It was well into winter here, and the big fat snowflakes drifted through the air on the other side of the portal. It was barely distinguishable from the Equestrian side but something inside me knew I was really home.
I trudged through the snow, my feet crunching through the older snow under the fresh powder, the once obvious dirt path visible no more. With every step I wondered to myself if home would really be there once I cleared the woods, or if this was just another dream.
“Wouldn’t be the first time I dreamed of getting home…” I muttered to myself. I never made it out of the woods in my dreams though.
But sure enough, the sight of Grandpa’s house once I broke the tree line made my chest ache, the cold air burning my lungs. I couldn’t stop myself from running the rest of the way home, kicking up the heaps of snow with every quick stride. I felt like I could die by the time I reached the back door, the ice cold air burning my lungs. But I couldn’t stop smiling.
I knocked the spare key from on top of the door frame, catching it before it could clatter onto the damp back porch. I shook of the snowflakes that had stuck to me and hesitated for only a moment before carefully opening the door, my heart racing.
The living room was freezing. I was still panting from the run, and hot tears were threatening to spill over. I took a long, shaky breath.
“I’m home.”
My moving boxes were still scattered about where I’d left them, and everything looked exactly the same. I had so many phone calls to make. I had to call Uncle Teddy and thank him for letting me take time off work, and of course my parents. If only to see if they’d noticed my absence, or how mad they were…
Two months was a long time to just…not hear from your kid. Even an anti-social one like me.
It stood to reason that even if they hadn’t noticed, my parents and I had a lot to talk about…
And Mrs. Russo too…
For the moment though, everything was catching up to me. I suddenly could really feel the cold winter just outside, my whole body wracked with shivers I couldn’t seem to stop. The snow that had found its way into my boots was starting to melt into my socks. I crouched by the back door, taking them off.
I wanted to make myself something hot to drink, turn on the tv, absentmindedly browse on my phone. But it all seemed like too much work. I couldn’t even remember where I’d left my phone before I’d gone on my reluctant vacation. All I wanted to do was decompress.
I plopped down on the couch, my whole body seemingly relaxing all at once. The world was practically spinning and all of my stress and worry was lingering in a state of limbo. There was so much to figure out, so much left to come.
I shut my eyes, taking a deep breath.
I flinched awake. It was lighter outside than it had been and I groaned, mad at myself for dozing off like that. There wasn’t time for that, like I didn’t have a care in the world. My startled response had felt like something had woken me up, but what?
Keys rattled in the front door and my head shot up at the sound. I poked my head over the back of the couch from where I was sitting, fearing just what I was in for. It had to be them.
“We can clean up a bit but don’t go crazy…Just in case-”
“Stop. I know.” Mom cut Dad off as they stepped inside. Mason was right behind them, looking like his usual sulky self. “If…when she gets back, I don’t want her thinking we were packing the house up.”
“Elisa…” Dad sighed. While they were going on and hanging up their coats, Mason spotted me. We blinked at each other before his face contorted like I’d never seen, both angry and miserable, letting out a loud, choking sob.
Before our parents could react, he came at me.
He jumped the back of the couch, landing on me. I was hit with a barrage of weak blows to my arms as they protected my face, my little brother sobbing angrily.
“Ahh! Mason, quit it!” I shouted. It didn’t really hurt that much but I was so surprised and bewildered. “C’mon bud, that-ow!”
“WHERE DID YOU GO!?” he shouted, his voice so wracked with sadness and hurt it made my heart ache. I could see Mom standing there, tears running down her face, a hand over her mouth. Dad looked like he was in shock. “YOU DUMB STUPID IDIOT!”
He slowed down his hits, sobbing harder. I sat him up straight, hugging him tightly as he weakly protested. Mom practically tripped over the end of the couch coming for us, hugging us both so tight I swear I felt something pop.
“Hi Mom…” I said weakly, not even trying to get out of this. By their reaction, my worst fears had come true. It was all hitting me, unable to stop my own tears. Dad had turned his face away, his whole body trembling despite himself.
“Dad.” I started, my voice breaking. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I know I screwed up but-”
He finally looked at me. He was crying too. I’d only seen him cry once before when I was in the hospital. He came to the couch, pulling my head close to him. Nobody let go of me for a long time.
When everything had finally calmed down, not a lot but enough to get a word in edgewise, we were all sitting in the living room. Mom had been calling everyone. Apparently, a lot of people in our family had been on the lookout for any sign of me and needed to be filled in. I heard my mother say the phrase “she’s alive.” over and over, it was like a punch to the gut every time.
Mason wouldn’t leave my side…this hit him hard. He still looked pissed off but he’d stopped punching me in the shoulder when I tried to comfort him. But when our eyes met, he still looked away, sulking.
Mom had finished calling everyone, including Uncle Teddy. He got a good earful from her too. It had come out that he covered for me at the hardware store when I disappeared and kept it from them, thinking I was just off somewhere grieving, and my mom being who she was had apparently ripped him a new one. She relayed the message that I was sorry for everything and I’d explain later, but the word “explain” hung in the air.
It was definitely time for that.
“Starting off, I’m going to get it out of the way.” Dad said, sitting on the couch next to Mom and opposite of me and Mason. “I am not angry. I know you think I am but I…I can’t...”
He looked at me softly, swallowing a lump in his throat.
“How could I be?” his voice wavered. “You’re here.” Mom looked like every word made her want to start crying again, but she held it in.
“I’m still sorry.” I sighed, feeling like complete shit for making everyone worry. “For what it’s worth, I didn’t mean to leave without saying anything.”
“You didn’t even take your phone.” Mom dug in her purse, handing it over. Lots of missed calls and emails, but fully charged. “Your wallet, your computer, your car…they were all still here. All of your clothes, not even your boots were gone…It was so-I…We didn’t know what had happened. No one did.”
