Purple Heart ground his teeth as he walked away from the senate building, lighter one metric senatorship.
“I couldn’t nudge them hard enough,” he growled, casting a glare over his shoulder. “Not without being overt in front of Cakelestia.” Scowl firmly in place, he marched off towards the nearest ‘Porting Pad. As he drew near to the station, strings angrily lashed out and attached to the attendant. The pony stiffened, slackened, then stiffened again all in a split second. Purple Heart stopped in front of the attendant and coughed. The string pulsed and the attendant promptly punched up a ticket.
“Port Pad number one. Have a great day, sir.”
A string snatched the ticket and Purple Heart made his way past the kiosk to the requisite pad. He held out his ticket and stepped on the pad as the unicorn prepared for the teleport. A sizzle of static later and Purple Heart stepped off the new pad and onto the causeway overlooking a park surrounded by specialty shops. The only shop interesting Purple Heart was a small restaurant overhanging the lake. It wasn’t long before Purple Heart’s determined stride brought him to the restaurant’s entrance and he walked inside, his head parting the halved curtains as he passed.
“Ahh, welcome back, Senator Baelhart,” a voice called out. “Your usual?”
“Please, Wasabi,” the purple earth pony confirmed as he sat at the counter. “And keep them coming. I need something to look forward to.”
A plate of expertly cut fish slid into place before Purple Heart’s seat. The pony that put it there leaned on the counter, eyeing the colt before him.
“Senate not working too well?” Wasabi asked glibly.
“You can say that again,” Purple Heart muttered. “I got fired.” The green stallion arched an eyebrow.
“Hooo? How did you manage that?”
“Madam Speaker Top Class threw a fit about how much influence I had on the Panel of International Situation Solutions. She managed to sneak up on me with a trial and had Princess Celestia attend,” Purple Heart replied. “Granted, I did have the Panel on speed dial and gave them tips when I could, but that hardly merits being stripped of my senatorship and banned from political office.”
Wasabi snorted. “It doesn’t seem that the Princess and the Speaker agreed,” he commented.
Purple Heart scowled, dipping a slice of fish into some soy sauce and slipping it into his mouth. He groaned happily. “Mmm. Salmon. My compliments, Wasabi.”
Wasabi grinned and stepped away to prepare the rest of Purple Heart’s order. “And yet, you don’t apply my namesake.” He clicked his tongue. “A most sorrowful thing.”
Purple Heart snorted, eating another slab of salmon.
“I rather like breathing normally, thank you,” he responded. Wasabi clicked his tongue again as he pulled a whole fish from a cold case behind the counter.
“It would clear out your nose,” the green stallion said. “That’s breathing normally, is it not?”
The sound of hooves on wood nearly pulled Purple Heart’s attention from his next bite. He huffed at Wasabi, ignoring the newcomer in favor of consuming more sushi.
“I say,” came a posh voice through a nasal passage, “I must have taken a wrong turn.”
“Ah, Prince Blueblood,” Wasabi greeted. “Is there something I can help you with?”
Purple Heart blinked, looking over his shoulder to see a white unicorn with platinum blonde mane and tail standing just within the curtains to the shop. A small smile curved Purple Heart’s lips and he turned back to his sushi. A string trailed down his hip and snaked across the floor towards the pony royalty.
Blueblood sniffed, eyeing the dimly lit shop with ill-concealed derision. “Ah, no, my good colt,” he said. I’ll just be on my way. I’m sure my retinue is out there looking for me. I don’t want to bother your… business any longer.”
Wasabi’s dark eyes flashed, but the green stallion said nothing. He merely smiled tightly and inclined his head, returning his attention to the fish on his board.
“Aw, c’mon and stay a while,” Purple Heart drawled, leaning out of his seat to look at Blueblood. He tapped a hoof on the counter beside a saucer. “Wasabi makes the best sushi in Canterlot! I wouldn’t pass up a chance to eat what he makes for anything!” Wasabi blinked at Purple Heart, his gaze switching between the purple earth pony’s lazy expression and his tapping hoof. The green stallion shrugged, pulled a bottle off the shelf behind the counter, uncorked it, and poured a clear liquid into the saucer by Purple Heart’s tapping hoof.
Blueblood turned around, glancing around the establishment again. This time, he looked at Purple Heart directly. He opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again as the string connecting them pulsed once.
“Well... If you insist,” the white unicorn said with a sigh. He turned, walking over to sit next to Purple Heart. As Blueblood sat, he jerked, eyeing the purple earth pony with a grimace.
Purple Heart set his saucer back onto the counter and exhaled a pleased sigh. He turned his head and saw Blueblood’s repulsed glare. “Wat?” the large earth pony asked. “Is there something on my face?” He raised a hoof and pawed at his cheeks and forehead.
Blueblood twisted his lips in disgust. “You reek of alcohol,” the prince sniffed.
