Rule #6: See That Pony over There? He’s an idiot. ( The Idiot’s rulezzz)
Let me level with you here. Where would we be without an occasional idiot? Nowhere thats were. What society fails to realize is that we need idiots. If you're good enough then you can trade your ‘Idiot’ title for the ‘Insane’ title. What ponies fail to realize is that most socity changing things are set in place by idiotic actions or by idiotic ponies. I suppose if you want to be “Politically Correct” here you would say “Different” or something like that. But me and (I hope) you both know that It is Idiocracy that defines the significant changes of society.
By that logic, Everything is Defined by Idiocracy...
I Like It
Do you think anypony would notice if I made a word up, used it, then put the definition somewhere in the book in invisible ink?
Lets find out. Happy hunting!
The word is Jurnexsuss and it perfectly describes this chapters story (thats not the definition for those who are wondering)
Anyways, this rule is my chance to really make a shoutout to all the idiots and insane ponies out there. So wherever you are keep on do on what you do because nopony does what you do quite like you do. got it? Before we go any further, I'm not saying that everypony should drop what they're doing and become idiots because it’s better. No, Not at all. Everypony is a little idiotic, we just need some ponies to be more idiotic than others and love it while doing it. Those ponies out there who are very public about there idoticorcy, I salute you for your courage. That is something I struggle to do.
Lets start that story...
Weird Jurnexsuss
Quick recap from last time. After Talking to my miroir “Juno” I started “Juno Project” with the first objective was to find The “friend operator”. A pony with exponential skills in friend making. Right away I found a mysterious stallion who told me a lot weird things and claimed to be my friend. But more importantly he told me that the friend operator also goes by the name “ Pink Party Pony”. After talking to “Juno” again I went to Ponyville Library to ask around for The friend operator.
You know...If I didn't know better I’d say my life is a weird mix of Rule #3 and Rule #6 that or fiction.
“Pinkie Pie?”
“yes, that name screams her!” Spike was waving his claws in the air. His seat even moved a little. Ditzy and spike were sitting at the Library kitchen table. Why was there a kitchen in the Library? Ditzy had no idea. Same reason there was a baby dragon who cleaned it. Spike quickly put his hands down, and blushed a little
“If you know what I mean”
“Well I don’t think I've met Pinkie Pie so I can't say but I do know what you mean” Ditzy smiled
He’s really cute when he’s nervous. he’s pretty cute in general. He probably Hates that.
“so why were you cleaning the library when you fell asleep?” Ditzy asked
“Twilight’s been studying really hard lately, So I've been cleaning up after her most recent study session. It’s a lot more work than I usually get so Thank you for helping clean up.”
“Anytime” sounds like he’s prone to sleeping from exhaustion. Well...more than the average pony. That must be a really big pain.
“you really mean it?”
“Of course, I wouldn't say it unless I meant it. I do work weekly so If you want my help ask on sundays or after work” It’s not like I have anything else to do anyways.
“Thanks!” Spike smiled
He seems so childish. I wonder how quick that will change? maybe it won't...
“So Pinkie Pie huh? Where would I find her?”
If Ponyville Library was strange then Sugar Cube Corner was strange x2.The bakery that was also made out of sweats. It’s clever, cool even. But practical? not so much. Of course it could be plaster or something like that but then why go through all the trouble to make it one of the most distinctive buildings in town?
I Just realized thats the answer. If it’s distinctive than ponies come back. Well I feel stupid. I wonder if wrote down all my questions over the years if I would realize the answers like that...
Probably not, back to it then
Ditzy Doo didn't visit Sugar Cube Corner that often, so to walk in and see all the different treats and colors was a little startling. Sugar Cube Corner was just one of those different places. Those places that seem to scream abnormal but it’s ok because it put on mask and a suit so it looks somewhat like other buildings.
Strangely enough nopony was around. From somewhere else you could hear the noise of various machines. Dishwasher maybe? Pretty loud Dishwasher if that was the case. The entire place was big and open. The glass counters seemed like an afterthought to somepony’s living room. The entire place felt like somepony’s house that was weirdly transformed into a bakery. Only To confuse the problem further was the fact that the outside was heavily customized to be what it is, while the inside feels very house like. Sure the walls have candy canes and other decorations on the walls but the floor plan and the entries and exits...
yet again pointing back to the building in the suit and mask thing. This place had its charm though. like the elegant designs and creative foods they made up, For better or worse. The “muffin incident” case and point. Every Time you went there was something new to try. Tough seeing as Ditzy had been there a grand total of 3 times (including this one) so she wasn't really the best judge of that.
The exsotic tastes treats case pitucalarly stood out, Todays choices?
Jawbreaker eclaris, Gummy moose, and...A Muffin Cake?
Oh, I got see this.
There In it’s full glory was a Three layer cake with a muffin on top and a quick description of the cake on a card taped to the glass. This cake couldn't get any cooler!
There was even icing writing on it!:
Ditzy, If you're reading this then avoid the forest until after next month's large storm. There is something there that doesn't belong. something incredibly dangerous.
- Your friend,
The Doctor
The cake just got 20% werieder. Don’t jump to conclusions, It could be a joke or a different Dittzy. Just cause you had a really weird day doesn't mean that this Muffin cake message is for you. Just go find the “operator” before this day gets stranger. How long have I been standing here anyways? Is there a bell or something?
There was Infact a bell, Right next to the alligator. you gotta be kidding...
