When Sunset woke up the next day, she felt like something had torn her body apart and then haphazardly thrown together again. In retrospect, that might have been what happened when she first transformed into a demon and then was turned back by an overload of harmonious magic.
She knew last night had really happened. As much as she wished that it had all been a bad dream, the pain she felt in her joints was too real. As were the bandages Fluttershy had applied to her, and the scars they had found on her back. Scars from wings she was never supposed to have.
She didn’t dwell on that fact too long. She still felt remorse, sadness and guilt, just like the night before, but that strange compulsion had (mostly) faded from her mind. She could at least think clearly again, finally process what had happened after her fall.
Princess Twilight had left, and the portal had closed again. It would stay closed for another 30 moons. When it reopened, Sunset could try to pass through once more. More likely though, Princess Twilight would return and see if Sunset had managed to redeem herself. If not, only Celestia knew what would happen to her.
After Twilight had left, the girls had taken care of her. She had been forced to start rebuilding the school front, but she was grateful for it. It stopped her from thinking too hard, the monotonous act of putting bricks back in place kept her mind away from the abyss that threatened to swallow her. When the girls had come to take her home, they had kept her from it, but in a different way. Sunset had been consumed by sadness, to the point of desperation, but the mere presence of the girls had kept her at bay. She had tried to express how grateful and how sorry she was, but she probably hadn’t done a very good job of it.
And when she got home, they had run into Crystal Note. That had really happened as well, of course. All the guilt she felt had been doubled when she finally, for the first time, realized, that she had always had a friend by her side. Only that she had never treated Crystal Note as her friend, she hadn’t even treated her as an equal most of the time.
And Crystal Note had gotten angry at her. Of course she had. After everything, Sunset was surprised that nothing worse had happened. Crystal Note had asked questions, and Sunset had to answer them. And with each answer, she hated herself even more. No wonder Crystal Note had left. The Elements had shown her all the terrible things, all the darkness in her heart. If she wanted to get rid of it, she had to start from the very bottom, with no ties left to the self she had been. And by Celestia, she never wanted anything more, ever.
Sunset staggered through the apartment, which was empty now. The girls had left at some point, probably after Sunset had cried herself to sleep. She made her way to the bathroom and found some painkillers in the medicine cabinet. They were not very strong, but they’d dull the pain a bit, enough so she could move again.
Since she didn’t feel like she deserved breakfast (or that she could stomach it right now), she did the first thing that came to her mind. She gathered all her notebooks, all her plans and schemes and machinations she had gone through or had intended to pull off. She ripped every single page out of her notebooks and ripped everything into little pieces. She wished she had a paper shredder for it. She wished she could burn them all, but open fire wouldn’t be a wise thing inside the apartment, so this had to do.
The place was a mess once she was finished. Sunset had never really cared about cleaning, after all Crystal Note took care of it usually, but Sunset also knew she couldn’t rely on her anymore. She had taken her for granted for far too long, and she had paid the price for it. She had to start dealing with these things herself now, just like everybody else. Why she had believed that she was ‘above’ housework or any menial tasks, she couldn’t understand anymore.
With pained grunts, she disposed of the fruit of her labour in two huge trash bags. Then, she pulled out the vacuum cleaner and worked her way through the apartment. The pain killers were wearing off, but she didn’t let herself stop until the whole place was clean again.
She was working through the living room when she heard the door fall into its lock. She stared at the door to the foyer, in panic. Since she owned this place, it couldn’t be the landlord. She couldn’t remember giving out keys to the girls either. So this was trouble. It could be Canterlot Police Department, at best, or some special agents from a secret agency at worst, depending on how much of what had happened yesterday had made it to the public.
Sunset could only stare at the door, wide-eyed like a deer in the headlights, until it swung open and revealed Crystal Note. Sunset felt the urge to rub her eyes and pinch herself, in case she was, despite all, still dreaming.
Crystal Note took in mostly clean apartment with an expression Sunset couldn’t read. It definitely wasn’t angry, like Sunset had expected. Even her voice sounded neutral, almost void of emotion
“I would have guessed that you didn’t even know how to turn on the vacuum cleaner. It’s been almost three years, and you never used it once.”