Purple Heart blinked and looked at his saucer. He looked back at Blueblood. “I wouldn’t say I reek. Just had the one,” he admitted, lifting the saucer up for more. Wasabi filled the vessel again and Purple Heart drank again. “This is two.”
Blueblood resisted the urge to sneer. “This pony’s food better be as good as you say,” the white unicorn scoffed. “It must be for a vagrant such as yourself to darken his doorstep.”
Purple Heart clacked his saucer on the counter and swung around to stare wide-eyed at the royal pony. “Vagrant?” he echoed. “Hardly.” He gestured to Wasabi and a slab of wood was placed before them, covered in an array of seafood and rice rolls. “Just unemployed.”
Blueblood inched as far away from the purple earth pony as his seat would allow. Purple Heart was oblivious as he slipped morsels of fish into his mouth one by one. Cheeks bulging, he turned, gesturing at the board.
“Have some,” he squeaked. “I insist.” Blueblood looked down at a sleek slice of fish resting on a well-formed block of rice. His stomach churned rebelliously and he nearly left the establishment. An involuntary shiver steeled him and Blueblood’s magic reached out to pick up the piece of food. A pair of wooden rods clacked on the board and Blueblood jerked in surprise, his magic receding promptly. The royal pony looked up to see Wasabi’s face set in a firm look of disapproval. Blueblood couldn’t help but shiver.
“Hooves or chopsticks,” Wasabi directed. “No magic. Ruins flavor and experience.”
“You mean I have to use my hooves to eat?!” Blueblood squawked. “That’s just… just… certainly not sanitary.”
Wasabi gestured with the chopsticks to a door deeper inside the shop. “Then wash them.”
Purple Heart chuckled. “He’s got you there,” he said around his saucer. Feeling like a chastised colt, Blueblood slipped off his stool and stomped his way to the washroom, slamming the door behind him.
“Damn, he’s petulant,” Purple Heart snorted.
“What are you doing?” Wasabi hissed. “You know what a relative of the Princesses could do to my shop! Why are you provoking him?!”
“I need a job,” Purple Heart replied calmly, shrugging. “Just gotta get into his good graces.”
“Which you are not doing!” Wasabi snarled. “Just what kind of job would you get from a prince?”
Purple Heart grinned, taking a sip of sake. “Butler.”
Blueblood returned, his face a bright shade of red as he sat and took the piece of sushi with a freshly cleaned hoof, popping it into his mouth. He chewed, eyes screwed shut as he got around the unfamiliar texture. Then his expression softened, looking almost serene as he swallowed. Several seconds of silence passed. Then Blueblood opened his eyes.
“That was… exquisite,” he breathed. “The texture of fish is certainly unusual, but it altogether was an enjoyable experience.”
Purple Heart grinned. “My name is Beekler Alfreeves,” he said, offering a hoof. “I’m looking for a job as a butler. Know anypony looking for one?”
Blueblood took the hoof and shook it. “Prince Blueblood. I may know somepony…” Blueblood paused. Another board of sushi appeared before the pair of colts. Purple Heart arched an eyebrow at the white unicorn while he helped himself to more sushi.
The strings pulsed again.
“Mister Alfreeves-”
“Beekler, please,” Purple Heart insisted.
“Beekler,” Blueblood echoed. “I am, coincidentally, looking for a... batcolt, if you will.”
Purple Heart blinked. A wry smile curved his lips. “Unless I’m mistaken, you’re referring to a butler and not the caped colt from that popular comic series, yes?”
Blueblood stared at Purple Heart, brow furrowed in confusion. “Pardon?”
Purple Heart waved a hoof dismissively, coughing awkwardly. “Just a joke. If you have a job opening, I’m applying. Can you interview me here?”
Blueblood hesitated. “Ah. Certainly.”
“Want some more?” Purple Heart inquired, nudging a fresh board of sushi towards Blueblood. The royal pony smiled. For once, it didn’t convey disdain or superiority.
“I believe I shall,” he agreed, reaching for another piece of sushi. “Now, about your duties...”
Purple Heart’s grin darkened behind his sake saucer as another thread connected itself to the prince.
* * *
Moon Dancer entered the room after a quick courtesy knock. She opened her mouth to say what she’d been saying for a while. A different voice beat her to the punch. “I know. ‘If we get the guard in to help, we're in over our heads’. And my response is that it would just start a fight between them and the guard and force them to desperately try to get the Orb. Our best option is to keep playing them against each other until we can get the orb out without them getting their claws or hands on it.”
“Well, if you didn’t invite me here to discuss my plan for how to quietly get the Crystal Empire’s City Guard up to help. Why did you want to see me?”
“Two reasons. The first is I’ve got a little side project that I’d like to get your advice on.”
Moon Dancer gave a short hum of interest as she sat down and looked at the notes spread over the table. “Ah, yes. Your vague notes and the mathematical scribbles of a pony obsessed or insane.”