“The back door was unlocked, no sign of any foul play, nothing stolen.” Dad counted them off, looking frustrated. “We’ll have to call them soon but…the police…they weren’t hopeful. With your…history. And no sign of where you’d gone. We filed a missing person’s report but…a young, gay, mixed woman with a history of mental illness disappearing with no leads…I almost punched that officer in the face when he asked if you had a history of drug abuse. I would have too if I weren’t holding your mother back already.”
“It’s true.” Mason scowled at the floor. “They only cared when they found out we were Grandpa’s family. He and the old police chief went to school together.”
“Not many Petrous in this town…” Mom scowled too, fire still in her eyes. “Bunch of fucking morons.”
I grimaced. It took a lot to make my mother swear. Sighing, I stood up from the couch, pacing a bit. Where to start?
“I just…” I shifted on my feet, my hands starting to shake. “I just want to start off by saying…I never meant for any of this to happen. I never, never would have left you guys in the dark like that by choice. Not after last time.”
It hung in the air, heavy. I shook my head, balling my fists at my sides.
“Never. I swear to god.” I looked each of them in the eye. “It was my worst fear this whole time, you all thinking…thinking I-I was dead…”
I took a breath, calming down.
“I want to tell you everything that happened. And I’m going to.” I wrung my hands almost painfully. “But if I’m gonna tell you the whole story, we need one more person here.”
I pulled out my phone, calling a familiar number.
“Who?” Mom asked, having called so many people already.
“You’ll see.” I said as it rang. “Not trying to be funny, just…hang on. It won’t take long.”
The line rang one more time before she picked up.
“Lottie!!” she shouted into the phone, sounding sad and livid just like Mason had, funnily enough. “Where in the hell did you get off to, young lady!? Your parents are running all over-”
“I know, I’m so, so sorry to cut you off.” I couldn’t stop smiling, hearing her voice. “Please, I need you to come over. I’m fine, I swear-but something happened that we need to talk about.”
A few more assurances of me being fine, and I could hear her leaving her house already. She only lived a few minutes away. She wanted me to stay on the line, but I told her I wasn’t going anywhere, promising to see her very soon.
“Who was that?” Mom asked again. I was very careful not to mention her name in the call for a reason. Dad was going to be hard enough to calm down once she got here.
“They’re on their way.” I avoided her gaze. “It’s really important so…I need you guys to keep an open mind here.” I thought about everything about to come out into the open. “A very open mind.”
“Sweetheart, was it a girl?” Mom asked, almost relieved at the simple explanation. “You know we have no problem with you being gay! Did you run off and-Oh dear lord, did you get married!? Was it that friend you were hanging out with before when I called?”
“Mom, no-I wish it was that simple, I really do.” My cheeks were burning. “I know you want to plan a wedding for me so bad and I promise you I did not run off and elope. Just…be patient. Please.”
Not two minutes later we heard a car pull in out front and the door swung open before I could get up to open it myself. Camilla Russo stood in the doorway, looking both nervous and relieved when she saw me. Then she noticed my family, freezing at the sight of my dad.
“What.” He blurted out simply, standing up suddenly. His face went from stunned confusion to clouded anger in seconds. “Why is she…”
He looked even madder somehow, and she shrank slightly under his gaze.
“Did she have something to do with this?” he asked, his voice trembling with anger. The thought of the woman he’d always had a problem with mixed with the grief he must have felt when I disappeared was very obvious on his face. “Charlotte Petrou, you answer me.”
“Dad, give me like…two minutes here, please.” I couldn’t wait any longer.
I hugged her, she felt so small in my arms. She hesitated with Dad watching, but she must’ve been so worried too. She sniffled, squeezing me so tight.
“You had everyone pretty worried, kiddo.” She tried to laugh, but it came out sounding more like a sob. I pulled back a little, hugging her around the shoulders and planting a kiss on her cheek to her surprise, squeezing her tight again.
She was here. I found her again. And I loved her so, so much. I had all my life. But now…
“I missed you so much, Grandma.”
She went deadly still. Mom’s hand went to her mouth, not surprised but startled by the looks of it. It was a given that she knew. Mason let out a solitary “What.”, looking around for an answer no one offered.
Dad walked over without missing a beat.
“Why does she-” he scowled at her, looking ready to boil over. “You told her.”
“No. I-I…” she stammered, looking at me, shocked but trying not to cry. Whether because she was relieved by my knowing or fearful of his reaction wasn’t clear, but I was going shut this down.
Not one more minute of this stupid secret bullshit.
“Grandpa told me.” I looked him dead in the eye, knowing he’d never hurt her but still standing between the two of them. “There was a letter.”
“Seriously, what!?” Mason called from the couch, so confused.
“Yup!” I looked at him, shrugging. “One hundred percent true, bud.”
“He had no right.” Dad rubbed his temples, looking pretty pissed off. “I should’ve known he’d do something like this.”
“Dad, I know you’ve got this whole thing with her, but we really have to talk about it.”
“NO, we absolutely do not.” He huffed, looking at his mother with the usual odd contempt he had when she came up. “I’m not going to let this go any further. Charlotte, you’re an adult and…you can do what you want. But any way this works out, she is not my mother, and she won’t have anything to do with Mason. She needs to go.”
She shrank at that, her eyes wet with fresh tears. I stared him down. Mom and Mason watched stunned from the couch.
“Dad, stop.” I took her hand in mine. “Just listen to me.”
“You’re going to tell us where you’ve been Charlotte, make no mistake.” He sounded almost threatening now. “But that woman is not welcome in this house.”
Something snapped inside of me.
