//------------------------------// // Chapter 24: Small Talk (Sunset Shimmer, P. Celestia, Various, H. Apple Bloom) // Story: On the Fine Art of Giving Yourself Advice // by McPoodle //------------------------------// Sunset Shimmer—Earth, the tent in front of Canterlot High. 2:20 p.m. on Day Three. Before the Princess had left to rescue Gilda the Griffon, she had worked out an exact timeline. Specifically, the fact that she needed to cross back into Equestria by 3 p.m. if she had any hope of being recharged enough to lower the sun at the proper time. And then she had left Sunset in charge of the mirror. Sunset spent her time practicing spells, working out how to use them in this altered human form. When Celestia hadn’t returned by 2, Sunset took it upon herself to order all humans to go through the mirror portal from Equestria to Earth, so they’d be ready the moment the Princess showed up. She had even agreed to remove the magic-draining pad from in front of the Earth end of the portal, so that the humans could retain their magic for a little longer. To her immense frustration, not every human followed the order, despite that concession. Rainbow Dash, Gnosi Augur and Meridiem Tempest had stayed in Equestria. And the ones who did cross over kept looking at her distrustfully, like they were fully aware of every single one of her crimes and petty acts. Switching perspective to the humans themselves, they now had to deal with the fact that they were stuck in bodies that were five years too young for their personalities. (With the exceptions of Twilight Velvet and Night Light.) Human Twilight had already been on Earth for nearly three hours. After finishing her job of assisting Trixie to convert her wrist computer into a “pip boy”, she, Shining Armor and Cadance had walked out of the tent so she could inform them about the decision made by the families of the two Twilights, and then to have a long and emotional conversation on what the decision would mean to the three of them. When she returned inside the tent, Twilight saw that Trixie was methodically putting away her tools, and then continued to watch as she self-medicated afterwards. While Twilight was doing this, she hemmed and hawed over what to say to the Canterlot High student; the thought of saying something to a stranger that would offend them or lead them to think bad things about her terrified Twilight, and was the primary reason why she never made friends after elementary school. “You’re really smart,” she finally said to her, and instantly regretted it. “You mean this?” Trixie said, gesturing at the work table. “That’s just hacking. It’s not like I invented any of the wonder functions buried in your school’s gadgets.” “But that’s not all you’ve invented. The pony you told me about the things you made up for her: the levitator, the high beam, the aura inducer... You designed all of those yourself, and then described them so well to your counterpart that she was able to reproduce them—and the reproductions worked on the first try!” “Well...OK,” Trixie said with a bit of a blush. “Magi-tech is my passion, even when I thought it was a fake system that I imagined in my dreams.” “Like I said, you’re smart,” Twilight reiterated. “So why don’t you attend Crystal Prep? I’m sure the equipment here is inadequate, and I know there are no dedicated electronics classes like we have.” Trixie nodded. “True, true. But I never would have cut it at the Academy.” “Why not?” Trixie shook her bag of prescriptions. “Consistency. Look, the Trixie before you is me at 200%. Maybe 250%. I’m dosed up to the gills, and my neurons are on fire...until midnight tonight. At 12:01, I will become totally useless for about a week. Heck, I’ll probably revert to being a self-absorbed below-average illusionist for the rest of 2010! Crystal Prep is all about results, and results are a good thing for a lot of people, but Canterlot High is about figuring out how to be happy being yourself.” She sighed with a small smile on her face. “And they’ve done a pretty good job with me.” “Oh,” said Twilight, suddenly feeling awkward at bringing up Trixie’s disability. Seeking to change the subject, she said, “Hey, can I tell you something?” “Sure.” “I know what’s wrong with pony you.” Twilight said. She briefly explained about the bizarre power her cutie mark had gifted her with. “I looked at her, and saw the break in her...thaumic system, I think it would be called?” “Did you tell her?” Trixie asked calmly. “No,” Twilight said with a sigh. “See, I really don’t know anatomy that well. I would have to describe what I saw to a pony surgeon and see if they could even fix it. I mean, there are plenty of times where a human is injured in a