//------------------------------// // 184. The Canard Cage. // Story: Baa-Ram-Ewe! // by Darkonshadows //------------------------------// -Equus, World Summit, Jade- “How did you do it!” Luna looked angry, and her fur was white with artistic crater shaped makrings, her hair was also a nice silver color. “Do what?” She did, I think the shiny silver hair and the white fur looked good on her, she probably wasn’t keeping the look though. “You look nice by the way.” “Thank you, but that’s not important, how did you make a cow jump over the moon!” Luna was angry about that? Wow, I did not know her that well. “I did what now? Oh… it’s like that old rhyme! Hey, diddle, diddle, the cat and the fiddle. The cow jumped over the moon, the little dog laughed to see such fun.” With my words the local representative of the diamonds dogs, a little scrappy guy, started howling with laughter. “And the dish ran away with the spoon.” “Darn it, I knew it!” Twilight shouted and started galloping away. “I’ve got to go stop them before they elope and have bowls again, the world will not be destroyed by my experiments while I’m still around!” “Uh… you don’t have a fiddle.” Pointed out Gilda. “No, but I do!” Fiddlesticks, otherwise known as Fiddly Twang, came in with a fiddle and started playing. This was much to everyone’s amusement and my own, Luna was the exception, because I didn’t set this up. “Discord did you?” I turned to the Draconequus. “No, but this is genius.” Discord said and I had to agree with him. “Can we not go one meeting without going off the rails?” Amira whined slightly. -Airship Mauled, Velvet- “Why do I have such annoying life partners?” I continued to chisel away at the block of ice with Arizona inside it. She was blinking in the block of ice and smiling at me stupidly, also Paprika continued to distance herself from us by about thirty feet exactly. My, life was full of annoyances right now! Arizona refused to hit me, Paprika refused to hug us and we still had to worry about Tianhuo overworking herself when it comes to helping the Royal Guards of Canterlot… they certainly needed it though. At least Pom’s god puppies were being good boys, they were still the adorable little mongrels even when Pom wasn’t around to keep them in line. Plus they were apparently good training aids from how much the royal guards are complaining about how dangerous they were. Honestly, since the royal guards couldn’t handle a few Canis Minor, Equestria should have been doomed a long time ago. -Earth, Saint Canard, Morning, Mallard Household, Pom- Last night’s dinner went great, but I couldn’t help, but feel something was off on the walk back to Drake’s house. The city was quiet, even I knew that no city was ever that quiet. The metal egg and Smolder were tended to and Maui seemed a bit alert for something, but he told me it was safe to sleep. This morning was quiet as I stretched out and did some calming meditation once I noticed that my perception of things around me were off. “Receiving a call from Ms. Shuttle.” Dormarch was blushing a bit. “Do you have a crush on her?” I sat Dormarch down in an upright position as I walked into the kitchen and started preparing breakfast. “A little, but we’re highly incompatible.” That and you were a bit shy sometimes. “Doesn’t mean we can’t be good friends.” “Okay, put her through.” I started cracking the eggs and shaking a jug because I was making pancakes with fruit. I had dried banana chunks, carrot sticks and kibble set aside for Dolly. Speaking of which, I think I heard a toilet flushing, someone washing their appendages and then Dolly came into the kitchen yawning. “So how was using the bathroom the right way?” “I can see why bipeds and animalistic people use toilets now, yes and I washed my paws, but I still wouldn’t mind doing my business outside.” Dolly climbed up into a seat at the table and flopped her head on the table. “Also can I get some eggs this morning Pom?” “Hi there, Pom, Dolly and Dormarch!” Ms. Bunny Shuttle was as cheerful as she ever was for an intelligent vehicle. “I wanted you to know that Big Hero Six are all actively protecting Abigail Callaghan.” “Of course Dolly, you do still need to make up for the nutrients you lost, hope you don’t mind a huge breakfast.” Seeing her tail wag made me happy as she probably currently felt. Also it’s been a bit since I’ve managed to do housewife stuff, the suburbs here were so nice and serene. “Hello Ms. Shuttle, did you call to see how Dormarch and the rest of us were doing?” “No, I called about some trouble… um… how do I put this… does it seem a bit dark where you are?” Ms. Shuttle was acting weird. “Yeah, a little, why?” I could hear showers starting, it sounds like everyone else was waking up now. I continued to work my way around the kitchen, I was making food for everyone. So there was Launchpad, Drake, Maui, Dolly, Smolder, Gosalyn and myself to worry about. Honker Muddlefoot might want to get in so I made a little extra. “Are you near a window?” Ms. Shuttle sounded fairly worried. “Okay… what’s going on?” I asked and Dormarch suddenly appeared on screen and we were getting an image. “This.” Ms. Shuttle stated, we saw a view of Saint Canard from a bright road outside the city. The ends of the bridges into and out of Saint Canard were destroyed. “I’m giving you my visuals, someone’s destroyed the ends of the bridges into or out of Saint