“This is MY HOUSE!” I shouted at him, not letting him speak. “You’re going to sit down on that couch and listen to me for once!!”
Mom and Mason flinched. I’d never screamed at him before. He looked stunned but quickly bounced back to anger.
“You-”
“NO!” I cut him off, stepping at him, still holding her hand. “Dad, sit down and listen to me! For once, just hear me!”
I started tearing up again. It was angry crying sure, but the sight disarmed him a little.
“Every time I’ve ever tried to tell you what’s wrong with me, you don’t want to listen!” I kept staring him down, despite him towering over me. “I stopped trying years ago! Well I’m ready to talk now! And so help me Dad, if you don’t sit down and act like a parent-hell, a reasonable human being, for once, I will walk out that door and you won’t have a mother or a daughter!!”
It was harsh, and there was more to his anger towards her than I could know, but this wasn’t going to go anywhere if he wouldn’t even be in the same room as her.
He stared at me, taking in my ultimatum. Closing his eyes, he turned away, breathing deeply, and crossing the room to sit next to Mom.
My grandma squeezed my hand, and we looked at each other.
“You don’t have to do this.” She sniffled. “I’m…okay with how things are.”
“You shouldn’t have to be.” I told her, squeezing back. “I’m ending this, today.”
She sat in the chair on her own, everyone still very uncomfortable and very confused. But all eyes were on me now.
“Okay. Where to start…” I rubbed my arms; the house was still pretty cold. “I guess I should begin by saying that I didn’t leave home…willingly. Now, before you guess, no I wasn’t abducted or forced into anything seedy.” I held up a hand, seeing their worried expressions.
“And…hooboy.” I looked to my grandmother, no clue what was about to happen. “Grandpa left me a note but…he barely told me anything. I had to figure it out on my own.”
“I made him promise.” She sighed. “It wasn’t fair to him, but things were so…bad. With Adair. I didn’t want him to hate me forever.”
Dad tensed up at the mention of himself but made no move to help or hinder the conversation, so I pressed on.
“I’d like to mention that I’m not…thrilled about being lied to.” I kept it civil after shouting at him, for now. “By any of you, Mason excluded.” I shoot a strained smile to my brother. “Welcome to the Victims of Secretive Family Bullshit support group, buddy. It’s all downhill from here.”
He was too stunned by everything to snark back. Mom didn’t even call me out for swearing in front of him. If I wasn’t careful, I could go mad with power.
“But we’ve got time for all that later.” I waved it off. “I guess I’ll get to what I know.”
“I found out that I have a living grandmother, that was good.” I smiled. I looked to her, sitting in the chair, still seeming very unsure of everything. “Totally being honest here, I’m actually really happy about that. I’ve always loved you like you were family. All that’s changed now is I can call you grandma. If it’s okay with you.”
She smiled, her eyes tearing up once again.
“I’d like that.” She sighed happily.
“Also…I know about…” How to bring this up? “My…uncle.”
The room went very still. Mom was looking to Dad, worried and sympathetic. Dad looked at me, an unreadable expression on his face. My grandma looked like she was trying very hard not to start sobbing, stunned.
“No…” she whispered. “Charlie wouldn’t have…he wouldn’t have told you that. Not about him, not about my Ewan.”
“He didn’t.” I put my hand on her shoulder. “You mentioned him in your diary.”
She froze, looking up at me with wide, searching eyes. To everyone else in the room this sounded like a normal occurrence, but only to the two of us did it mean something more, something nearly impossible.
“No.” she shook her head. “No, that…that’s not right.” She almost laughed at that. “I had the only key. I tossed it off a bridge years ago…”
“I uh…” I wondered how she’d take this next admission. “I got the spare. From your old house.”
She stood up suddenly, startling everyone but myself. She took a step back from me, covering her mouth with her hands. She was trembling violently.
“You…” she said, barely above a whisper. “That’s where you were…”
“What?” Dad spoke up. “Why does she know where you’ve been?”
“I took an…involuntary trip to Grandma’s hometown.”
“She’s an orphan.” He looked to both me and her. “She has no memory of where she was before Charles and Dad found her when they were kids. Just out there in those woods.”
He stood up, looking more serious than usual.
“Who told you?” she asked him, looking terrified by what she was hearing. By what he knew.
“…Great Aunt Sharon told me, after Ewan died.” He looked away, still more to this story.
“Dad…” I knew the truth but hearing this about his own mother, what did he really think of her? “I have to know. What happened?”
I went to him, his face clouded with something I couldn’t place.
“Why didn’t I know your side of the family?”
He sat back down in the big chair, hunched over with his clasped hands pressed against his forehead. For a long time he didn’t say anything.
“When Ewan got sick…everything went wrong…”
It was always a sight, his little brother in that hospital bed. He was so small and fragile-looking, and he’d long since lost his hair. He’d lost so much weight in the last few months and he couldn’t get out of bed much anymore without pain in his joints.
He was coming home less and less often, almost certainly here for the long run now. Adair was fifteen, while Ewan was only seven. They were as close as brothers could be, but the age difference made it so Adair had his own life outside of being a big brother. But lately, he’d picked up that if he spent too much time away, he might not get another chance.
He was old enough to understand what leukemia was, but it still sometimes felt like it was just a horrible, frightening thing that he couldn’t wrap his head around. He would attribute his feeling of helplessness and want for control to his later career as a pediatric surgeon. He wanted to help kids like Ewan live their lives to the fullest. To help them when he couldn’t help his own brother…
While his father was talking to the doctors down the hall, his mother would sit with Ewan and comfort him with stories. When he was younger, his mother would tell Adair the same tales, and though he insisted he was too old to hear them anymore, he would listen in when Ewan was put to bed. Here in the hospital was no exception.
