Return to Equestria

by David Silver


14 - On An Adventure

“So,” Ragdoll asked their pegasus companion as the party hiked across the wilderness, “You guys really did not know that humans were real at all? I really had my hopes up that maybe the pegasi had some kind of… I don’t know… something. Some idea of what happened to old Equestria…”

"No, silly." Back Story giggled off the idea with a few waves of a hoof. "Humans are a myth, like a lot of creatures Pegasoft has used over the years. They say a really old storyteller made them up. Haven't you studied the classics?"

“They were obviously less mythical than previously assumed.” Gloomy rolled her eyes in boredom as the terrain slowly moved past the travelers. “What other creatures have you been assuming were mythological?”

“Good thinking, girl!” Ragdoll beamed. “If nothing else, we can get a pretty good idea of just how big the gap in history actually is… and how much was completely lost.”

Back squinted in suspicion that was entirely open. "Back on topic." She moved to hike alongside David. "So, about the females of your species we've heard so much about. I was told they have a dramatic sexual dimorphism. Did we get it right?"

David chuckled at the question being posed to him. "I only saw one in the game." Admittedly, she was a main character. "She looked put together properly, so no complaints there."

“I mean, what I saw in the ads you sent to the tea house looked ‘bout right.” Nodded Ragdoll, “At least you put the boobs in the right place.”

"Boobs? What do birds have to do with this?" Back Story looked quite baffled at the idea. "Do humans have birds?! And we put them in the right place!?"

David made a quick placating gesture. "No, no, that was slang."

"Oh! Slang, that meant…"

"Nothing you need to worry 'bout." Even if she did pout at his shut down of the question.

“Heh, trying to shelter the innocent little ponies?” Ragdoll's expression was as unchanging as ever, but somehow he smirked. Then turned back to Back Story. “Seriously, I am curious about your mythology. Where do your mythical humans come from?”

"Oh, that I can answer no problem." Back Story slid back towards the doll and his unicorn mount. "In the original myth, humans come from the southern lands. Their lack of fur made them really uncomfortable in chilly places, you see? But they were clever!" She reached out a hoof and waggled it a little. "They had clever fingers and clever minds. What they couldn't do naturally, they figured out with their brains!"
Joypad strolled up in the space Back had abandoned, taking up the spot next to David. "You look tired, and you won't admit it. Do you want to get on the disc?"

He had no such desire, and it was clear on his face. "I'd rather not."

"Then I offer something else and something amazing. You'd better not say no, or you'll hurt my feelings." With emotional blackmail set in place, Joypad came closer. "I'll give you a ride."

“Southern lands, heh, that’s a pretty clever explanation.” Ragdoll nodded thoughtfully. “It makes a certain degree of sense. Do you want to know where we actually came from? It’ll blow your mind.”

"It's an expression?" Back squinted at the doll. "There are no humans. Well, there's one human, but he's a human, which is not a human group."

"You're not a horse." Joypad snorted at his words. "Alright, you're a little horse."

"And you're a big ape." Joypad was still smiling up at David. "Now get on. You're not that heavy."

Ragdoll snorted in amusement as his friends debated pony rides. Meanwhile, Gloomy turned her attention to Back Story. “There is only one human right here in front of you. He came from somewhere, so it’s safe to assume there are probably more humans there.”

Back shot David an accusing squint as if he was hiding a thousand secrets from her. "And you know where they're hiding?"

Though uncertain, David tossed a leg over Joypad. As he predicted, she was not a very large mount, with his feet easily reaching the ground. Still, if he drew them up a little, then Joypad could carry him along with no sounds of great effort along the way. "You sure I'm not too heavy?"

“This is too good,” Ragdoll guffawed out loud. “Yeah, David, where are all the humans hiding?”

“Charlie,” Gloomy sedate voice took on a warning tone, “Don’t be mean.”

“You, right girl,” Ragdoll nodded, “Sorry. The humans aren’t hiding. They are walking around their home universes in broad daylight, largely very self assured that the magical talking ponies are just myths.”

Back Story clopped her hooves in a brief rearing up. "Fantastic! Mirrored worlds with mirrored myths to go with it. That makes sense. That means there must be at least one pony there, hiding. I wonder if they'll ever find them." She tapped at her chin with new thoughts.

David leaned forward on Joypad as best he could, seeking ‌the ideal riding position for a pony. "What are you talking about?"

Joypad hastened to catch up with the others despite her baggage. "Ditto that. What are you all talking about? Sounds like a bunch of nonsense. Anyway! I read the classics."

"Finally, someone did!" Back giddily cantered in class. "Go ahead, tell them!"

“Charlie explained that humans come from an infinite array of alien universes where the laws of nature are twisted and ponies are mute service animals.” Gloomy explained nonchalantly. “She’s taking the existence of an infinite possibility better than I did. I’m still not completely past the existential fear of the concept.”

“Yeah.” The doll sheepishly rubbed the back of his head with a hoof. “I probably shouldn’t have dropped that on you when you were, like, ten…”

Back rolled her eyes. "That's obviously wrong, or it's not a mirror, which it is. There's one pony hiding somewhere." She suddenly leaned in towards Gloomy. "The not talking ones aren't ponies, clearly. They're just related. Horses, not ponies, duh." She was not at all ruffled.

