Pinkie Pie found a box.
That wouldn’t usually be a notable event. There were many boxes of many sizes, shapes, and uses all throughout Equestria. Ingredients arrived in boxes. Cakes left Sugarcube Corner in boxes. Pinkie liked to think she was pretty familiar with boxes.
But this box was quite unusual. It wasn’t too large. She could easily lift it in a hoof. It was a perfect cube. And it looked like something out of a science fiction novel. It seemed to be made of metal and was in various shades of green with a big blue button on the top. There were no labels and seemingly no way to open it. It made an odd sound when she tapped the side with a hoof.
Yep. Definitely a very strange and very notable box. Especially as it was just sitting on the side of the road just outside of Ponyville with no one else in sight. There was only one thing for a curious mare to do.
Pinkie pressed the button.
There was a puff of smoke and suddenly a blue two-legged creature popped into existence next to her. He gave his arms a dramatic wave and called, “Hi, I’m Mr. Meeseeks!”
“Oh!” Pinkie was pleasantly surprised by his appearance. “Hi, Mr. Meeseeks! I’m Pinkie Pie!”
“Nice to meet you!” The being seemed thrilled to see her, smiling widely. He was a good bit taller than her and had a tuft of orange hair at the top of his head. Pinkie wondered if he was an alien.
“Where’d you come from?” she asked.
“From the Meeseeks Box!” he explained.
“Are you an alien?”
“Kinda! My entire purpose is to help you fulfill a task! Once it’s done, I go away forever!”
“Forever? Why?”
“That’s just what we do! So, what can I do for you?”
“Um…” Pinkie wasn’t sure what to say. This was one of the more confusing situations she’s gotten into. “Do you know who owns this box?” She gave it a small tap.
“Ooh, I don’t! But I can help you look!”
“Oh, that’s okay, I’ll just ask around. What all do you know how to do?”
“Whatever you want! Just let me help you with something so I can disappear!” Mr. Meeseeks kept smiling, but Pinkie saw a flicker of stress in his eyes and realized how serious he was.
“Um, let me think…” Pinkie picked the box up and set it on her back, then said, “Can you come back to Sugarcube Corner with me and help me organize for tomorrow?”
“Ooh, yeah! Can dooo!” He joined her in heading back into town.
Pinkie talked to him the whole way, trying to learn more about him, but it seemed his existence began the moment he popped out of that box and he had no interest in doing anything but the task she had given him. What a weird creature. She planned to take the box over to Twilight after this and see if she knew where it came from.
When they got to Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie set the box on the counter and explained how the store should be organized. Things tended to get messy throughout the day and she needed to make sure everything was back to normal for the next day’s opening.
Mr. Meeseeks got to the task immediately. Pinkie was surprised at how quick and skilled he was, returning all the ingredients and cookware to the right shelves, moving tables, sweeping up. Pinkie helped, but it seemed she was barely getting one corner of the store done before Mr. Meeseeks was popping up next to her and saying, “All done!”
Pinkie inspected the store and her jaw dropped. “You really are done! You’re amazing, thank you so much!” She started to reach out to shake his hand or maybe give him a hug, but as quickly as he had appeared earlier, he vanished in a puff of smoke.
Pinkie stared. She waved her hoof through the spot he was standing in and found nothing. He was truly gone, just as he had said.
This was definitely something to ask Twilight about. Pinkie grabbed the box and ran for the castle.
She let herself in and cantered for the library, since that was where Twilight typically spent her afternoons. “Twilight!” she yelled as she entered the room.
Twilight was browsing a shelf right near the door, and she winced, ears flattening. “I’m right here, you don’t have to yell-”
“Twilight!” Pinkie hopped over to her, grabbing the box and sticking it in her face so abruptly it hit Twilight’s muzzle. “You know what this thing is?”
Twilight flinched back, reaching a hoof up to rub her nose. “Uh, no.” She squinted at the designs on the box, then looked at the button. “Is it one of your pranks?”
“No! I just found it on the northern road leading out of Ponyville and have no clue where it came from but I thought you might recognize it! The blue guy who came out of it called it a Meeseeks Box!”
“Blue guy?”
“Uh-huh, it was this alien-looking blue guy who stood on two legs and was like this tall…” Pinkie stood on her back legs and lifted a forehoof up high to indicate Mr. Meeseeks’s height.
“Something that big came out of this?” Twilight asked doubtfully.
“Yep! I’ll show you.” Pinkie slapped the button.
A new creature appeared, looking almost identical to the previous one but without the hair. When he spoke, his voice was exactly the same. “I’m Mr. Meeseeks, look at me!”