“Tell me the one about the scary wind horses!” Ewan smiled wide, his voice a little hoarse from getting sick earlier. Adair leaned against the window, listening in absentmindedly.
“Alright, alright.” She smiled, tucking her youngest in. “You do like the Hearth’s Warming Tale.” It was easy to see the pain and hurt in her eyes when she looked at him, but she always stayed strong when Ewan was in the same room. It was a nice break from the sobbing mess she was at home, even if Adair could understand. He’d cried enough for a lifetime himself.
It was odd that all her stories were about little mythical ponies, but he supposed she could be into weirder things. His friend’s mom was obsessed with little porcelain figurines, another with hummingbirds.
“A long time ago, the three pony tribes were in turmoil.” She started, sitting on the bed beside him. “They fought amongst themselves and refused to help make life easier for each other. They all had the idea to travel to a new land to start over, away from each other.”
Adair had heard this story so many times, usually around winter. He could be the one telling it if he wanted to. But he was a good sport about it, listening along. She told the story of little ponies suffering under the cruel winters of the magical windigos, and how coming together eventually saved them from freezing to death.
Personally, though he’d never admit it, he’d always like the one about the pony farmers and the magic rainbow apples they sold jam from to establish a little town. He’d requested that story more then once at Ewan’s age.
“So the three pony tribes came together, learning how to live in harmony. And from then on, whenever the pegasi brought winter around, they kept away the harsher weather by celebrating that sense of harmony and coming together to celebrate the Hearth Fire.”
“I like that one…” Ewan smiled, looking so tired. Their mother looked concerned, touching his face lovingly.
“Honey, why don’t you get some sleep?” She suggested, tucking him in a little tighter.
“No…” he muttered, fighting to stay awake. “Don’t wanna.”
“Oh?” she smiled playfully. Ewan was always hard to put down for the night. She was happy to see the same fight from her youngest. It made everything feel like normal. Like all of this wasn’t even happening. “I think you should. If you rest, you might feel a little better.”
“But what if I don’t wake up?”
The question made the world stop. It was suddenly hard to breathe, and Adair stood with his hand over his mouth, feeling sick.
His mother looked at him, seeming to understand the state he was in.
“Adair, sweetheart, why don’t you go find your dad?” She told him, giving him an out. He nodded, walking a little too quickly out of the room. It would be something he would feel guilty about for many years to come.
He couldn’t bring himself to actually leave. His guilt and fear made him listen in from the other side of the door.
A decision that would change everything.
“Why would you say that?” their mother asked, sounding choked up but keeping it together.
“I see Annie every time I come here.” Ewan sounded so sad. Adair remembered Ewan talking about an Annie, another patient at the children’s hospital who had been waiting for a transplant for a long time. “But last time we came, her momma was crying. I heard the doctor say she died while she was sleeping. What if I go to sleep and don’t wake up too?”
“Honey…” she tried to say something, but her voice was strained. Adair waited for her to reassure his brother, and by extension him…but in hindsight, he’d wondered what she actually could’ve said to make any of this okay.
She could’ve lied to him and told him that it wouldn’t happen to him, but there was no real guarantee. If one of the last things she would say to him was a lie, it might’ve come back to haunt them.
“Honey…” she tried again, but her young son cut her off.
“I’m scared.” His voice was so small, Adair almost missed it. “I’m scared, Momma.”
Tears started to roll down Adair’s cheeks. He wished he knew what he would’ve said to his brother if he were the one in there. But what their mother told him ended up haunting Adair for a long time.
“Don’t be scared, Honey.” She tried to sound cheery.
“But…” his voice was so strained. He was crying, Adair could hear it. “W-What…what happens?”
This had been a struggle with Adair. He and his father had talked about this a lot lately, what death means for different people and what happens when you die. His grandparents had raised his father Catholic, so they had their own ideas about what happens. Adair’s parents had some of the same religious beliefs, but had mostly let their sons figure out what they believed on their own.
Adair still didn’t know what he himself believed, but…
“You’ll…” his mother was choking up, but he could still hear her trying to smile through it. “You’ll be with the herd.”
Adair froze. The herd?
“My mother used to tell me about the Herd.” She kept talking, her voice low. “They say Celestia herself guides you into the Beyond. You’ll be with all the ones who came before you…My Grandmare and Grandstallion will be waiting for you, and…”
Adair couldn’t believe what he was hearing. The pony princess from her stories, taking you when you die? Was she…was she actually telling him a pony story? Now? When he was literally on his deathbed? This went beyond trying to comfort him. This was…this was just...
“Maybe…maybe even Silver.”
“Silver?” Ewan sounded confused. “Silver Maple…The unicorn from your stories?”
“Yes.” Her voice was shaking, Adair felt so tense, waiting for some kind of sign she was just…telling her stories again. Not telling his dying little brother, her son…this. “Maybe you’ll even meet her too.”
There was comforting and then there was…what even was this?
He couldn’t listen anymore. How…how could she take something like this and…mess with the person who needed her the most? Someone who loved her and trusted her…
If he was the one in that bed…would she say all this to him?
He had to go…to get away from this. He just kept walking down the hall until he was at the elevator. He didn’t know where he would end up, but anywhere would be better than here.
When the door finally opened, he ran face-first into his father’s chest.
“Whoa, hey.” He held his son’s shoulders, his eyes wide. “Are you okay? Is Ewan okay? What’s wrong?”
Adair really didn’t know how to explain what he had listened in on, but he just couldn’t keep it to himself. He told his father everything, all the strange details and how his mother had reacted to his younger brother’s fears. And his father…
He reacted strangely as well. He just kept reassuring his son that everything was fine and that he would talk with her about it, but not to say anything in the meantime.