“It’s a living plan. I’m constantly having to adjust it. Especially now that the pony I was counting on providing magical assistance probably won’t assist me at this point. We had a bit of a...” Light Patch paused as he searched for the right words. “We had a little bit of a falling out.”
“Like he did when I pushed him off a cliff for his failure to assist me and abandon all of his plans,” a pony spoke as if they were trying to imitate Light Patch’s voice. Moon Dancer froze half way towards pulling another set of notes to herself.
“What was that?”
“Uh... I’m not sure. I think it’s probably just the wind,” Light Patch replied, finally looking up from his notes towards a window.
“We have all been a little on edge, I guess,” the mare commented, not sounding convinced. Eventually, she tore her eyes away from the window.
“Do you want to try to guess what the plan is or should I save us time and lay it out?” Light Patch asked, finally recapturing Moon Dancer’s attention.
Moon Dancer quickly shifted through some of the notes. “You're looking into how to make a portal spell to somewhere extra difficult.”
“Well, good to know I was apparently right to hide my notes from you,” Light Patch muttered.
“I also want to poke holes in the walls of reality and invite Cthulhu to tea,” that voice badly imitating Light’s voice said again.
“Who’s Cthulhu?” another voice whispered back.
“Who's there?!” Moon Dancer demanded as she jumped to her hooves, her horn wrapped in magic.
“Maybe it was some of the local foals just messing with us. I guess they’ve been giving the bandits a lot of trouble,” Light Patch evaded. “On a side note, did you figure out how to budget in all of those chocolate coins?”
“I’ve managed to find some spare funds. I still think there’s better uses, but you are the one with the funds,” Moon Dancer answered.
“Good. You want the rest of the plan or are you interested in trying to finish figuring out the rest of it yourself?” Moon Dancer looked back at the various notes and hesitated before pulling some more of the notes over to her.
“I think I’d find puzzling it out myself a relaxing way to spend some down time.”
“Well then, Miss Holmes, I shall leave you to puzzle this out.” Light Patch stood and stepped away from the table.
“Who’s Holmes?”
“A fictional detective from my home. He solves crimes with excesses of logic and reason, science and observation.”
“Sounds similar to the character of Elementary Deduction. He was one of the first detective characters to focus more on what was considered at that time ‘proper crime solving methods’”
“It’s always weird when I’m struck by the similarities between our worlds. I know several are there, but I’m surprised when I encounter a new one.”
“Perhaps we should spend some time figuring some of them out. It would keep you from being surprised by something at a bad time,” the mare idly wondered aloud.
“Might not be a bad idea, but that will be later. Right now I’ve got to meet the bandit leaders for the usual ‘I hate them, I hate them more’!” Light Patch said, slipping into his cloak. He turned to notice a distracted hoof wave from Moon Dancer before he quietly left. Shortly afterwards, Moon Dancer saw herself out of the room. This let two bat ponies slip quietly out of the room with no one to wonder who they were.
* * *
I’ve had plans go much smoother, that’s for sure.
The forest of the Undiscovered West stretched out below Wits End from his place on the mountain. A sea of trees that stretched out for miles and, if he looked away long enough, shifted just enough to be noticable. He tried to keep track of one particular group of trees; a collection of pines that had gathered in the last few minutes. One blink later, and the pines were gone.
It’s not just enough to get Twilight to accept my eventual surrender, he thought. I need to stop Purple Heart and Light Patch too. One’s on a path that leads to a Sidious end, the other headed to dethrone Infinity War for the most ambitious crossover event. I can’t take them on one-on-one; they’d both wipe the floor with me like that. I’ll need allies. But Twilight and the rest of the Elements are out of the question. They’d never trust me enough to take my advice, and we’d end up with another Road’s Crossed situation.
Wits sighed, picking a new point in the forest to watch. I’ve got one shot. It’ll be dangerous, and it’ll be tough to walk the line, but if it works out I can take both Patchy and P.H. out of the running in short order. Then, if I lose to Twilight in just the right way, then we reset back to status quo. Just like the simulations. He frowned as an empty patch appeared in the forest between blinks. Unless something goes wrong. Or goes right...
“They’re tricky, aren’t they?” Wits turned to see a bat-pony trotting up behind him. The Thestral motioned with one wing towards the forest below. “You can lose hours watching the forest if you ain’t careful.”
“How many have I lost so far, Mousetail?” Wits asked, turning back to the view.
The Thestral thought. “20, maybe 30 minutes. Thought I oughta check on you.”
“Hmm.” The two of them watched for a few minutes in silence as, in the time their blinks synced up, the forest changed completely. “Is it related to the Everfree Forest somehow?” Wits asked. “Or do forests just do this sometimes?”
Mousetail thought for a moment. “Well, the stories from the elders used to say there was a forest that split modern Equestria in two. I reckon that could’ve been the Shifting Woodlands and the Everfree.”
“Any idea how they got split?”