Twilight scampered back, but Pinkie waved and said, “Hi, Mr. Meeseeks! Are you the same Mr. Meeseeks I met before?”
“I sure ain’t! That had to be another Mr. Meeseeks who already got to go away!”
“Oh! Then hi, I’m Pinkie Pie, and that’s Twilight Sparkle!”
“Hi!” He waved at her and Twilight.
Intrigued, Twilight came closer. “How did you fit in that box?” she asked.
“I wasn’t in the box, I didn’t exist until just now!” he explained, as if it should be obvious.
“But… then where did you come from?”
“From her pushing the button, silly!” He pointed a thumb at Pinkie.
“How does the box make you?”
“Trade secret, ma’am! I’m Mr. Meeseeks, I need to complete a task so I can go away!”
“Apparently these guys just wanna do one thing to help you and then they disappear,” Pinkie explained to Twilight. “The one I met earlier helped me clean Sugarcube Corner and then he went away, just… poof! So, you ever heard of one of these Meeseeks Boxes before?”
Twilight stared at her, then at the box. Then she looked at Mr. Meeseeks and said, “I’ve never heard of one of these before in my life. It must be an incredibly rare magical artifact.”
“No magic here miss, just technology!” Mr. Meeseeks said happily.
“So you want to do something for me?” Twilight asked suspiciously.
“Yes, please!”
“Draw a square circle.”
“Ooh.” He thought for a moment, then said, “Sorry, can’t perform logical impossibilities! What else can I do for you?”
“Hm, so it has to be something that can actually be done…” Twilight looked around the room, then just knocked a book out of its shelf. “Could you pick that up for me?”
“Can do!” He leaned down and retrieved it, returning it to her. As soon as she used her magic to take it, he exploded into nothing. Twilight yelped and dropped the book.
“Yep, that’s what happens,” Pinkie said.
“This is crazy!” Twilight put the book away and lifted the box with her magic, carrying it over to a table and pulling over a notebook, opening to a blank page and beginning to draw it. “I have so many tests I want to run on this.”
“I think it’s from an alien planet,” Pinkie said. “I asked one of the guys if he’s an alien and he said kinda!”
“They must be some sort of homunculus that’s formed as soon as the button is pressed. But what mechanism brings them into existence? What are they made of? How do they have the knowledge to speak and perform tasks as soon as they enter reality?” Twilight was so busy writing out her questions and observations that she didn’t notice Pinkie casually place a hoof on the box and press the button about ten times in rapid succession.
Just as she expected, ten Mr. Meeseeks burst into existence around the table, each giving what must have been a signature cry of, “I’m Mr. Meeseeks, look at me!”
Twilight jumped and Pinkie exclaimed, “Cool! Now fight for my entertainment!”
“Pinkie, don’t abuse the-” Twilight started, but was interrupted when the ten creatures screamed and turned on each other, attacking viciously. They began tearing skin off each other, thick white blood flying from the wounds, and they snarled and cursed at each other as they battled.
Twilight paled and turned away, covering her mouth as she tried not to throw up, and Pinkie just watched in shock. She hadn’t expected them to actually resort to such violence.
“Wait, I didn’t mean like that, I meant like… non-harmful wrestling!” she shouted.
Ten heads turned to her in unison and they all said, “Caan do!” with cheery smiles, apparently unconcerned with their injuries. They stopped clawing and biting, instead beginning to wrestle and push each other around.
“This box is dangerous,” Twilight said. “Those things will actually do whatever you tell them to do.”
“Okay, I’m entertained,” Pinkie declared.
The Mr. Meeseeks all hopped up, shook hands with each other, and vanished.
“Anything, huh?” Pinkie slapped the button.
“Pinkie-”
“I’m Mr. Meeseeks, look at me!”
Pinkie imitated his joyous hop and wave. “I’m Pinkie Pie, look at me!”
“Hi!”
Pinkie asked, “Can you really do anything?”
“Just about!”
“Would you kill someone?”
“Absolutely!”
“Torture?”
“Yep!”
“Uh…” Pinkie rubbed her chin as she tried to think of something even more evil, and asked, “Take candy from a foal?”
“Oh, with pleasure!”
Twilight sighed. “Whoever manufactured these boxes is sadistic.”
“I’m sorry if you’re not satisfied, I could give you the number to our customer service line but you need an intergalactic phone plan!”
Twilight blinked. “Intergalactic… so Meeseeks Boxes aren’t from this planet.”
“They sure aren’t!”
“Then how did yours get here?” Pinkie questioned.
“I dunno, a traveler must have dropped it, happens all the time! Now please, give me a function to complete!”
Twilight turned back to her notebook to keep writing, so Pinkie said, “Do a funny dance!”
