//------------------------------// // Chapter 4: Determaneism // Story: An Ordinary Story // by Steady Gaze //------------------------------// “It’s exactly as I’d feared,” Twilight Sparkle said, staring gravely at the notes before her that were flooded with esoteric calculations. Numerous open volumes and strange experimental apparatuses cluttered the library in Twilight’s castle, where she and her closest friends (and Spike) had gathered some hours later. Among the clutter were various methods of random selection such as dice, bits, and even a dartboard. On the paper in front of her were the letters “A N O R D I N A R Y S T O R Y” followed by the word “stop”. “I never understood much of the ‘why’ of Pinkie’s abilities, but everypony in Ponyville knows about her Pinkie sense,” said Applejack, in her characteristic country accent. “You’re saying there’s more to it?” “This is bigger than Pinkie sense… bigger than Pinkie Pie… bigger than all of us. I didn’t want to talk about the implications before, but these experiments prove it conclusively. We’re in a story! Somepony is deciding exactly what we do and say! Narrative causality is—” said Twilight, before abruptly acknowledging everypony’s looks of silent noncomprehension. She took a few moments, and more than a few deep breaths, finally continuing, “Narrative causality is real, and things only happen because they’d make good stories.” “You mean… this is all just a Daring Do novel?” said Rainbow Dash, breaking the ice. “I’m partial to Shadow Spade myself,” remarked Rarity. “Nopony remembers the Power Ponies,” Spike muttered at a barely audible volume. “Actually, there’s some background that should help everypony,” said Twilight, easily switching into lecture mode. “There have been some… theories that fellow scholars came up with back in Old Equestria to explain the exploits of Starswirl the Bearded and his companions. They thought that their adventures were just too perfect. Monsters run amok for an entire age, but suddenly a band of virtuous heroes arises to cleanse the land of evil, and succeeds when nopony could before them. They said it fit within the conventions of the nascent ‘realistic fiction’ genre a little too well, and that somepony was manipulating events behind the scenes. Starswirl dismissed them as jealous busybodies, and I always agreed, even though there hasn’t been a more storied band until… well, us. What I’m saying is… they were right. All of Equestrian history has been one giant story, and we’re part of it.” “Hmph. It does seem a mite bit like tooting our own horns, but I reckon I ain’t ever heard of a more eventful period of Equestrian history ‘till we met.” said Applejack. “We are pretty awesome,” interjected Rainbow Dash, “I mean, who else has defeated Nightmare Moon to bring back Princess Luna, banished King Sombra back to the ‘ether’ twice, and saved the Pillars of Old Equestria?” “Kind of sounds like a story everypony will tell their grandfoals…" said Starlight Glimmer knowingly. “I didn’t want to believe it, but it almost makes sense. We’ve been far too lucky to have faced down so many mortal dangers and come out unscathed,” said Rarity. “After we published our friendship journal, I can see how being ‘shy’ made it easy for everypony to understand my… character,” added Fluttershy, having remembered some uncomfortable scenes of being crowded by everypony after the friendship journal was released. Spike said nothing, choosing not to bring up the obvious comparison to Humdrum. “You all are oddly comfortable with this… I was expecting everypony but Pinkie to be freaking out," remarked Twilight. “But there’s one thing that’s bothering me,” she continued, her mood dampening. “This means that every challenge we’ve overcome has all been… a setup. Every time we’ve saved Equestria, us becoming best friends, it’s all happened because somepony with a quill thought it should be this way. I know I shouldn’t think this, but it feels like everything we’ve done is worthless. Remember when Discord was masterminding everything behind the scenes before my coronation? It feels like that, but even worse… none of our victories were really real. Not to mention the lives we’ve lived and all the things we’ve done up to now.” After a respectful pause, Starlight Glimmer responded, “You know, that reminds me of some of the material we cover with the upperclassmares now. I’m sure in all your studies under Princess Celestia, you’ve seen the incredibly large (and dry) surviving body of work that all the philosopher ponies in history have produced?” Welcoming the distraction, Twilight