Canard. Also look at this…” Her vision zoomed in on the waters around the bay and there were guys with eggshell helmets with painted on cracks, with yellows and red suits. “Wait… weren’t those the guys in Duckberg with that Phantom Blot guy?” Dolly asked as she looked at Dormarch’s screen. “I think they were called eggheads. What are they doing here!?” The visuals then showed us why everything seemed so dark out, it wasn’t because the sun wasn’t rising on the horizon. Something was blocking out of the sky over Saint Canard. Four massive pillars at the corners of the city holding the ends of a large balloon, which looked suspiciously like a giant pair of underwear with red hearts on it, positioned over the city. “Trouble doesn’t even begin to describe this... I thought last night was far too quiet.” I muttered looking at the thing producing a sun blocking canopy over the city. “Let’s get breakfast in before we start thinking about how to deal with that headache.” “I will lend my assistance in this incoming crisis in any way I can from here. When you have a target for me, do not be afraid to call for artillery support. Otherwise I cannot get into the city unless it is by boat, unfortunately the waters currently seem to be patrolled by bipeds equipped with heavy explosive launching devices.” Ms. Shuttle continued on, at least we have Big Hero Six’s vehicular villain vanquisher on our side. “While the thing blocking sunlight from reaching the city is cumbersome to the populace, it does not stop me from accurately landing shots anywhere in the city. I am also fully stocked on my upgraded chemical cannon and can give you a list of effects for any occasion. Need a massive flood of something sticky, need a small bounce pad to reach the unreachable or need me to hit something important with fire or to put one out immediately, maybe a concentrated explosion or just some acid… well I’ll need the targeting data to do it, but I will assist however I can! I’m mostly fully fueled up and raring to go once you’re ready to figure out what is going on in the city.” “Thank you Ms. Shuttle.” Something big was going down in Saint Canard and I hoped it had nothing to do with me. “It’s a little dark this morning.” Commented Maui as he walked in with his shirt, hat and holstered beetle blaster. “The food smells nice.” “I’m fairly certainly we’ll get right into that after breakfast, also thank you Maui. It’s been a while since I’ve cooked a big meal.” I grumbled knowing where this was all heading to, no need for a rocket scientist to tell me that this day is going to go poorly. Might as well start it off on a good note at least. Maui was immediately more alert and moving to the nearby window with a hand hovering over his weapon. “What’s going on?” He asked as he looked out to the city from the suburbs. “We’re going to find out eventually.” My sad tone was met with worried looks from Dolly, Maui, Dormarch and even Ms. Shuttle from the call that was still going. “Let’s get in breakfast first before we all go out and deal with all of whatever.” -After breakfast- Everyone was awake now, Drake had turned on the television and the first thing we saw was ‘Hijacked Airwaves brought to you by Megavolt Entertainment, broadcasting news in five minutes'. “Megavolt… that should be impossible.” Why was it impossible Drake? “Well apparently it isn’t dad.” Gosalyn stated as we all sat down and watched as the time ticked down. The scene on the screen changed, instead of being a screensaver of a lightbulb, it suddenly showed the back of a chair that slowly turned around. “Hello everyone… and welcome to my city.” The chair slowly turned around revealing a duck that looked somewhat like Darkwing. His appearance however was a little bit more intimidating, red hat, yellow suit and wild eyes. “I’m Negaduck, I know you’re somewhere and listening to this Darkwing, so let me give you a rundown on what’s going on. I’ve brought together some of the worst criminal masterminds that can be found and some new ones as well, we’re all going to have a big party today and you and you’re allies are invited to your own demises!” The biped then pulled a chainsaw from behind his back and carved apart the nearby desk with a wicked grin on his as he took a single toothpick from it and put it in his beak. “While you’re busy with every single thing I’ve set up, the possible demise of your captured friends and the various organizations I’ve brought together for one among many goals. To ultimately kill the hero known as Leap Lamb that you were so buddy-buddy with, it’s so sickening to see you have a nice night!” Wait… what… why!? Also Negaduck's laughter was disturbing and would haunt my nightmares for the rest of my life. “A backstabbing flame of mine wants to kill her so badly. I’m evil, so hey, I figure I can do the worst thing possible to get back at her… by killing her mark before she can! You have only so much time to reach each of the pillars at each end of the city before your trapped friends perish Darkwing, while you’re saving them who’s going to protect Leap Lamb from all the assassins, thugs and many others I have out there hunting for the massive bounty of five billion dollars in cold… hard… cash. That’s just a bonus on what I’ve already paid them, bad help is so hard to find without some excellent incentive. Oh and we have a master assassin in the city, I’m sure everyone knows