way where the doctor knows exactly what’s wrong, but medical science has not advanced to the point yet where the injury can be fixed. I don’t want to get the other Trixie’s hopes up only to tell her that her fault is incurable, or worse that the doctors already knew, and I was just making a fool of myself. I mean, maybe she can come over here? I suspect that the sciences are more advanced on Earth than Equestria, given that some of the historical effort on Earth would have been diverted into magical research on Equestria, but then there’s the question of if humans even have a thaumic system. Well, I guess yes because the ponies-in-human-bodies could, but on the other...” She stopped after being silenced by Trixie’s finger pressed to Twilight’s lips. “Pony Trixie and I have been over this a lot in her dreams,” Human Trixie said, removing the silencing finger. “She was never very good at magic before the accident. And afterwards, my inventions and her ideas of what I should invent have helped to make her Equestria’s only true stage magician. The others use weak magic to fake impressive magic, but she uses no magic to fake impossible magic. That is her destiny! “It’s the same thing with me, Twilight. My botched brain chemistry means I’ll never be a dependable genius like you’ll undoubtedly become, but in exchange I got to experience the daily miracle that is Equestria in my dreams. And with my meds, I can try out being every Trixie imaginable, just so long as I’m willing to deal with the rather nasty consequences. And I am.” Twilight was quiet as she absorbed all this. “You’re smart and you’re brave.” “Thank pony me for that last one.” “So...250%? You really think this business with the dozen of us was worth that much?” Trixie shook her head incredulously. “It was worth so much more! We are living through a turning point in human and pony history. The Princess and the Church have been trying to keep the two worlds a secret from each other for centuries, but there’s no way the secret can remain long after this! This is absolutely a future Day the Universe Changed.” Twilight’s eyes boggled. “Wow, I loved that series! What was your favorite episode?” P. Celestia. The Markist Church van returned at 2:46, not long after Vice-Principal Luna had returned with not only Rarity but also Applejack. Princess Celestia phased through the roof of the van in alicorn form and then phased right into the tent. She was only seen by a half-dozen dazed students and drivers. (Shining Armor and his parents had been on the lookout, standing outside the tent and looking for the van. At Shining’s signal, Human Twilight had stomped on the magic-draining mat and jumped through the mirror. The Human Twilight’s family then walked around the tent to go in.) “We should get started,” Celestia said. She looked around, seeing only one matched pair: the pair of Applejacks. The others were either still in Equestria, or in the act of walking over from the van. After a brief accusing glance at an oblivious Sunset, she said, “Hold still, Applejacks.” The child and teenage Applejacks did as they were told. Celestia charged her horn and placed it between the two heads. “Are you watching, Sunset?” she asked. “Oh!” exclaimed Sunset Shimmer, who had been too absorbed by a game of Pokémon Black and White on Trixie’s Nintendo DS Lite to notice the Princess’ entrance. She ran up, closed her eyes, and lightly tapped each eyelid with the glowing middle finger of her right hand. When she opened them, their color had changed to translucent. Celestia turned back to the Applejacks, put her horn back where it was, and cast her mind-switching spell. There was a bright flash, but when it faded, nothing had obviously changed. “Hey, I got taller,” the older Applejack said. She looked down at her hands. “Woo-ee! I’m back to the right age!” “And so am I...I guess,” the younger Applejack said. “I won’t know for sure until I’m a pony again.” Sunset blinked a couple of times, and her eyes went back to normal. Celestia turned to her. “So did you get that?” “Oo! Oo! I got it, Princess!” Pony Twilight exclaimed. Princess Celestia gave a proud look at Twilight for a moment—causing the filly in a human body to squee—and then fixed a pre-disappointed gaze back on Sunset. “Well?” “I think so...” Sunset said cautiously. “So you used the left-hoofed solution to Dundain’s Paradox?” “No, the right-hoofed one,” Celestia said flatly. “Really? These human eyes really suck at Analysis. OK, I think I’ve got it.” “I need you to be more certain than that,” Celestia said with a frown. “There will be a considerable period of time after I return to Equestria when I will be powerless to cast the spell, and after that I might be very