Have you ever had one of those days where things are simply going so out of control, you simply can't help but think you're going crazy? This was one of those days.
I had woken up at five o' clock to go and make my daily hot chocolate. All good days began with a cup of hot chocolate in hand; I never did understand why people always went with coffee, all that stuff ever seemed to do was give me bad breath and make me sleepy. Today, I was shaken awake with something greater than coffee.
In an instant, my vision flashed rainbow. It wasn't something my early, morning brain was able to put into terms I was able to properly comprehend.
Have you ever bitten cold ice cream with your bare teeth? Or gotten lucky enough to hear nails scratch themselves against hard iron? If you were, just turn that feeling up to eleven.
It HURT. It felt as if it something were crawling underneath my skin, my flesh burning. I had trouble breathing. My head was hurting, as if someone was drilling it for oil. And there was that constant grating in my head; claws against steel. My own screams deafened me. This was the end, I was gonna be permanently scarred and left a drooling idiot, seated in some mental hospital...
"Welcome to Equestria...?"
All went back to normal. When I came back to my senses, I found myself standing with my knees bent forward, in front of a group of... colorful horses? Slowly, my hammered-up brain molded itself back together. I could vaguely tell that one of them had said something, but for now all I could do was stare. It was an honest to god talking horse! What did you want me to do? Just ignore it and move on with my day?
Yeah, like I was just going to do that. I'm not that out of touch with reality.
I closed my eyes, scratched them, and reopened them. Yep, the colorful horses were still there. Ponies was probably a better fitting word. Most of them reached no higher than my stomach in height and had large, cartoony eyes.
They were encased in roman-style gold armor, and had spears at their sides, watching me through holes in their helmets for any sudden surprises. There was a rush of something, - most likely heightened excitement - spreading out throughout my body, then I was calm again. As cool as a cucumber.
Now, I bet you are wondering exactly how I was remaining calm without losing all my marbles in this strange situation. It was honestly, pretty simple. For most of my nineteen years of life, I had been ingesting stories in multiple forms; reading, television, video games, with fiction being a personal favorite. You name a medium, and I had probably used it. So, to me, this whole summoning thing was nothing more than an fancy vacation.
Except for the lack of hot chocolate in my stomach. The bastards had me summoned me without even giving me the chance to finish it. Couldn't they have at least given me a notice?!
And yes, I know what I am insinuating with the word, 'summoning'. It was obvious, painfully so from the complicated pattern drawn in the circle under my feet. That, and the lightly glowing horn from one of the taller unicor- well it had wings so- whatever, I didn't have enough chocolate to deal with this. Winged unicorn. Yeah, that's your name now.
Honestly, if you aren't able to tell that you've been summoned on your own within the first two-minutes of it occurring, you're just an idiot. I can already hear the cries of hundreds of characters screaming all sorts of excuses and profanities at me. Ha, you guys can complain when you finally get a brain; being a social reject doesn't excuse stupidity.
"Can you understand me?" a feminine voice asked in perfect English, pulling me out of my daze.
This time, I both responded and inspected her accordingly. "Yeah, I do." She was a tall, white winged-unicorn horse thing... actually 'horse' would work better for her; she was nearly twice as tall as most of the other ponies in the room. She had flowing, candy-colored mane and tail, with feathered wings tucked at her side. She had a golden collar, shoes... over her horseshoes...? My brain was going to have a field day trying to wrap itself around that one... and a golden tiara.
It made her look silly and ridiculous. Her get-up was a combination of 'pretty' and 'childish', as if a little girl's imagination had been allowed to manifest within reality. I stopped myself from rolling my eyes; as girlish as she appeared, she was the one that summoned me from another world. No point in getting my 'benefactor' angry, after all.
"Good," she smiled at me. "I was wondering if I'd have to use a translation spell on you."
I shook my head. "No need for any of that here." Translator spells sounded cool and all, but I didn't quite fancy the idea of having someone alter my mind like that. If anything, I'd rather be the one to cast it on myself.
My eyes darted around me. I could see that I was in an arch-shaped dome enveloped in pure white marble. Rather than florescent light, a dim yellow light illuminated the room in all directions. Carved into the walls were ponies in various poses; one reading, another casting a spell, another warring.
"My name is Princess Celestia, one of the two Diarchs of Equestria," she continued, oblivious to my wandering eyes. "You must be confused by this abrupt summoning, aren't you? How about you follow me, and I'll explain all to you in a better setting?"
A nation ruled by horses names Equestria? How original. Just the same amount of creativity I'd expect from a nine year old. I rolled my eyes, eliciting more than a few glares directed my way.
I waited for her to be a few paces ahead before I followed her. Look down at my hand, I idly turned it towards the armored pony to my right, sprayed apart my fingers, and attempted to mentally blast him against the wall. If something did happen, it would be totally worth it, and I'd just blame it on nerves. It was to no avail; not a flicker of magic came flying out from my palm. Guess I don't get powers that easily. I'd actually have to work for them.
Which I found quite unfair indeed. I worked hard enough in the 'real' world, this was supposed to be my power fantasy outlet! I want a refund from all the shitty fantasy books I've been reading!
"So, where are we going?"