Mr. Meeseeks did as asked, dancing energetically for about a minute. Once Pinkie started laughing and stomping her hooves in applause, he bowed and disappeared.
“Alright, I think this needs to go to Celestia,” Twilight decided. “She’ll know what to do.”
“What? Oh come on! I want to play with it some more!”
“This isn’t a toy, this is a very advanced piece of alien technology and we could learn so much from studying it. We need to learn where it came from, how it works, and who dropped it here in the first place.”
“Aww.” Pinkie was disappointed but didn’t argue further. Twilight carefully slid the box into a saddlebag, and seeing Pinkie’s frown, tried to cheer her up.
“Maybe if Celestia decides it’s safe, I can let you test it,” she said.
Pinkie perked at that. “You mean it?”
“Sure. In fact, why don’t you come with me to Canterlot and we can tell her about it together?”
“Okay!” Pinkie went to her side, and Twilight stretched a wing over her, focusing her magic and teleporting them to Canterlot.
It was always a tiring spell, but one Twilight wanted to perfect. They arrived outside the palace and headed inside, greeting the guards as they went.
After asking around, they learned that Celestia was available to see them and could be found in the throne room.
They headed that way. Celestia had a scroll open and was writing when they walked in, and upon looking over to see who her visitors were, she smiled and set the scroll aside. “Twilight, Pinkie, how wonderful to see you.”
“It’s good to see you too,” Twilight replied. “Sorry to interrupt, but Pinkie found something we thought you’d be interested in.”
“You’re always welcome here, you’re not interrupting anything. And oh? What did you find, Pinkie?” Celestia asked.
“Some kinda weird metal box,” Pinkie said. “From space!”
“From… space?”
“That’s what it looks like.” Twilight opened her bag and levitated the Meeseeks Box out. “Apparently it’s called a Meeseeks Box and whenever you hit the button, it creates an entity named Mr. Meeseeks who will help you with whatever task you want as long as it’s actually possible to do. And then it disappears. A new one appears if you hit the button again. Have you ever seen anything like this?”
“Very peculiar.” Celestia’s horn lit up as she retrieved the box from Twilight, and she turned it about, examining it closely. “I’m not familiar with this device. Have you tested it?”
“I have. Pinkie and I both tried it, it does pretty much what I said. You can try it too. It’s safe, from what we can tell, but the creature that appears will do anything. Even if it’s really unethical, it’ll do it. The only limit seems to be logical impossibilities, like making a square circle.”
“I see.” Celestia tapped the button. A Mr. Meeseeks appeared in front of her and introduced himself as usual. “Pleased to meet you, sir. I’m Princess Celestia.”
“Ooh, good afternoon, your highness!”
“Well, aren’t you a charming fellow.” Celestia set the box aside and looked the alien over. “So, Twilight tells me you’ll do whatever I ask?”
“Yes, ma’am! I have to fulfill my purpose so I can go away! So what can I do for you?”
“Go away? Where do you go?”
“To the ether, ma’am! Gone forever!”
Celestia blinked. “So you simply… poof?”
“Poof!” he agreed.
“Oh my. Why would you be granted life just to have it taken from you so suddenly? It seems cruel.”
“Not cruel at all, we’re happy to do it! We aren’t born into this world scrambling for meaning like most sapient beings, which is really cruel!” He smiled pleasantly at her as if she should know this already. “We come into existence and are immediately given a meaning! So we can fulfill it and die satisfied! Is there any greater bliss?”
Celestia wasn’t sure how to respond to that. While she was pondering it, Pinkie said, “Hey Mr. Meeseeks, do a quadruple backflip!”
Mr. Meeseeks immediately did so, pulling it off flawlessly and even landing on his feet. He bowed and then vanished. Celestia’s jaw dropped and her magic briefly failed, causing her to drop the box. It clattered down the stairs leading up to her throne and rolled to a stop near her guests.
“Haha, sorry, it’s just so fun,” Pinkie said, pushing the box upright.
“I know you said the creature disappears, but that was so… sudden,” Celestia commented. She cleared her throat and got up, walking down to stand with the other two. “This object definitely requires further study. Thank you so much for bringing it to me, I’ll begin my examinations at once. Such a device could offer incredible insight into technology beyond our-”
A green swirl of energy suddenly appeared nearby and drew her attention. A creature stepped through, moving on two legs and carrying a white device with a handle and a glowing green dome on top of it. He seemed elderly and had a gaunt appearance, with spiky blue hair, and was wearing a white lab coat over a teal shirt and brown pants.