busy, so I need you to cast the spell in my wake. And you’ll be the one to cast it on my counterpart and I.” “I know! I know!” Sunset protested. “You only told me a million times!” “And yet you weren’t prepared.” Having settled the matter to her own satisfaction, she turned to Pony Twilight. “Twilight, are you ready to return to Equestria?” she asked. “And where’s your human counterpart?” “Our Twilights are where they need to be,” Night Light said, stepping forward. Princess Celestia said nothing. “If you switch the Twilights back, then the pony Twilight will lose five years of her life healing her horn,” Twilight Velvet explained quickly. “While if the human Twilight stays in the pony body, she could heal in less than a year.” “Our Twilight is driving herself crazy chasing after scientific discovery,” Night Light continued. “In the pony world, she could study the published work on magic instead, and hopefully during that time the pony Twilight’s parents could guide her to becoming a more-stable individual.” “And what about my student, living in a human body in a human world?” asked Celestia. “How can my student study magic in your world? Will she retain the ability to cast spells?” “No,” said Archbishop August, stepping forward. “Eventually her body will change to work like other Markists: only able to manifest true magic in specialized buildings called ‘solariums’. She can practice her magic there.” “Magic has a strong ‘hooves-on’ component,” said Celestia. “How will she train?” “We will train her,” Pony Meridiem said. “Gnosi and I want to remain on this world, in these bodies. And we want to help Twilight. We will gladly carry out your lesson plans with her.” “Our human counterparts agreed to remain in Equestria, if you’ll allow it,” said Pony Gnosi. “They want to learn more about Harmony, to steer Markism closer to its goals.” “We’ll take Twilight out of Crystal Prep Academy, to give her private instruction,” said Shining Armor. “The school was a bad influence for her, and she was two years ahead of other students her age. So I don’t think this will hinder the prospects of either her or my human sister.” “I’m a trained educator,” said Cadance, “and I will ensure that she is taught everything she needs to know as an American student, in addition to any Equestrian materials you might provide me.” “I see,” Celestia said, looking around at the veritable army of persuaders surrounding her. To Twilight’s immediate family she asked, “And you would have no problem being separated from your Twilight?” “We’d use our magic books to communicate,” Pony Twilight said, finally speaking up for herself. She felt especially awkward being in this overly-old body. “I’m going to miss you and Equestria terribly on top of my pony family, but this really is for the best. Human Me really needs Equestria to fix her before she grows up to be a mad unicorn...mad human, which might even be worse than a mad unicorn. So...promise you’ll write me, too?” “Of course, My Little Pony,” Princess Celestia said with a warm smile. “We are in agreement, as are our pony counterparts,” reported Twilight Velvet. The Princess nodded. “This is a commendable solution you have come up with,” she told them. “The wait until the mirror re-opens will pass before you know it.” She hoped that Harmony would be as understanding. Celestia turned to see the rest of the group from the van approach. “Shall we continue with the switches?” Various. The various pairs had a few moments to speak with each other before they were switched. Pony Fluttershy to Human Fluttershy: “Stay as far away from Principal Cinch as possible.” Human Fluttershy merely nodded at something she was going to do anyway. Gilda the Griffon to Gilda the Human: “You’re going to become a Markist.” Gilda the Human to Gilda the Griffon: “I was going to do that anyway.” Gilda the Griffon to Gilda the Human: “I got your gang to convert along with you.” Gilda the Human to Gilda the Griffon: “How did you do that?” Celestia the Pony to Gilda the Human: “She used her magic to save herself from being riddled with bullets. And then I used my magic to save the rest of them.” Fluttershy the Human to Celestia the Pony: “How do you know what ‘being riddled with bullets’ means?” Luna the Human to Fluttershy the Human: “That’s my bad. She was curious about Scarface in one of our shared dreams, and so I re-enacted it for her.” Fluttershy the Human uttered an epic sigh of defeat. Gilda the Human to Celestia the Pony: “By the way, we’ll definitely need a pair of those books. Doing so will have ramifications like you wouldn’t believe.” Princess Celestia smiled briefly at the thought of how much chaos such an action would unleash. “Agreed. And