Well at least It’s small. Are alligators the one to be wary about or was it crocodiles? The real question Is do I dare to get near this thing?
The alligator stared at Ditzy then bit down on the bell and ran off with it.
“You know what? I’ll try again tomorrow.”
Ditzy Doo always liked walking through the park at nite. It was strangely alive and completely dead (If that makes sense). Nopony around, just the occasional lamp post and bench that followed the path. It was a perfect place to think. Or...do whatever ponies did at the park.
What did ponies do at the park? Think I suppose. Thats what I do at the park. But then again I'm one of the strange ones. I'm the one who ponies point at and say “see that mare? she’s an idiot!” or scoff at me when I mess up.
I’m the pony who never had any friends or went to events. I’m the pony that was never really that smart. I’m the pony that ignored real things because she preferred the illusions. I’m the pony that was broken from the start.
I’m the Idiot
Not the good kind of idiocracy but the bad kind. The kind of idiot that you wonder how they ever got through school.
Ditzy had stopped walking a few minutes ago. Glazed eyes and a small frown on her face.
I'm...the pony who exists so other ponies can be brilliant.
Ditzy continued walking, her house was on the other side of the park. She could always fly there but walking was always more relaxing to Ditzy. Besides walking didn't have wind resistance and wasn't really cold to do at night.
Why trouble yourself over this? you accepted this while ago. did you think this would change?
...yes, just a little.
It’s been 6 months since you’ve been here. No pony cares about you.
What about the stranger? and the muffin cake? or spike?
Maybe... but never get your hopes up because some pony is nice once or says he’s a friend. Do you remember last time you just assumed things?
yes I remember.
And what happened?
…
Thats right.
Maybe...maybe Ponyville is different. Yes It’s been 6 months but I didn’t really acknowledge that I needed a friend until...yesterday. I've just been in my own little world...like usual. I need to stop seeing ghosts and see ponies instead.
Seeing ghosts? nice comparison.
you know what I mean
I don't think I do this time
what was I even thinking about before that?
Pinkie Pie watched Ditzy walk by from a nearby bush. She knew before that there was a un-happy pony in town But This was dire! Just look at that frown! This called for drastic measures! Pinkie Pie Style!
Gummy nodded then blinked.
Allright! Time to go in...
The 5th Note: for those of you are curious, I interviewed all the ponies for the different perspectives in my stories.
Rule #7: Phenomena theory
There are certain things that you won't be able to explain and you never will be able to.
That's it...Really thats it, nothing more. Go drink some punch or something. I don’t want to write some philosophical examples or some crap like that.
You really want a example?
*Sh-zamm*
“why do we exist”
*BAM*
strait from the “Overused Plot Devices” book and “Questions You Never Want to See On Your Test” book. Isn't it brilliant? Perfect for conversation starters and horrible jokes alike!
Now I can actually give good examples for this (that aren't overused like Noponies business) but this rule has A LOT of factors determining it. So It’s really up to perspective on this one. I’m sure that An “ALL KNOWING BEING” could answer a lot of questions. But that just raises more questions. Maybe the “ALL KNOWING BEING” could answer them but would you really understand?
Which is the entire point of this rule. There are some things you shouldn't understand and so you won't understand. but wouldn't you like to know?
Discussion 3: Cooking While On Fire
Yay Or Neigh?
Have you noticed in the Insanity/Idiotic theme of this part of this book yet? But In all serious, Weird things happen. Including cooking on fire. I have touched on Idiocracy several time now, In the positive way with rule 6, In a negative way with what I said about myself in the story, and now this way. Which is...? This way.
Back to the topic. You know when you're talking to somepony (usually a friend) and your just kinda throwing out ideas like “ what if, WE WORE CLOTHES”
“Clothes?”
“Yah, CLOTHES”
“So Risque”
“...I don't know”
“You mean like socks, and Shirts, and Pants? or we talking just saddles”
“I mean the whole SH-BAM”
“...can we try something else?”
“I personally have no problems with it”
“OH COME ON, Why Not?”
“It’s just so...”
“Thats ok, we can think of something else”
“...Thanks”
*Grumble* *Grumble* “ It’s still better than that sparkle idea”
You know... stuff like that. Those ideas that seem like a good idea but you can't be really sure until you say it. Or maybe you do go through with it. And suddenly you find yourself in a wagon atop a hill that goes off a cliff and the pony sitting behind you is lighting the fireworks strapped to the sides of the wagon while telling you “ Don’t worry! I doubled checked my father’s parachute!...I think I left it with the helmets.”
Keep in mind neither you or the pony behind you is a pegasus.
I completely forgot where I was going with this. Well, lets just roll with it. So you and your buddy (I'm assuming here) are stuck (you're covered in sap) to picket fence on top a cliff while a 20 foot tall bird is staring at you, From 5 feet away from its nest and you only have a pickaxe.
Not a common situation but still very plausible (so I have learned). There are situations where the only thing you can do with it...Is roll with it.
De: I hope you can all relate to this. The sheer weirdness and idiocracy of certain things. Maybe you can't relate to being covered in gasoline while the pony across from you is saying “Don’t worry! By the extra heat of your flame this thing will be cooked right before you feel it! I’ll put you out when it’s cooked...”
But I'm sure you can relate to something like that...
Maybe not... But the best thing you can do about it (In my opinion) is just roll with it.
Or not get in those situations.
So, Cooking while on fire, Yay or Neigh?