//------------------------------//
// At Home With Fluttershy 
// Story: The Human Incident 
// by Boopy Doopy 
//------------------------------//

“Oh, we shouldn’t be letting those two go off on their own,” Twilight complained, pacing around on her whoopie cushion hooves. “Maybe we should go to Fluttershy’s place and spend the night there to make sure everything’s okay.”
“I know he’s a dangerous creature, Twilight,” Lyra started, “and trust me, he is. With all of my knowledge of humans, there’s no creature more dangerous, but–”
“If it’s so dangerous, that’s why we should go!” the alicorn announced. “We’re heading over there right now!” Before she could light up her horn though, the mint colored mare stopped, her putting a hoof on her shoulder.
“–but,” she continued, “I think this particular human isn’t too much of a concern, honestly. From what I’ve seen, it doesn’t seem as bright as most other humans I’ve read about. Either that, or it’s just being sarcastic and fooling around. Either way, I think Fluttershy can take care of it.”
“Ah hafta agree with Lyra on this one, Twi,” AJ agreed. "As awful as that creature is, Ah can’t say it was lying at all. Everything it said was the truth so far… except that mess about being born in a log cabin. Ah don’t know where it came up with that.”
“And Princess Celestia did say we should treat it like a guest to Equestria,” Rainbow Dash added. “And honestly, he seems kind of cool. I’d bet he’d like a few of my tricks.”
“And he certainly has an eye for fashion, since he said he wears the same clothing where he comes from as what was sewn for him,” Rarity said. “Even if that Starswirl the Bearded costume was quite tacky.”
“Hey!”
“It’s true, Twilight dear,” Rarity told her. “Even during Nightmare Night season, it’s really not the type of outfit somepony of your status should be wearing. Quite unbecoming, honestly, if I do say so myself.”
“Well, I don’t appreciate how nonchalant you’re all being about that thing,” Twilight said grumpily, crossing her whoopie cushions. “I mean, he said he could destroy an entire city for crying out loud!”
“Didn’t he say it would take him a month to do?” Lyra asked, glancing over her notes. “I’m pretty sure if he was doing something like that, we’d be able to stop him. Now don’t get me wrong, humans are dangerous. But like I said, this one seems a bit… brain damaged?”
“Well if it’s brain damaged, that should be more reason to keep track of it!” Twilight argued. “I know Princess Celestia thinks everything is fine, but she probably just doesn’t know what we’re up against! Heck, it said it eats cows! You’re with me on this, right, AJ?”
“Well, yeah, Twily, course’ I am,” she said. “Ah don’t want that thing anywhere near my cows, or my family!” Twilight smiled as her friend agreed with her, but before she could say anything, AJ continued, “But Ah hafta trust Fluttershy with this one. Ah mean, she’s good with animals and whatnot–”
“Humans aren’t animals. There sentient creatures like ponies and dragons,” Lyra said.
“–so Ah don’t see why she can’t handle him either. In fact, Ah think I’d trust her more than anypony. Ain’t no way she’s letting him have a party or somethin’ at her place, no way.”



“Oh, why, hello!” Discord greeted at the door to Fluttershy’s cottage, wearing a party hat and a silly grin. “What brings you here, my dear Fluttershy?” he asked. “And Arching, too! The guest of honor! I’m sure you’d quite enjoy being at my party I’m throwing!”
“What’s the special occasion?” the human asked, looking inside carefully to see if he could spot any mint ice cream. “This isn’t my “Welcome To Ponyville Super Freaky Alien” party, is it?”
"Oh, no, I’ll leave those sort of shenanigans to Pinkie Pie,” the draconequus told him. “This party is much better! It’s the “Discord is the Greatest Friend And Arching Should Recognize That” party. Rolls right off the tongue, doesn’t it?”
“My name is Archard,” Archard said, “and I’m already super tired after a long day of roleplaying and getting my laundry done and seeing my probation officer and meeting all of the Mane Six ponies. A jam packed day, some would say.”
“What’s a probation officer?” Fluttershy asked as she tilted her head.
“A probation officer is something you apparently get when you win against the driver next to you while drag racing. And you have to visit them every month for five years even though I’m not a twenty year old anymore and only ever did it once. Basically, it’s bullshit, but the options were that or a year in jail, sooo… luckily though, I only have seven months left!”
“Ah, so a devilish rascal is what you are! Well then I think we can be best friends! Although I will have to request you apologize to me for so rudely leaving our tea party like that, Arching.”
“Archard, and I don't think leaving a tea party is what many would consider rude.”
“It was indeed quite rude, not the kind of thing I would consider friendly. And trust me, I know about friendship, and that was not one of the things I learned about from Fluttershy.”
“Well, it’s rude to keep calling me Arching when I’ve said about fifty times that my name is Archard,” the human argued. “You know, you have to give respect to get respect? Or something?”
“Well you disrespected me first by so rudely interrupting Fluttershy and I’s tea party. Any other creature would never put up with such insolence, but here I am, offering you a second chance at the graces of my wonderful friendship. Honestly, you should be thanking me.”
“Well,” Archard yawned, “maybe tomorrow. This human needs to sleep for now.”
“Sleep? How can you think of sleep at a time like this?” Discord asked, tilting his head. “I mean, just look at this party! We can't stop dancing until the cows come home! Or perhaps until the foxes come home is more appropriate for Fluttershy’s cottage?” 
Just as he said it, a group of foxes appeared over the horizon, glaring angrily ahead as they made their way over. The human couldn’t possibly guess what they were coming to Fluttershy’s cottage for, but it made Archard smile as much as it made Discord frown.
