s not his fault and there’s no local services active while the city is on lockdown by villainous jerks being all over the place. Yes, their hold of the city might actually be quite tenuous, now hand me over to Manny. Hey Manny, can I summon you, no I don’t need you to destroy anything. We just need you to go outside for a bit and help Leap Lamb and Caper Canine, they are probably in a bit of a bind with an army of moles. Aside from that the Terra-Firmians are already confirmed as coming to take out the mole army around the city if Leap Lamb and Caper Canine don’t do it first, they just need more time. ” There was a bit a silence and we looked towards Megavolt. “Why are you not interrupting her call?” I asked him casually, because apparently we not be fighting anytime today. “Well that would be quite rude.” Megavolt, the yellow suited rat with the strange hat on his head, continued trying to urge his army of random appliances to attack us. It be almost as sad as Quackerjack, but at least he be making toy puppets that can fight by themselves. “Also I’m still trying to figure out a way to use a safety can opener in a lethal manner, I mean it leaves no sharp edges, it has no sharp edges and as far being a minion goes... it opens a can of food in record time at least. I mean I can use the edgeless lid as a magnetic railgun projectile, but that would be me doing it and not my minion. I could add spikes, but he’s quite insistent that he just opens cans and that the best he can do. He’s so very sensitive about not being able to be harm a fly, it’s kind of un-can-ny how unhelpful he is. So I’m actually kind of distracted here.” “Kee-Oth Alpaca Pancake.” Gandra intoned while holding her arms out and bent upwards, before thrusting them forward towards her phone on the floor while saying the word ‘pancake’. In a flash of fire a dark horsey being rose while neighing to the ceiling with flames jetting everywhere spooking Megavolt from trying to talk a can opener thing into fighting us somehow. “I have been summoned again! Hey Gizmo Gal, hey hero goat Cut-Lass, hey police officer I don’t know.” The strange monster thing named Manny said with an upbeat and friendly tone after raising up in a dramatic fashion as he spread his large draconic wings out. “Nice to meet you, I’m Manny I’ll be here for the duration of what Gizmo Gal needs me for… also you owe me a pancake now Gizmo Gal.” “Yeah, yeah, I’m good for it Manny.” Gandra insisted lazily. “Still don’t know why you need the assurance.” “Hey there!” I be saying sweetly and waved at him, he waved back with a hoof. “A blueberry pancake, I’ll also accept two strawberry waffles or three cinnamon toasts with excessive amounts of whipped cream and a cherry on each.” This Manny be nodding to us and then started looking for an exit as he stomped off to go help Pom and Dolly. “That was weird.” Most would be thinking so Megavolt, but I just think it’s a day ending in ‘A’ and ‘Y’. “Okay, back to the fight we’re supposed to be having… I could beat you around with my collapsible staff for a bit.” Was there being a quicker more painful solution Gandra? This has been nothing but him talking about odd pointless things. “Wait a minute… you have devices in your body, I can feel them!” Megavolt grinned and started to hold his hand out towards Gandra, who froze up immediately. “Shanty rip…!” She got out of her beak before she became still as a statue, she looked to be in great pain. “Oh look, I have a hostage now! I’ve never gotten the upper hand so easily before… can’t recall the last time I did or even my past really… something is really quite off here, but I don’t care because I just got an I win button!” Megavolt grinned and with a flick of his hand Gandra swung her staff for us sparking with energy. Did he just be taking complete control of Gandra?! “What do you say to that, huh?! Not some simple villain now, am I! Surrender now or I will rip your friend apart from the inside… yeah that sounds about the right level of evil I should be applying here… right brighty?” The lightbulb be flickering several times. “Wait, so you could have stopped her phone call at any time and you just let that Manny guy walk out to fight your allies.” There was a long pause after Fawn asked that. “Yeah… didn’t care about those guys anyway. Now attack my beautiful minion, with the blood of appliances running through your veins!” Yeah, this not be good and neither be Megavolt. I be jumping up and pushing Fawn back as the staff swung around and for ys, but there was some resistance to it. Her other arm flicked out and she threw a lightning bolas at me, I be slashing through the chord with my right hoof swiftly before it could hurt me. “You can’t find entertainment like this anywhere these day.” Commented Megavolt, as Gandra kept trying to smack me with her staff and I be dodging and rolling while drawing her off of Fawn who whimpered and backed away. “Cut-Lass, I think she wanted you to hit him wi-eep!” Fawn be narrowly having her taken off by the sparking lightning covered staff Gandra be wielding at us. Megavolt also be firing several bolts of energy at her. Gandra be saying rip… does she be meaning use my ‘riptide’ attack? I hopped back as Gandra brought left leg high in the air and tried to be stomping down on me with it. “Cut-Lass, if you can find some water, Megavolt was proven to be quite weak to being hit with any fluid substance despite his powers!” Fawn quickly got out before ducking behind a pillar as Megavolt’s lightning struck it. That was all I be needing to know, this fight was basically being over! Too soon in my opinion, but I not be letting Megavolt hurt Gandra further. She be fighting it to the best of her ability, I can tell. “Riptide!” I slung my hooves together and blast of slightly salt water created from my sweat struck out at Megavolt and splashed him. The results were being quite painful looking. “What