“…It’s going to be okay.” He’d said.
Why wasn’t he more upset? Was he even upset at all? What did all of this mean?
They never got a chance to talk about it. Ewan had a sudden intracranial brain hemorrhage a week later and the lack of oxygen left him brain dead but still technically alive. It took his parents days to come to terms with the fact that there was no hope of Ewan ever waking up and to finally let him go.
It was a horrible time for his family. Adair blamed himself in little ways, wishing he’d been nicer to his little brother, played with him when he asked and spent more time at home before he got sick, thinking for a long while that if he had just done this or that, then his brother wouldn’t have had to die. It took years to convince himself otherwise, but the thought stuck with him for a while.
His parents grieved, of course. But after the funeral, some truths about his mother’s past from his family, things he hadn’t ever wanted to know, came to light. His father and his father’s best friend, who Adair knew very well from growing up, found her naked and alone in the woods close to their home. She couldn’t read or write. Everyone suspected she’d been through something terrible. A child shouldn’t be illiterate but know how to cook. He later learned that there had been some cases of human trafficking around that time in the nearby port cities. Everyone was so sure she was an escaped child servant…or worse.
Adair wanted to be there for his mother, to help her if she really was some kind of traumatized victim. But the next year was hell on their family.
Millie Petrou was inconsolable. She fell into a deep depression, and while everyone understood she was mourning the death of her child, mental illness still carried a lot of stigma back then. When she wasn’t crying hysterically, she couldn’t get out of bed. She was basically comatose some days and no one could get through to her. His father was running the bakery they owned all on his own for almost an entire year, and the two of them were left home alone a lot more. He watched his mother become someone else, someone he didn’t know how to help.
She cried so much, and when it wasn’t just generally missing Ewan, it was basically blaming herself, saying that ending his suffering meant that she killed her baby, and when she would start on that, Adair just…couldn’t cope.
He shut down. He was a teenager, almost sixteen. Adair tried to be understanding, but he was grieving too. And he needed his mother. But for a year she basically shut down herself.
The thing that Adair always remembered from that time, the thing that finally cemented how he would view his mother for the rest of his life, was when he found her one day on the floor of her bedroom, curled up in a ball. She had been crying and she was muttering to herself.
“Please…” she said, not even noticing he was there. “…forgive me. I killed my little foal…Herd watch over him, let him be loved…”
She reached out towards the window, looking at the sun with such grief and reverence you’d think it was her god.
“Princess…is he with them now?” she cried, collapsing again. “He was a pony, on the inside…What happened t-to my baby? Is he…is he running with them? Is he lost somewhere in-between? I…I c-can’t-”
That was all he could listen to. He would never forget that day, for the rest of his life. She was…there was grieving and there was just…losing your mind. She really believed those stories he’d used to hear every night before bed. She believed in it so much that she sent her youngest son, his only brother, to his grave thinking he was going to be a part of some fairy tale when he died. Every fond memory he had of those bedtime stories, the ones he could recite by memory, turned to ashes in his mouth.
By the time she eventually…evened out, he was sixteen. He didn’t need his mother anymore. He’d learned that whatever was wrong with her, it was something he couldn’t fix. Nor should he be expected to. She was beyond traumatized, and he would be better off just…putting some distance between them. His father tried desperately to help them reconnect, but he was turning into an adult. He had his own life and he was studying to get into medical school. His father never knew the reason he distanced himself, but chalked it up the year of suffering they had been through and didn’t know how to fix it.
Years later, when his father was ill, he found out that he knew about this delusion of his mother’s, and even encouraged it. He’d always thought Sugar was his father’s sappy-sweet nickname for her, but it was the name she…the pony name she wanted. When they thought he wasn’t listening, she told him in tears that she didn’t know if humans went to the herd, but she knew that one way or another, he would see Ewan again. He smiled, and told her no matter where he went, he better not see her there for a long time, herd or not. And…
It cemented things even further for Adair. He was a doctor by then, just starting out, and as cruel as it seemed to those around him, he missed his father’s funeral. He just couldn’t cope with the fact that his father might’ve known about what she’d told Ewan on his deathbed, maybe even encouraged it. That he supported her in her delusions that she was…whatever she thought she was and…
Soon, he and Elisa had Charlotte, and he loved her so much. More than he ever thought he could love another human being. And when she was born, he was determined never to let anything happen to her. He kept his mother at a distance, which was nothing new. Elisa knew some details of their family struggles and relented that it was probably for the best, at least until Lottie was old enough to make her own decisions. His father-in-law Charles had none of it and called him out every chance he got for being stubborn and unnecessarily cruel, and they never saw eye-to-eye on it.
But no matter how much they argued, his father-in-law never overstepped.
So when Charlotte, barely three years old started repeating the same stories he remembered as a child, he knew a line had been crossed. Charles had been sneaking his granddaughter to see Adair’s mother. She was…poisoning his child, the way she’d did to Ewan.
The thought of something happening to her, and his mother telling her the same thing she’d said to Ewan?
He’d had enough. Against almost everyone’s wishes, he cut his mother out of his life. Even took his wife’s last name. Told her his child would having nothing to do with her, that she wouldn’t even know she had a paternal grandmother. She knew the hurt she had inflicted the year of Ewan’s death, so she reluctantly agreed, thinking she was just paying for how she’d neglected him. Maybe even hoping that, if she showed him that she was remorseful and willing to listen to his conditions, she might be welcomed back one day with open arms.
But that day never came. He never let his son know her at all, and Charles fought it every step of the way. But his mother, to her credit, had told him that he wasn’t to break the promise she’d made to stay away, to not be a part of her grandchildren’s lives.