Trixie?” “Yes, Your Highness?” “You’re getting a pair as well. The pony Trixie is entering my service, she’s very useful to you, and if I am to become more involved in human affairs, there will be times when the principal and vice-principal of a high school might be too conspicuous to act effectively as my agents. Are you interested?” “As long as you understand what you’re getting,” Human Trixie said, shaking her prescription bag once more. She held out her hand. “Deal?” “Deal!” the Princess said with a smile, shaking Trixie’s hand with her hoof. She looked over at the Pinkie Pies, who had been quietly looking at each other this whole time instead of talking, in complete contradiction to her expectations. “Will you be wanting a book as well?” “Well, it’s not like we need—” Pony Pinkie began. “Yes,” Human Pinkie said. She gave Pony Pinkie a significant look. “Oh,” said Pony Pinkie. “Yes. We absolutely can’t possibly talk to each other without a book, and how else would we exchange...” “Recipes,” said Human Pinkie. “Recipes?” Pony Pinkie asked her counterpart. “You mean for rock farming?” “No, for pastries,” Human Pinkie explained. “You’re going rumspringa.” “Oh.” A second later: “Ooohh. So that’s what you meant. So anyway, totally need a book.” Pony Rarity rolled her eyes. At least now she knew she had a way to get in contact with her counterpart even if the magic books stopped working. Nobody noticed the satisfied smile that briefly floated across Celestia’s lips. # # # ...So that made Applejack, Fluttershy, Gilda and Pinkie who had switched back into their proper bodies. Twilight, Gnosi and Meridiem were going to wait until the next time the portal opened. Human Rarity hadn’t been found yet. And as for Rainbow Dash... “Rainbow Dash, why is your counterpart still in Equestria?” Princess Celestia asked wearily. “Hold on, I’ll ask her,” Pony Rainbow Dash said, going over to Sunset’s book and flipping to her personal page. She read the message that had been added since the last time she had looked. “Oh, I get it. She says she’s staying in Equestria, with her magic, so she can make sure that everything gets done before time runs out. Sounds legit to me.” “Really,” Celestia said with a raised eyebrow. “And why can’t you do that instead? There are no more roadblocks on Earth, only in Equestria. And you’d have plenty of time to charge after crossing over.” Rainbow pointed at the book. “She wants a chance to be awesome. I mean face it: lots of us have had a chance to be awesome on this trip. I got to save Spitfire by levitating a helicopter. And Pony Fluttershy got to be epic awesome less than an hour ago.” Human Fluttershy looked curiously at her counterpart, who tried to will herself into invisibility through the power of a well-timed squeak. Princess Celestia sighed. “Alright,” she conceded. “Ponies and Griffon Gilda, we are going to return to Equestria together. Please discharge your magic one at a time. I’ll go after you.” The Equestrian versions of Applejack, Fluttershy, Gilda and Pinkie jumped through the portal together after each walking over the mat. Celestia decided to wait a few minutes, just to be safe. While she waited, the portal glowed and then a familiar bundle of different-colored Zero-X books flew out of the portal, one for each human. A note included in the bundle read, “Books for Gilda and Trixie to follow shortly. Raven.” Untying the bundle, Human Applejack pulled out her book. Borrowing Sunset’s pen, she wrote a test message to her pony counterpart, and got an answer back. With a satisfied smile, she turned to go. “Wait!” Trixie exclaimed. “Aren’t you going to wait for Rarity to come back?” “I trust that she will,” Applejack replied. “But the reunion...” Applejack raised an eyebrow. “True love!” Trixie insisted. Applejack laughed. “We can get together tomorrow to compare stories.” “Hey, tomorrow’s Saturday!” Pinkie exclaimed in realization. “Let’s meet at Sugarcube Corner at noon. Mandatory invites for every student, including Trixie! Oh, and except you, Gilda. You’re optional.” Gilda chuckled. “Yeah, I’ll have to pass,” she said. “My gang will be pretty busy at the Church tomorrow.” “I’ll have to pass as well,” said Trixie. “You do not want to see me off my drugs if you want to be my friend.” “You’re going,” said Applejack. “Because if they can’t put up with you when you’re off your drugs, they’re no friends at all.” Trixie smiled thinly at Applejack. “We’ll see.” The others said their goodbyes to Applejack, who then left. “Is there any particular reason you picked Sugarcube Corner?” Rarity asked Pinkie. “You never used to go there...before.” She hoped that the oblique reference to Pinkamena wouldn’t offend her. “Well, I walked by there