started, “Especially after the 1000 years of Celestial peace that started after the petrification of Discord, things really picked up culturally for Equestria. From Stallionivarius and Marezart in the music world, to Descanter and Kanter with no ‘de’ and spelled with a K—”. Catching Starlight’s raised eyebrow and hoof, Twilight gave an embarrassed grin. “Ahem, another time.” “What I’m getting at is, it feels like every pony with a quill had an opinion on the essential questions of existence. Like, why are we here? Do things happen for a reason? Was everything that happened always going to happen, and there’s nothing a pony can do to change it?” Starlight raised her eyebrow again. “Sounds familiar? But the lives we’ve led have carried on no matter what answers those ponies have come up with in those ‘dusty old books’… no offense Twilight. Everypony here has found meaning. For example, the apples that you’ve grown, Applejack, have always been tasty, whether or not somepony’s quill made them that way. Rarity, the clothes you make bring joy to you and your customers. Rainbow Dash, you’ll always push yourself harder than ever. Fluttershy, your kindness will be remembered by countless animals (and ponies). Pinkie Pie, you’ll keep spreading laughter far and wide. Spike, you’ll always be Twilight’s right-hoof dragon. And Twilight Sparkle, you’ll never run out of magical and intellectual frontiers to explore. Is this or anything else going to keep us from the things that give meaning to our lives?” Everypony had a new and fresh sparkle in their eyes, especially Twilight Sparkle. “That was a wonderful speech, Starlight; I knew I left the school in good hooves. Regardless of the nature of reality, nopony can deny that we still have our experiences. I know now that we can still find joy, and when we stumble, our friends will help us up. That’s a lesson everypony needs to be reminded of from time to time.” “Group hug!” yelled Rainbow Dash impulsively, and everypony complied. Afterwards, Pinkie Pie finally broke her silence. “What should we do now? About Puffington? And the gruel?” “Here’s what I’ve been thinking,” said Twilight. “Things haven’t gone too badly for us, even though (or perhaps especially because) we’re the ‘main characters’ according to what you’ve seen, Pinkie. You might have drawn the short straw this time, but these things seem to just happen to us all the time. Yet they go back to normal after a few days, without fail. We should try to ride this one out.” Everypony nodded in agreement, and all eyes turned back on Pinkie. “That sounds nice… but there was one thing…. This observer seemed a bit… different than normal. They’re the first one to say something back to me. They also seemed a bit… cold, condemning all the ponies in Puffington just like that, just to make a better story, even just because they could. There might be more disasters where that came from.” Twilight was about to (kindly) brush off the concern, when Spike burped out a scroll. Reading it, he exclaimed, “It’s from the office of the royal guard! They’re saying… aliens have invaded? They’ve called Celestia and Luna back to Canterlot. Innumerable casualties in Manehattan… and they’re planning to activate the ‘XCOM’ project? What’s that?” Twilight Sparkle turned a new shade of purple. “This is bad… this is really bad….” “Should we go back to Canterlot? How do we even fight aliens?” said Spike. “N-nothing like this has happened in our lifetimes! Only in some sick pony’s sadist fantasies! At least Cozy Glow, Queen Chrysalis, and Lord Tirek didn’t go around killing ponies! If the ‘new’ author upends the security of our entire world so fast, who knows what else is in jeopardy!” Starlight Glimmer interjected as Twilight caught her breath, “We can’t—we have to fight the root cause of our problems. If Pinkie says this ‘observer’ is more erratic than usual, fighting off the aliens won’t help—he’ll just throw more and more disasters at us for ‘narrative reasons.’” “I agree,” replied Twilight, “but how can we possibly strike at the author of a story we’re in?” Starlight suddenly wore a sly grin. “What would happen if we constructed a spell matrix with my cutie mark magic and used it on Pinkie? With her permission of course.” A subtle blush betrayed embarrassment about how she’d previously used it. Twilight’s eyes narrowed. “Some interaction with the author might be possible… but we couldn’t do much besides talk… unless… we used the transdimensional components of the spell we used to get the Pillars out of limbo!” “We could finally pay this ‘observer’ a little visit!” exclaimed Starlight.