The bat-pony shrugged. “Maybe some of the trees wanted to… branch out.”
A smirk tugged at the corner of Wits’ mouth. “Finally, some good bucking jokes.”
“Hey, if you want jokes about bucking, I-”
“How’s the infiltration work going?” Wits asked quickly, turned back to the cave and trotting in. Careful with the rating there…
Mousetail pouted and followed. The two of them passed the simple wood and stone homes of the Thestrals, built up against either wall of the cave entrance. “It’s… certainly going.”
“Is that good?” Wits took the left-most of the two main streets, leading deeper into the cave network. “Or bad?”
“It’s… difficult to say.” Mousetail frowned. “Our scouts and spies can certainly sneak around in the dark of places like Canterlot and Manehatten. They just can’t… How do I put this…” She switched to hovering, leaving her forehooves free to stroke the tuft of fur around her neck and across her chest. “Equestrian’s ain’t used to talking to us Thestrals.”
“There’s some tension?”
“More like confusion. Vampire keeps getting mistaken for a member of Princess Luna’s guards. The others can’t get in anywhere ‘cause nopony comfortable around them.” Mousetail shrugged. “Can’t reeeeeealy blame them for it. Us Thestrals have stayed here in our caves for a while now.”
Wits raised an eyebrow. “Nopony leaves?”
“Oh, we leave all the time! Just… we don’t talk to anypony. Aside from Nightmare Night, every bat-pony gets the the same reaction.”
“And what reaction is that?”
Mousetail gave an over-dramatic gasp, and pointed a trembling hoof. “A vampire pony! Ahh!” She dropped her hoof. “And then they run away.”
“That sounds about right.” Wits slowed to a stop in front of a food stall. He nodded to the bat-pony stallion at the till. “Two, if you please.”
Mousetail chuckled. “You really like these things, huh? Too bad I just ate. Love me some free food.”
Wits shot her a grin back. “They’re both for me.” He took the two wrapped moss shawarmas and tossed the stallion a few bits. “Gotta eat double if I’m eating vegan like this.”
“You know they make them with meat, right?”
Wits paused, one wrap halfway to his mouth. “What.”
Mousetail rolled her eyes and scoffed. “We ain’t all fruit bats, dude. They got snake, squirrel, quail...” She turned to the stallion. “Hey, you got any mountain goat back there?”
“Fresh this mornin’!” the shop owner replied with a smile. “Grabbed’m while they was lickin’ the salt from the mountainside.”
Wits End licked his lips and held out the two wraps. “You wouldn’t mind…”
With a laugh, the stallion took the wraps and unfolded them. “Two mountain goats?”
“Make one snake. I’m feeling adventurous today.” The unicorn tossed another set of bits onto the counter, and took the two wraps once again. “Let’s grab a seat. I get the feeling I’m gonna want to be sitting down for this.” With a chuckle, Mousetail sat on a bench next to Wits. “Now,” Wits said, picking one of the wraps to start with, “what’ve the spies found so far? Anything useful?”
Mousetail nodded. “You were right. Between the Elements and the Princesses, Ponyville, Canterlot, and the Crystal Empire are both too dangerous to siege right off the bat.”
Wits frowned as he chewed. “The Crystal Empire? Even with Patchy’s pet bandits?”
“They’ve got that Crystal Heart,” Mousetail explained. “Too powerful to waste on bandits, but juuuuust powerful enough to use on an attacking army.”
“Ah, right. Magical Artifacts of Mass Pacification.” Wits took another bite. “Charlemane never had to deal with this.”
“And Cloudsdale’s got the Wonderbolts, so I’d save them for later too. There’s certainly smaller places to start.” Mousetail used her wings to count. “Appleloosa, Dodge City, Hollow Shades-”
Wits shook his head. “The first major strike has to be big enough to get their attention. Something they’ll be falling over themselves to try and take back.” He took a contemplative bit of his second shawarma. “What about something on the east coast? Manehatten or Baltimare?”
“You could, but if that’s what you’re looking for, I’d aim west. Vanhoover or the Smokey Mountains.”
“Why there?”
Mousetail grinned. “‘Cause they just spent millions of bits to put senators on that new senate in Canterlot. You start with those, the senators will be screaming so loud that the Royal Guard scrambles before anypony can give an order.”
Wits smiled back. “A political target. I like it. We’ll have to be careful in the Great North-Wet, though. There’s some... personal connections there I wanna keep undamaged.” He licked some sauce from his forehoof and leaned back. “I gotta say, you lot really stepped up when I asked you for help.”
“But of course!” Mousetail tapped her chest proudly. “We’re the frontline of the Equestria Liberation Force. We gotta take this a little seriously.”
The unicorn’s smile fell. “First of all, our organization is not going to be called E.L.F. And secondly, I’d prefer it if the Thestrals don’t get it in their heads that they’re the frontline fighters. You should focus on scouting and espionage, where you’re strongest.”
