//------------------------------// // If it Has Eight Legs, Kill it! // Story: There Are Roommates Living in My Head Rent Free // by Amilition //------------------------------// Luna had fought many creatures throughout her life. Manticores, hydras, sea serpents, hell, even the chaos god himself. And when Nightmare Moon took control of Luna's body, she gained all the memory, knowledge, and experience Luna had. But there was one fear that Luna hid away from the public eye that Nightmare Moon inherited rather unhappily. And that fear was— "Spider! Kill it! Kill it with fire!" The Royal Canterlot Kitchen was in complete disarray. Pots and pans lay strewn across the floor as three, familiar, chefs scurried across the kitchen in a frenzy. Nightmare Moon, being the brave mare she is, huddled atop a stove. Amid the ruckus, a table was flipped across the room, hitting the floor and shattering into shards of wooden flakes. Root Beer then stood in front of Nightmare Moon and saluted. "I threw a table at it, your highness. Surely it's dead." A scream then sounded across the room. "Ah! No, the fuck it's not! It's crawling up the wall." Shouted Leaf Blossom, pointing at a nearby wall with a wooden spoon. The mare in question was cowering behind a barricade of chairs as she wore a pot as a makeshift helmet. The old stallion grunted as he scowled at the wall. Flying over to the many cabinets lining the walls, he tore one of them off and chucked it at the wall Leaf Blossom was pointing at. Except he missed the wall and the cabinet smacked into Orange Peel, who was clinging onto the kitchen chandelier. "It's. . . getting away." Orange Peel slurred before falling off with a thud. Indeed, a little black bug was crawling underneath the door leaving the kitchen. Root Beer went in front of Nightmare Moon and saluted again. "Mission status! There was a spider, so I threw a table at it. It survived, so I threw a cabinet at it. Cabinet was ineffective due to chef Orange Peel being in the way." "I wasn't in the way! You hit me!" Groaned the injured stallion. "The spider escaped but I assure you, I mean to track it down." Root Beer finished. Nightmare Moon's eye twitched. "I don't care about that! Just find that damn bug, and kill it!" Root Beer nodded before looking back at the two chefs. Leaf Blossom was currently helping up Orange Peel before Root Beer shouted. "Team! Current objective! Search and destroy! He said gruffly. The two ponies said 'aye, aye' in unison with Orange Peel slurring a bit. "Aren't we overreacting here? I mean, it's just a spider." Anon hesitantly said. "Just a spider! Anon, art thee crazy! We shouldst have every guard on alert for this abomination!" "Good idea, Luna. Guard!" A night guard stepped into the room and saluted. "Yes, mistress?" "I want every guard in the palace on the lookout for any bugs. If it has eight legs, kill it!" Nightmare ordered. The night guard nodded. "It shall be done." He said before stepping out of the room. "This is so dumb." Anon mumbled. The palace was in a code red state. Windows were boarded up, barbed wire and barricades were placed at the entrance of the castle, guard checkpoints were put up throughout the castle hallways and even makeshift flak cannons were placed on each of the palace towers. No one was to enter nor leave the castle grounds. Every guard, maid, and servant was checked for four legs. A poor amputee was locked in the dungeon under suspicious circumstances. And at the heart of it all, was the throne room, the most protected room throughout the palace. Four ponies were in this room, not counting the countless guards within. Nightmare Moon sat on her throne, shaking violently. If you were to point this out to her, she'd surely send you to meet Celestia. Root Beer paced back and forth in front of the throne room doors with a makeshift spear, a broom handle with a fork tied to the end of it. The other two ponies, Leaf Blossom and Orange Peel sat on either side of the throne, scared and confused as ever. "U-um ma'am," Leaf Blossom stuttered, "I-is this all. . . n-necessary?" Nightmare Moon glared down at the now shrinking mare. "Of course it's necessary, you ignorant potato!" Nightmare Moon then gestured to the room around them, "all of this is necessary for such a creature." She hissed. The mare hesitantly nodded and, without a word, looked forward. "So, why are you guys scared of spiders?" Anon asked. "Such a foolish thing to ask, Anonymous! We will never tell you—" "It all beganeth so longeth ago." Luna interjected. "Wait, no! Don't tell him!" Nightmare Moon shouted. But it was