a lot, I heard that they have great service and food, and the Cakes look like they do a good job of running it,” Pinkie answered, showing no signs of offense. “And I’ve decided I’m getting a job there, so what better argument is there for my usefulness than by bringing tons of business to them on a quiet Saturday afternoon?” “That’s a sound business argument,” Rarity said. “Um, what about me?” Pony Twilight asked in a small voice. “Am I invited to tomorrow’s party?” “Well of course you are, Little Twilight,” Pinkie exclaimed. “We’ll start with Human Lesson #1 tomorrow: How to Have Fun.” “I know how to have fun!” Twilight exclaimed. Behind her, Shining Armor frowned and shook his head. The others laughed. Twilight spun around and pointed at Shining. “Did you just...? Oh, you’re just as bad as he is!” “No, he’s worse,” Cadance said, “since he’s had five extra years to become a more big-brothery big brother. But don’t worry, I’ve got your back.” Twilight walked over, looking nervously at Cadance. “My Cadance was my foal-sitter. Were you my counterpart’s…little-human sitter?” “No, I started dating your brother before I met you.” “My counterpart said that you were the closest thing she had to a best friend. I liked the pony you…a lot. But she wasn’t my best friend.” “I can be here in whatever role you’d like me to be in,” said Cadance. “Not just as your teacher.” “OK,” Twilight said quickly. “I’ll have to think about it.” “Take as long as you need,” Cadance replied. She looked around, and spotted Spike sniffing around the outside of the tent. She whistled, and the dog cautiously poked his head in. “Oh!” Twilight exclaimed, crouching down. “Hello, Spike.” Spike rushed forward, jumping into Twilight’s arms and licking her face, causing her to laugh. “I was going to say goodbye to you, but I forgot, and now I don’t have to do it at all!” she told him. She looked over at her brother. “So when does he start talking?” Shining looked at her for a moment before realizing that she wasn’t joking. “Dogs don’t talk, Twilight.” “Oh,” she said, momentarily saddened. “Well that means we will have to develop a non-verbal form of communication.” Spike licked her face again. “Right now, I think he’s telling me that he’s happy.” H. Apple Bloom—Mustangia Junior High. 2:53 p.m. Apple Bloom walked out of the school campus, and saw the red truck waiting for her with Big Mac and Applejack inside. She stopped, and asked herself if she was ready for another evening of weirdness and terrific foreboding with her big sister. “Apple Bloom!” Applejack called out, a huge smile on her face. “Come over here!” She got out of the truck and held out her arms. Apple Bloom started walking towards Applejack, but soon changed that into running, jumping up at the end into her big sister’s arms. “You’re back! You’re back!” she cried out, tears in her eyes. Applejack put her down, crouching down and holding her by her shoulders. “So you knew that wasn’t me?” she asked. “I didn’t know what to think!” Apple Bloom replied. “She looked at the world like it was in a funhouse mirror. She looked at me like I was a new relative at the family reunion. And she looked at Ma and Pa like...like they were ghosts.” Applejack hugged her close. “They were...to her. But she’s gone home now and, Goddess forbid, nothing like that will never happen again.” “But...I never got to say goodbye,” Apple Bloom said sadly. Applejack slowly got up, a distant look in her eyes. She was thinking of the other Applejack, and what not being able to say goodbye did to her. “We’re going back,” she told Big Mac. “Yup,” he said, having had the same thought. # # # When they arrived at Canterlot High, Apple Bloom sprang out of the truck, running full tilt towards the tent. Applejack looked nervously at her brother. “She didn’t pick up any Equestrian magic from pony me, did she?” “Nope.” Applejack breathed a sigh of relief. A few seconds later, Apple Bloom burst into the tent. She looked wildly around her, for either a human Applejack, or some kind of weird alien with orange skin and blonde hair. ‘No wait, she’s supposed to be some kind of cute little horse,’ she corrected herself, based on the brief conversation in the car. Well, there was one horse in the tent, but she wasn’t little. Apple Bloom’s jaw dropped open. “Excuse me, Goddess miss?” I mean, what else could she be but the Goddess? Princess Celestia looked down at the human child. “Yes?” “Could I say goodbye to your Applejack?” Celestia studied the girl for a few moments. “All right,” she said. “I’ll write her a note to come through the portal.” Apple Bloom looked around, and locked eyes with the equestrian statue at the center of the tent. There was an odd-looking floor mat