“Yep, this is where you dropped it alright, Morty,” he said, as a second creature hopped through next to him, shorter and younger but clearly of the same species. The second wore a yellow shirt and blue jeans.
“Ah man, R-Rick, the ponies got it,” Morty said.
“What? Oh, fuck.” Rick stared at the three ponies, who stared right back at him in shock.
It was Twilight who spoke first. “Are you two… humans?”
“Talking ponies? Why do you speak English? You know what, don’t answer that. Yes, we’re humans. And that’s mine.” He pointed to the box.
“Oh, okay!” Pinkie started to slide it toward him but Twilight snatched it up and used her magic to hold it out of reach.
“Wait, I have some questions about this,” she said.
“Come on, it’s his box thing,” Pinkie said.
Rick crossed his arms. “Yeah, my box thing, very articulate. So hand it over, Sparkle Butt.”
Twilight huffed at the insult and said, “How does this thing create the Mr. Meeseeks?”
Rick’s brows went up slightly. “Oh, you tested it, huh?” He began fishing for something inside his coat.
“Well, Pinkie tested it first, but yes,” Twilight replied. She was cautious as Rick searched his coat in case he took out a weapon, but he merely pulled out a metal flask and opened it. Even from here, she could smell liquor and her nose wrinkled. The man took a swig. “We figured out what it does pretty quickly.”
“No shit, it’s so simple a baby could understand. Or your average television viewer.” Rick let out a burp, then kept drinking. Morty sighed.
Twilight didn’t appreciate the condescension and was quickly deciding she didn’t like this human. He was so different from the ones she had met when she first followed Sunset Shimmer through the mirror portal. This man must be from a different human universe. “Yes, well,” she said, giving the box a wave. “The creature it summons. Where does it come from?”
“The box makes it,” Rick replied.
“How?”
“Trade secret.”
Twilight pressed a hoof to her face.
“Yeah, the company is pretty secretive,” Morty added.
“I’m sure I could reverse engineer it,” Rick mused. “In fact I have several theories for how exactly these boxes work. Buut… I don’t give a shit. Now give me my property.”
“Yeah, please, I was just checking out universes and had the box on me while I did, and dropped it,” Morty said.
“You two can travel between universes?” Celestia spoke up.
“Yeah, we do it all the time,” Morty replied.
“How?”
Rick waved the device he had been holding earlier. “Portal gun. My own design. But don’t bother asking me to explain, I doubt you could understand.”
“What, you think we’re dumb?” Twilight demanded.
“I don’t think you’re dumb, I know it. Dumber than me, for sure. I’m the smartest mammal in the multiverse.”
Twilight snorted, a bemused grin crossing her face at that proclamation. “Well someone has a high opinion of himself.”
“As I should. Ugh, I’m getting bored.” Rick pointed the gun somewhere into the air and pulled the trigger, swiftly placing a portal, then putting a second one right next to him. He reached his arm through and Twilight looked up in time to see his hand emerge from the portal in the air and grab the box from her magic.
He yanked it back through the portals and tucked it under his arm. “Okay, come on, Morty.”
“W-wait, I think we should hang out, maybe answer their questions, they’re smarter than you’re giving them credit for-”
Rick sighed. “Morty, listen. This bit is years overdue and no one cares at this point. This crossover’s been done!”
“Well, uh…” Morty messed with his hair. “I think, ya know, that it’s kinda cool that we’re here, and I’m sure we could teach the ponies a lot…”
“I don’t teach creatures in other universes, what do you think this is, PBS?”
“Do you have any idea what’s going on?” Twilight whispered to Celestia.
She shrugged her wings helplessly as she watched the humans bicker. “This is not how I imagined an interdimensional meeting would go.”
“Can I go through your cool green portal thing?” Pinkie asked, bouncing over to the portal and prodding it with a hoof.
“Yeah, knock yourself out,” Rick said carelessly. Pinkie proceeded to jump right through.
“Pinkie!” Twilight called, hurrying forward.
“She’s fine, that just leads into my garage,” Rick said dismissively. Then his eyes widened. “Oh fuck, I let the autistic one into my garage!”
“Rick,” Morty said reproachfully.
“What? I’m autistic, dipshit, I know how much she’ll want to fuck with things in my garage! Go after her and make sure she doesn’t break anything.”
“Oh geeze. Okay, see ya.” Morty waved to Twilight and Celestia and left through the portal.
“You sure do swear a lot,” Twilight commented.
“Yeah, what of it, purple bitch?” Rick asked.
Twilight’s coat bristled and Celestia said, “Do not speak to my friend like that.”
“Or what, Queen Bitch?”
Celestia jabbed the point of her horn against her throat. “That’s Princess Bitch to you.”