Charlotte didn’t remember ever calling his mother her grandma, but they were still close. It worried him, thinking about his brother in that hospital bed. Lottie looked so much like Ewan, even more than she looked like Adair himself.
One day, he got a frantic call from his wife, telling him that their daughter was in the hospital. She’d tried to…to end her life, and it shook him to his core.
He’d felt so many things…when Charles had told him off about actually knowing his daughter, paying attention to her when she needed him most, he knew that part of that was telling him off about how he’d treated his mother. And during the next few years, when he saw how Charlotte struggled with her mental health and how much she’d been through to get back to some sense of normal, something…changed. Something that scared him.
When he looked at her, he no longer saw Ewan.
She looked like his mother.
All her doubts and anxieties and self-loathing reminded him of the fragile state his mother had once been in. It changed their relationship. He was unsure of how to act around her, how to help her, determined to never lose her like he had his mother. He especially didn’t want to lose her in the way he’d lost Ewan. Any time it seemed like she might be slipping back into that mentality, losing herself to her hurt, he put his whole self into making sure she was going to be okay.
In the end, it only seemed to push her away more. She’d lived on her own for two years, making sure to share as little as she could about her life as not to worry them, and it made him panic constantly, thinking back to the last time she’d hid tings from them. When she’d realized she was gay and didn’t tell them she’d been dating someone for a year, and then just…tried to die. Every day he didn’t hear from her made him wonder when he would get that call from her roommate, telling them it had happened again.
He wanted a more stable life for her, so that she would have so many reasons not to do it again. When she’d moved into Charles’ house, he was both overjoyed for her moving on in life, and horrified about the idea of her living on her own. If something happened to her, they might not be able to get to her in time.
When she’s suddenly disappeared, he assumed the worst from day one, panicking that his child was dead. He kept a brave face for his wife and son, but on the inside he was losing his mind.
He couldn’t lose her. Not after Ewan, not his baby girl.
His story was finally out there in the open. It was very…odd hearing my father talk so openly about his emotions. And everything he’d said about me…
I’d always interpreted his pushing me to do better as him being…disappointed with the way my life turned out. You can’t exactly brag to your friends about a kid like me. No real career, no college education, no future prospects or long-term relationships…not that my dad had any friends to brag to. I got that from him, I guess. To learn that he pushed me about it so I’d have a reason to live? It felt like someone punched me in the gut.
And everything about his mother? A lot of things made sense now, but there was no guarantee that he would listen to me at all if…if he knew about anything pony-related and had already destroyed one relationship over it.
Here’s hoping he’ll listen like he said he would…
“I’m sorry…” Grandma curled into herself, crying. “I never meant t-to…”
Mom was teary-eyed too. Mason sat, looking thoughtful and sad. I sighed, running my hand through my hair.
“Dad…I get it.” I looked at him, trying to stay confident in my words. “You were hurt. You needed her. And…it’s not fair what happened to Ewan.”
I looked at my own brother, who looked back with a serious, understanding expression.
“I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to Mason. But she’s…your mother, my grandmother, Mason’s too. We can’t go on like this.”
I looked to her, smiling.
“We need each other, especially after what I went through.”
Everyone looked to me, picking up that I was finally ready to share, and I sat down next to Mason again.
“The stories she used to tell you.” I looked him in the eye. “It’s…well I-”
“Please don’t.” he sighed, his tone blunt and tired. “This isn’t about the stories, this is about everything else. I don’t care anymore.”
“You should.”
I looked to her again, not knowing how well this would go over. But it might be the best way, I had to try regardless.
“Once there was a little pony named Sugar.” She flinched at the name, her hands shaking. “She had a twin sister named Silver, a little unicorn. They lived with their mother Scarlet in a little house in a town called Ponyville.”
Dad sighed, and no one knew where I was going with this. Not even Sugar herself.
“One day, Scarlet told her daughters she was sending them away. They were so upset and confused and angry that they decided to run away to the royal city of Canterlot to speak with Princess Celestia.”
Dad looked away at that name, but I pressed on.
“Little did Sugar and Silver know, the reason their mother had sent them away was because she was sick. She was terminally ill with tuberculosis and wanted to make sure her daughters would be cared for after she was gone, even if it meant that they were apart from each other.”
She looked at me with wide eyes, and I nodded. She looked down at her hands, trying not to cry. I had to keep going.
“They ran away in the middle of the night, hiding in the forest. But something happened.” I closed my eyes. “Little Silver was a unicorn with a special gift. Her magic was more powerful when she drew it in from the nature around her. In her anger, confusion, and sadness…she accidentally opened a portal. A portal to another world.”
I opened my eyes to my grandmother’s tears spilling over. She looked surprised, shocked, her eyes searching for something on my face. She hadn’t ever recovered the memory of how she got to Equestria, from what I remembered from her diary. She maybe…somehow thought she had abandoned her sister and just couldn’t recall doing it, or how she could possibly get back home. I reached and held her hand to everyone else’s confusion.
“Silver’s magic transformed little Sugar into a creature she’d never seen before. She was a little human girl, too traumatized by the transformation to remember who she was, or where she’d come from, for a while at least. She was found by two little boys playing in those very same woods.”
Dad was looking intently at me now. I knew that if I met his gaze, I might lose my nerve. So I pressed on.
“They would be her best friends for the rest of their lives. One loved her like a brother, and the other eventually married her and they had two wonderful children.”
“What are you-”
“Her new brother had his own kids, three girls.” I cut him off, and now Mom was picking up on things too. “Sugar’s oldest son and her adoptive brother’s middle daughter fell in love, which is a tiny bit weird but you can only assume they weren’t raised as “cousins”, so whatever.”
“You can’t be serious.” Dad looked between the two of us.