in front of the flat side of the block the horse was standing on. A wooden sign was posted next to the mat, saying “Step here to discharge magic before using the portal to Equestria.” “You don’t have to bother, Goddess,” Apple Bloom said quickly. “I’ll just pop over and back in a jiffy. You won’t even miss me!” And with that, she walked over to the mat, hopped up and down on it a couple times, experimentally stuck her hand in the portal to make sure she wasn’t about to give herself a concussion, and finally leapt right through. Basement of the School of Magic. The mirror glowed briefly as yet another pony emerged. This one, a yellow filly with a bright red mane tied up in a pink bow, looked eagerly around her. “Which one of you is Applejack?” she asked. Applejack, who had been sitting quietly in the same corner that her counterpart had previously brooded in, looked up. “Apple Bloom?” “Applejack!” the filly cried with joy. She tried to run forward, then tripped over her own hooves. “What in tarnation?” she asked, before finally noticing her new form. “Oh!” she exclaimed. “I get it.” She got up and looked at herself, turning in a little circle. Then she looked back at Applejack and marched purposefully to her. “You didn’t say goodbye,” she said with a pout. Applejack’s eyes went wide, before pulling Apple Bloom into a big embrace. Apple Bloom smiled, soaking in the love and glad that she was making the sad “pony” happier. Applejack held her sister at hooves’ length, just as the human Applejack had done with her a few minutes earlier at school. “My Apple Bloom is so tiny. She can’t even talk yet,” she said. Apple Bloom smiled. “So I got to be your ‘free preview’, then.” “Yes,” said Applejack. “And you’re the best little sister that anypony could possibly ask for.” Apple Bloom closed one eye in thought. “Any...pony. OK, I get it. Now you just make sure to show her the best movies when she gets old enough. You do have movies in Equestria, right?” Applejack smiled. “We do. And I will. I promise.” “Great! I guess I better be going, then.” Apple Bloom stepped back, and looked around her at all of the other ponies. Several of them looked familiar. She looked over at Applejack, and mentally compared her appearance to her human sister. Then she eagerly looked over all of the others, committing the basics of their appearances to her memory—she would find their human counterparts later. Then she noticed the room they were in. “Is this a bomb shelter? No, wait...the basement of a haunted opera house?” “It’s the basement of a school,” Applejack said. “The basement of a school that secretly trains mutants in how to use their powers?! Where’s Professor X?” “Wait, is this that X-Man film you showed me last night?” “The prequel is undergoing principal photography right now,” Apple Bloom quickly rattled off. “It’s not a school for mutants. It’s a school of magic.” “So basically the same thing,” said Apple Bloom. She looked up, trying to imagine what the surface looked like. “A world of magic...that’s nothing like Harry Potter. What does pony architecture look like? You’ve probably got the best fireworks shows in the universe! Do you live on a ranch?” With a smile, Applejack started herding Apple Bloom towards the mirror. “The Princess gave us a pair of magic books that let us write to each other. I’ll try to see if I can get any pictures through to you.” “Really? That would be great! As soon as I get the budget to make my fantasy masterpiece, I’ll find a way to sneak some of it in! And I’ll send you some pictures too.” “Goodbye, Apple Bloom. It was great getting to know you.” “Same here!” She looked around at the others. “Bye, every...everypony!” The tent in front of Canterlot High. Back on Earth, Apple Bloom got up, looked around, and walked over to a waiting Big Mac. “Do you want to take a go?” she asked. “Nope,” he said. Apple Bloom explained about the books, which Human Applejack had forgotten to mention on the car ride, and the three Apples walked back to the truck to go home. Seeing no further excuse to stay on Earth, Celestia touched the mat with her hoof, which caused it to go up in a cloud of blue smoke as it was overloaded by her magic. In full anticipation of this, Sunset wrote a brief note in her magical book, and a moment later another magic-grounding mat popped out of the mirror, rolled up so that Human Rainbow Dash could handle it without losing her own magic. Having lost most of her magic to the mat she had destroyed, Celestia made sure to take on the Principal’s human form before completing the discharge on the second mat. “Farewell, all of you,” she addressed the group. “You’ve given me a lot to think about.” And then she went through the portal.