Sunset stayed stunned, out of disbelief that Crystal Note had returned, but also out of insecurity. What could she say right now, after everything she had said last night? What could she say that wouldn’t make things even worse? Apologize? Would Crystal Note even believe her if she did?
Crystal Note didn’t wait for Sunset to say anything. She sat down in the armchair by the coffee table and set down a takeaway bag from Sunset’s favourite bakery, as well as two large takeout cups. Sunset’s favourite, a large mocha, and a cappuccino for Crystal Note. When Crystal Note opened the bag, the scent of baked goods hit Sunset’s nose, and her stomach decided that if Sunset wouldn’t speak up, it would do so instead.
Crystal Note rolled her eyes and motioned for Sunset to sit, which she did, eyes fixed on the bag. Crystal Note watched her for a whole minute, but Sunset didn’t dare to move.
“Eat.”
Sunset’s hands moved faster than her mind could process, and she was already chewing on something tasty before she remembered any semblance of manners
“Thank you.”
Rolling her eyes again, Crystal Note ignored the pastries and took long draws from her cup instead. With her hunger somewhat stilled, Sunset could finally focus on Crystal Note again, and take in some details. Crystal Note was still wearing the same clothes as yesterday. Her eyes were fallen in, telling Sunset that unlike her, Crystal Note had not gotten any sleep last night. Her shoes were wet and grassy, so she must have been in that park she sometimes visited. Besides that, nothing seemed out of the ordinary about Crystal Note.
But of course, that didn’t mean that everything was alright with her, either. Sunset had learned back in Celestia’s palace that Crystal Note was a master of hiding in plain sight. Back then, she had Crystal Note’s crystal pony magic that would give her clues, and she had been better at reading her. Here in the human world though, Sunset had no clues. If Crystal Note really knew everything, and Sunset had no reason to doubt her at this point, then she had fooled Sunset for almost two years now. There was no way to know how Crystal Note really felt.
No way, except one.
“Are you mad at me?”
Crystal Note sighed deeply, and their eyes met. They weren’t the crystal eyes she had in Equestria, but they were still hard as she fixed her
“Yes. Very. But that’s not the point, is it?”
Sunset nodded and took a sip from her drink as well, to buy a little time. After the sip, she still didn’t know what the right thing to say was.
“I’m sorry. For everything I said yesterday. I just couldn’t stop, and I made everything sound so… so… condescending and harsh and…”
“I know. I figured you were not yourself last night.”
Sunset felt tears in her eyes again, but she blinked them away. She hadn’t been herself last night in more ways than just that, but she would have to face the consequences for that later. Right now, she was talking to Crystal Note and had to focus on her.
“I never thought you’d come back after everything I said.”
“This is my home, too. I have as much reason to be here as you.”
Sunset nodded quickly and added
“Of course! I’m not complaining! It’s just, I said all these things, and they were all true, but I didn’t really give you any explanation and…”
“If I cared about explanations, I would have asked for them a long time ago.”
Sunset remembered what Crystal Note had told her last night, and nodded again
“I’m almost afraid to ask, but why didn’t you? You knew I wasn’t honest all the time, but you never confronted me about it.”
“Would it have changed anything? You would have denied it, resented me for figuring you out, and then kept going anyway. Only that you would have been suspicious of me every moment. For your sake, it was better you didn’t know.”
Sunset shook her head, not denying that Crystal Note was right, but about the absurdity of the situation.
“I always thought I was so smart, so clever, but you saw right through me. And instead of getting angry at me, or leave me just then and there, your first thought was to help me. Even now.”
She pointed at the treats on the coffee table.
“Everybody would understand if you hated me after last night, or the last two years. And instead, you brought me my favourites for breakfast. And I don’t understand why.”
