//------------------------------// // Catching a Killer Quesadilla // Story: Twilight Tries... // by Peni Parker //------------------------------// All right, everypony, we all know why it is we’re here today, right? . . No, Spike, we’re not here to get ready for Power Pony Palooza next weekend. I already told you we’re not going to that. . . No, Starlight, we’re not here to humor my delusions either! . . *SIGH* For the hundredth time, Pinkie, we’re not here to throw a party. . . Okay, okay. Maybe we can throw a party when we’re done with this. If we survive that is. . . What was that, Spike? The camera is on? . Oh for – I swear, the record button on this thing must be broken or something. Ahem. . Hi, everypony, and welcome to a very special episode of Twilight Tries! What makes this episode so very special you may ask? Well, today we’re going to definitively prove something that I’ve known to be true for a long time. Something that other ponies have told me numerous times wasn’t true. Something that, on occasion, other ponies have even mocked and ridiculed me for believing to be true. Today, we’re going to prove, once and for all, that killer quesadillas are real by catching the one that’s down in my basement! . . Killer quesadillas are real, Starlight! I know that they were monsters in an old B-grade horror movie but that doesn’t mean that they don’t actually exist. . . Hey, the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence. Just because you don't have evidence that something exists doesn’t mean that you have evidence of said something not existing. . . Well regardless of your personal philosophical beliefs, Starlight, I do have evidence that a killer quesadilla is down in the basement. You remember all that cheese I found along the floor down there after Spike and I tried to repair the castle’s foundation? If I didn’t cause that, and neither did you or Spike, then the only logical explanation is that it was caused by a killer quesadilla that came through the stargate before I closed it. . . Ha ha, very funny, Starlight. But comments like that aren’t why my other friends didn’t come. They were all just busy today. Well, all except for Pinkie of course. . . Hmm? Oh, no, I doubt that, Spike. I don’t think it’s likely that the cheese ended up there because Trixie is secretly living in the basement again. Though I will admit that Trixie being somehow involved isn’t outside the realm of possibility. . . Ah, excellent question, Pinkie. After we catch the killer quesadilla we’re going to turn it over to the Canterlot Institute of Magical Sciences for study. . . Wait. You want to…keep it as a pet? Pinkie, you can’t keep a killer quesadilla as a pet. . . Because it’s a killer quesadilla! It’ll eat you and everypony you love, just like in Attack of the Killer Quesadillas! . . Yes I know I’m twilighting right now, Starlight, but that’s because twilighting is the only appropriate reaction to all of this! I mean, if this killer quesadilla is really as dangerous as the ones in the movie were then we should all be twilighting right now! *HEAVY BEATHING* . . You’re right, Spike, I need to calm down. There’s no need for me to be twilighting so hard - yet. Based on the size of the cheese trail I saw it would appear that the killer quesadilla in the basement shouldn’t be much larger than a run-of-the-mill, non-killer quesadilla. However, if we don’t catch it soon it could potentially grow bigger and eventually end up the size of a house! And if that happens we could very well be looking at the extinction of ponykind as we know it! . . Look, we can discuss my sanity later, Starlight. For now let’s just all go down to the basement and catch this killer quesadilla before it gets too big. If it hasn’t already. Follow me, everypony! . They all think I’m crazy, but they’ll see. Soon they’ll all see that I’m right about those cheesy monsters being real. . . I can hear all of you whispering back there! And don’t even think about sending a scroll to Princess Celestia, Spike! . All right, we’re here. Now be ready, everypony. For all we know that killer quesadilla could be right on the other side of this door waiting to strike. On three. One…two…three! . Okay, thankfully it wasn’t on the other side of the door. But we can’t let our guard down. Everypony tread carefully, quietly, and keep an eye out for any fresh cheese trails. . . . Nothing so far. . Geez, it’s hard to see much down here with just my magic alone. Starlight, can you please come up here and help me light the way? . Starlight? . She’s gone! The killer quesadilla must have gotten her! Starlight, I swear I will avenge you! . . Wait. You’re saying she just left, Spike? Well as long as she wasn’t eaten I suppose that’s the important thing. Though that pony is going to get a very long friendship lesson about not abandoning your friends when this is all over with, I can tell you that. Let’s just keep moving, everypony. . . . Still nothing. Maybe the killer quesadilla got out of the basement already? . . Ah, good eye, Pinkie. That is most definitely a cheese trail, and a fresh one too from the looks of it. Let’s see where it leads. . . . *CREAK* Did you hear that? It sounds like the killer quesadilla is right around this corner. Okay, everypony, on three we jump out around the corner and catch it. Ready? One…two…three! KYAHHH! . We got it! We got it! . Huh? DISCORD?! What the hay are you doing in my basement?! . . You’re…getting rid of your trash? . . Yes I see that you have a trash bag – that’s…dripping with cheese - but why are you getting rid of it in my basement?! . . You’ve been using the stargate as an interdimensional waste disposal system?! Are you serious?! Wait. Were you the one who put the stargate down here, Discord? . . *DEEP BREATH* I see. Now let me ask you: why did you have to put the stargate in my basement of all places?! . . Oh. All right, I’ll admit that that’s actually a pretty good reason. Even still though, I already sealed the stargate and I'm telling you right now you’re not allowed to put another one down here or anywhere else in my castle. So I’m sorry but you’re just going to have to find another place to dispose of your trash. . . I heard that, Discord! Don’t even think about doing anything to either Cadance or Celestia and Luna’s castles! . And he’s gone. . W-Well, I guess there wasn’t a killer quesadilla after all. It was just Discord getting rid of his trash bags this whole time. So, um, sorry for dragging you down here, Spike, Pinkie. Aaand sorry for going a little overboard on the twilighting too. Hehe. . . Okay, for going a lot overboard on the twilighting, Spike. But tell you what, how about I make it up to you by taking you to Power Pony Palooza next weekend? . . All right all right, Pinkie. I’ll let you throw a ‘It was Discord the whole time’ party to make it up to you. Not sure why we have to call it that, but whatever. Now let’s just all go back upstairs. . *SIGH* Well, everypony, I suppose this did turn out to be a very special episode of Twilight Tries, just not in the way I’d expected. I didn’t catch a killer quesadilla and prove that they’re real, but I learned something interesting myself. I learned that, despite my fear of killer quesadillas, deep down I think I secretly want them to be real. I know that sounds weird, but here me out. As you could probably tell right from the start of this episode, I was, shall we say, overly excited about the prospect of a killer quesadilla being in my basement. Overly anxious mostly, but undeniably overly excited as well. And I think the reason for that excitement was that I thought I was going to be proven right about killer quesadillas being real. That my belief was finally going to be validated after years of ridicule, even if the cost of that validity was potentially untold ruin. Boy, the inner-workings of the pony mind can be a truly bizarre and freighting thing sometimes. But before I get too deep into this psychological introspective I think I’m going to end the episode here. So as always, thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries! You know, I can’t help but wonder why there was so much cheese in Discord’s trash bags. . On second thought, given that it’s Discord we’re talking about I’m not sure I want to know.