“And they had two kids of their own. A smart-mouth boy and a sad girl.”
“Wait…” Mason was figuring it out now too. Took him long enough.
“Then, after a long and happy life, the brother passed away. He left a letter telling the sad girl that there was a box buried in the woods by Sugar, so that she’d have someone to talk to about being a pony after he was gone. And maybe he’d hoped she’d find out about where she’d come from, since her very cranky robot of a dad wasn’t going to tell her.”
“Lottie, I don’t know if-”
“So she went out to those woods, and somehow, the portal Sugar had come from was reopened. She met a pony, and they screamed in terror at the sight of each other. When the sad girl decided to re-bury the box and forget everything, something…very unexpected happened.”
“She got dragged back through the portal, literally. And some magic happened and she got turned into a pony too. At first, she could go home. She was worried her family wouldn’t accept her, or the world wouldn’t. Or that she might be a pony for the rest of her life. In fact, when the sad girl’s mother called to ask her to see a movie with her and the smart-mouth boy, she was a pony then. The friend she went to hang out with was a pony too.”
Everyone was perplexed at this point, unsure what I was even saying, even my grandma only knew half of it.
“But then something awful happened.” I went on. “The portal closed, and the sad girl was stuck in the other world. She was terrified, homesick, and scared. Scared that her family would think that…she had done something she couldn’t take back. She had no phone, no way home, not even a lousy pair of pants.”
“But lucky for the sad girl, she made some pony friends. Ponies who cared about her. One turned her back into a human again and another made her beautiful clothes to not be quite so naked. Another was kind enough to open up her home to her. She had so many new friends who cared about her a lot. There were some tough times too, but…things worked out in the end.”
“But what ever happened to Silver?” I asked them, of course knowing the answer. “After her magic sent Sugar to Earth, she lost control of it. She lost her physical body and became a part of the forest’s magic. But…fifty years later or so, she needed help getting out. So the sad girl went into the woods and pulled her out by reminding her who she used to be.”
I looked at my grandma, smiling gently.
“Little Silver Maple, still nine years old, is safe and sound back in Ponyville. And she misses you.”
I pulled out the picture from my pocket, handing it to her. She gasped when she saw it. Pinkie had insisted on a group photo to take home, and I didn’t need much convincing. Myself with Silver Maple in my arms, surrounded by all of my friends in Ponyville.
“She’s having a bit of a rough time, but I left her with someone I trust completely.” I said, pointing to Pinkie in the photo. “She’s the best, so don’t worry.”
She stared at me in disbelief, so many other emotions swirling around. She leapt up and hugged me again, burying her face in my shoulder.
“Thank you.” She sobbed. I squeezed her back, my heart feeling a million times lighter now that it was all out. Her voice was so quiet but it made me feel so much better about all of this. Even if things didn’t work out with Mom and Dad trying to believe me, I did what I set out to do. She wiped her eyes, giving the photo back to me.
First, I handed it to Mason. He’d be the easiest to work with.
“Mason. I told you I was hanging out with a new, non-jerk friend.” I sat next to him, pointing her out. “That’s her, Pinkie Pie.”
He blinked at the picture, then blinked at me just as confused.
“Are you lying?” he asked me. I shook my head. He looked at the photo again deeper in thought before it was snatched from him by our dad.
“Hey!” We both shouted at him.
“No, no more of this.” His face was frantic, and he seemed to be refusing to look at it. “Don’t you fill his head with this…this-”
“Dad.” I cut him off, taking the photo back from him. He was too shaken up to keep a grip on it. “He’s not Ewan.”
He froze, glaring at me with such obvious contempt. It hurt a little, but I pressed on.
“I’m not trying to manipulate you, but it’s true.” I put a hand on his arm gently, watching his face for a negative reaction. “Mason has a right to know where he comes from, just like I do. Just like I always did.”
He looked away and I sighed. It was as good as I would probably get from him for now.
“Let me see it.” Mason half-asked. I did just that. His eyes were wide and searching as he looked it over again. Our grandmother was looking at him hopefully. She wasn’t as close to him as I was to her growing up, Dad being more protective of his younger kid, but just from the way she was looking at him I could see how much she wanted to be his family, to be in his life.
“This is…a lot.” He said simply, looking back up to me. “But you know I hate it when you lie to me. So if you tell me this is the truth, then…”
“It is.” I looked him dead in the eye. “You and me? We’re one quarter little magical pony.”
Dad was stewing, I couldn’t tell what was going through his mind, but I needed to try my hardest to get him to come around to all of this.
“Dad.”
He didn’t meet my eyes but I went in for a hug. He went stiff but hugged me back after a moment. “You had a really tough time with this as a kid. And I know how crazy it sounds, believe me. But…”
I looked up at him, the tall bastard.
“Grandpa Russo…your dad loved a pony.” I said, giving him an awkward smile. “He always knew what she was, and no matter what, he loved her. And he loved you too, even knowing you were half something else. Even after you didn’t want to be their son anymore.”
My gaze fell to the floor, hoping against everything that I wouldn’t lose him today.
“Can you still love…me?” my voice wavered, and my were hands shaking as they held onto him. “Me and Mason?”
I could see Mom from here. I don’t know if she believed in the whole “You married into a pony family” business, but she knew how reserved I was when it came to showing affection. She knew how I had struggled with Dad as a young teenager over seemingly every little thing. And after my darker moments, they had struggled with how to treat me. But even when they thought I was made of glass, they never stopped letting me know how much they feared almost losing me.
To lose me now?
He let out a long, shaky sigh, gently smoothing out my curly hair, the mess I’d gotten from him, and his mother.