the infamous name ‘Agent Forty Seven’. He’s already been paid up front to go after her. So many clocks ticking, so little room to stop all of my plans of encroaching doom at once. This will become a city for villains, by villains at the end of the day. I’d like to see you stop this when you don’t even know what’s waiting for you outside whatever little hole you’ve sequestered yourself in Darkwing!” The camera zoomed out a bit and the duck picked up a box full of whining noises. “While you’re busy with getting everything together, I think I’ll take it easy for the next hour enjoying myself… by making people watch me kick an entire box of puppies one at a time!” He pulled a squirming, whimpering puppy out of the box, held it high up for everyone to see then he dropped it and kicked it with his right foot into the wall where it fell to the floor in pain with an obvious broken leg. “Oh yeah, I love the fresh sound of pain in the morning! Maybe I can stomp on a cute bunny while I’m at it… hmm… oh one last thing… Leap Lamb, if you’re listening to this, It’s time I knocked heroes like you down from all your of high horses. If you think the police are going to come help you, well… welcome to The Canard Cage Leap Lamb, you aren’t leaving this city alive!” My right eye twitched, my body shivered, but not in fear. I gritted my teeth and thought about things logically. He was goading us into action, to run out there into the unknown and try to make up things as we went along to the best of our abilities. At least he was goading Darkwing outright, he didn’t know me too well, but he thought he was safe enough that he could torture a box full of puppies in front of everyone without repercussion. “Why that… that deranged sicko!” Dolly barked angrily, she loved children and it didn’t matter whether or not they were animals, animalistic or biped, she was as riled up as I was. “Tell me we’re going after this guy personally Pom!” “I don’t like this Pom, do you think you can keep your body under control and fight whatever he’s brought together?” Dormarch asked as he continued to watch another puppy take a kick to the spine and slammed belly first into the wall next to the other one. “Whoops my foot slipped.” As angry as this Negaduck guy was making me, I had to stop and think about things. We needed more information on everything. “Slipped my butt, that be being cruelty personified!” Shanty pointed her left hoof at the screen. “Hey, uh… boss… about Banana Boy...” A voice from off the screen said. “We didn’t get him.” “That loser? What’s he going to do, make us slip on him? If he tries to get cute, then make a banana split out of him!” This Negaduck guy reached off screen and pushed his face into someone else’s that we couldn’t see. “No goody-goody two shoes hero is going to walk away from this one unscathed! I'll burn down the whole city if I have to and if any civilians get ideas well… we’re well armed and have them quite outnumbered. Now get out there and make someone’s day miserable and have fun doing it too! Oh and major thank you to whoever the villain was that knocked out the airport so we didn’t have to… now have horrible day everyone!” This was followed by a third dropped kick puppy and I was started to seethe and see red, but I kept my calm. There was logically nothing I could do for those puppies until I rescued them. My day already was miserable. “Baa-ram-ewe.” I quietly intoned the declaration of war under my breath. This Negaduck wanted a fight? He’s getting one. I don’t know the old flame he’s talking about, but it sounded like it's someone I've met before. Negaduck was not getting away with whatever he’s doing in Saint Canard. “Who is Negaduck? I need to know at least one of the things we’re dealing with here.” “Jim Starling, he was the lead actor of the Darkwing Duck show, he… well… there was an accident on the set of a movie being made by Scrooge McDuck which became a cult classic for the realistic fight scene… the scene in that movie is actually real. I’m surprised Scrooge let the movie out, but he made back his investments and then some at least… anyway about Negaduck.” Darkwing didn’t seem happy to talk about this, he sighed and ran his hands over his face and beak. “I was an actor that was to be his replacement as Darkwing in the movie and for a show revival. He didn’t take that too well, that’s when he destroyed the set and well… the incident that destroyed the set was thought to have killed him. Instead, he survived and it left him with a psychotic break and he escaped to become what he is now. An insane villainous monster that has done some of the worst things imaginable, but I’ve been stopping him whenever I can.” “The guy kicks puppies for fun now, there’s no fixing what’s broke with him even if he was a hero to you growing up.” Gosalyn looked to her adoptive father sadly. “I know you’re always conflicted about fighting this maniac, but look at what he’s getting away with, we can’t let this psycho run the city!” “That’s one of the reasons I don’t like being a hero." I was trying to calm down as I heard another yelp and a cry for help from several injured whimpering puppies now. "If you live long enough, you might become the villain or you might incidentally end up creating more by your actions.” “He has an ego problem.” All our attentions were drawn to Maui as he checked over his weapon. “It didn’t take much