Now it was Mousetail’s turn to frown. “What, you got another army in your back pocket? I thought it was just you, your assistant, and us. Only one of those is an army.”
“Let me handle making an army.” Wits cut her off before she could get rolling. “I need the Thestrals off the battlefield so they can harass supply lines and break down communication once this war starts.” He held up a forehoof when Mousetail turned towards him. “I have a plan,” he said flatly. “Do not make me adjust it this late in the game. I already had to do that once.”
Mousetail pouted, but nodded all the same. “Fine. I’ll pass it on to the others.” She sighed and leaned back, scratching at her chest fluff. “We could handle it, you know,” she said, not looking at Wits. “Bat-ponies might not be as strong as Earth Ponies or as fast as Pegasi, but we’ve got it where it counts. We’re not as squishy as Unicorns—no offence, of course—and we’ve got the instincts for hunting.” She waved a lazy forehoof. “Tartarus, if you gave us the whole plan now, we could fight this war without you.”
“I hope that’s not the start of a coup I hear,” Wits said, only half-joking.
“Not at all!” Mousetail shot back up, turning to face Wits with embarrassment on her face. “I meant that we can handle the fighting, not that we don’t, ya know, need you! You’ve got the plan, after all. And, uh, the long-term stuff. You’re better than we are at that.”
Wits sighed. “Good.” He stood and stretched. “Because that long-term stuff is why you, and anypony else who tries to take over Equestria, needs somepony like me.” A soft pop from his back elicited a groan, and he stretched the other way. “Do you know what the most important thing I learned when I was studying the other villains who’ve tried to take over the world?”
“...How to laugh the right way?”
Wits snorted. “No, but thanks for the reminder. It was ‘follow-through.’ Of the villains I spoke to, the one who got closest was Chrysalis. And she got there because she had a plan leading up to the attack, and a plan for what happened afterwards.” He turned, looking back towards the dim light of the cave entrance. “Do you want to know what would happen if this rebellion fired without me?”
“I get the feeling you’re gonna tell me anyway.”
“You’re right.” Wits shifted his weight and settled. “Divisions in command. Infighting. Looting and pillaging. Within the first few months, any organized structure would devolve into a country sized riot, and eventually collapse in on itself. All successful coups have somepony running them who can direct it all the way through. Without that, you just have a street mob with uniforms.”
“And the pony to run it is you,” Mousetail finished for him, standing next to the unicorn. It wasn’t a question; just a statement of fact.
Wits smirked. These ponies are so starved for leadership, he thought, All it would take is a moderately competent leader to whip them up. The Princesses really dropped the ball with them. And it’s true that without a pony like me to keep everything running, they’d collapse back to where they are now. His smirk evolved into a full-on grin. All according to keikaku.
Mousetail stretched like a cat, then took to a hover again. “So, what’d we do now, boss?”
“Now?” Wits scratched at his chin. “Let’s check on our guest and make sure he’s comfortable. A happy anchor is a helpful anchor, after all.”
“He really doesn’t realize he’s a prisoner, does he?” Mousetail asked, following Wits further into the cave.
Wits shrugged. “He is not a clever Aboleth.”
* * *
Five mares sat around the map in Twilight’s castle. Occasionally, some of them would hold scattered conversations, but by and large, they sat in silence. Eventually, one of them stood on their seat.
“Where the buck is Twilight?” Rainbow Dash called. “This is her castle, isn’t it? How can she be late for a meeting inside her own house?”
“Calm down, darling.” Rarity tucked a few loose hairs back into her mane. “I’m certain that she simply lost track of time.”
Applejack nodded. “Probably tryin’ to come up with a way to bring down them Accords. Safeguards or no, we can’t take care of those boys when we’ve got three hooves tied behind our backs with red tape.”
“Yeah!” Rainbow Dash had taken to the air, hovering back and forth in a sort of aerial pacing. “Spitfire said PISS is reviewing my place with the Wonderbolts! Saying that it’d be dangerous for an Element to be under two chains of command at once.” She scoffed, folding her forelegs over her chest in a huff. “Like, this wouldn’t even be a problem if they didn’t make it one in the first place!”
“They don’t even have anything to back it up with!” Pinkie proclaimed. “I mean, they’ve been around for, like, what, a week? They don’t even have anything over the Royal Guard or anything! If anypony told them ‘no’, they’d deflate like a flan in a cupboard!”
“Now there’s an idea,” Applejack mused.”
Pinkie tilted her head to the side. “What, a flan?”
“Tellin’ them no,” the farmpony corrected. “Nippin’ this in the bud right now, ‘fore any vines start a’spreadin’. Right now, they only got the Accords, an’ those only apply to use six, right? What if we just… didn’t listen to ‘m?”
Fluttershy frowned. “But… don’t they have the authority?”
