“There’s really a fine line between ‘rat’s nest’ manes and actually having a rat’s nest for a mane, Fluttershy.” Rarity is currently standing in my mane, scaring the critters out.
“How was I supposed to know that could actually happen?” I hear something squeak, another animal chirp, and a raccoon. “Maybe they liked the thought of hibernating in fur, instead of the cold dirt?”
“Animals don’t stop defecating during winter, Fluttershy.” She kicks her hoof out- if I wasn’t already laying down and on my side, I’d have gone to hide in a corner.
“My animals have manners- they’re not going to… to… oh no, they aren’t, are they?” My eyes grow wider and I hear Rarity say ‘no’ from somewhere inside my mane. Apparently, the drier it gets, the fluffier it gets- which is why my mane and tail are currently connected. “Oh, ok then.”
“Good-“ yank “ness, Fluttershy, how many pets do you have? Don’t answer that, nothing good can come of that answer. I may have to just shave it all off and surrender your mane and tail to the animals.”
“NO!” I say it a bit louder than I usually ever speak. “I mean… it took me a really long time to grow my mane out this long and it’ll take another seven years to get it as long as it is now and I know I’ll at least have to chop off the ends but please don’t make me a bald pony!” She steps out of my mane, harried but no worse for the wear. When I look at her, I start crying. “I’m not a very vain pony, but my mane and tail are very special to me- there’s no story behind my locks. I’ve just got good genetics, but good genetics doesn’t make hair grow faster- just longer.”
“Fluttershy, dear, I can’t understand you when you’re screaming, or whispering, or mumbling. Or rambling.” She pouts, magicking up a razor comb and a pair of scissors. “Now, I need to do this because your hair is a health hazard to anypony that comes near it. It’s stretched to the very limit of its length and even if I try fixing it now, it’ll be thinner than any mane or tail ever should be.” Snip, snip. “Honestly, darling, any of those kicks you felt was me trying to escape. I think your mane has become sentinent.” Snipsnipsnip
An hour later, I’m bald. I haven’t opened my eyes once because I don’t want to see the carnage. I mean, it took an hour to chop off my mane, tail, the hair on my fetlocks and pasterns. “Rarity, please tell me it’s not as bad as it looks.”
“You know the old ponytale of the princess in the tower?”
“Oh, dear.”
“Eh heh-heh… yes. Just… try your best to never be seen by anypony and live like that princess.” When I open my eyes, it’s to see Rarity kicking a pile of fluffy pink hair away from her leg.
“I have a dentist appointment today.” I’m glaring at her, which isn’t intimidating at all.
“Skip it?” She kicks another pile, and I’m not entirely certain but I think she was right about my mane and its sentience. Wrong- it squeaked.
“Oh, please be careful, Rarity- I think my animal friends are taking the remains of my mane into their nests.” This is confirmed when a raccoon pops out from one of the larger piles and drags it to a hole in the wall. “Kicking at the piles might startle some of them- they’re really grouchy right now so I can’t be certain they won’t bite.” I bite my lip, worried that I might have startled her with that little revelation because her jaw has gone slack. “Are you OK?”
“That depends. When was the last time you actually bothered cutting your mane?” She somehow manages to ask me this while her jaw is locked in the ‘shocked’ position.
“Well, I was just a filly and a colt was bullying me and got some of his gum in my mane. Mother had to roach it but-“
“So, never, really. You said your father was a unicorn, right?” I think that if her eyes get any wider, she’s going to dislocate them.
“Um… no. Both of my parents are pegasi- my great great grandmother was an earth pony but-“
“I think your hair is growing back already.” She swings a mirror in front of my face and I’m really excited until I see… absolutely no mane growth.
“Rarity, I think the hairspray fumes from last night are getting to you. I’m as bald as a baby bunny.” There are maybe six hairs she missed in my forelock which might give the impression, but I look worse now than I did before she cut my mane.
“Oh. Well, perhaps you can make buzz cuts the in thing for this winter?”
“That’s it. I’m hibernating. See you at the Wrap Up.” The animals did a really good job of cleaning up the mass of hair, and only a few strings still litter the floor. “Or until the next disaster hits Equestria. Whichever comes first?” My voice squeaks.
“I wouldn’t say this if I didn’t love you- but that’s actually probably a really good idea. You should probably write Princess Celestia that this is an honest act of friendship.”
“….or at least to let her know that I’m not dead, just testing if ponies can hibernate? I think that’ll work with Twilight, at least. I’d hate to think that everypony else would think that I’ve abandoned them. I’ll send the letter with you.”
~*~
Dear Princess Celestia;
Today, I learned that you probably should take advice from your friends, no matter what the subject matter is. Even if the topic isn’t one you’re interested in, sometimes that advice could save you from a really, really embarrassing situation.
Also, and on a totally unrelated note that has nothing to do with the lesson on friendship at all in any manner, I’m going to try hibernating this year. If animals can do it, ponies should be able to, as well. (I have supplies stocked up in case this doesn’t work out.)
With much love and adoration;
FluttershyDear Fluttershy,
I suggest a wig.
Love,
Princess Celestia