Crystal Note just sat there, sipping at her drink, no emotion on her face. Sunset couldn’t stand to look at her, overwhelmed by guilt, so she looked down at her feet instead and whispered
“I’ve never thanked you even once. You cleaned after me, you fed me, you lied to authorities on my behalf, you did everything to keep me happy, and I never even thought about how you felt. What you would want, what would make you happy. I’ve taken you for granted since forever, and I know I can’t make up for it, but…”
“It was in my best interest that you were happy. I knew you were looking for a way back to Equestria, and I did everything so you could focus on that task. I never asked for your gratitude. I just never expected that you would leave me behind when you finally succeeded.”
Sunset winced at this, but she still couldn’t meet her eyes
“I swear I was going to get you. I wanted to do a quick reckon trip, gather some information, and see what’s best to do from there. But when I found out about Princess Twilight, I just couldn’t think about anything else.”
“I know.”
Sunset groaned frustrated, and worse, started to get angry again, which she had learned could become dangerous for her
“Why are you like this? Aren’t you mad a me? Don’t you hate me now? How can you be so calm with everything that I did?”
Sunset flinched back when Crystal Note suddenly jumped to her feet, the only sign of agitation she got out of her
“What do you expect me to do? Yell at you? Throw things at you? Hurt you like you hurt me? What good would that do? How would that change anything that happened? I’d still be trapped in this world, with you. And there’s nothing I can do about it.”
Sunset stared up at Crystal Note, who just sat down again and calmly sipped her coffee. Sunset had expected hatred, fury, resentment from Crystal Note, all well-deserved of course. She had imagined herself grovelling at her feet in tears, begging for forgiveness.
Instead, all she got was… indifference. After the pain she felt last night, she wouldn’t have thought that there could have been something that hurt even more that her transformation. But now, she knew better.
“I promise, as soon as the portal opens again, you’ll be the first one to know!”
“Please don’t make any promises. Especially ones you don’t intend to keep.”
Sunset winced back. She deserved this treatment, but really, she deserved far worse
“There must be something I can do! Anything! Just tell me!”
“You can’t do anything for me. You’re just doing this for yourself.”
“What? I’m trying to apologize! How could that be selfish?”
Crystal Note put down her cup and shot a glare at Sunset
“You want me to hate you, so you can beg for forgiveness and prove that you’re changing. But you’re not doing it for me. You’re doing it so you can feel accomplished, so you can pat yourself on the back for taking such a big step in changing yourself. You want something to show off to those girls next time you see them. You want my forgiveness, but for all the wrong reasons.”
Sunset shook her head and tears shot back into her eyes
“That’s not…”
As much as she wanted to deny it, something stopped her
“I’m not…”
She couldn’t even say it. If she couldn’t convince herself that she meant it, how could she convince anyone? How could she deny it, when Crystal Note was so obviously right?
“I’m sorry.”
Crystal Note didn’t say anything, and her expression was back to neutral and impassive. Sunset wiped her eyes, trying to explain herself. She owed her at least that much
“Everything I’ve done for the last three years, maybe even longer, has been a mistake. I get that now. I hate myself so much for everything I did, over here and back in Equestria. And I want to make up for. But I don’t know where to start, or how.”
“Everything you did was a mistake?”
Sunset nodded sadly and choked on a sob
“Everything.”
Crystal Note got up and collected the remains of Sunset’s breakfast. Sunset heard rummaging in the kitchen, but she couldn’t move. She heard Crystal Note walk by behind her, towards the front door. Just before she closed the door, she heard her say something
“It’s almost to the day three years since you saved me from that crystal. But I assume that’s just another mistake for you.”
Sunset froze up for a moment, then span around, but the door was already closed. She could try and run after her, but she knew there was no right apology for what she just said.
Sunset had made so many mistakes, so many bad choices, and many of them knowing that they were wrong. She was so good at doing the wrong thing, that even when she tried to do what’s right, she was making things worse.
It was always the same. Princess Celestia, Cadance, practically everyone at school, Princess Twilight… and now even Crystal Note. No matter how hard she tried, she always ended up hurting everybody who got too close to her. And this time, she didn’t even have to turn into a demon to cause pain.