It was minutes later, and 'Princess Celestia' was leading me through the corridors of the same building I had been summoned in. Despite several turns, the overall layout and design of the building hadn't changed, implying that this building was larger than I had thought. I had noticed us moving up; had I been summoned in a basement of sorts?
"Simply to a better location to discuss important matters." She paused for a moment to look over me once more. "I apologize, but I don't find the underground summoning chambers to be suitable. I apologize if your summoning here was discomforting in anyway... Was it?"
Creatures crawling beneath my burning flesh. High pitched screeching in my ears. "It was just fine, peachy even. Just like waking up from a nice nap." The winged-unicorn horse raised an eyebrow - a human gesture that did not look right on a horse, but otherwise didn't elaborate more on the subject. Maybe she wanted to give me more time to settle down my 'nerves'?
Fine with me. Who was I to turn down a princess' invitation after all?
Following Celestia down the halls, I absentmindedly attempted to mimic an echo of the footsteps around me inside my head, trying to make a beat out of them. For the most part, the armored ponies around me all took steps at the seemingly the same time. Now I couldn't tell if they were trying to be intimidating or what, but it sure was impressive control. Or magic maybe?
And there was that tattoo on their asses. Celestia's ass tattoo appears to be one of the sun, and the other guard ponies have them as well, varying from tattoos of swords, armor and other assorted images. Was this some kind of weird fad or tradition around here? Not sure why ponies would need to brand each other.
Unless...
Either way, the rest of my walk through the walls was silent, other than gasps or hushed whispers I got from ponies when ever I passed them. Well, it couldn't be helped. I was alien to them in basically every literal meaning of word. I occupied myself by trying to match my footsteps with the guards, and by the end of our journey I think I managed to make us sound like a single entity.
Patterns came easy to me.
Suddenly stopping in front of ornate double doors at the end of one of the corridor, Celestia turned to face me in a single smooth motion.
"It seems that we have arrived. Again, welcome to Equestria."
In response to her words, two unicorn guards-ponies walked up to either side of the door and pointed their horns at it, causing them to glow. The glow then surrounded the doors as well, each door coated the same color as its respective unicorn's coat. A second later, bright light assaulted my vision as crystals in the room lit up the darker outside hall.
Blinking my unshed tears away, I was able to make out a two red cushioned thrones with stairs leading up to them - one of which was already occupied - as well as a red carpet that led up to it. On both sides of the room, I can see stained glass panes; one of the Earth surrounded by celestial bodies, another of a smiling sun, and one of two unicorn-pegasuses touching horns over a rainbow.
Celestia walked up to the unoccupied throne, while the guards-ponies took their places along both sides of the red carpet. Sensing an unspoken command, I walked forward up unto the red carpet, glancing up at the glittering crystals above. Once more I can feel the weight of the stares on my back, and in a setting like this, it is all the more obvious that I'm the true alien here.
I wipe away sweat on my forehead and brush away strands of black hair away from my eyes. Social situations were nothing new to me, but I think just about anyone would get just the tiniest bit nervous having a crowd of colorful big-eyed ponies stare at them. With spears. And magic.
Show me someone who says they wouldn't, and I'll show you a liar.
"Welcome, foreigner, to the most glorious Nation of Equestria! Thou art been summoned here by thy sister to aid us in this time of need and bring peace to troubled world! An ancient foe - Demon N’vstvr - hath chosen to rear its ugly head once again, and it wants nothing more than to devastate this kingdom, bring ruin upon the world and rain destruction among many a-pony! We beseech that you raise up arms and slay this evil, so that our world may be spared, the ponies: protected!"
I listened silently as the dark horse said - well, more like shouted - the speech from her throne seated next to Celestia's. Just like the horse beside her, she too was a winged-unicorn, but whereas her sister had white fur, hers was a dark-blue, and her ass tattoo that of a crescent moon. Even her collar was the same as Celestia's, except dark blue and with a crescent moon instead of a sun.
Woah! Siblings having reverse color pallets?! Just the type of originality I'd expect from a thirteen year-old 'misunderstood' author who gets his ass whooped both at home, and at school. I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. At this point, I'm considering just asking to be sent back to Earth. I'd rather live there than deal with this for another moment sooner.
But magic... "I thank you for the hospitality..."
"You may refer to us as Princess Luna."
Luna and Celestia? I hope this bad naming sense is just a royalty thing.I smiled. No point in being the one to start things off on the wrong foot, and I didn't think directly antagonizing a princess was the wisest choice in any case, me being a 'hero' or otherwise.
And 'an ancient foe'. Did that mean that there were others or was I just over thinking things now? Well, shower thoughts for later.
"Luna," I began, blinking innocently. "What kind of support will I be getting for this?"
"Support?" Luna tilted her head in confusion. "Thy have summoned you, hero. My sister and I have put in the effort in-pony to help complete this feat. What else could we offer thee?"
"Money." I opened up my palm and closed it in swift motion.
"What?!" Luna had gone slack-jawed.
"Y'know, the thing that makes the world go round and round." I spun a finger 'round my head. "I'd be really glad if you could help me out as a benefactor. As a Hero."
I heard more than one spit-take at that behind me.
Tough audience.