already too late, the flashback sequence was already in motion. I was but a wee dram filly but I couldst still remember it liketh it wast just yesterday. It was a sunny afternoon and Celly and I were just coming backeth after one of our many outdoor adventures. "Oh, how wonderful yond wast, sister! Didst thee seeth the way I did throw yond squirrel! It wenteth far over the lake!" I shouted. I remember my sister gave me this particular look. "Luna, why do you speak like that? Are you retarded?" Forsooth I wast not retarded, mind thee. "It's just the way I speaketh." I mumbled, "Anywho, I must tend to mine own pet. See you later, Celly." I waved to mine own sister befere skipping off to my quarters. Ah, I remember mine own pet. Pustulio, wast his nameth. I gaveth that gent that nameth for the fact that gent hath seemed to groweth pimples so fast. But that gent was a gentle creature, as filthy as he was. So, there I was, tending to mine own pet hamster, before a knocketh cameth from my bedroom door. Before I hadst the chance to sayeth aught, the door hath opened to bewray mine own sister. One thing thee shouldst knoweth is that mine own sister also hadst a pet. "Sister, what didst I bid thee about bringing thy spider in mine own bedroom!" I whined. Celly laughed at my remark. "Oh come on, she isn't that bad." Celly hath said, holding up her pet's cage and jiggling it. In it was a spider twice the size of mine own visage. A terrible creature for sure "But why is it in here!" I complained. Celly did roll her eyes and hath walked over to me and, without bethought, sat the cage right next to mine own Pustulio's cage. She then looked to me and grinned, "The maids are installing my statue in my bedroom. They needed my pet to move, so she's gonna be crashing here for a few days." I mumbled as I scooted Pustulio's cage hence from her's, keeping a weary eye on her spider. "Doest it very much has't to beest in here?" "Yes, yes it does." Celly nodded. "Anyways, mom and dad needs us. Something about the sun and the moon." I hummed a replyeth before walking out the bedroom with Celly. But before leaving the cubicle, I gaveth pustulio one more glance before leaving. — ( — 0 — ) — It wast late afternoon at which hour Celly and I hath returned backeth to mine own chambers "Thee destroyed that entire village! Thee very much needeth to learneth how to controleth thy travelling lamp." I hath said, walking through the doorway. "Well at least I don't talk weird." Celly muttered after me. That afternoon wast quite interesting. Our parents hath called us to the throne room to discuss something important. Apparently we hadst the power to controleth the travelling lamp and moon at will, changing the day and night cycleth at our crochets. But, that wast far less important to the horrid discovery I madeth at which hour I did approach our pets' cages. "Where is my hamster!" I shouted. I did look at Pustulio's cage with horror as it wast barren. Behind me, I hath heard celly awkwardly cough. "I think I found him." Looking behind me, I did see Celly pointing to something. Mine own eyes hath followed her hoof until they landed on her cage. What I saw in that cage traumatized me. "Pustulio! Wherefore art thee fornicating with that thing!" I shouted in disgust. What did lie in the cage wast a dram hamster humping hence at a spider three times the size of that gent. Celly then giggled. "Look at that little guy go! Really putting his hips to use!' I wast only able to mutter a faint insult before I hath found myself fainting. "And that's wherefore I despise spiders with a fiery passion" Luna said happily. "A hamster fucking a giant spider. . . huh?" "Truly despicable. I should have killed that thing when I had a chance." Nightmare growled. "What ever happened to the two?" Anon asked. "Those gents did escape without a trace." Luna said bitterly. Nightmare Moon scoffed. "Probably started a family of abominations." A small cough then caught the attention of the moon queen. Looking up, she saw that three chefs, plus a few night guards, were looking at her with wide eyes. Nightmare Moon then arched a brow. "What is it? Is there something on my face?" Orange Peel hesitantly nodded. "Um, well. . . yeah." He squeaked. With a glow of her magic, Nightmare Moon teleported in a mirror. Looking at herself through the mirror, her eyes went wide. On her face, a little spider dangled just below her snout. On that night, a shriek sounded throughout the night so loudly, that the griffins in Griffonstone described the sound like a hyena getting trampled on by a hoard of elephants.