to push him over the edge, he was a star of a show that just wanted to be remembered and not forgotten. The Darkwing Duck show had its followers, but the guy had a large head from the success and him doing his own stunts lead to him becoming physically resilient… but emotionally… mentally… his world was built out of cards. Now he’s playing his part by becoming a villain no one can forget and he’s not acting anymore. That guy deserves a real bug up the backside, but first we need to know what’s going on in the city.” “Well I have the solution for that, we can get to my secret lair from here and get started with that.” Darkwing had a secret lair? “I just want a promise that you’ll keep it a secret. We need to get ready and to gear up for what’s coming.” “Of course Drake… how will we get there without anyone following us though?” I thought about what Negaduck had said, he paid Agent Forty Seven to come after me? “Also, we can’t all go, someone has to watch Dodo’s egg and take care of Smolder.” After my run in with him, I now understood what Tobias Rieper meant by ‘be constantly wary of my presence’. Since he would now actively be working to kill me. I was going to have to be alert at all times and at my best, given my current health problems, my best was not as good as it possibly could be and that guy could coldly murder someone in a heartbeat from what little I could get of his demeanor. At least he wouldn’t go out of his way to kill someone he isn’t contracted to, so at least my friends are safe... aside from Dolly. “I’ll do that.” Ocellus mumbled while looking away. “Young lady you can do more than that, you can help from my lair and give me live information about what’s going on around the city with the help of my super computer. Also we can get there through the secret exit here.” Drake motioned towards the pair of simple looking blue chairs as he carried Dodo’s egg to them and sat down in the one on the right from my position. “I’ll give you a quick rundown of how you can help, you pick up Smolder and sit down with her in the other seat. We’ll be there in a few seconds. Everyone else wait a minute between doing this, I don’t want anyone to get hurt or stuck by the chairs, watch what I’m about to do and repeat it.” Raising his right hand, he brought his fist down on the statue of a mouse and the seats spun wildly for a few seconds and then they were gone. I looked to Shanty who was looking at the ground and slowly turning around to look at the bridge in the distance. “Wow. That be really fast!” Shanty was tracking Dodo’s egg, so of course she could feel how fast they were moving. “Well I got nothing better to do, so I guess it’s time for me to help out Darkwing Duck as his sidekick again!” Announced Launchpad as he took a seat, Maui sat down next to him. “I want to see what my cousin has been up to with the resources he has, plus this sounds like the big scrap I’ve been looking for.” Maui slapped a hand down on the mouse statue. “Let’s go!” Next through the spinning chairs went Launchpad and Maui. “Hey, you guys coming?” Gosalyn hopped on one of the chairs carrying several things and Honker had arrived at sometime between breakfast and now. He was also carrying equipment and a lot of crossbow bolts. “You don’t seem very eager about all of this.” “We’ll follow in a minute, give us a bit of time to talk.” Seeing how reserved I was acting, Gosalyn quieted down and looked at me for a few seconds. She looked between me, Shanty and Dolly, nodded and smacked the statues head with force and was gone in a blur of the spinning chairs with Honker. “Okay, now that we’re by ourselves. Dolly, Shanty, this is going to be pretty bad, Dolly and I have already met this Agent Forty Seven. He likely knows what we’re all already capable of, so he’s going to be incredibly dangerous on top of everything else we’ll likely run into. It is much to my detriment that we can’t look away from this crisis or simply not take an active part in it, since I’m a major target and I know people are going to be in danger if I don't.” I took a seat and Shanty got in the other. “Also, yes, you can push the button Shanty, but wait a moment. Promise me you won’t fight or go after Agent Forty Seven alone if he actually succeeds in… well… killing me. He had an opportunity before and this time... he’s actually going to do it.” Shanty and I stared each other as Dolly leapt up and sat down next to me. “Caper Canine, has you’re back Pom!" Dolly was raring to go and wearing her helmet and skateboard strapped to her back. "That weird guy is not going to get you on my watch!” “If he be hurting you…” Shanty started to say as she stood up and raised her left hoof. “Please Shanty…” I looked at her as she gazed back me flatly. “Okay, I not be going after him alone, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be going after him at all if be seeing him and he be close to killing you.” Shanty raised a hoof and pushed the statues head, she blinked when we didn’t spin or get taken to the lair. “Uh…” “I think it requires a solid blow to the back of the head, must be set so simply pressing on it doesn’t do anything.” Kind of neat set up really. Not hard to do accidentally, but rather specific. “Oh!” Shanty smacked the back of the head forward and everything was spinning, darkness and then spinning again and then we were both sitting in the seats inside Darkwing’s lair.