“You heard Twilight,” Rainbow Dash said with a roll of her eyes. “The only authority they have is what Princess Celestia gives them, and she ain’t given them horsefeathers yet.” She dropped into her seat. “I’m with Applejack. Nuts to PISS; we do this our way!”
“Do what our way?” Twilight walked through the recently repaired doors, eyes red from what was most likely hours of hard reading. “What’re you all talking about?”
“Revolution!” Pinkie Pie said happily.
Twilight blinked, then rubbed her eyes with the back of one hoof. “Let’s table that for another time,” she said, taking her seat. Two stacks of loose papers dropped onto the map in front of her, partially obscuring her from view.
Rarity leaned away as one pile threatened to tip towards her for a moment. “Um, Twilight? What is that?”
“A copy of The Tome of Horses,” Twilight replied flatly. “Since Wits stole the version that Discord gave me, I have to work with the copy I made.”
“That looks a lot bigger than Discord’s book,” Rainbow Dash said. “What, was it bigger on the inside or something?
Twilight peered at the pegasus from over the top of a stack. “Is that really a surprise?” Without waiting for a response, she grabbed the top sheet from one pile and set to scanning through it.
“Twi,” Applejack started slowly. “Why are you readin’ that?”
“Well, Wits wanted it.” Twilight slid her current page on top of the second pile, and pulled a new one from the first. “So I’m 95% sure there’s something in here that’s important to whatever he has planned.” She sighed, tossing this page onto the ‘done’ pile as well. “And…”
The table fell silent as they waited for Twilight’s next words, but the alicorn just pulled the next page and began reading. Eventually, Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. “And?”
Twilight blinked in surprise, as if suddenly remembering the other ponies were there. “Oh, right. There was something I noticed about Wits during that last fight. Something that has to do with Discord’s adventure. It’s right on the tip of my tongue, but I just can’t think of it. So,” she moved on to another page, “I’m going back through the source material. All of it.”
“How long will that take?” Fluttershy asked.
Twilight stared at the pile of unread pages. “I have 37 stacks of pages just like this one,” she said flatly. “I started with 52.” She waved a hoof as she took the next page. “Go ahead. I’ll listen and read.”
Rarity made a small ‘hmm’ sound, but nodded. “I shall start, then,” she said. “After our little… encounter with the Panel of International Situation Solutions, I decided to find out exactly how this panel got started.”
“The senator from the Pony North West?” Fluttershy asked. “The one that one senator mentioned referencing MacHawk?”
“The very same.” Rarity leaned back in her seat, crossing her hindlegs in a ladylike manner. “Apparently the senator he was referring to is one Senator Baelhart.”
Applejack’s eyes narrowed. “That’s a mite too close to Bael for my liking.”
“My thoughts exactly,” Rarity concured with a nod. “So, I did some more investigating. This Baelhart fellow joined the senate as the representative from the Pony North West while the senate was still looking for more members. The only thing of note that he’s done is bring up the panel that would become-”
“PISS?” Rainbow Dash growled.
“The very same. And then, just today, Senator Baelhart became Mister Baelhart.” Rarity sniffed. “Dismissed from the senate in full view of Princess Celestia.”
Pinkie Pie whistled. “Now that’s a career! Hired, inspired, and fired; bam! The senate’s only been around for, what, a couple of months?”
“If that,” Twilight mumbled, about a third of the way through her stack now. “Although, it was looking for members for a long time. When did he join?”
Rarity thought for a moment. “Not long, I believe. He proposed the Panel the same day he joined.”
“And then they send their goons after us a week later,” Applejack growled. “What’d he do ‘fore the senate? Some two-bit noble? Maybe a podunk mayor?”
“That’s the thing.” Rarity leaned in, eyebrows raising. “There’s mention of Baelhart’s name around Canterlot for a few weeks before he joined the senate, but nothing official. Mostly, it was restaurant owners familiar with him from multiple visits. But aside from that? Nothing.”
Rainbow Dash pursed her lips. “So we’ve got some guy with a name that sounds a lot like the most powerful of the three villains we fought in Discord’s game world, who showed up out of nowhere just to create a ball-and-chain around our necks, and the only people who know him before that are a bunch of waiters? Anypony else think that’s suspicious?”
“Mighty so,” Applejack mused. “Maybe we oughta pay him a visit, all friendly-like.”
“Easy there, big girl.” Pinkie held out a calming hoof. “I’m all for surprise parties, but maybe we shouldn’t go running after the meanest hombre this side of Badlands Red?”
Applejack frowned, but didn’t argue. “Who else’s got suspicious figures to bring up, then?” She looked up to see that Pinkie’s hoof had shifted so it was raised. “Really?”
“Really deally!” Pinkie hopped to her hooves, bouncing excitedly around the table. “Okay, so I popped up to the Crystal Empire to get some edible gemstones for a cake, right?”
Fluttershy raised a forehoof. “Um, how did you get up there and back so quickly?”
Pinkie paused, locking her eyes on the pegasus. “Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to.”
