Rainbow Dash noticed the badly written letter on the desk and glanced at her companion before opening it with a shaking hoof
Dear Everypony,
I’m starting it like that because I don’t know if one pony will read this or a group.
By the time you read this, I am going to be dead. I know that no pony will be sad about it because I derped up again and destroyed something I touched and then Rainbow Dash shouted at me and then Applejack had to give up her prize winnings to pay for the repairs and then they were both mad at me… Anyway, I have left a note with this letter to tell Mr Cash that he can give Applejack what she would have won to pay her back.
I am really sorry that I annoyed you all when I was trying to help around Ponyville, but I just don’t know what went wrong in my life. I’d ask my mother and father but they went to the shops ten years ago and they’ve never come back – I hope they do before I die, but they are very late…
Um, oh…! I am really sorry for getting your mail late all the time, running into things, destroying buildings and everything else I bucking well derped on. I am a freak and I don’t deserve to live anymore – at least, that is what Rainbow Dash says… After Applejack has got her bits that she should have won, Mr Cash is going to share out what is left and sell everything in my home to help repay you all. If there is anything left over, give it to Pinkie Pie so she can throw a ‘Hooray, Derpy Hooves Is Bucking Well Dead Party’
I guess the other reason I am going to kill myself is because everypony hates me and is sad because I am alive, so by removing my existence I can make you all happy and you will never ever have to worry about a wall-eyed, speech impaired, derped up brain tumour suffering bucked up mare again. The last thing is that you are wondering why I am wrapped up in a couple of plastic sheets and wearing a helmet – well, that is because I don’t want to cause a mess for once – we now what happens when a pony dies after all - so all you have to do when you find my body is dump it into the garbage site like the pile of manure I am or get Princess Twilight to blast me into atoms or maybe just rinse me off and then throw my derped body into the forest for Timberwolves to eat like Fluttershy said she’d do to me once.
Sorry you will have to see my stupid derped up body laying in my own manure and piss, but this is the best way to keep my stupid bucked body all nicely wrapped up so you can throw me out like the waste of air and abomination I am.
I am taking the pills now so I die whilst asleep so I don’t cause you any trouble.
Derpy Hooves
“Oh Celestia, Twi… What have I done?”
“Yes, Rainbow Dash” Twilight turned her eyes on her companion “What have you done?”