the, where did that water co-AGGHHHH!” Megavolt be convulsing quite a lot and he be getting quite still while being partially charged with arcs of energy. Thankfully, that be looking quite painful as he be getting badly scorched. Funny, it didn’t be smelling like cooked flesh though… I couldn’t quite figure out what that smell be exactly, but I be knowing Pom and Dolly be wanting a whiff of him. Gandra flopped over and she be letting out a whine of clear agony as parts of her body started to bleed slightly. “I now know what it feels like to be Lena Sabrewing when Magica was in charge of her body, also I am now mentally scarred for life by a villain that seemed so innocently bad at being evil a few seconds ago.” Don’t be thinking Gizmo Gal would be getting up from the floor anytime soon. “Note to self, never underestimate crazy people. Uhn…” “Well my time to shine has arrived… I have two patients to check over, I’m prioritizing the one who can get the power flowing back the hospital!” Fawn be pulling off a medical kit and motioned me forward with her as she quickly stalked up to Gandra. “I would like your assistance with treating my patients Cut-Lass.” “Well this be an anti-climactic fight.” Knowing he be scary powerful for sure, but since he be going down in one hit from my riptide attack… I lack the ability to feel afraid of Megavolt now. Provided I don’t have appliances in my blood or whatever it was that allowed him to control Gandra, those nanite things I guess? “Those are usually the best ones, because no one gets grievously injured. Now help me move Gizmo Gal over to Megavolt so I can check them both one after the other.” Fawn stated as I moved up and started helping her drag a barely conscious Gandra. “Hold on and stay awake, we need you Gizmo Gal! We don’t know how to fix the things Megavolt did to the power station.” I be looking around at all the crisscrossing wires and the various things that don’t be looking quite right. “Yeah, we really be needing your expertise!” We started peeling her armor off so Fawn could have more access to other parts of her body. “Give me a second... my nanites have just come back under my control… gods that was painful.” Gandra grunted. “Shows me to actually take any villain in another city seriously.” “Where does it hurt most and how can we help you?” Fawn asked as she started arranging several things in her open kit. “Accessing medical diagnostics…” Gandra muttered with a groan. “Darn, did a number on me… okay here’s what you need to do to stop the interference and reroute the power to being back to normal. You’re going to have to do the work for me.” “I do not be liking the sound of that.” I not be trusting myself around this stuff. “I’m not an electrician.” Fawn followed up. “You are now if you want to save everyone in that hospital.” Gandra grumbled from her still position on the floor. “People in a hospital need saving? Where do you need me!” We be seeing the local hero Neptunia stomp down on Megavolt’s face as she stepped over him. “Guy tried to fry me while he was busy distracting you, luckily some of my mutations involved electric eel. Though I am in dire need of water.” “Riptide!” Be quite thirsty after this, but it be for a good cause. Be slowing my attack while swinging my hooves and she was hit with the softest blast of water I could manage. “Ugh, thank you, wish there were more heroes around that could do that for me!” Neptunia said with her gills flaring and looking slightly healthier than she did a second ago wielding her trident. “Now has anyone seen my water pack? I kind of need that to operate on land for long periods of time and at most Cut-Lass just gave me ten minutes.” -Outside, Dolly- Momentum was not something I ever wanted to studied, even if it was a basis of one of my powers next to the whole flowing motion and aero thing, I wasn’t a science nerd like my brothers. All I knew was that I could give something extra speed or alter its direction once put into motion, that was all I really needed to know. We were now currently having problems, even with Ms. Shuttle helping, we were almost hit by her attacks several times and she’s only managed to capture about twenty of the hundred moles currently trying to keep us pressured. Thankfully those twenty were ones that were armed with guns. These guys could get underground faster than Dormarch can set a target for Ms. Shuttle, but we were still taking down their numbers one at a time in an agonizingly slow pace. The moles stayed around the sides and backs of the tanks making it hard for me to approach and sabotage, they were taking me seriously as a threat. Kind of made me happy that I’m getting more recognition, what I’m not happy about is how Moliarty was trying to target Pom with the drill tanks drills while erupting from the street. Moliarty was the most dangerous mole and he was armed with a bazooka that was apparently immune to chemical destruction as much as his goggles. When they were about to get in trouble, all the moles would dive into the ground after the drill tanks before Ms. Shuttle’s shots landed. Moliarty is actually as smart as he thinks he is, unfortunately for him his militant moles weren’t as smart. I swung the rammed the garbage can, increasing the momentum to heft it up and throw it at a mole. Took out four this time, still sixty or more to go. “Don’t exhaust yourself too badly Caper Canine, we need to stop those drill tanks somehow…” What did you think we were going to do? Pull some kind of powerful help out of our backsides Pom! “Hey guys.” We turned and looked at Manny as a drilled erupted from the ground behind him, he held out a hand and caught the drill with no effort. The entire thing started sparking and sputtering wildly and his grip stayed steady. “Where’s the trouble?” "You just stopped a major one Manny..." Pom said with a relieved sigh as the tank Moliarty retreated to popped up nearby.