Fluttershy sunk back into her seat. “Oh… okay…”
Pinkie’s prance resumed. “So anyway, while I was up there I heard a bunch of ponies talking about bandits that’ve been seen aaaaaaaaall over the place! It sounded like they were pretty worried about it, so I started asking around! Turns out there’s been two main groups that’ve been hitting the trade routes and ice farmers in the area. Not even Shining Armor has been able to stop them!”
Twilight made a disbelieving sound in the back of her throat, but didn’t say anything else.
“So,” Pinkie continued, “those two groups! One is made up of minotaurs, and the other’s a bunch of griffon raiders.” She turned to Rarity, looking expectant. “Sound familiar?”
Rarity frowned for a moment, then her eyes widened. “You can’t possibly mean the ones that beat up Light Patch, can you?”
“I didn’t think so either! But then I kept asking around, and the details kept adding up!” Pinkie nodded energetically. “It’s definitely the same bandits. Definite maybe! Very possibly!”
“So it’s a slim chance,” Rainbow Dash translated.
“Which means it’s a sure thing,” Applejack finished. “Knowin’ those boys an’ all.”
Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to argue, but nothing came out. “I mean…” she managed eventually. “I can’t really say you’re wrong.”
“What exactly are they doing, Pinkie?” Rarity asked. “If they’re close enough to the Crystal Empire that rumors are that specific, then they must have moved from where we found Light Patch.”
Pinkie pondered for a moment. “Just banditing, I think. Hitting caravans, raiding outposts, that kinda thing. Every three days, like clockwork. Sompony’s farm gets sacked and looted! Just regular bandit stuff!” She paused, then rubbed her chin with a forehoof. Her mane seemed to deflate as she continued to ponder. “Wait…”
Applejack scooted away from the other Earth Pony in her seat. “Ah dunno how Ah feel about Pinkie thinkin’ hard like that. Gives me th’ willies.”
“Every three days,” Pinkie repeated. “Every three days, like clockwork.” She was staring at a point somewhere beyond the far wall now, hoof partially raised. “Assuming neither bandit force has significantly increased their numbers in the time since Light Patch’s encounter with them, and taking into consideration the average food intake of both Homo Taurus and Panthera Aquila, their average rate of food consumption falls well below the projected amount they would have acquired via raiding at the frequency so far reported. Furthermore, the foodstuffs being acquired have a projected decay rate that indicates that a significant percentage of the food have spoiled before they can be consumed, and no significant increase in supply for the given resources has been reported in the area of the Crystal Empire.”
Applejack’s mouth formed a thin line. “Ah ain’t the only one freaked out right now, right?”
“What did all that mean?” Fluttershy asked.
“They’re not raiding to eat or sell the food,” Twilight clarified, levitating a new stack of papers in front of her.
Pinkie shook her head, a wide grin on her face and her hair back to its usual chaotic self. “That’s what I said!”
“So if they’re not eating the food or selling the food,” Rainbow Dash said, “why’re they taking it?”
“I’ll bet it has something to do with the Orb of Glacious,” Rarity grumbled. “Light Patch may talk about being neutral, but either he is this Layered Permafrost fellow or he’s directly involved with him and the dig. If these bandits are really the mercenaries from before, it’s possible that their banditry is a distraction.” She turned to Twilight. “Moondancer is supposedly part of the dig. Darling, have you heard anything from her?”
Twilight paused. “...No,” she said eventually. “No response from any letters I’ve sent and my magical communications are being blocked. I just get a song about how ‘the song never ends’ when I try.”
“That sounds like Light Patch alright,” Pinkie said with a nod.
“You said Shiny couldn’t handle the bandits,” Twilight continued, turning to Pinkie. “Why hasn’t he called for reinforcements? Like a detachment of the Royal Guard or the Wonderbolts?”
“Well, I can definitely tell you why he hasn’t called the Wonderbolts,” Rainbow Dash grumbled. “They’re stuck chasing down Thestrals.”
“Thestrals?” Rarity asked. “You mean Luna’s part of the Royal Guard?”
“No, I mean actual Thestrals. Like, Bat Ponies.” Rainbow Dash flopped onto her back, hanging her hindlegs over the arm of her chair. “Remember I said Spitfire was dealing with PISS reviewing me and the Wonderbolts? Well, she told me that’s hamstringing her while the Wonderbolts are on orders from Celestia and Luna themselves to investigate Thestral sightings all over Equestria.”
Twilight frowned. “But I thought Thestrals are native to the Undiscovered West. What would they be doing in Equestria?”
Rainbow Dash shrugged. “That’s what the Princesses want to know, I guess. Apparently ponies all over have been reporting them sneaking around, like, every big city. Trailing the local guards, probing defences, and generally being sneaky creatures of the night. No-pony knows what they want.”
“I might,” Fluttershy mumbled.
All eyes turned to the pegasus. “Really?” Rarity asked.
