//------------------------------// // Rational Displeasure // Story: Ideas Entwined // by FanOfMostEverything //------------------------------// The unicorn leaned forward, voice hushed. “How much do you know about Hearth’s Warming? Really know about it?” Proper Conduct sighed. Didn't even wait for him to say anything before going into the rant. He’d have said the crazies came out during the holidays, but like the rest of Canterlot, he’d come to learn that they could come out of Ponyville at any point on the calendar. The particular crazy on the other side of the table hadn’t just decided to dress up like Star Swirl the Bearded and loiter just far enough away from the palace that it fell to the police rather than the Royal Guard to clean things up. No, there was a Theory involved. Proper had had plenty of experience with Theories. The students at the Gifted School had them regularly enough that he found himself thinking of the campus as Little Ponyville. But at least those Theories were relatively tame, like “There’s no way they warded the kitchens against this spell,” “The professors are lying about what this spell can do to keep less talented ponies safe,” or the always popular “It’s just autolevitation. How hard can it be?” In order: They had, they weren’t, and hard enough that a student who hadn’t broken at least one leg by their junior year was considered either a prodigy or an underachiever. Personally speaking, Proper had never felt more grateful that he was an entirely average earth pony than after seeing just how stupid young geniuses could be. But Theories that got ponies near the palace were cause for concern for more than just the campus ambulance. Those Theories were usually along the lines of “Nightmare Moon is controlling her sister,” “Chrysalis has replaced every princess again,” or the new and exciting “Princess Twilight will force us all to read ten hours a day.” Whatever the case, all of those Theories reached the same conclusion in the end: “I’m the only one who sees it, so I’m the one who has to stop it.” And then the police escorted those brave and daring Theorists to the station so they could explain their reasoning in an interrogation room. Or they slipped past the gates and did the same from the palace’s basement cells, but this cape-wearing moron had been lucky enough to avoid that. “… which was encoded in inscriptions on the back of Celestia’s tiara.” Speaking of whom, it seemed the presentation had started without Proper. He shook his head and held up a hoof. “Okay, buddy. I’m sure the truth goes much deeper than that—” Eyes wide with obsession stared back at him. “To levels you can’t even imagine, Officer.” Proper couldn't hold back the yawn, not that he tried very hard. That didn't even hit the five craziest looks he'd gotten this week. “But it’s late, it’s Hearth’s Warming Eve, and I’d really rather not spend the whole night listening to what the history books aren’t telling me.” “But—“ A proper sputter. Good. Once the crazies found out ponies weren't willing to play along, they tended to cooperate more. Or they started blasting hole in the walls, but that was what the inhibitor ring was for. “I’ll make it quick: Why were you hanging around the palace?” “I already explained that. Well, a small part of it.” “Summarize it. Twenty-five words or less.” Phrasing it like a question on a test usually got a good response. “Fewer.” Usually, but not always. Proper rolled his eyes. “You got twenty-four now.” "Alright," the Theorist said, far more rationally than anything before now. “I suppose the simplest explanation is that I’m supposed to stand around, be conspicuous, and distract the police.” The two stared at each other for a few moments as Proper processed the information. “What?” “Starlight is probably doing the same for the Guards, though with Twilight on the throne, she may be able to play the ‘royal student’ card.” Proper automatically ignored the talk of royal business. Not his concern, not when the suspect had dropped a mask he'd hadn't even suspected. “Distract us from what?” That just got a petulant stare. “Again, I already explained that.” Proper loomed up off of his bench, driving his forehooves into the table hard enough to make it groan. “If you don’t answer my question right now—“ “No need to raise your voice. I can summarize the rest.” The unicorn stroked his goatee, his eyes drifting up to the ceiling as he thought. “Long, very interesting story short, there’s a treasure map. An old one. We need to find it, make sure the artifact it leads to is safe, and secure it if it isn’t.” “Uh huh." Proper sat back down, shifting his mental estimate of the stallion's sanity back down a few notches. Still, now they were getting somewhere. " Who’s ‘we,’ and why can’t you ask the proper authorities for help?” “Between the three of us, we’ve saved the world…" The stallion's lips moved silently as he thought. "Let’s see, threeish times? Potentially five depending on how you look at it. We’re not used to more… let's say 'institutional' assistance." He blinked and waved a foreleg. "Uh, I’m Sunburst, by the way. Royal Crystaller of Princess Flurry Heart, assistant headstallion at the School of Friendship, probably should have mentioned some of that earlier. Or you should have asked, though I suppose I didn't really give you a chance to do so. Sorry about that.” Proper’s back itched. He might be making powerful enemies, but he still had a job to do. “And what exactly are you doing?” A burst of bright purple-pink light blinded Proper for a moment. The station was warded against teleportation, but apparently nopony had told the mares who now flanked Sunburst. He didn't seem at all bothered by the magic flash. If anything, some of the earlier confidence had come back. “Trixie is going to steal the Charter of Equestria,” he said. “Trixie has stolen it,” added the blue mare, waving a very old looking scroll in her magic. The pinkish one just lit up her horn, and the next thing Proper knew, he was alone. As shouts, clanking armor, and even what Proper feared was the panicked voice of Princess Twilight herself filtered into the room, he had a Theory of his own. One he feared would soon be confirmed. “I am so fired.”