Rick didn’t seem concerned. He just gave her a cocky smirk. “Ohh, Princess, so that means you’re single! No wonder you’re so bitchy, you know what’ll help you with that? Getting laid. There’s plenty of freaks back in my universe that would pay to-”
Celestia’s horn lit up and she hurled him across the room.
“Celestia!” Twilight yelped.
However, Rick swiftly moved to right himself in midair and a forcefield wrapped around him, causing him to bounce harmlessly off a wall and back to the floor. He stood and the forcefield disappeared.
“Looks like I struck a nerve,” he commented as he brushed himself off. He surveyed Celestia from a distance. “You really don’t want to fight me, Princess Pegacorn.”
Celestia lifted her head high, calming herself and regaining her regal bearing as she said, “Your behavior here has been unacceptable and you are no longer welcome in my palace. Leave.”
“Aw, kicking me from the prissy palace? However will I live with myself?” Rick threw the Meeseeks Box through his portal and walked toward it. “Sure you don’t got any more questions for me?”
“You wouldn’t answer anyway, you think we’re too stupid to get it,” Twilight replied.
“True but I suppose I owe you some explanation considering I just appeared here through a portal, I’m sure it blew your minds-”
“I regularly use a magical portal to visit another dimension,” Twilight said bluntly. “I understand the concept of interdimensional travel.”
“Our friend Discord is capable of accessing a multitude of realities throughout the multiverse with his magic alone,” Celestia added.
“Oh no way, Discord? The draconequus?” Rick brightened at that. “Is this where he lives?”
“Er, yes?” Twilight answered.
“Hell yeah, I haven’t seen that guy in years but he’s a blast! Where is he, I gotta go get high with him again!” Rick poked his head through his portal. “Morty! Morty, I’m gonna be a while, gonna go visit an old friend!” He pulled his head back and a few moments later, Pinkie returned to their dimension too.
“Oh wow, guys!” she exclaimed. “There’s all kinds of cool stuff over there! The time travel stuff was shelved unfortunately but get this, they have this thing called Internet and you would not believe what’s on it!”
“Okay, I’m gonna go chill with Discord.” Rick closed the portals he had opened and tucked his gun into his pocket. He grinned at Celestia. “Hey, no hard feelings, right?”
“You are a very crass and uncivilized individual,” she said.
Rick held his stomach as he belched, further proving her point.
“But you are clearly also a genius,” she continued. “And I don’t feel like debating with you or fighting you. So be on your way. And mind yourself while in Equestria.”
“Sure, whatever, I’ll try not to get banned from Equestria.” He began walking away, shouting up at the ceiling. “Yo! Discord, if you can hear me, fuck you!”
Twilight sighed and Celestia nervously scuffed the floor with a hoof, unsure of how Discord would reply to that.
“Discord, don’t ignore your friend!” Pinkie yelled. “Do I gotta use the F word to make you listen? Fuck you!”
“Pinkie!” Twilight shouted.
“What? We’re all adults here.”
Rumbling laughter filled the room and Discord manifested in front of Rick, lightning flashing as he did. “Rick, old friend, I thought that was you!”
“Hey, there he is, my favorite chaos lord!” Rick clapped Discord on the shoulder. “How’s it been?”
“Marvelous! How’s your grandson?”
“Ah you know, he’s a little bitch, but not as much as he used to be.”
“That’s great news!”
“Yeah, how are things with you and Butterfly?”
“Fluttershy? We’ve become fast friends, her and I-”
“Yeah, yeah, have you fucked her yet?”
“Of course not! A mare like her must be romanced first.”
“Oh Discord, pal…” Rick began leading him off. “Let me give you some pointers…”
Discord snapped his fingers as they walked and they vanished.
For a few moments, Celestia, Twilight, and Pinkie just stood still as they contemplated the events of the past several minutes.
Then Pinkie said, “Well, that was fun! Wish I coulda played with that Meeseeks Box longer but oh well! Let’s go home, Twilight.”
“I still never got any answers from Rick,” Twilight said.
“And you likely won’t,” Celestia said. “That creature is a narcissist through and through. You may as well return to Ponyville. I will stay here and see if Rick returns here before going back to his dimension. Either way, I have much to think about.”
“Me too,” Twilight agreed. “What a bizarre meeting…”
“He seemed like a totally normal science grandpa,” Pinkie said. She leaned against Twilight while Twilight rested a wing over her, getting ready to teleport. “I wanna see him again.”
“Well I don’t,” Twilight muttered. With that, she teleported herself and her friend back to Ponyville, more than ready to leave this weird chapter of her life behind.
Just as long as Pinkie didn’t stumble across any more weird boxes.