“Well, I-I mean maybe.” Fluttershy sunk in her chair. “Remember Mellroch, from when I was looking for the Misplacer Beast? And how he said Wits had been talking to the Thestrals? Well, if Wits is trying to take over Equestria…”
“Maybe he’s got th’ Thestrals on his side,” Applejack finished. “Using that hypnosis magic of his. He’d have a whole hootenanny of ponies just waitin’ to fight!
“It wouldn’t be enough, though,” Fluttershy said slowly. “Thestrals are way outnumbered by the rest of ponykind. It would be like… like a family of weasels taking on a herd of buffalo.” She fell silent for a moment. “Wits would know that… He wouldn’t throw them away for nothing, I think.”
Rainbow Dash frowned. “Well, if the Thestrals aren’t his main army, then what-”
“EUREKA!” Twilight shot out of her seat, landing on the map table with a single sheet of paper clutched in her magic. “Eu-freaking-reka!”
Rarity clutched her chest. “Sweet Celestia, Twilight! What could be so important that you scare us half to death like that?”
Twilight waved the paper furiously, a wide grin on her tired face. “This! This is it! This is the thing I was looking for! This is what I was thinking of when I saw Wits End at the end of our fight.”
“Well geez, Twi!” Applejack settled her hat back on her head. “Just say what it is, then! No need to spook us like a boulder through a hen house!”
“...Sorry.” Twilight coughed. “Right before PISS showed up, Wits and I were in the middle of our fight. He was acting strangely- Well, stranger, and I noticed that he had a scar on one leg. A thin scar running down his leg, and a cracked hoof.”
Pinkie Pie’s face screwed up as she thought. “I don’t remember Minty having any scars back in the game world.”
“Neither do I,” Twilight said with a nod. “But there was somepony who did have a scar like that.” She held out the paper. “This is the stat block for Chancellor Holdfast. Look at the notes here.” She pointed out a section written in a chaotic handwritten script. “This is a note that Discord made while we were still playing.”
Fluttershy read the note, and her face turned pale. “From when Holdfast was blackmailing Wits…”
“From the end of that,” Rarity corrected, peering at the note. “It says Wits attacked Holdfast and wounded his leg using his sword. Seems rather… unheroic of him.”
“Wounded his leg and split his hoof,” Twilight said. “We saw the scar when the villains attacked us later in the campaign. Even the human version of Holdfast had one. I didn’t think anything about it, but Wits’ scar is exactly like the one Holdfast had.”
Applejack tilted her head to one side and chewed her lip. “That’s great that ya found what ya were lookin’ for, but what’s that mean for th’ rest of us? How does one pony end up with th’ same mark another pony’s got?”
“I don’t know, but-” Twilight paused. There was an almost audible thunk as the alicorn’s mind made a connection. She whirled about to face the door. “Spike!”
A yelp sounded from behind the door, followed by a soft thud. A moment later, and the door swung open to reveal the small purple dragon. “I wasn’t eavesdropping,” Spike explained, rubbing a fresh bruise on his forehead. “You can tell ‘cause there aren’t any eaves in the hallway.”
“Spike,” Twilight repeated, crossing the distance between them and grabbing the dragon’s cheeks with both forehooves. “I need you to do something for me. This is very important.”
“Um…” Spike blinked. “Sure, alright. What’d you need?”
Twilight took a deep breath. “Do you remember the comic book you showed us? The one with Just Duty in it?”
“The Paladins of Equestria? Sure, what about it?”
“Do you remember the exact comic you showed us?”
Spike thought for a moment. “Issue number… 66? Yeah, Issue 66: Mind Welds. The one with the alternate cover Rainbow Dash liked.”
“...Are there any other comics in that series with the same plot elements?”
“Huh?” Spike raised a scaly eyebrow. “You mean where the Paladins merge with evil counterparts? Why do you…” The other eyebrow raised as he realized what Twilight was asking. “No way!”
Twilight sighed, still not letting go of the dragon. “I don’t know for certain, but if that’s one of the stories that actually happened, then-”
“I’ve got the whole story arc!” Spike was practically vibrating in place. “Thirteen issues total! And the spiritual sequel arc they did a couple years later; Into The Pala-Verse! That one’s only 6 issues, but they did a ‘What If’ issue a year later!”
“Go get them.” Twilight started to let Spike go, then paused. “And get Just Duty too. We’ll need him to tell us what parts are fictional and what isn’t.” She finally let go, and the dragon took off like a shot. A whoop of excitement echoed through the open doorway.
A few seconds later, Applejack cleared her throat. “Uh, Twi? Mind cluein’ the rest of us in?”
Twilight turned back to the rest of the group. “I think Spike has the answer to a question we forgot to ask back at the beginning of all of this.”
“And what’s that?” Pinkie asked.
“The colt’s villains got pulled into that portal too. When we got the colts out of limbo,” Twilight said, “what happened to their villains?”