David rolled a hand for as long as he could before he had to regain his balance. "How did this start? It doesn't even matter, as we're not reaching that world soon. I'm not going back, so we're stuck with what we have right here."

“We’re not talking about going back, obviously.” He couldn’t stick out his tongue, because he didn’t have one of those. “I’m just instructing our pegasus friend on the real backstory behind humans. That thing she’s interested in.” The doll returned his attention to Back Story. “Actually, the mirror universe turned ponies into humans when they went there. Though you're not wrong… there was one pony hiding in that universe… Most human universes, though, have no talking ponies. David’s right though, it’s almost impossible to get to those from here…”

"He's literally spouting nonsense from stories people have written, me included."

Joypad turned an ear back at the human on her. "Oh yeah, you mentioned you wrote. Shoot, and here I am going and ignoring that. What do you need to get back to writing?"

"You write?!" That drew Back Story over magnetically. "I would very much like to see this writing. But before we get far, Joypad, the classics?"

Joypad pricked up at being reminded. "Right, the classics include a collection of stories from one 'Rough Draft' who wrote about all kinds of strange mythological creatures and how they lived."

“Well, there you go,” Ragdoll waved a plushy hoof in the air. “Rough Draft was clearly a historical figure and not a fictional character in a human’s story. That shoots down everything I was just saying.”

"Well, damnit." David's grip on Joy's mane tightened a moment. "That says something, and leaves a lot of blank, and it still doesn't matter much."

"Well excuse you." Joypad rolled her eyes softly. "I was just explaining some literature."

"I appreciate your sharing." Back bumped against Joypad, trapping David's leg for a short time. "So yeah, so there! You're not speaking sense to those humans."

“Rough Draft’s stories were never especially popular in Bridlewood,” Gloomy admitted. “I mostly just looked at them for Charlie.”

“You were my eye’s and my mobility.” The doll tumbled onto the mare's muzzle with all four hooves.

“I’m more familiar with Charlie going on about it than the stories themselves.” Despite her dull, near sarcastic tone, a smile tugged at her stern features.

Back zoomed in on Gloomy. "You know Rough Draft? He's one of pegasi's greatest writers!"

Joy laughed at the very notion. "Rough Draft was an earth pony, not a pegasus. We wouldn't have read pegasus stories as foals."

“He was definitely not a unicorn.” Gloomy stated with utter certainty. “That’s why his work was never popular in Bridlewood.”

Back inclined her head. "Fascinating. I suppose he's as much a myth as any of his writing. Maybe he never existed." She shrugged with serene acceptance. "We still ran with the story and got the humans."

Joy lifted an ear. "I thought you were copying a little earth pony folklore with an obscure story."

“Our boss just wanted the games for the tearoom,” Gloomy explained calmly, then rolled her eyes. “Then Charlie assumed multiverse shenanigans.”

“Yo mom is multiverse shenanigans!” Ragdoll snapped back.

“Your face is literally multiverse shenanigans,” Gloomy impassively replied.

“Well played girl,” the doll nodded. “Well played.”

Back Story shook her head. "The series is older than we've been friends. Now, Mister Human, are there any other humans, or are you alone?"

"Not that alone." David gently patted the top of Joypad. "Can't say I'm alone when I'm getting a ride from someone just because they like me."

“I'd be surprised if there aren’t hidden tribes of humans.” The doll opined. “There is a lot of missing history. And honestly, David’s right, for all I know, everything I know applies to some other universe and I could be completely wrong.”

David shrugged at the carried doll. "You keep going on and on about great things when you're in the same boat. We're both being carted along by ponies that decided we're worth the trouble."

Joy pushed ahead. "Speaking of that, we should get moving. The sooner we get there, the better."

“Yeah, we need to find a place to make camp,” Ragdoll agreed readily with his new friend. “We should make it to Izzy’s bridge by midmorning. If we push, we can be in Bridlewood by nightfall.”

There were no horrible monsters or thieving animals coming for them on the way to Bridlewood, perhaps helped by having a doll with them that didn't need any sleep. Joy's tent provided sleeping arrangements for three, if the three didn't mind being fairly close.

David collapsed near the side without complaint. Joy joined him quickly in a curl, neither touching him nor especially avoiding him.

“We’re crossing Izzy’s bridge and bringing back Earth Ponies and Pegasi… to Bridlewood!” Gloomy let out a little squee of joy and kicked her hooves inside her tent. She wasn’t the first Unicorn to do this, thus the name of the bridge. But she was doing it.

“Yeah, Gloomy… get some sleep.” Her doll gently petted her behind her ears. “It’s my turn to be your eyes.”

Joypad turned an ear on the pony and her wriggling hooves. "That excited, huh? I never visited Bridlewood."

“We have the best games!” Gloomy giggled from her tent. “Do you even have pinball in Mare Time bay? Every unicorn in Bridlewood made at least one piece of every one of our games. And they are all hoof made.”

"I can hear you." Back Story had no tent, just nestled in a sleeping bag outside of it. "And I'd like to try a unicorn pinball game, even if it's… not the same as ours." A little noise and a thoughtful hum. "So do you have any electricity?"

“We have electricity!” Gloomy hollered back from her tent.

“Good luck finding a standard plug!” Ragdoll hollered. “It’s like making a PlayStation work with an Atari adapter…” The doll fell into a tired grumbling… “ I mean, it can be done…”