Dear Princess Celestia, PINKIE PIE HERE!!!! I'm known here as Private First Class Pinkie "MATCH" Pie!!! I doubt I'm the only one thinking this but, let me be he first to say that this war is SUPERY DOOPERY FUN!!!! I have never had so much fun in my life!!!! I think my friends totally hate this war but i personally love it. I know many would disagree, but I simply love all the shiny medals you get for doing simple things like killing changelings. It's tons of fun earning them too! You have so many ways and tools and weapons to use to complete this task. Want me to tell you some? HUH??? HUH?? HUH??? Of COURSE you do!!!! Everypony loves when Pinkie talks!
Okay so anyway, our armory is huge. Since I'm a pyro, i can only use things that shoot out fire. I don't let it stop me from "borrowing" some other cool things that go bang bang. My personal favorite toy is Fwoosh. The commanders call it a flamethrower , but I prefer Fwoosh because that's the sound it makes when you press the trigger. I absolutely love it when the changelings scream. It sounds kinda like this: EEYAAAOOOOH!! Or something like that. It makes me laugh so much! It just sounds so stupid and funny!!! I know I'm not usually so violent, but ever since the commander told me to take those pills in the morning, i just feel so giddy to start the day! The commander said I had to take twenty of those things every morning so that i could be a super-weapon, and also because I'm special. DUHHH I'M SPECIAL!!! I love being special! What's better is that those pills taste so sugary sweet! I love taking them. Sometimes i take up to six because they taste so good!
Aaaaaanyway, the changelings are being annoying, and so is the commander. The changelings keep shooting me and it tickles when they do. I need to keep focus when I kill them. When I'm ticklish everywhere, the commander tells me to run all the way back to Fluttershys infirmary. It's so frustrating to have to run all the way back, and it's so boring waiting for Fluttershy to do whatever she does to make the tickle go away. When she is finally done, our attack is usually over and I have to wait until we finally get attack, or attack again.
My favorite time of all favorite times is when we raid an enemy command base. All the changelings are bunched up so tightly together, and it's so easy to pick them off with my flamethrower. Seeing them squirm is just so.... so.... satisfying. OOH! Story time princess! I have three stories i want to share with you. They all share a common subject: How i almost managed to get us all killed.
Alright, so one time I was playing around with the cool stuff in our armory. It was late morning, close to lunch. I was playing with this funny round thing. The other ponies called them something like green-odes or grenodes.... something like that. Anyway, Rainbow walked in while I was playing with it and asked what I was doing. I held up the strange round thing and her eye widened. I heard a click and Rainbow snatched the round thing and ran outside. She threw it as far as she could and it exploded in mid air. All I managed to say was "uh...whoops?" All she did was twitch once and facehoofed. She then walked away. Apparently I could have made the whole armory explode, but wouldn't be alive to see it. NEXT STORY!
Alright so, one time the changelings had this super smart idea to attack us at night when we were sleeping. I was protecting the commanders tent. It was dark, so I lit myself up with this super armor thing that could make me light up with fire shooting holes. Anyway, I saw Rainbow fly over us, and blow up these huuuuge tanks with a bow and arrow. It was like Nightmare Night and my birthday wrapped up in this epic-super-duper-explosion-of-awesomeness. Anyway, I was all like yay and was bouncing up and down because i was so happy. I forgot to turn off the fire holes on my armor, and the tent somehow got caught on fire. luckily somepony put it out with his water bottle. Pretty cool huh?
Okay last story, and then i'll get to how my friends fight. So one time, I was doing a boring patrol, and we were walking by an abandoned trench line. I saw these little square things sticking out of the ground. Bring me, I was super duper curious what was lying in the dust. I jumped into the trench and carefully took off the dirt that covered this little square object. It had words on it but I didn't get to read it on time. I was pulled away by Rainbow, who told me that the trench was covered in mines and C4s. I thought it was a shame we never blew them up. Thankfully, days later the changelings attacked us, and when they took cover in the trench it EXPLODED!!!!!!! I saw this re mist go up as well as a few body parts. It made my day. It helps me go to sleep. So many battlefront memories. I thought war would be horrible but its actually really fun!
Anyway, on to my friends. Alright so, who to start with? What about Twilight?
Okay on the battlefield, she barely fires at all. I see her pop up a few times but she always looks like she is about to cry every times she gets a kill or wounds a changeling. All together i counted 20 kills. I saw her get chipped in the shoulder once. She kinda shrugged it off. Must be the adrenaline. She always seems so sad, its kinda depressing around her. I don't think she has ever smiled since we got here. I don't know. Maybe it was just a side affect of the food here? I don't know.
Next is Applejack!!! AJ has a blast up in the mortar hill. I visited her once. Apparently some of her cousins also signed put and they got put together on a team. It was naturally pretty busy. What did you expect? It's the Apple family. Anyway, we had so much fun drinking, and blowing up changelings, and laughing, and blowing up changelings, and firing the mortar, and blowing up changelings. Unfortunately, the commander found out and told me to leave cause I was too "distracting..." Pfft....I was totally not.Anyway, she seems to be having a good time.
Rarity saved my life once. I was pinned on the ground by a changeling. I saw him/her take out a knife and hold it against my throat. I thought it was going to be the end, until Rarity totally sniped what changeling in the head. I was splattered in blood. Tasted okay, but not recommended. She gave me a thumbs up from her sniping perch and I smiled and waved back. She seems kinda happy, but also kinda sad. She seems alright though, but tired. Her aim is impeccable, as always.
Fluttershy is alright, but DAAANG slow at taking tickles away. She's okay though.... Oh Luna who am i kidding? SHE'S NOT OKAY AT ALL!!! She's depressed all over. She's mopy and sad all the time an doesn't like talking about the war either. She's too peaceful, and I don't really talk to her often but she has a lot of patience to put up with all these patience. She's very peaceful, but hey. She's a great friend and she's awesome.
Last on our list is Rainbow. She's having a blast on the battlefield. She never backs down from a fight, and she fights with anything that's lying around. Again, like I said before, Bow and arrow versus a fully armoured tank, armed with Two cannons that could rip her wide open, and two machine guns on them. And there are two of them. She has the spirit of a champion, and you can tell she is devoted to our war. I won't be surprised if she becomes the key to our victory.
Well that's all I have to say about anything. OH! I almost forgot. If you see Mr or Mrs Cake, tell them Pinkie is ready to make cupcakes some sugary sweets when she gets back!
Love, Ponyville's very own:
Private First Class Pinkie "Match" Pie
:)