“Always.” He hugged me so hard, one could tell he came from a family of earth ponies. “I know you’re going to keep trying to prove all of this to me, and I…I don’t know if I can really buy it, but…you’re still my daughter. You and Mason are the most important things in your mother and I’s lives.”
Mom went to Mason and hugged him too, and he was too emotional over everything to put up a fight about it. She sat with him, looking at the picture too.
I pulled away from Dad, going to his mother. I offered her a hand and she took it, I grabbed onto Dad’s hand too, leading them both to the couch where Mason and Mom were. They still looked at each other with unspoken feelings but set them aside for now as I squeezed next to Mason, pointing at the photo.
“So like I said, that’s Pinkie Pie.” I told him, making sure everyone else got a look at her. “She works in a bakery and plans parties. Oh, and she has a pet baby alligator named Gummy.”
“What!?” Mason blinked, a child-like wonder on his face he didn’t show too often. I smiled and he looked away, huffing.
“Yeah, he’s only like…” I mimed about the size of a house cat. “And she bakes the most delicious stuff you’ve ever tasted. All pony food is weirdly delicious, now that I mention it. That’s Twilight Sparkle. Now, she’s actually an alicorn, and a princess.”
I turned to Grandma Millie, seeing her shock.
“Yep, there’s…four? Yeah, four Alicorn princesses now. I’ll get to that. Now, Twilight’s the one who turned me back into a human…”
I told them about my friends, and my time in Equestria. I could still see Dad resisting everything and listening anyway.
I could only hope that tomorrow would put an end to all of this.
A nose twitch, tippy-tappy hooves and a wink...somepony, somewhere was talking about Pinkie Pie. There was a warmness in her barrel, like she was drinking hot cocoa after a snowball fight.
A sleepover at Sweet Apple Acres was called tonight, and Pinkie was all to eager to have the company of her friends. While Pinkie was sure it would be another sleepless night, and while it was a fun time being had by all, somepony wasn't having any fun at all.
The little filly wouldn't come out from under Lottie's bed. Since she woke up that morning, she'd been super nervous and mad, in the way she sometimes was. Pinkie didn't know what to do to make her smile, a smile from her was even rarer than a Lottie Dottie smile.
"She's still under there?" Twilight poked her head into Lottie's room where Pinkie was trying her best to coax the filly out.
"Uh-huh." she sighed, lying flat on her belly next to the bed. "I...I wish Bluey was here...I know she had to go but..."
"Lottie being here would make her feel better...but she's upset because Lottie's gone. It's a conundrum alright..." Twilight half-laughed, stepping over to Pinkie and laying her wing over her withers.
"I know she's gonna come back to me..." Pinkie sighed, trying not to cry while an already sad little filly was nearby. "I know everything will be okay...but I don't know how to feel better until...until I can hug her and kiss her and...uggghhh..."
Twilight had had her share of infatuations since she was a little filly. The librarian in the Canterlot archives with the big green glasses when she was just a little filly, her brother's fencing instructor when she was a gangly, awkward teenager, and her romantic relationships as an adult had just as many clumsy emotions and little success to them. While none of them ever turned into relationships, she still cherished the memories they left her in hindsight.
All the physical parts of a relationship...made Twilight strangely uneasy. She saw Pinkie and Lottie's relationship and found herself flustered, even uncomfortable at times. None of their other friends had been in any serious relationships and it fell into such unfamiliar territory...Twilight worried that she came across as not accepting of their relationship at times.
When she saw Pinkie, or Lottie, like this, lovestruck, smitten or longing, it was such an unfamiliar sight. Rarity would dreamily sigh and inquire about their relationship progress, Applejack would smile and get an extra spring in her step. Even Rainbow Dash would joke about wedding bells or fake gag when they kissed. Fluttershy would turn red and hide behind her feathers with a soft "oh my...", but always assure them that she was happy for them and meant it.
Even now she was unsure how to reassure Pinkie. All she really could do, in the end, was be there for her friend.
"I'm sure...ahem..." she felt her cheeks getting hot. "I-I'm sure that you'll...kiss her again soon! You'll, um...be kissing up a storm again in no time! No that sounds...Pinkie, I don't know how..."
"It's okay, Twilight." Pinkie smiled. "I know you don't like all that stuff. All the kissy, smoochy, touchy-feely parts of lovey-dovey-ness. I don't wanna make you feel bad."
"You don't make me feel bad!" Twilight was going to make sure Pinkie Pie would understand. "I don't like it...but that's just for me. I don't want to make you feel bad either! If I ever do, I'm sorry."
"Me too." Pinkie smiled.
A knock at the door cut things off, Rainbow Dash poking her head in.
"Hey! Is the party movin' into Lottie's room? Granny Smith made some desserts!"
"You already ate the whole strawberry-rhubarb cobbler, ya glutton!" Applejack shot back as the two made their way into the room. "And those strawberries ain't even in season. That one was sour as all get-out!"
"Just the way I like it!" Rainbow cackled at the mare's disgust, both balancing the dishes on their backs. They appeared to be competing to see who could carry the most without dropping them. Pinkie wondered if Granny Smith had made a crumble, that was sure to make her feel an itty bit better.
"Oh, is she still under there?" Fluttershy moved quickly to Pinkie's side, almost bowling Rarity over. "Poor dear...Are you alright?"
It was more of a calm talk between friends, taking turns to coax the sad filly out from under the bed. Fluttershy was the most persistent, followed closely by Pinkie. But the night went on and they shared stories, feelings and shared some more tears as well. Overall it was a time to feel close to each other and try to comfort the two having the hardest time.
Pinkie Pie did her best to sleep herself when Silver Maple finally nodded off.
Tomorrow could be a good day for the filly, or a really bad one. Pinkie could only hope for the best.