“Oh, of course, now the foxes have to come home,” the Lord of Chaos grumbled. “Typical.”
“Discord,” Fluttershy got out, taking a deep breath as she tried to contain her anger. “What did you do?”
“Me? Do something?” he asked, placing a paw on his chest to emphasize his surprise. “Perish the thought! I simply allowed those foxes to leave of their own accord. I certainly didn’t force them to go to take up residence elsewhere in the wake of this rambunctious party, if that’s what you’re thinking.” In defiance, the animals held up their tails as they made their way inside, noses pointed to the air as though they didn’t want to have anything to do with him. 
“Okay, so maybe I might have perchance sent a few foxes away from the party,” he admitted. “However–”
Before he could say more, a larger wave of animals pulled up within the sightline of the three, the head of them being Angel Bunny, hopping up to Fluttershy. The mare herself glanced between her animals and Discord, looking absolutely furious with him. 
“Perhaps it was a few more animals than I thought,” he admitted. “But you have to agree, having them at this spectacularly ravenous party would not be ideal, would it? I can’t have other creatures cramping my style, can I?”
“Discord, I’m very disappointed in you.”
“Oh, don’t give me that!” he pleaded. “I was doing all of this in the name of friendship! I mean, you want Arching and I to make friends, don’t you?” he asked as he wrapped a claw around the human’s shoulder. “What better way to make friends than a party? I’m sure Pinkie Pie would agree.”
“Well, as fun as this party looks,” Archard said, carefully moving the draconequus’s claw off of him, “I think I better hit the hay… ha! Get it? Hit the hay?”
“Oh, quite the hilarious, clever witticism, Arching! Perhaps it means you should stay up all night and dance with the party master, Discord!”
“Maybe tomorrow,” Archard yawned. “For now, I want to listen to Stone Temple Pilots while I sleep. And also eat macaroni, because I’ve barely eaten all day, but that’s a secondary objective. I can get some of that when I wake up back on Earth.”
“Humph, fine,” Discord grumbled, snapping his fingers, the party disappearing in a flash. “See if I ever try and do anything nice for you again. Because I shan’t.” With that, he snapped his fingers again, making a door to nowhere that he stepped through and disappeared into.
“Well that was something,” the human decided. “I can definitely steal you away from him, Flutters. Just watch.”
“Sorry about Discord,” she apologized. “He can be a bit… weird.”
“I’ve come to expect that watching the show, but I didn’t expect that mint ice cream. God, that ice cream… But yeah,” he yawned again, stretching his arms. “I need to sleep so all of you can fade out of existence and I can wake up in the hospital.”
“Um, do you, um, really think that’s going to happen, Archard?” the yellow mare asked nervously. “I mean, I wouldn’t want all my friends and I to disappear, please… not that you shouldn’t sleep, but–”
“I’m pretty sure you’ll be fine, Fluttershy,” Archard said, looking at his watch to choose an appropriate song for sleeping to. “I mean, if this is all in my head, then everything should be fine since you wouldn't actually exist. Either that, or a lightning strike really did take me to an alternate universe and into season four of My Little Pony, but that seems exceedingly unlikely. So basically, you have nothing to worry about.”
“Um, well, if you say so, but I think maybe you should try and–”
“Here it is! A song for sleeping!” Suddenly, a soft song was playing, softer than Fluttershy expected, given the tastes he had in music that he showed to Discord before. “It’s called Atlanta,” he explained, “and it was written in Atlanta. Probably the best song for sleeping out there, honestly.”
“Hmm. Well, it sounds very lovely. Um, do you have a place you want to sleep?” the mare asked. “I don’t really know about humans or what they prefer.”
“I’ll sleep anywhere, but a bed would be better. Sleeping on the floor is unsanitary, especially next to a bunch of animals.”
“Well, I do have a bed to put you in. Follow me.”
The two went up the stairs to the guest bedroom, one that looked more pink and girly than the human expected. It was also crowded, a hundred things crammed into the small space as a butterfly patterned bed stood in the middle of the room. The windows were open, letting in the cool night air, and a couple of lanterns lighted the room.
“Wow, this is bigger than my room on Earth,” Archard said. “And fuller. Mine just has a dresser, a bed, and a TV. I’m impressed.”
“Was there anything you needed?” the mare asked. “Any way I can make you more comfortable?”
“Hmm… not that I can think of… except for a bowl of tuna fish macaroni and boiled eggs, but that’s not something I’d expect you to have. Also a law that states that mint ice cream is banned from the whole of Equestria, but that’s probably not gonna happen either. Other than that, I’m fine.” He gave her a wide, toothy smile as he finished, wanting to assure her that he was.
“Well, if you need anything, you can ask,” she told him politely. “But, um, you promise nothing bad will happen to me and my friends if you go to sleep?”
He put a finger on his chin for a moment in thought before deciding, “I promise that nothing bad will happen to you or your friends. Pinkie Promise in fact!”
“Well, okay, I trust you. But, um, I really think you should be prepared for you to stay here. I mean, I don’t see how you’d be able to go anywhere else, and I’m a real pony, so this can’t be in your head. Not that I'm saying you're wrong, but, it just doesn't make sense to me.”
“It definitely does make sense,” he insisted. “But I guess that won’t matter in seven to nine hours.” With that, he yawned and flopped onto the bed, stretching out onto the thing. “But for now, I sleep. I will see you tomorrow on Netflix when I watch like twelve episodes in a row after work. Probably of season four. That was one of my favorite seasons.”
“Okay, Archard. Good night.”